"Half Blood Harry Potter"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Percy Jackson and all related characters belong to Rick Riordan.
To any flamers/complainers/whiners, both the cowards who drop a flame and leave, and those who are brave enough (yet foolish enough) to draw my wrath: GO SHAG YOURSELVES! This is called Fanfiction for a reason, and I'm not saying that you have to like it – I doubt everyone likes my style of writing, for we all have different tastes – but if you don't like it, that's fine. Don't leave a flaming bag of excrement on my literary doorstep. If you don't have anything positive to say, use the Back button, jagoffs – that's what it's for!
My apologies to my fans for that outburst, but how can I put it any clearer than that to the negative people? It's in Bold in my Profile, for goodness's sake!
DZ2: Always glad for your support, old friend. I do admit, that would have been a lot funnier … "You just said the magic words …" [Hermione and Annabeth scream in terror] LOL.
Master Xenahort: Glad you like this story. When will I update "Sauronion: Son of Sauron"? Honestly, I don't know. I am considering the possibility of restarting it, but … [shrugs shoulders].
WhiteElfElder: Of course, Vernon is in for a world of punishment … or should that be, Underworld of punishment? LOL!
Chapter 11
As he rowed the boat along, Charon started to sing:
"You've got to go … to the Lonesome Valley …"
Loki joined in, and other male voices, creating a dark harmony that chilled its hearers to the bone:
"You've … got … to go … there …. by … yourself …
Nobody else … can go for you …
You've … got … to go … there … by … yourself …
You've got to ask … the gods' forgiveness …
You've … got … to ask … Them … by … yourself …
Nobody else …. can ask Them for you …
You've … got …. to ask … Them … by … yourself …"
Shivering, Harry hung onto Hermione, and Grover hung onto Percy and Annabeth. If it was possible for a ghost's face to blanch in terror, Vernon's face had done so.
Arriving at the other shore, Percy felt his shield weigh more than ever.
"Percy, why don't we exchange shields for a moment?" said Harry.
"Are you sure about that?"
"I'm positive … it looks like it's weighing you down."
"Okay …"
As they swapped shields, Harry's eyes lit up as he felt a crackle of energy within the shield. "Son of a Gorgon …" he said under his breath, "… I knew it …"
They came up to Cerberus … THE Cerberus who guarded the gates of the Underworld.
"Loki," said Harry, "is this Fluffy's Dad?"
"Why, yes, he is. Cerberus, how are you doing, boy?"
WOOF! Cerberus bent down to kiss the group.
"As you can tell, he's mighty affectionate with those he likes … and that is a good sign."
The group wiped the megaton mutt saliva off of their faces. "That's obvious," said Percy.
As they passed under the megaton mutt, Grover thought, "Please don't let this dog sit on us."
~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~
"Young demigods," said a dark voice, "my favorite …"
"Where did that voice come from?"
"Percy," said Loki, "I … don't think that's my Dad … His throne room is over there …" he pointed in a direction away from the voice, "… and that voice came from … PERCY!"
It was as if a cosmic vacuum cleaner had turned itself on, as Percy went scrabbling along the floor, trying to find a handhold. Loki used his hammer to stop his progress.
"Kick off your flying shoes, Percy!"
Percy had no room to argue, so he kicked them off. The shoes flew away into the Pit nearby. The vacuum cleaner turned off as Harry and Loki helped Percy to his feet.
"What in the Underworld was that?"
Loki's face blanched. "That … was ... the Pit of Tartarus … made for monsters and … the worst enemies of the gods …"
"Let's be on our way," said Harry. "Anything that can scare you that much, Loki, is nothing we want to face …"
"OY! WHO SAYS I'M SCARED?!" said Loki as he ran after them, a roar of anger following them from Tartarus.
~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~
"My Lord Father," said Loki, kneeling, "I've brought them here, just as You requested."
Hades stood before the kneeling group. "Arise, all of you. Vernon Dursley, do you have anything to say for yourself? Why did you mistreat My nephew, Harry Potter?"
"He was a freak, Milord. He didn't deserve to live."
