Chapter 23 -Eric's POV

I move back to watch the fights and see her friends start to move in her direction. When I get level with Tris I glare at her. She is separate from Four so I say lowly to her. "Any reason you couldn't have just told me about who drew the design?"

She stiffened "Raven doesn't like attention like that. But the reason should be obvious. I trust you in work Eric. I trust you with my life even. But I don't trust you with my sister. She is not as experienced as she might sound. She doesn't need to be fucked over by anyone else."

I growl "Let her make her own decisions Tris…"

We are interrupted by Four coming back in from somewhere. I sigh "I want to see this obstacle course. She mentioned she has been training in off hours and off days. I don't mind that but it sounds like it is a hell of a lot more than an hour or two more a day. I would like to look it over to see what she has been working on. Before it is changed Tris."

She nods stiffly. "I had already planned on proposing all leaders look it over."

I nod stiffly back and we watch the next two that come to the ring. We are interrupted when Astrid the amity friend of Raven's comes up almost in tears.

I look in Raven's direction with the rest of her friends but she seems fine.

"Four she is going to go see him…" she sobs…" you can't let her. The last time he lost he tried to kill her!"

My eyes snap to Astrid. "What the fuck did you just say Initiate?"

Four glares at me briefly and then grips her shoulders. "Explain Astrid."

"She lied Four. It wasn't during a spar. She had won the spar. She had won all the spars that day because she was trying to HELP his sorry ass. He played like he was fine with it but he wasn't and when I stepped out of the gym he locked me out. And then…he tackled her and started pounding on her throat trying to crush it and then stomping on her. She almost died right there Four and she wants to go tell him herself. She says he needs to hear it but he doesn't fucking care Four. Don't let her go."

I was already moving because that was so not fucking happening. In fact he would be lucky to live the rest of the day.

I walked up behind her and her friend Hector and listened as hugged her and voiced his own concern. "I don't like you going to see Shane on your own Raven. I don't trust him at all and he has shown to be a sore loser."

"She isn't going so you don't need to worry about that." I said softly and coldly as I was filled with rage at that piece of scum.

Four and Astrid had followed and stood next to me. Raven's shoulders stiffened and she and Hec turned to look at us. Her eyes went over us and locked on Astrid.

"Oh Astrid, you didn't. He isn't going to hurt me in front of everyone." She groans and sighs looking at her friend.

Astrid sniffs and tears fall and Raven growls and grabs the girls to her frowning. Apparently she can't stand to see her cry. Astrid chokes on her sobs"You didn't see his eyes when he locked that door Raven. He was going to kill you. He couldn't stand that you had won and he just flipped. You couldn't breathe Raven! He almost crushed your trachea and ribs and kept stomping on you. The only reason he stopped was because you started to fight through it all and I had to watch that from the other side and not being able to help. I know even then you weren't trying to kill him, but I wish you would have Raven. With every fucking fiber of my being I wish you hadn't stopped. You almost didn't make it in time."

God Four better not stop me because I am not going to kill him. I am just going to fucking crush his spine and make him a fucking cripple.

Raven strokes Astrid's hair and tries to placate her. "I was a born fighter Astrid and I was always going to win. It wasn't that bad I made it out in one day."

Astrid snarls and pushes her back glaring at her. "Don't fucking lie anymore Raven! Only because your father or someone authorized you to be injected with two bags of nano-serum there and then more at the hospital Raven so don't try and lie to me. I was there when they administered it while you were out. Even I know what that means, you were going to die if they didn't."

All her friends pale and I am furious. It was more serious than even my brother fucking let on. That is something we needed to know to add to Shane's fucking file as a possible psychological threat.

She sighs and nods. "I won't go at least not on my own, but he has to hear the words too. I need to face him and tell him. I…" she stops and runs her hands over her face.

"I can't let myself not face my demons head on and tell them to their faces that they won't rule my life anymore. And no he wasn't a demon in a literal sense. " Her friend Lex flinches and pales at the mention of a demon. "Jesus Lex, get a grip. Our whole relationship was based on the self-worth that my father set for me. That girl is long gone and I want him to realize that we are done, if there ever really was a 'we' to begin with. I won't go see him alone I promise."

While I want to commend her wanting to do that I can't even right now. She was just going to go there where there with no security to help when she went into a room with him and he could easily do it again.

All of her friends surround her and join in the hug that she pulled Astrid back into. She pulls away and looks at Hec and Scott. "Head in the game guys, I don't want to see a scratch on you and if you do have one there better be a damn good reason why."

