A/N: Again, thank you to all who reviewed (there were so many!), and to those who alerted me or favourited. I am honoured you like this story so much. Under the request of CodeRed73, there is a scene in here with Optimus and Soundwave. I think we'll crack 300 reviews! *glomps all viewers*
Warnings: Very very light implied interfacing and violence. But very light.
Disclaimer: No, Transformers is not mine.
Turning Point – Chapter 20
The Journal of Soundwave – 0947 hours on the 42nd day of being an Autobot
What is love?
A question that had plagued me for the past few days. Ever since my discovery that Blaster loves me.
Not to mention my fight with Shockwave. His spark is now in stasis lock. I believe Ratchet mentioned melting down his frame for spare parts. Fitting. Especially after what he did to me, threatening me like he did. Shame on him in the pit for being a mech as cold and as cruel as Megatron.
It triggered yet another nightmare for me last night.
Only this time instead of my cassettes that was held in captivity, it was Blaster in chains.
I don't need to detail what happened next. The flux is too clear in my processors.
…
I've been avoiding Blaster ever since. I don't mean to. I want to act 'normal' around him, but what is normal? My circumstances, and truthfully, no one's circumstances in general ever since this war began, are not what one would deem 'normal.' My period of normality ended the day that I exited my apartment and turned my back on Blaster.
Which brings me back to my original question. What is love? I love my cassettes because they are my creations and there is a creator/creation relationship. I have never felt a romantic love for another before. Lust, yes, coupled with curiosity about Seeker frames that gave me an interesting experience with Acid Storm on cold night on Cybertron. But…love?
And for Blaster to love me…
I feel safe around him. Secure. Because he understands me, knows me like no other. I enjoy being in his company. I know he is handsome.
….Love? No idea.
"Hey! There ya are. I was wondering where you got to!"
Blaster's cheerful voice interrupted his writing, and he hurriedly shut the datapad down, sitting upright. He was on top of the Ark, leaning against the rock of the defunct volcano and watching the world go by. At least, he was.
"I was enjoying the fresh air," replied Soundwave, standing. "Is there a problem?"
"Huh? No. Prime was just asking if you wouldn't mind seeing him is all," answered the red mech, his grin dimming a little in his confusion at his friends stiffer tone.
Nodding, the telepath followed the other split-spark on their way down in silence. He just wasn't in a talkative mood. Not only that, he feared he would unconsciously blurt out something about his flux. It had been rather…confronting to see Blaster in the position he had been. It had been terrified and had served to make him feel helpless, and when he woke up he had felt a phantom pain in his interfacing equipment because of it.
It had been the first night he had not gone to Blaster to help ease his burdened spark.
Reaching the rec-room, Blaster gave him a worried look before leaving. Soundwave watched him go, feeling slightly guilty. It wasn't Blaster's fault. No one could really help who they fell in love with.
Striding in and looking around, the blue mech spotted Prime at a private officers table. In front of him was a game Soundwave so loved to play.
Chess.
He had regularly played against Prowl, and therefore knew that opponent very well. Optimus Prime was new, a spanner in the works to his usual tactics. Moving forward, he saw as the larger mech noticed him and turned his kind, warm optics on him. Sitting, the telepath greeted, "Good afternoon, sir."
"Afternoon, but I think formalities can be dropped for this Soundwave," replied Optimus, pushing a small cube of energon toward the ex-Con.
Taking it, Soundwave asked, "Reason for meeting?"
"To talk," Optimus stated plainly. "I have spent less time learning about you than the Seekers, and I would like to remedy that. I would also like to speak of the unfortunate event that occurred a few days previous if that is agreeable to you."
"Yes."
"Hmm." As the larger mech hummed, he slid his fingers over a white pawn, starting the game.
Soundwave relaxed. This, he knew. The pieces, made larger and more sturdy than any human pieces, were familiar under his fingertips as he, too, chose a pawn and moved it forward two spaces. He was appreciative of the fact that the Autobot leader perceived him well enough to know that a confronting situation could be soothed by doing a familiar action. In this case, chess.