Hades's eyes smoldered. "A freak, you say? What about you, a glutton that gorges himself on food that should have fed HIM?! Your wife aided and abetted your abuse of Harry, your cetaceous son liked to bully him – with the both of you turning the other eye and spoiling your precious Duddykins, I might add – and your sister set her mangy mutts on him! DO YOU CALL THIS FAIR TREATMENT OF A FAMILY MEMBER?!"
"HE IS NOT A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY!"
"Every last member of the Dursley family is dead, do you understand me, you gluttonous galoot? D-E-A-D. DEAD! Your family has passed on. It has joined the dinosaurs on the extinct species list. It is pushing up daisies. Your family is an ex-family now."
"How did they die?"
Hades grabbed a file. "They met their ends at the end of a goblin axe. Ragnok, King of the Goblin Nation, was furious when he found the deposits that someone had made to your account to take care of Harry, but you squandered them and lavished it on yourself and your spoiled brat of a son. While I imagine decapitation by Goblin axe is unpleasant, your own end was a tale of horror, if I do say so Myself."
"So, Uncle," said Harry, "how did you punish them?"
Hades grinned. "Well, Petunia is in a literal Hell's Kitchen, but she keeps messing up the recipe, so the Head Chef has to roar at her à la Gordon Ramsay …"
("THIS PORK IS SO UNDERCOOKED, IT'S SINGING HAKUNA MATATA!"
"THIS BEEF IS SO UNDERCOOKED, I CAN HEAR IT MOOING!"
"LORD WALDER FREY WOULD HAVE HAD NO NEED FOR SWORDS AT THE INFAMOUS RED WEDDING – HE COULD HAVE SERVED THIS CULINARY ABOMINATION TO ROBB STARK AND HIS COMPANY!"
"WHAT IN HADES DID YOU COOK THIS WITH – A MINI BIC LIGHTER?"
"THIS DISH IS SO NUCLEAR, THE GENEVA CONVENTION SHOULD HAVE BANNED IT AS A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION!"
"THIS PLATE HAS SO MUCH OIL, THE STATES OF OKLAHOMA AND TEXAS ARE FIGHTING OVER WHO WILL MINE IT!")
"Dudley Dursley is in an eternal wrestling match with some of the most violent inmates … and Marge Dursley is suffering with a pack of vicious dogs eating her … now, Vernon, what shall I do with you? Ah, you enjoy eating, right?" He saw Vernon's uneasy nod. "How about eating your wife's abominable cooking? You see, as a God of Justice, I make sure no debt goes unpaid. With that, I bid you welcome to the Fields of Punishment. If there is any way We can be of service, please don't hesitate to scream …"
Vernon disappeared with a scream, as Hades turned to the group of demigods.
"Son, you know your way around the Underworld as well as I do. What took you so long to get here?"
"There was a trap set for Percy, centered on the Pit of Tartarus, Father. Someone wanted Percy … or, to be more appropriate, what he was carrying …"
"What he was carrying, you say?"
"Whoever was down there in that pit, Uncle," said Harry, "he didn't get his hands on this." He lowered the shield to the ground, and within was a Celestial bronze cylinder that had sparks of electricity running along it.
Percy's jaw dropped. "How did I not notice it before, Harry?"
"Luke gave you the shield, Percy. He must have enchanted the Master Lightning Bolt so it would show up as we arrived in the Underworld."
"He must have used something akin to a Disillusionment Charm," said Hermione. "Wait a minute – it seems to me that demigods can perform magic, in their own way – am I right, Lord Hades?"
Hades smiled. "That is a most brilliant deduction, Hermione, and the short answer is yes. Each Olympian parent has granted His or Her demigod children with powerful abilities that Muggles would consider magical. Not all Magical people are demigods, but all demigods are magical. This would mean that if any demigods from Camp Half Blood were to go to Hogwarts, the ancient wards would accept them as students. Harry, is there anything you would like to ask Me?"
"How has Voldemort survived for all this time, and how will I beat him?"
"During his latter school days, Tom Marvolo Riddle came upon a Dark ritual of Necromancy that would enable him, in theory, to overcome his greatest fear: Death. I doubt if he knew his true heritage as My son, but My guess is that even if he knew, it would have made no difference. The ritual involved splitting the soul through the unnatural act of murder. After splitting his soul, he would hide each piece in a container or a Horcrux. As long as these Horcruxes remained intact, they would keep him on the mortal plane. Are you following Me so far?" Harry nodded. "You destroyed one in your second year, remember?"