Four motions with his head for them to leave and they walk off. I had forgotten he was even there, but now I see how furious he is because it is barely contained. I had only seen him this bad once and it was when I taunted him about his father during our own fight during initiation. He lost it so bad I was beaten just on his rage alone and conceded. Which I have never fucking let go really. I moved past it for the sake of needing to work together. But it is always there. More because I did it to myself.

His jaw is clenched as are his fists."You aren't leaving the training room and we will also be talking about why you lied to me about when you got hurt. Hurt enough to end up in the Erudite Med Center. Hurt bad enough they hooked you up to the most expensive treatments anyone can have and that are reserved for those not expected to recover without it. You told me a different story and I need to know why you lied to me like that Raven." His tone goes from softly furious to actual pain.

Her eyes tear over and she looks down "I didn't like lying to you Four but Shane's father is a senior member of Erudite. I knew what you would do if I told you the truth. You would have walked right out that control room and went to his room to finish what I started. I was protecting you as much as I could without keeping it from you completely. You already wanted to finish it off and only Tris being here with you kept you from going after him." She replies softly.

He shakes his head "Bullshit Anna, and I don't give a crap what name I am calling you…" her eyes snap to his in anger and he snarls out "because you need to know how pissed off I am right now. How could you stay with him after all of that?"

You did not just say that you fucking asshole! I start to move forward but her eyes and voice stop me. Her eyes and voice go to ice and if I didn't know better I would think she would be capable of killing Four right there.

"I would have thought you of all people Tobias, would understand the mind of someone that has been conditioned from childhood to think that it was their fault. I believed when he said he didn't mean it and it was only when I started to break free from all of that crap and discover myself that I began to see different. To finally tell myself, holy shit, that isn't how that works at all. My Aunt, Astrid, Tris and you helped and he never touched me like that again. The day I came here it sealed it for me when I saw how MY hard work was paying off. How long did it take you to truly break free Tobias?" She sneers at him shaking her head and I can see he regrets his words and sees the truth. Which he should have fucking to begin with! Fuck even I fucking knew that and I didn't even know the details just the bits I heard about her treatment and then her saying she was fucking free of them!

"Years of all that crap won't disappear in an instant but I am damn close to it. I for sure will never let anyone treat me like that ever again."

Four crosses to her and I almost stop him thinking he is going to do something to her but he surprises me because her pulls her to him in a hug. Four doesn't show affection like this in public, even to Tris hardly. I can tell it even takes her off guard.

"You are stronger than I could ever be Raven. Remember that would you. Who took my father down in fucking Erudite when he came after me? You tackled and knocked him out when you were 12. I would never have even thought to run away or fight back until I thought you were in danger. You pointed me to Dauntless and showed me what a fucking true Dauntless was. And remember that you were the only family I had for years Raven. I almost lost you that day and to find out why, can you understand why that is hard?"

Just fucking revelation after revelation. I do remember something about Marcus raising a fucking fuss with Jeanine on a visit. I had always wondered why he had been there. I had been already working with the bitch and my bitch girlfriend that roped me into everything in the first fucking place. And there was a big fuss about his son being missing and some dependent. Jeanine had been so furious I had never seen her lose control like that. Whatever footage of the incident had been erased in some way and Jeanine had locked herself away with Max. Whether to cover it up I still don't know. It wasn't my duty then. I was just the muscle for her experiments and carted them back and forth. All for the promise that the work was truly important and that it could save our city. I had to listen to them be tortured and eventually die.

I am torn from my reflections and self- hate by Raven's own evident in her voice as she buries her head in Four's chest. "I do and it scared me to leave you and them behind. It was what helped me fight through it. I saw your faces and there was no pain that could touch me. It was the day I truly found the void and now I know what I am capable of."

I sigh, I need to ask about that.

Four lets out a relieved sigh and pulls away to look at her. "Just don't go near him and try not to be alone with him until we know how he is going to react. I don't think I have ever said this but I so fucking wish we were doing cuts. You know you deserve so much better than him but at least you are done with him."

That is saying something if he is actually wishing we could cut. We all hate cuts, even me. I don't want kids to be made factionless but for kids like Shane they are more dangerous in our faction because lives could be cost by a fuckup like him.

Raven snorted "Yeah well, he is doing just well enough that he would probably squeak by. As far as what I deserve." She frowns " I don't know what I deserve and I think it is kind of…I don't know. I don't want to set expectations of what a person is worth based on who they are with; if that makes sense. You love who you love and sometimes you get a shitty deal. Sometimes you get a good one."

She looks from Tris to him at that, rather pointedly and I refrain from smiling at her not so subtle hint of better do something about that soon pal "But the one thing I think I do know out of all the shit I have seen is that it's not realistic to think that you will always have a happy ever after. People are flawed and you accept them for who and what they are and if you can't then you leave because you will only make yourself and the other person miserable. That is about all I figured out about relationships." She stops and adds "Oh and that I am shitty about talking about my feelings. Like just in fucking general I really suck about talking about feelings. Highly fucking overrated in my opinion. I know girls are supposed be all the fuck about it but I think I would rather taking fucking ice pick to my eye. Much better use of my time."