"I overheard Blaster talking to Jazz. He is worried about you, and has been ever since your fight with Shockwave," stated the red and blue mech calmly, broaching the first subject.
As Optimus moved another pawn forward two spaces, Soundwave asked softly, "This is confidential?"
"When I usually talk to a mech one on one, always," replied the Prime.
Nodding and moving his left knight, the telepath replied, "I wished to have some time alone to think."
"You seem to be doing a lot of your thinking on top of the Ark."
Ah, so Red Alert did have cameras covering the roof of the Ark. "The nature is…peaceful. It is not as cloying as the hustle and bustle of this room at its peak time. It is a space that is mine for that moment."
"Hmm, too true," agreed Optimus, extending a bishop onto the board. "But I sense there is more to this, if you would indulge me."
Hesitating, pondering his next move as well as wondering how much he should reveal, Soundwave quietly said, "It is always a confronting event to know that your best friend is in love with you."
"Ah," hummed Optimus knowingly, and he made a noise to prompt the other mech to look at him instead of at the chess board. His optics seemed to be smiling as he said, "I suspected as much. Only something drastic would have changed how you communicate with him." As the blue mech moved his knight again, he moved an outside pawn so he could make way for his rook on the next turn. "I'm sure none would blame you. You have gone through much, and you are coming out stronger on the other side, which is admirable. It only stands to reason you would think heavily about the implications of the revelation."
It was Soundwave's turn to hum in thought as he moved his queen. "Do you have any words of advice? A thought that perhaps could ease my troubled mind other than the common 'do what feels natural'?"
Moving and taking his opponent's knight with his bishop, the Prime smiled again and murmured, "It is sound advice. However….hmm…maybe it's to do what is unnatural that might help you in this situation."
Looking up sharply, Soundwave was very tempted to skim the thoughts of his new leader, so very tempted, but it would break the fine trust they had. Tilting his helm to the side in question, he took the bishop with his queen. Optimus chuckled, "Should have seen that. What I mean is perhaps instead of staying silent until Blaster makes a move, perhaps you should first write a list of pros and cons if you were so inclined to a relationship with him. If the cons outweigh the pros, then you know if the time comes to gently dissuade his attention. If the other way…well." He left off, leaving the thought in the telepaths mind.
As the red and blue mech moved his rook, Soundwave asked, "How will I know?"
"I didn't with Elita. Love is so complex, and yet it binds us together. Look at Sunstreaker and Cliffjumper. So hostile toward each other. And yet they look out for each other in battle, because deep down, there is a care. There is a different type of love each for our comrades, our friends, and our true loves. I can't advise you too well in this matter. It took my sparkmate locking us in a closet to admit we had such a depth of feelings for each other," chuckled Optimus genially.
Soundwave actually chuckled as well, admitting, "That sounds like the femme commander."
Reaching over and placing a hand on the blue mechs shoulder, Optimus said, "You'll know. It's that moment you know you'll go through anything to be with that one."
Venting calmly, the telepath said, "Thank you Optimus."
"Not at all," replied the larger mech. "I'm glad I can talk with you easily. There was another reason why I wanted to talk to you today." The tone shifted easily into business like one as the leader talked. "Although you did quite well against Shockwave solitary, and then with Starscream, I'd still like to see you go through more training. I know you have had little contact with Ironhide ever since your arrival, but he is willing to re-train you all in hand to hand combat."
"Why?" asked Soundwave, frowning. He thought his skills were fairly superior.
"If we want to stop this war once and for all, we need to be at our most supreme. We have dallied for too long. Megatron needs to be deposed," rumbled Optimus quietly.
The optics under the red visor widened. This was training for a war renewed, for a final push. He understood it all now. Nodding in affirmation, he said, "I agree to this."
Optimus said nothing, dropping his professional demeanour to enjoy the game they were playing.
Meanwhile, little did both Optimus and Soundwave know they had been watched by a tableful of minibots in the opposite corner.
