A/N: Sorry for the delay but I wanted this chapter to be perfect. Enjoy!
And suddenly, as soon as I'm happy, life seems to take a turn for the worst. Teachers seem to start loading up the homework to prepare us for NEWTs which are scarily approaching faster and faster, even though it's still January. Head Duties seem to have increased tenfold, Dumbledore asking for dates for Hogsmeade trips and prefect's schedules twisting and turning as Quidditch Captains start requiring practices more often. And of course there's the fact that me and James can't be seen together in public, unless it's for a quick chat or friendly question about rounds.
Alice doesn't seem to be too suspicious, seeing as I've started taking time from my studying to spend with him, most of the time curled up next to him in the Head's Office, just talking or rediscovering each other, making up for all the time we lost. God, it feels good, just to be able to skim my fingertips across his cheek or hook my ankle around his and kiss his forehead. Every moment with him feels like heaven and I can't believe I didn't give in sooner.
"I love you," I mutter into his chest one evening, as we are just lying on the couch in the office in silence, his fingers tracing patterns up and down my arm. We are completely content with not saying anything, just enjoying the other's presence.
"You too," he smiles back at me, and I can't help but feel giddy nerves race through me, just hearing him say it.
"During the summer, when I said it first to you, did you love me then?" I ask, shifting over so I'm facing him, yet still lying on the couch, my back facing the edge of the cushions.
James reaches up to tuck my hair behind my hair, saying, "Yes. I know I said I loved you back in fourth and fifth year... but I think I really only loved the idea of you. But it was the summer when I really fell hard, you have no idea how much I wanted to say it back."
I then grab his wrist that's on my ear and look up, into his eyes and feebly ask, "Do you think we're forever?"
He sighs and replies, "I don't know... But I love you, here and now, and that's all I care about."
"Good," I giggle, "I like that answer." It's like this absolutely perfect silence, where we are just basking in the glow of our happiness, where we can finally just be the two crazy teenagers, completely head over heels with each other.
We are snapped out of it, however, by the chiming of the clock and the realization that if we are both gone much longer, people would start to grow suspicious.
"You've gotta go," he states, looking down sadly at me.
"I could stay..." I trail off, honestly just wanting to stay with him.
He shakes his head, "No, no, you should probably go and hang out with Alice, and I should get some homework done."
"Hey did you make up with Sirius?" I ask as I pull my satchel over my shoulder and grab my jacket.
"Yeah... things are still a bit weird but we pull through, we always do." He runs a hand through his hair and looks slightly dejected so I walk over and give him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Goodbye, love," I murmur into his cheekbone, before I'm off, flitting back to the dormitory after only being gone for less then a hour. It may not be a lot of time, but it was worth it. Everything is worth it just to be with James.
"Hey, can you hang out for a bit before rounds tonight?" I ask James one afternoon, as we walk to class together. Usually, we stray away from walking together, but since we are meant to be friends, we decided it would be okay a few times per week.
"Sorry," he apologizes, "I wish I could but I scheduled extra practices all this week and next before rounds to prepare us for our upcoming match against Ravenclaw. They've gotten pretty good and I don't want to lose the Quidditch Cup to them like we did last year by only ten points."
"Hey, no problem," I say, though I feel slightly disappointed, for I was going to try to surprise him by having the house elves bring up some of his favorite desserts. I noticed that lately he seemed quite stressed and thought it would be a good way to relax him.
"Maybe another time?" he suggests half-heartedly, before we reach the classroom and take our assigned seats across the room from each other. I have a feeling he will be changing plans a lot.
It actually happens a few times more before it starts getting to me, mostly because I try to convince myself it means nothing. A lot of times it seems like he's leaving the office just as I'm arriving, or he has scheduled yet another practice to try and beat Ravenclaw. It's not as if my life is centered around him and his schedule, but when you've had approximately one hour of alone time with your boyfriend in the past three weeks, it starts to get you down.
Rounds are no use, because it seems like every time the halls start to die down and there's no trouble, another snogging couple pops up or a first year out of bed. After the few weeks of the honeymoon phase wore off, we realized how careful we really have to be, how many situations we can get caught in.
I try to stay busy, with Alice and Marly and Mary, I try to focus on my studies and not the diminishing amount of time that I'm spending with James, but every time my thoughts grow silent it seems to crop back up.
I'm sitting in the library one evening, idly chatting with my younger friend, a fifth year from Ravenclaw, Isabella (Izzy for short) as I tutor her for her upcoming astronomy exam. She grunts with annoyance, as she see's the number of pages we have yet to go through.