Ok I think I am in love here. But am still fucking pissed. I don't think that is going to go away, not until I deal with Shane.

Four snorts in amusement at the last bit. "You don't have to tell me that I have known that since you were 9. Pest."

She smirks at him. "Nag. We done here? I was going to go take an absurdly long shower but I think I want to stay."

Four looks thoughtful, but she is staying and maybe she can show me the course. Alone time.

"You can stay. Hell I might even see if I can take a look at that obstacle course I have never heard about until earlier." I throw out there before Four can answer and I shrug. He glares at me but she looks positively giddy at the thought.

Four shakes his head "You have literally been training from practically dawn to almost lights out ever since Dee, Raven. Take the time off. This was the biggest worry and you got past it."

I frown at that, why is she working herself so hard?

She sighs and even pouts a bit. "But I like firing guns and shit. That is sort of my new addiction now that I can do it more often. Do you know the fucking rush I get with the obstacle courses we have gone through? Upside down firing at targets, practically shiver fucking inducing." Good fucking gods this girl. And who came up with that because hell? I fucking want in on that shit.

Four turns red and looks embarrassed, she smirks and laughs at him. He pushes her towards the ring and laughs as he walks off himself. "You aren't getting another gun for three days at least Raven. Deal with it."

"Killjoy" she mutters and pouts. My fingers itch to just fucking grab her right there and kiss the shit out of her. Does she know how fucking sexy she is?

I walk beside her as she is still fairly upset about not being able to fire a gun for three whole days. Guess I can understand that. I mean I do get in at least an hour or so on the member gun range. Don't know if that will cut it after I do the upside down target firing. Seriously who thought of that one? If it is her I am so fucking marrying her. Probably not even joking.

She walks close enough to watch the ring but further back and has a wider view of the ring and everyone around it. She leans against it, with her shoulder and side against the metal. I could go back over there. But this is a good spot and not only do I want to be near her but I think she is just stubborn enough to sneak out and go to the infirmary.

I shouldn't but I get so close to her I am brushed up against the shoulder and side pressed into the metal. She looks up at me and frowns. "Shouldn't you be…" and uses her eyes to indicate the ring.

I shrug. Not a chance baby, you are stuck with me; I think. "Someone has to make sure you don't go near the soon to be dead Shane Masters. But since you are going to be staying we can see your friend's matches."

I really am trying to figure out how I can arrange at least making it fucking impossible for him to continue here. I know my tone at least conveys I am not joking about that and I don't even care about not letting her see my eyes and that I am figuring out a way.

She doesn't even look shocked or upset and I had a feeling she wouldn't. She does give a small almost anticipatory smile and a shiver runs down her spine that I feel run through her. I tilt my head and smirk a bit. She is so fucking responsive to me. She catches me looking at her appraisingly and shakes her head as if to clear her head and turns back to the fight. I bite my lip a little but then watch her.

She is watching the fight but it isn't her main focus. Her main focus is everyone around the ring. She has a very focused and calculating look as she watches for something. My gaze tracks hers. She flicks her eyes to someone that just a moment ago had moved a dauntless-born that had tensed before the Candor transfer threw a punch. He tensed with the same hand he was watching the transfer about to move with.

She was watching them for their reactions to the fights. She is fucking brilliant. I can't resist asking her about that. I wonder if Peter taught her it.

"If I didn't know better I would say you are observing the others and how well they are watching what is going on."

She blinks as if having to break her concentration and looks at me. "Well I am not going to lie and say that I am not. I just like to see who gives a shit and their reactions to the moves themselves. Sometimes you can catch them anticipating the moves beforehand. It's good to know those types of people in case you go against them in the future. You can bet they watched you and it might be good to change it up."

Pretty fucking accurate description and plan. I had wondered how she seemed to know what some of her opponents were going to do.

"Good observation. Not one we teach but you did mention you had prepared before coming here. I know Erudite are always pretty good observers but what made you think to look at the other's during other people's fights? Did your brother teach you that?"

She snorts in disbelief and scoffs looking at me still. "No that would be using his brain and that isn't something Peter does often. Sure his aptitude said Erudite but Peter would never have made it there. He is smart, don't get me wrong he is just too impatient about everything. He makes a plan but then he doesn't have the patience to see it through. That is why he uses his brutality in fights and why that was the only way I learned at first. Makes me wonder how he even gets laid." She muttered that last part and then shuddered as if even thought of him with someone repulsed her. I could not blame her there.