"He's just there! Bold as brass! I bet he's using mind control over our Prime," said Huffer in an angered whisper.
Bumblebee, sitting with Windcharger and Beachcomber, rolled his optics in exasperation. "I thought we've already been over this. Soundwave and the Seekers have been abused and they came here for our help. Why would they act now?"
"Because they've gotten what they wanted," growled Gears.
"But…" it was Cliffjumper who spoke, his voice low, thoughtful. "Starscream and Soundwave did defeat Shockwave. If anything, they should be in the league with him, but they're not. I don't know. Maybe we should let 'em be."
All the minibots turned to look at the red minibot in shock. Gears sputtered, "He's got you under his mind control too!"
Cliffjumper growled, leaning toward his fellow minibot threateningly. "He's not. Don't you dare say I'm not in my right mind. He's not controlling me. I'm just suggesting we leave them alone, and stop judging. I'm sick of hating sometimes. And you know what? If Prime's talking to him and he's unconcerned, I'm not going to bother being concerned either. I got worse fraggers to worry about." And with that, he haughtily grabbed a cube of energon and left the table.
"Wow…" murmured Beachcomber.
"I know. It's amazing huh," the yellow bot beside him said in wonderment. Cliffjumper was starting to turn around!
"…and they lived happily ever after."
"Remind me again why you decided to read a childrens book to me?"
"Because I thought it would be entertaining. I really like fairytales, even the human ones."
Turning his crimson gaze on the larger mech, Starscream arched an optic ridge and said, "They give stupid hope. Life never happens so well and structured like a fairytale does."
Skyfire sighed. "I just really wanted to get you out and about. You can't be locked up in your lab forever Starscream."
"I am out and about. I talk to you and my trine. I even went to that party a few nights ago!" protested the tricoloured Seeker, sinking further into the couch huffily.
The shuttle leaned forward in his own seat, taking a smaller hand in his own. "You know what I mean. You have been so scarce around base that other mechs haven't noticed your voice is a lot smoother and less screechy. You only go out on flights with me or with your trine. I know that the Aerials wouldn't be adverse to learning from you."
Growling, Starscream stood, tugging his hand away and walking to the wall, his wings flicking in agitation.
"Starscream?" Skyfire asked concernedly.
"Stop," demanded Starscream.
The larger mech stood, although he prevented himself from saying anything. He waited for the smaller flier to speak, respectful of the distance between them.
Starscream turned back around. "I can't deal with you being so wonderful and caring right now, you know that? Not when I'm wallowing in this pit of me, all the dysfunctionalism that I am, and you're here being so self sacrificing and so Primus damned nice and not being changed one bit from when we were younger. So…stop." His voice cracked a bit towards the end, but held steady, stubborn as he was.
"Why should you go through that alone?" questioned Skyfire, tone harder than normal.
"Because I need to figure myself out," replied Starscream in a determined tone. "It felt good to use my voice as a weapon, to put another threat out of the way. But it's brought a few things back up."
"Talk to me," pleaded the larger mech softly. "You're not alone."
The tricoloured mech looked unflinchingly into the sky blue optics, seeing the emotions displayed so plainly. Softening his tone, he said, "I know. But…I need to do this." He stepped even closer, and he could practically feel the body heat radiating off the white mech. He relished in it, stealing it greedily for his own. "I know you care for me…deeply, Skyfire."
"You're my friend, Star," the shuttle said softly, offering that he was here that he would do his best to understand.
"But is that all you want?" Starscream smirked, not feeling it. Knowing it was a front against what he knew he had to face...
"Star?"
"I know your secret, Skyfire," the tricoloured jet said softly, his servo resting on Skyfire's plating, above his sparkchamber.
Skyfire stiffened, and his faceplates heated. "How could you tell?" he asked, embarrassed.
Starscream smirked truthfully this time. "You were very glaringly obvious."
"Frag," swore Skyfire, prompting the smaller flier to chuckle, "Oh don't worry. I already did my freaking out about that. I'm still here aren't I?"