"This is hopeless," she sighs, "I'm awful at astronomy. Every other subject I can grasp, I don't know why this one is giving me so much trouble."
I bite my lip and offer, "Why don't we try tomorrow night?"
She shakes her head, her shoulder length black hair cascading around her, and says, "No, I can't give up now. I need to get good marks on this assessment." Nodding, I go back to flipping through the pages with her, knowing she is as ambitious as I am, and when we want something, we won't stop until it's in our grasps.
After about ten more minutes, I hear a soft thud, and upon looking up, I see James has plopped himself down in the chair next to me, looking slightly winded but also with a small smirk on his face.
Isabella glances up, giving a nod in James's direction, before saying, "I think I'd better go." She stands up and gives a wink in my direction and I roll my eyes, trying to pretend that there was nothing between me and James. She must have picked up on it before, being the smart girl she was, but it lent itself to worry, knowing she had an idea of what was going on.
Once she's out of earshot, I giggle, "What did you do?"
He waits a moment, catching his breath, before saying, "Just a bit of messing with Filch, me and Sirius haven't pulled a prank in forever. And I know the last place he'll look for me is in here." My heart drops slightly, knowing he didn't come in here to see me, rather as a cover.
"Oh," I reply simply, before looking back at my book, slightly frustrated with him.
"So, since I've run into you, want to go hang out in the office for a bit?" He offers and I let out a huff, before looking up at him.
I shake my head, saying, "Well, as you can see, I'm trying to do work right now."
"Come on," he urges, "Those aren't due for another two days, just come relax." He pokes me in the side and flashes me a bright smile, not getting that I'm not in the mood.
"James, I'm serious, I need to work." The fact is, I don't really need to do them, in fact, my free time has actually led to me getting most of my work done days, sometimes even weeks, ahead in my homework, but I just want him to see how it feels. It's petty and stupid but I can't help it.
He groans, "We've barely talked in days, almost a week, what's going on?"
Rolling my eyes and clenching my fists, I bite back as quiet as I can, "And whose fault is that? Get your head out of your fucking arse and realize that I'm not going to wait around here forever for you to go pull pranks and schedule even more Quidditch practices, without paying a speck of attention to me unless it's convenient. Don't treat me like I'm some sort of burden!"
"Lily-" he starts, but is interrupted by the sound of my sliding my books and paper into my bags.
"I've gotta go get this work done. Why don't you find me when you figure out when you can pen me in, you know," I say, now in a low whisper, "your girlfriend."
With that, I rush out, not wanting to turn around, knowing I will only see his crushed face. And I just can't believe it, that after only a few weeks, this is what is happening. Our relationship, already crumbling around us. I'm mad and upset and the fact is I feel so unwanted, so unloved by him.
"Lily?" calls a voice from behind me, and I whip around to find Mallory Seeder, a seventh year Slytherin approaching me in the empty corridor, a look of concern on her face. "Are you alright?"
Apart from more conniving and judgmental Slytherin, she has always been kind to me, as she is a prefect and is someone I have been able to count on this year to never miss rounds. Part of me wants to spill out my story, to let it come bursting from my mouth, but I shove it back down into my lungs.
"I'm fine," I mumble, willing my timid voice not to give me away.
"Cut the crap," she says dryly, "I know when there's something up." She throws one of her gangly arms around me, leading me over to one of the windowsills on the side of the hallway, and sits down with me there. Running a hand through her short, pixie cut, she asks, "What's really up?"
"There's this guy..." I start, trailing off once I see her raise her eyebrows and amend my statement so she doesn't figure out who I'm talking about. "He's... I mean-He lives kind of far away, we write letters. We are dating, we just got back together over break but he seems... he seems to be writing less often than he used too and ignoring some of my letters. I just don't know how to handle it, because I love him, but I need him to be here for me too, ya know? I know he's busy and that's why they aren't coming all that usually but sometimes I want to be put as first priority sometimes."
Mallory looks at me and gets quiet for a minute, and I have a feeling she's gone through something quite the same, before replying, "Tell him, before it's too late. Communication is key, you can't keep this to yourself, you can't risk your relationship over something that silly." I nod in thanks to her, before waving goodbye. I don't know if I can talk to him now though, for I am too worked up, so I make my way back to the dorms.
