Kirsty

"Don't you like chocolate cake anymore?" I whipped round to face Warren - which made me feel dizzy - his face filled with anger and hate.

I didn't know what to do. I was frozen, knowing that whatever I did it was going to end the same way; but still I couldn't help looking for the little loop hole that would magically calm Warren down, knowing full well it didn't exist. My mind raced what do I do? but nothing seemed to be the right option. I could only hope for the best. Not to answer or fight back just let it happen and it will be over quicker. Hopefully this way he would be less brutal.

"I asked you a question." He spat. I started shaking as he strode closer to me leaning over me menacingly wait for a reply.

"I-I- I'm still not feeling great. I'm sorry." I whimpered, hearing just how pathetic I sounded.

Smack my head hit the kitchen tiles. Warren had kicked my legs out from underneath me and drove on top of me pinning my arms to my sides and me to the floor. Struggling furiously I tried to break free from his hold but it was useless I felt frail and tiered he was too strong for me even when I was at my best.

He fist crashed into my cheek first, immediately bringing tears to my eyes. They quickly fell and were replaced by more as the burning pain spread though my skin, deep into the bone. My mouth was open gasping for air, my vision blurred with tears. Then he started stuffing something in my mouth. I tried to spit it out but he cruelly but his hand over my mouth forcing me to swallow. The second I swallowed there was more in my mouth hastily followed by his hand forcing me to swallow. This was repeated until the whole slice of cake was gone.

He got up. Standing over me he glared down, his piercing eyes surveying the damage. Spit flew down at me and I heard the kitchen door close. I was relieved it was over. I was alone. Gagging I raced to the bin reaching just in time as I threw-up. I felt discussing. My stomach was long empty but I was still gagging I couldn't help it; it repulsed me to think of how he had forced me to eat.

I curled up on the kitchen floor not being able to go up-stairs and be close to Warren and finally sleep took me.

I woke again on the kitchen floor. In some ways I was glad, my body wasn't throbbing in pain (there was my cheek but that was nothing, not really) only the slight whispering of old injuries and if I woke up down here then I knew I hadn't been touched. Well not in some ways anyway. But then I recalled what had taken place. Warren had never treated me in that particular way before. It seemed some kind of new low. It was so humiliating being fed that way. I always expect to be hit and I can't say I was surprised when he started forcing himself on me, after all I am his wife but this was different I expected those but using food made me feel like a helpless child. I can't even explain what made this so bad after all it was only food, nothing like the pain of getting laid into. I'd lost control of another part of my life. I couldn't even control what I ate now. If he wasn't happy he would just make me eat whatever he wanted. All I wanted to do was curl up in the corner and never come out again but of course I couldn't Nita would be up for school soon and there was no way I was sticking around the house.

Adam

Surprised was an understatement of what I was feeling when I saw Kirsty walk through the ED doors. She was back at work already. She should still be resting however I couldn't help being pleased to see her. She looked a lot better than a couple of days ago the bounce was back in her step and the colour back in her cheeks. I stood smiling foolishly in her direction hoping that she would glance in my direction, if only for a second.

I had no doubts that Kirsty did have feelings for me although I didn't know how far these feelings went. I loved her but did she love me back. I had no-one else to love or to love me, she has a husband and daughter to love and who love her very deeply. After glimpsing into her life I knew I couldn't be the one to destroy their family. They love each other and are happy.

Kirsty confides in Warren, she feels safe with him and is able to open up to him and share a part of her self she won't share with me. I know she feels safe with me but it's not the same. I saw the way she went to sleep with warren compared to the way she went to sleep with me. She didn't trust me as much as him.

Just then the ED doors burst open bringing in a mother and her 4 month old baby.

"Please you've got to help him." She stood helplessly in front of me holding out her child desperately wanting me to save him. I took the baby from her noticing immediately that he wasn't breathing. I panicked a little as images of Harry flashed though my mine. Pulling my self together I rush into rhesus with the baby's mother following just millimetres behind me.

I put him down carefully and started compressions. Jay raced over with the baby resuscitation kit (Sorry don't know what it's actually called) and we quickly got him breathing on his own. The mother was crying with relief.

"What happened?" I asked rapidly, turning to face her.

"I don't know. I just found him like this. He's going to be alright?"

"We're going to run some tests but I looks like we got to him just in time but I am sorry I do have to warn you that because he went with out oxygen for a while he might have suffered some brain damage but we will have to wait and see what the scans show up." The worst part was watching the relief drain from her and the worry take over.

I needed a break. Little James had brought back too many unwanted and suppressed memories. I literally felt like my heart was breaking. It was so difficult to think about him. Imagine what he would be like now, what he would do when he grew up, who he would look more like me or Jess. I couldn't think those things. Those things were the ones that made me want to crawl into bed and never get out again. Kirsty was my saviour. She didn't know it, nor did anyone else. She lit up my life. When she had started working here I was in a bad place, although I was managing to drag my self out of bed every morning my life was empty. Jess and the kids had left a huge black hole behind and nothing seemed to fill it. Then there was Kirsty. At first I don't think she even noticed me. She was so passionate about her job and getting into it with Tess but eventually we became friends and I even managed to persuade her to come out for a drink with me. That night did not go as planned.

I was woken from my thoughts by the staffroom door opening.

We sat together on the sofa nursing our coffees. I looked at Kirsty. She was sat on my right and I could clearly see the bruise on her cheek which was tying to hide under her make-up. I'd been looking at it all day wondering how it got there. It was the catalyst which made me think of her other injuries and I'm sure she had more that she was hiding better than the ones I knew about. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I needed her to talk to me. I had to help her and there was only one place I could think to start.

"Kirsty, I know." She turned to look at me in shock and fear.

"How?" was all she could whisper.

"Warren told me." her scared look was joined by confusion, her brow crinkling slightly.

"He told you." She asked unconvincingly.

"Don't be mad at him. He was just worried. He wants to help you, so do I."

"I can't leave. Nita, I'm doing it all for Nita. She deserves a family." She paused as if only now taking in what I had said. "What; your not going to tell me to leave him. What did he tell you?"

"Kirsty of course I don't want you to leave Warren. I know he betrayed your trust but he only did it to help you. I mean have you even spoken to any one about what happened? It such a traumatic thing to go though and you obviously haven't dealt with it yet. I know it's not quite the same but when Harry died I had to work though a lot of things and I'm still coming to terms with it now." My eyes filled with tears as I remember Harry. James had been too much like him and now I couldn't stop the memories flooding my thoughts.

Two small hands took mine, holding them firmly giving me comfort. I couldn't hold it in any longer and the tears reluctantly fell over my face and into the tangle of hands below. I was looking down not really at anything. When her soft hand reached up and delicately brushed a stray tear.

I looked up my eyes finding hers. They looked so sad. I could still feel her cool hand resting on my hot cheek. She looked like she was going to cry as well. The moment took me, I was wrapped in loss and loneliness but most of all love, suppressed love, I didn't think I just leaned in.

Thanks for reviewing. So what do you thing kiss or no kiss?