"Half Blood Harry Potter"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Percy Jackson and all related demigods belong to Rick Riordan.

DZ2: LOL. You know what's the funny thing about your mention of "Friend Like Me"? I was planning to make a parody of it for another of my fanfics … I don't know whether I'll do it for this one, though I am glad you enjoyed my parody of "Epiphany."

WhiteElfElder: Honestly, do you think I would leave our heroes out in the middle of only-the-Gods-know-where? :P

Also, a little announcement: I celebrated my 31st birthday on February 1st, 2015! WOO-HOO! IT WAS AWESOME!

Chapter 5

The truck pulled over to a gas station some distance from Nashville's Parthenon.

A grinning young man met them, speaking like he was hyped up on caffeine. "Ho, ho! Hey, travelers! Say, y'all need some directions for where yer fixin' to go?"

"Yes, please, sir," said Grover. "We need to make our way out to Tulsa, Oklahoma … and it looks like we will need some gas as well."

The young man nodded. "Yes, I reckon y'all have burnt a mighty fair amount of gas coming from Pennsylvania all the way out here, and y'all will need even more for your journey of nine and a half hours. Have y'all eaten yet?"

Their stomachs grumbled, and the stranger's silvery-blue eyes twinkled as his grin grew. "Yep, it's just as I reckoned. Tell y'all what; I'm fixin' to take y'all out for a nice meal, then I'm gonna buy y'all some vittles and plenty of gas for the road. How's that sound?"

Harry sprang out of the back of the cab and helped Hermione climb out as the others exited the truck. "We shall accept your offer, Lord Hermes."

"DING DING DING DING DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER ON GUESS THAT DIETY! Tell Me, Harry, how did you guess who I was?"

"Lord Hermes, with all due respect, You sound like You have had one too many cups of coffee. Given that You are the speediest of the gods, guessing Your identity wasn't that hard."

"Coffee, My little brother, is a prime example of caffeine, which, alongside nectar, is a drink of the gods."

"Lord Hermes," said Hermione, "mortals drink coffee, do they not?"

"Yes, dear Hermione, they do, but not in the high-octane dosage that I drink. If you added in several mega-doses of nectar that are in My personal blend, it would burn a mortal to ash."

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

The demigods enjoyed their lunch, while Hermes's rapid-fire comedy had them laughing in stitches all throughout the meal.

"Now, Ron Weasley – he's so stupid, his shoe size and his IQ are exactly the same. He was staring at a carton of orange juice because it said CONCENTRATE. He makes a Troll look like Professor Stephen Hawking. Speaking of Professor Hawking, I tried calling him once. I heard a computerized voice say, 'Hello, this is Stephen Hawking.' 'Yes,' I said, 'I would like to leave a message …' 'No,' he said, 'this IS Stephen Hawking.' I am thankful that he is a mere mortal, because any god who had him as a son would be embarrassed beyond measure."

As the group recovered from its latest bout of laughter, Harry said, "You know, Lord Hermes, Your sense of humor is so infectious that You remind me of a couple of troublemakers I know back at Hogwarts."

Hermes could not conceal his mirth. "You mean the Terrifying Twins of Gryffindor? The Princes of Pranks, the Devilish Duo, the Masters of Madness, et cetera, et cetera?"

Harry and Hermione's mouths dropped open in surprise. "No way!"

The grin stayed on the mischievous god's face.

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

Back at the Burrow, the Terrifying Twins known as Fred and George were relaxing in their room when they saw a glowing caduceus over each of their heads.

"George?"

"Yeah, Fred?"

"Unless I'm mistaken –"

"– For the record, I don't think you are –"

"– That sign was a caduceus, wasn't it? You know, it's Hermes's sign? I'm just checking."

"Fred, I believe it was."

The two looked at each other with identical grins, and together, they said, "That explains a lot."

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

The group relaxed as they finished their meal. "Now that we have full and happy stomachs, how about I show y'all your directions? Who has the map?"

"I do, Lord Hermes," said Percy as he brought it out of his bag.

"Ah, yes. I believe this map acts like your Marauder's Map, Harry. All a demigod has to do is to tap it with a finger – or a wand, it doesn't matter – and ask your question."

Harry tapped the map with his wand. "How do we travel from Nashville, Tennessee to Tulsa, Oklahoma?"

On the map, the possible highways lit up.

"You can zoom into the map as far as necessary. It can also change directions according to your current location."

Percy let out a whistle. "That is neat!"

"It should be neat … after all, I invented it."

"The Marauder's Map … did you invent that too?"

"Your Dad made most of it, Harry … with some help from the others … although He was tempted to have the Map shock anyone else who tried to read it, I came up with the idea of the insults …"

"Yeah … such as, 'The Marauders offer their compliments to Professor Snape … and request that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.' "

"BRILLIANT!" said the others as they laughed.

"By the way, Harry," said Percy, "who is Professor Snape?"

"He's my Potions Professor at Hogwarts, and for some reason I can't imagine, he hates my guts."

"Alas, if he knew the full truth about who you are, I think he would sing a different tune, but Harry, know this: it's not your fault."

"Well, I know it's not my fault, it would be the fault of those who made his life a misery – yes, I know that includes my Dad, but I don't hold this against Him."

"It's not your fault how Professor Snape treats you, Harry. The fault, dear Harry, is not in his stars either, but in himself. His resentment has made him a lesser man than the one We know you can grow up to be. It's not your fault …"

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

After Hermes bought them some food for the journey and filled up their tank, He said, "Now, I wish y'all a safe journey out there … and Goat Boy?"

"Yes, Lord Hermes?"

"Whatever you do … take it easy on the gas pedal. Nanoo, nanoo!"

The truck sped off at an incredible rate …

Author's Note: Another fun chapter done. Read and review!

Smiles and laughter,

Loki Palmer