I chuckle "Ok I have to ask what you mean about that last bit?"

She shrugs and grimaces in distaste still. "He gets impatient about everything and he just barges his way into things. I am not all that experienced." She blushes and looks beautiful and innocent but surely she has done something before. "But even I know what foreplay is and he has no concept of doing something to make the other person enjoy anything much less sex I think. It's kind of the analogy of a bull in the china store. He goes in and wrecks shit and thinks he is a god."

I give a little chortle of laughter. "God I am going to use that shit on him. Or just someone." I look down at her thinking how she has certainly brought me down. Not even my reputation or dickhead behavior seems to have caused that not to happen. "Brutal has its uses but you can't rely on brute strength or you will be taken down in the least expected way."

Her eyes look with mine and her breathing stutters slightly. She doesn't understand what I meant by that for sure. But she knows I meant something other than just what the words directly referenced. So fucking intelligent and definitely has that innocence factor.

I tilt my head because she didn't really answer my question and I smile knowing at least I affect her in some way. "You never answered my question."

Her brow furrows in thought. "I take no risks they wouldn't be doing what I am. When I train for anything or workout I use my own shadow as my opponent in a manner of speaking. My last best time is the time to beat if running or doing the obstacle course. If I was able to do 40 suicides well then it becomes 50. If I know certain techniques currently I learn new ones that could beat my own. I am my worst critic and worst enemy in more ways than just what those saying are meant for."

I did not expect that answer. I am not often surprised by a concept that is almost foreign to me. I hadn't even really thought of doing that for everything I do. Sure I do it for running and my accuracy skills in ranged weapons. I slide closer to come in contact with her even more.

Her gaze moves over me and lingers on my forearms. She licks her lips and she is killing me. I try to think of something to ask her to distract myself.

I turn my eyes back to watch the match as her eyes are watching Jason using his same tired fighting style of not doing shit really.

"Raven, why did you start training even harder? To the point that you push yourself to exhaustion after Dee? And why did you reduce your portions?" I really have been wondering that. Especially because at lunch she had the smallest amount of chicken, veggies and rice on her plate. Yeah she had her ever present protein shake but you can't get everything from that. Not even with the handfuls of shit she takes every day.

"It was a wakeup call of sorts I guess. I had been focused on my training before and didn't exactly think I was slacking off. I mean I have been in the top five the whole time, but…"

Good, at least she knows she could have done more. I don't think she was holding back now in the fighting. But I see the difference of her fully focused to the first month.

I grunt and frown. "You should have been number one from the beginning."

She nods frowning. I can see her feeling guilty about that lapse. "I don't want to sound conceited or anything but it reminded me that I have worked for four years before even coming here and it felt like a disservice to myself to let any kind of slacking occur. I have the rest of my life for parties and Dauntless life but in the here and now I need to secure that future. I have to think about what kind of future I want that to be. My answer was a meaningful one. Going to the fence or factionless sector patrols are important but not the type of meaning I am searching for. I have goals and objectives and I can't meet those unless I can contribute in a real way here."

I smile feeling proud of her. I wonder what she considers meaningful and what her objectives and goals are? Max and the others will be pleased to hear this. I contemplate what to say about all my concerns and the one thing that really needs to be addressed is her hindering her nutrition.

"Those are good reasons and I am glad you recognize that. But a couple of things you need to know. First, you cut back way too much, and yes I admit to watching. Keep your proteins higher and the nutrients that come with the actual meats are important. Especially if you are a Dauntless you are bound to bleed at some point and the irons and other nutrients that help with those losses are needed. I don't know what your vitamin regimen is but I see you with big handfuls of shit so you are taking something. Just keep all of that in mind."

I feel her tense up and her jaw clenches and I growl, of course she wouldn't like that after the treatment from her father and brother. Erudite also doesn't help with how micro-managing it can't be.

I run a finger on my hand that is crossed and next to her shoulder slowly up and down meaning to apologize and sooth her. "This isn't about controlling you Raven it's about making sure that the top performer and top initiate as of this morning, hell I can pretty much promise your performance secured that ranking again, is keeping her health up and is giving it everything she has."

Her tension eases a bit and she lets out a shaky breath at my touch. "I don't have issues following orders so don't think my…hesitancy was about that. The only thing I have ever been able to dictate between my former faction's ridiculous dictates, my Father and Peter has been my own body and the health of it. Thank you for explaining your request, but I don't expect that in the future."

Her body goes tense again but it is because of Four as he approaches her friend Hector. "Hec is going next." She says frowning. "Damn it I didn't want to have to do this now that my fight is done." I look at her frowning at the apology in her tone.