"Half Blood Harry Potter"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Percy Jackson and all related demigods (with the exception of Loki) belong to Rick Riordan.

Sean Malloy-1: As far as I'm aware, I think this story does cover just book 1 as far as the Percy Jackson universe is concerned. Hope that doesn't disappoint you, but I don't have plans to cover book 2, much less 3.

Venequine1990: I did mention the possibility of "A Friend Like Me" (a parody thereof, of course) being in this fanfic or another. Hope that doesn't spoil it – and no, it was not my intention that the Genie's speech after would end up in your head. I'm musical – cut me a little slack!

WhiteElfElder: Is Loki cracked? Perhaps he is … but would you expect a son of Hades to be sane? The Underworld could drive anyone mad! [Manic laughter.]

Chapter 9

Loki transported the group out of the arena back to Oral Roberts University. "So, how did you arrive out here?"

"We picked up a truck out in Pennsylvania," said Grover, "after Percy killed Medusa. With a stop out in Tennessee, we collected the second Pearl – killing a Hydra, by the way – then Lord Hermes provided us a meal, some gas, and directions. We made it out here in record time, but the truck broke down just as we arrived here."

"I guess He put nectar in your gas tank?"

The group nodded as they came to the parking lot.

"Meh. Where the gods close a door, They will open a window. It seems that the sun is setting, so we will need to rest. First, a little relaxation is in order. Who's up for drinks?"

"I guess we are, Loki, but doesn't a person have to be 21 here for alcohol?" said Harry.

"Yep," said Percy. "I feel a bit … negative about alcohol, since Smelly Gabe would drink beer all the time and become a jerk."

"If y'all prefer non-alcoholic beverages, that's fine too. As for Smelly Gabe, who's to say he would be a jerk without alcohol? Is alcohol to blame for your step dad being a jerk, Percy?"

"Well … I guess not, but it did not help."

"No, I don't think it did anything helpful for him. Now, some bars require a person to be at least 21 to enter, and since I doubt any of you are … here, take these necklaces. There should be enough aging charm on them to last through the night."

There was a lightning bolt necklace for Harry, owl necklaces for Annabeth and Hermione, a satyr's head necklace for Grover, and a trident necklace for Percy.

"A few ground rules for y'all IF y'all should choose to indulge:

Rule #1. Never drink on an empty stomach.

Rule #2. Know your limit and stick to it. For y'all newbies, that means one glass.

Rule #3. Pay attention to what type of alcohol you drink, for some types are stronger than others. Light beers, like most Oklahoma beers, are towards the weak end. Others, like vodka, are towards the stronger end.

Rule #4. Pay attention to your pacing. The faster you drink, the harder it will hit you later.

Oh, and here is an additional rule for the sake of Annabeth and Hermione: Do NOT accept drinks from strangers. All y'all are under my protection, but if, gods forbid, some guy tries to – ahem – take advantage of you, whether it be in a semi-drunk or a plastered state, we three guys will take great delight in sending him to the Fields of Punishment."

"Don't forget me," said Grover. "I'm Percy's protector, after all."

"Ah, my apologies, Grover. We four guys will take great delight in sending any such idiot to the Fields of Punishment. I will add that I have a whole posse of friends there that I can call in should anyone give us any trouble."

"Are you saying it's like your Cheers?" said Hermione.

"As the theme song says, 'Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name …' "

"So, how are we getting there?" said Harry. "Shall we walk?"

"Where we're going, it's a mighty far distance – though it is within Tulsa." Loki whistled, and a split second later, their megalithic lift arrived, complete with four paws, three heads, and a tail that, if it was wagging any faster, would have sent it flying.

Waggity waggity wag! Waggity waggity wag! Waggity waggity, waggity waggity, waggity waggity wag!

"Hey, boy! Have you met my new friends?"

"I think Hermione and I have met him," said Harry. "Fluffy, isn't that right?"

"WOOF!" Two heads bent down to give Harry and Hermione an enthusiastic kiss.

Loki chuckled as he looked at the couple covered in megaton mutt slobber. "Who came up with that name?"

"That would be Hagrid, the Hogwarts groundskeeper. He's a giant of a man, but he has a big heart to match."

"Well, it suits him, doesn't it, boy?"

Fluffy nodded his heads. "WOOF!"

"You're a big, affectionate, furry, ball of fluff, aren't you, boy? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"

"Is it me, Harry, or does our companion appear cracked to you?"

"How do you think that, Percy?"

"Well, look at the size of that mutt! He has to be at least nine feet tall!"

"Yeah, but his tail is wagging! That means he's in a friendly mood!" said Grover. "Believe me, if he was not in a friendly mood, he wouldn't have kissed Harry and Hermione."

"Seaweed Brain," said Loki, "are the rest of y'all feeling like the megaton mutt left you out of the kissing? Allow him to remedy that … kiss 'em, boy!"

"WOOF!" Three heads kissed Percy, Annabeth, and Grover.