Nevertheless, the shuttle sat back down, half turning his face away from the Seeker who was still smirking in amusement at his friends embarrassment. He followed until he was, again, in the range of that warm body heat. Skyfire, being the large mech he was, used a lot of energy, causing him to have more excess when he wasn't using it, therefore ensuring his body was nice and warm. In a careful gesture, he turned the great helm back so they were optic to optic. "Don't be embarrassed. I've lived with two love struck Seekers for a long time. I know what the signs are…even though I've never heard either Skywarp or Thundercracker express their love in a poem."
If anything, Skyfire got even more embarrassed, faceplates so heated they were stained a light pink.
It made Starscream snicker once more.
"I can't believe you heard that," muttered the larger mech.
"I was awake at the time. It was…nice. Sweet," replied Starscream, frowning as he used the word 'sweet.' It had been one of the few times he hadn't meant the word as a taunt.
Rubbing the back of his neck, the shuttle murmured in apology, "I shouldn't have…I'm sorry."
"Hey," said the Seeker, frown dissolving into a neutral expression. "I didn't say no, did I?"
Skyfire's optics widened as he processed that statement, and he leaned forward in jubilation, only for the other mech to step back and continue. "I am, however, saying not now. Perhaps not for a while. When I feel better. More certain. More worthy."
"I think you're-"
Placing a hand over the larger mech's mouth, Starscream smirked in a melancholy sort of way and reminded, "Me, Skyfire. I have to feel like I'm not going to burst out into fits of either tears or rage at any given moment."
Removing the hand from his mouth and holding it, Skyfire nodded. "Okay. But…if something could sustain me until then?"
Starscream couldn't help but laugh at the hopeful tone of voice employed by the shuttle. Ooh but Skyfire could be so charming. Leaning forward, before he could lose his sudden nerve, the Seeker swooped in and placed a light kiss on Skyfire's cheek before pulling back and laughing once more at the bewildered look on the kind face, Starscream said, "I thought you'd like that."
Skyfire was still stunned and silent when Starscream left to go talk with his trine.
"You WHAT!"
"And here I'd thought you'd be somewhat happy that I'm actually semi-moving past years of abuse, but hey, if you want to act like I just-"
Before his twine leader could finish his sentence, Skywarp leaped on him, hugging him tightly. "I was in shock! This is awesome!"
"Oh please, I just admitted that I know he loves me and I might be inclined to like him in that way and it might go somewhere in the future," grunted out Starscream, trapped beneath the exuberance of the black and purple Seeker.
"I don't care, I'm happy for you," said Skywarp, making a happy purring noise.
Thundercracker rolled his optics, although he smiled for Starscream. "It's good to see we're being 'normal.' Starting to settle down a bit. When we go back to Cybertron…think of living in Vos again," he said, tone wistful.
"Saps," teased Starscream.
"Aw, you like it," replied the teleporter, finally finished with his glomping of his trine leader and sitting up. "It's good to see you. Hey! I got a great idea! Why don't we go train with the aerials sometime this week? It'll be a blast!"
The tricolour mech looked at him oddly. "You know, others have been saying that."
"Then that means," murmured Thundercracker, "that we should."
Sitting at the comm. station, Blaster was worried.
Soundwave had barely said more than a few sentences to him in the past couple of days. True, he let the blue mech be and didn't question it before.
He questioned it today.
Not only was Soundwave in the Ark, he was talking to Optimus over a game of chess. Usually, this wouldn't be seen as odd. But he knew that last night Soundwave had gone through another nightmare flux, had heard him scream through the walls. What worried him was that Soundwave didn't come to him to talk it over. They always did that. It was an unspoken agreement. And truth be told, he didn't care he got woken up, because it was for his best friend and love.
So what could have changed it?
Sighing, knowing that he wouldn't receive an answer today, Blaster went back to his comm. duty.
A/N: Soooo…..how did that scene with Star/Skyfire go down with you guys? How did the WHOLE chapter do? I'd like to know, and reviews are the best way to do that ;D
Thank you for your support!