"Yes … I destroyed his diary with a Basilisk fang."
"The night he killed your mother … what a sad night … he was trying to create another Horcrux with your death … it was your Father's bolt that struck him. A piece of his soul tried to latch onto you, but I swallowed it."
"What about the Lightning Bolt scar on my forehead? Dumbledore thought it was Voldemort who gave it to me."
Hades shook his head. "No, it was your Father who gave it to you, but it is no scar. It is His blessing to mark you as His own."
"What of the ability to speak Parseltongue?"
"By right of conquest, you inherited from Voldemort his abilities, such as Parseltongue, which he inherited from his mother. She died in childbirth, poor girl, and so he grew up as an orphan in London."
Harry nodded. "Fair enough. You mentioned Horcruxes, as in plural. Are there any other of them?"
"The bad news is, yes, there are. The good news is, since the time of your encounter with his shade in the Chamber of Secrets, I tracked down the rest of them." He Summoned a box and opened it. "We have here a ring that belonged to Marvolo Gaunt, his maternal grandfather … a locket of Salazar Slytherin … a cup that belonged to Helga Hufflepuff … and the Diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw. There is one more he made at a more recent time – his snake, Nagini. You will have to kill her at some point … but you will have help there, I'm sure."
"Why did you ask me to bring you the Bolt, Uncle?" said Percy. "Did you not know the Thunderer had cleared my name?"
Hades shook his head. "That news did not reach Me, no, but My latest intelligence told Me you were the prime suspect. Since Harry came with you, Percy, that is a nice bonus."
"Could you sense it within the Camp?" said Harry.
"What god could not smell the ozone wafting from the Bolt? As tempting as it may be to claim its power for Myself, My brother would beat the snot out of Me and throw Me out to rot in Tartarus if I did that. You didn't hear this from Me, but the Lightning Thief also stole My Helmet of Invisibility, so if you could get it back to Me, that would be awesome."
"What of my mother?" said Percy.
"Right … thank you for reminding Me, Percy … as for your mother, she is free to go." Hades smashed a jar and Sally Jackson's body re-materialized. "Percy, what are you doing here?"
Percy hugged her. "I came down here to rescue you, Mom! We also found the Lightning Bolt, but we can't leave without you!"
"Out of curiosity," said Hades, "how many of Persephone's Pearls did you retrieve?" He rolled his eyes at everyone's shock. "What? Why is everyone so shocked? I know I am not the most pleasant of company, I have bouts of depression … every now and then, I know Persephone has some mortal visitors down here. Oh, Harry … you found three? Well, Percy, if you want to take your mother with you, one of you will have to stay."
"Guys," said Grover, "I will stay here for now. You have to get the Lightning Bolt back to the Big Guy."
"Don't worry about Grover," said Hades. "On the River Styx I promise that no harm shall befall him." The ground shook. "There you have it – the most solemn oath anyone, mortal or god, can make – and time is ticking along. To use the Pearls, smash them underfoot while focusing on your destination. Good luck, demigods … may the gods, Myself included, bless you."
"Thanks, Uncle," said Harry. "I hope that when I die, it won't be for a long time …"
"I hope not either, Harry. Your Father would bawl Me out otherwise …"
Percy handed the Pearls to Annabeth and Sally, then he looked at Harry, Hermione, and Loki. "How are you three getting out?"
"I will carry them out," said Loki. "We will see you near Olympus … Harry, Hermione, hang onto me!" They disappeared in a burst of flame while Percy, Sally, and Annabeth smashed their Pearls and disappeared through the layers of the Underworld.
Hades looked at Grover with a smile. "Well, that was fun. Who's up for some Chinese food?"
Grover let out a nervous bleat.
"I mean from Earth, Grover. I don't plan to keep you down here long …"
Author's Note: Indeed, a fun chapter. When I first wrote this, I didn't realize I ended it so abruptly in the middle (around the reference to Tom Riddle growing up in an orphanage), so I decided to extend it just a bit and give it a more satisfying ending.
Smiles and laughter,
Loki Palmer