"Good dog! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

After stopping at Taco Bell for an awesome meal – including a big helping of Siracha Quesaritos, which became a quick favorite … mmmmmm, Siracha Quesaritos … (drool) …

The Author's internal Editor would like to apologize for the momentary distraction in the Author's focus. Now, back to your scheduled fanfic …

– they came to a bar that had the simple name of "The Bar."

"The Bar?" said Hermione. "Oh, yeah, that's original."

"It is what it says it is," said Loki as they entered.

The bartender beamed upon seeing them. "Loki! I see you've brought some friends with you!"

"Why, Christy! How's my favorite barkeep? Let me introduce you to my friends: Harry and Hermione Potter, Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, and Grover Underwood."

"Well, y'all are more than welcome out here. So, what will it be?"

"Vodka and Dr. Pepper for me. I don't know what my friends will have; it's their first time."

"Is it a special occasion, like someone's 21st birthday?"

"Nah, but do you need a special occasion to drink?"

She chuckled. "You got a point there, Loki. For the record, we do serve non-alcoholic drinks here too."

"What would you recommend?"

"That's a good question. Vodka can be a heavy drink all on its lonesome. Do y'all like apple juice?"

"Yeah," the others said.

"Well, we do have a cider here called Angry Orchard. One glass won't buzz y'all too much, I don't think. Y'all been out to eat?" Everyone nodded. "Excellent; that should help cushion your systems. So, will it be five glasses of Angry Orchard?"

"Sure," said Harry.

"Out of curiosity, Christy, what's this Red Bull drink?" said Grover.

"It is a drink loaded with caffeine and sugar. Would you like to try some?"

"That sounds fun. Could you mix it with some vodka?"

Percy turned to Harry. "I've got a hilarious feeling about this ..."

When everyone had received their drinks, they poured a little out into a glass, saying, "For the gods."

Loki lit up a Camel, and over a slow period of time, the group became merrier.

"WHOOOOO!" said Grover. "RED BULL!"

"Gods, I hope he doesn't start swinging from the chandeliers."

"Uh, Harry?" said Percy. "While in principle I agree with you, there are not any chandeliers here."

"Oh. Either way, I hope he doesn't get hurt."

Loki introduced them to more of his friends, who welcomed them with open arms.

"Any friend of Loki's is a friend of ours," said one of them, a young man named John. "I'll tell you what I've told Loki before: if you're here and anybody gives you any trouble, you call me and I will round up a posse up and deal with them."

Another one, Will, gave them a friendly hug. "Anytime y'all are out in Tulsa, you come and spend some time here. Mi bar es su bar. Loki, if it's alright with you, I'll be paying your tab tonight."

"Oh, that's mighty generous of you, Will, but how could I impose on you like that?"

"It ain't no imposition for me; I just wanna spare you some money, alright, my friend?"

Loki hugged him. "Will, you are a mensch and a half."

John said, "Christy, bring eight Fireballs out here, please."

"Coming right up, John."

"So, what shall we drink to tonight?"

"Let's drink to Olympus and to its peace," said Loki. "Γεια μας!"

"Cheers!" said everyone else.

Harry and Percy could see straightaway why the drink was called a Fireball; it had a burning aftertaste as it went down the esophagus. They coughed.

John struck them on their backs. "Some strong shit, eh? That will grow some hair on your chest."

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

"Good morning, sunshine!" said Loki bright and early the next morning.

Percy groaned as he opened his eyes. "For a son of the Underworld, you're happier than I would expect."

"What? Were you expecting someone full of angst?"

"Yeah," said Annabeth, who woke up beside the son of Poseidon. Much to Percy's relief, they both had their clothes on.

"Do I look like some Heathcliff who has lost his Cathy, Annabeth, cursing the heavens and cooking up madman plots to get his revenge on the Family that spurned him?"

"That's Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë."

"DING! As awesome an example of literary angst that the book is, it isn't me. I don't have the time nor the inclination for angst. On the contrary, I'm overflowing with happiness … and caffeine ..."

"YEAH! CAFFEINE!"

Percy jolted awake. "Loki, please don't tell me Grover's near the coffeepot ..."

Loki's eyes widened. "Oh, Styx!" He ran into the kitchen.

Harry and Hermione entered the room. "So, what's going on?"

"NO, GROVER, THAT'S A BAD GROVER, THIS IS MY COFFEE! NO, GROVER, THAT'S A BAD GROVER, THIS IS MY COFFEE! WELL, THANKS A LOT, GOAT FOR BRAINS – I NOW HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF A FRESH COFFEEPOT! NO MORE COFFEE FOR YOU TODAY!"

"Hermione, who would have ever thought Grover has a caffeine addiction?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, but we can't deny it's an amusing discovery."

Percy buried his head in his hands. "This is going to be a long day ..." he said to Annabeth.

Author's Note: Another fun chapter. Read and review!

Smiles and laughter,

Loki Palmer