I was standing in reception going over some patient notes when Kirsty arrived. Jay was stood beside me and noticed her first and strode over to greet her. At first I didn't see her, Jay blocked my view but when he moved he revealed someone who resembled Kirsty, but it couldn't be her. She looked exhausted and she was very pale and instead of walking with her usual bounce she was just about managing to place one foot in front of the other.

Kirsty avoided me most of the morning, not letting me get with in a meter or so of her but she couldn't stop me watching and worrying about her. She defiantly wasn't her usual self; apart from her appearance she was working at a fraction of her normal pace and she kept pausing and staring off into space.

I wanted desperately to know what was wrong. It was eating me up. I couldn't concentrate on anything but Kirsty and by mid-morning I already needed to clear my head.

I was staring at the boiled kettle when the staffroom door swung open suddenly. I spun round wondering what on earth was going on only to see Kirsty almost past out on the floor.

Kirsty was finally sleeping. She looked so peaceful. Her hand was cold in mine and I massaged my thumb into her palm. Her skin was soft but also kind of clammy. That's when I hoped that she was just poorly and this was nothing more than a virus; but I know something's wrong. I just don't know how to get her to open up to me. She always has such a strong wall up but I've found crakes in it. I don't think anybody else has, well not until this morning when she arrived for her shift looking more than a little worse of wear. Luckily Tess wasn't in today otherwise she would have been sent straight home and I wouldn't have got to look after her, to hold her hand in mine whilst she slept.

As I sat there staring down at her beauty all the feelings I've been trying to fight flooded over me. I know she's married and I know it's wrong but I love her. I'd do anything for her. She said to me that working with me is the only part of her day that she looks forward to but for me working with her is the only thing keeping me here. I could never leave whilst she was here. I can never wait to see her rushing in late grinning mischievously if she wasn't caught. Sometimes I think I want her to get away with it more than she does just so I can see that grin.

She scared me so much last week; the sight of her unconscious on the shower floor is one that haunts me. The thought that I nearly lost her is too much. I could see how tiered she was that day and I should have realised what the Retilin was for. When I look back on that day I'm angry with myself for not realising what she had done but I'm also angry at Kirsty for not coming to me but the anger is clouded by terror and relief for when finally she woke-up and then when we sat in the on-call room I was worried. She had to keep opening her eyes to check if I was still there. She was actually scared to go to sleep. Today she looked a lot worse than a week ago and she still wasn't sleeping. At least she is now. It's something she can't seem to do at home. Realising I had to get back to my shift I leant over and gently place a kiss to her temple before returning to my job.

My break was coming up and once again all I could think about was Kirsty. All I wanted to do was go and check on her, to sit beside her and watch her sleep peacefully.

Not being able to resist the temptation any longer I snuck off five minuets early. I was being careful not to wake her. I opened the door slowly and quietly closed it behind me. The room was dimly lit, the light clinging to her soft features; she looked breath taking. I moved closer aiming to sit on the chair still positioned by her bed unable to take my eyes off of her.

Blood. I panicked. Her pillow was covered in blood, the deep crimson colour contrasting with her pale skin.

"Kirsty," I was panicking. This couldn't be happening I couldn't lose her. How had I not noticed something more was wrong? I shook her, desperately needing a reaction but I didn't get one.