I refuse to let myself cry, choosing the next best option, throwing my bag down and climbing into the hot shower, letting the scalding water pour over my face, barely moving an inch. After a few minutes standing under the heat, I slowly massage shampoo and conditioner through my hair, before stepping out of the shower, slipping a towel on, and drying myself off.
Once I'm in my pajamas and comfy in my bed, simply reading an old book, I hear Alice come in. I nod once to her, as she points to the bathroom, signaling she's about to shower.
"Oh Alice, I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed some of your shampoo, mine was all out." She hums in agreement, not really saying much, before shutting the door rather loudly. I shrug to myself, not really knowing her deal, before I hear a tapping on my window.
When I open it up, there sits James's owl and the first thought that comes to my mind is to slam the window. But of course, I don't because I can't resist the temptation of opening the letter. The owl flies in, drops the letter on my bed, and then flits over to my owl's cage, taking a sip from his water.
I hold the note in my hand, James' handwriting on the front reading Lily. Shit, if it says something sweet and apologetic, I'm not sure I can stay mad but if it says something about wanting to break up, I'm not sure I can take it. Ugh, stupid pie has to ruin everything.
Finally, I break down and open it, but rather then finding a long winded letter, it only has one sentence on it. Be in the common room at twelve.
Looking at the clock, I see it's only ten. Either he's giving himself time to cool down or he's giving me that time. Either way, I still have two hours to wait before I meet him there. Now, I have only one thing to do.
I wait.
I'm early, getting down there. It's eleven fifty-five and I'm sitting in the common room, waiting for James. But exactly at twelve, it isn't James who descends the stairs, but an annoyed looking Remus, who seems to still be in a sleep ridden state.
"Here," he says once he's standing beside the couch I'm sitting at, thrusting a black cloak at me, "Go to the head's office"
"Wait what is-"
"Put on the cloak, go the office, and tell James to leave me out of his apologies if it means I lose sleep. Have a nice night, Lily," he grumbles, before throwing the cloak into my arms and stumbling back up the stairs.
Quirking one eye up, I throw the cloak around myself, not really sure why I'm putting it on. The mystery disappears along with my boyd.
"An invisibility cloak," I murmur in shock to an empty common room, amazed at the piece of cloth surrounding my body.
I set off to my destination, wondering as I go where James got this amazing piece of magic and what I will find in the office when I arrive. I don't wonder for long, however, because the journey is short and I am there in no time. When I step into the office, I can't believe my eyes.
It's not overdone and though it's a bit cheesy, it's still sweet. The couches are pushed to the sides of the walls and in the middle sits a table with a few candles lit and platters of candy and sweets surrounding it.
"Lily," James says, who's sitting on one of the chairs, playing with the flame with his wand, "Is that you?" I realize at that point that he can't see me and whip off the cloak, a slight smile adorning my face.
"James," I giggled, "You did this all?"
Running a hand through his hair, he says, "I know it's not much and it's really cliche but... I'm sorry. I've been ignoring you lately because I have so many duties, with being head boy and quidditch captain. And I don't want the Marauders to get suspicious, well, albeit Remus who had already figured it out and confronted me when I looked so sad this evening. Guess we haven't been as sneaky as we've thought."
"Well... erm... Remus was the one who told me... to er... confront you and what not, before we got back together. I think it was inevitable for him to find out."
"Either way, I'm sorry Lily. I'm scared, of the future and my parents and everything I feel for you and I'm just not very good with romance. Forgive me, please?" I can't help the smile that spreads across my face and I nod happily.
"I overreacted," I say when he pulls me into his arms. "I just... I want to be the top priority in your life and I know that was wrong of me. I can't always come first.
"No," he says, shaking he his head, "You should come first. I've lost you once and it isn't happening again. I love you."
"And I love you," I whisper, standing on my tip toes to peck him on the lips. He deepens the kiss, for only a moment, before pulling back.
"As much as I would love to continue, I believe we have some midnight snacks to eat," he says, gesturing towards the table full of food.
"That we do," I chuckle, before taking his hand and leading him over to the table.
Maybe we are in hiding and maybe it's not perfect but it's enough. And it seems like if it's enough for now, it might be enough for forever.
A/N: Not completely satisfied but I just needed to finish it. What do you think? Please review! Thanks so much to everyone who has, I love you more then you will ever know! MWAHAAHHAHA what am i saying i don't even know just ignore me. We haven't even started on the next two chapters so I have no idea when those will be up. Hopefully sometime this week, though, if we have chance to work on them today.