"Half Blood Harry Potter"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Percy Jackson and all related demigods (with the exception of Loki) belong to Rick Riordan.

Reishin Amara: Being a guy, I wouldn't know about girls' schools, but nuns do take a vow of celibacy, like monastics and members of the Catholic clergy. Now, as far as this fanfic (and Greek mythology itself) are concerned, Artemis and Aphrodite take opposing viewpoints on the subject of men.

To a guest named Larkspur1871, no offense taken. In the ORIGINAL Percy Jackson stories as told by Rick Riordan, Thalia does become a hunter of Artemis; however, that doesn't take place until Book 3 (The Titan's Curse), which is not covered by this fanfic – therefore, she does not become a hunter of Artemis in this story … and that frees her up to fall in love with Loki. I hope that helps any confusion you might have.

DZ2: My old friend, whom would YOU have picked for Aphrodite, if I may be so curious?

Maleficent Okami: Thank you, thank you … I do try my best :)

WhiteElfElder: I don't think Aphrodite needs to interfere at all.

Chapter 22

"How are they, Dad?"

"They seem fine, Perseus … just passed out from the strain …"

As Loki and Harry opened up their eyes, the image of their seafaring Uncle came into focus. "Hey, Uncle Poseidon …"

"How are you lads feeling?"

"My mouth's a bit on the dry side," said Loki.

"It's much the same with me," said Harry.

Poseidon laid His hands on their heads. "I'm sorry about the seasickness … there, does that feel better?"

"Aye, it does."

"Thanks, Uncle."

Hades and Zeus came in. "There's no need to leap up, son," said Hades.

"The same goes for you, Harry," said Zeus. "The both of you have to replenish your energy."

Hades leaned down. "Here, Loki, drink up." Loki drank from the bottle like a person dying of thirst. "Whoa, not too much, now!"

Loki's face turned red from the shock of the drink and he coughed out a fireball. "What is that concoction?"

"Phlegethon water. What's food for Underworld residents may be poison for live mortals, I shouldn't wonder, though you are a slight exception to that rule, you understand?"

"I think so … emphasis on slight there, am I right?"

Hades nodded as Poseidon gave them clear spring water.

"Ah," both demigods said, "that's refreshing."

"Both of you have some rest," said Zeus. "That's an order."

Relieved of their nausea, they fell asleep …

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

They woke up to music playing on deck.

Percy popped his head inside the chamber. "Come along, you two, or you'll miss the fun!"

As they came out onto the deck, the sailors greeted them with cheers.

"ARRR! THERE THEY BE!"

"Found yer sea legs at last, mateys?"

"Let's have some music here!" said Captain Jones.

With that, the music played [tune: a sea shanty by the name of "Drunken Sailor"]:

"What do we do with a drunken Loki,
A Son of Death, with his breath all smoky,
What do we do with a drunken Loki,
Early in the morning?

Watch out! Up Loki rises,
Watch out! Up Loki rises,
Watch out! Up Loki rises,
Early in the morning!

When he is done with his bloody slaughter,
Throw him in bed with Big Z's daughter,
He'll climb to the peak and make her holler,
Early in the morning!

Watch out! Up Loki rises,
Watch out! Up Loki rises,
Watch out! Up Loki rises,
Early in the morning!"

Loki joined in:

"What do we do with Hermione Potter,
Boobs of perfection, Wise One's daughter,
What do we do with Hermione Potter,
Early in the morning?"

Harry glared at him. "Why, you little –"

Loki winked at him. "There's nothing little about me, Harry – Thalia will find that out for herself, I'm sure. So, the answer to my question would be:

"Tie her to the bed, both arms and legs
And have Harry go down, make her beg
To fertilize that lucky egg
Early in the morning!"

"OH, HO!" said the sailors and assembled gods on deck.

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

"AVAST, DEMIGODS! CAMP HALF BLOOD OUT TO STARBOARD!"

"Captain Jones, our thanks for the lift! Come on, Percy, we'll race you back!"

"You're on!"

Loki grabbed onto a rope.

"Master Loki, have you lost your mind?"

"Well, if I wasn't, Captain, I don't think this would work."

BOOM! The cannon blast sent Loki flying out to the Camp with Harry not far behind, while Percy jumped into the water and swam back.

"YA-HOO-HOO-HOOIE!"

The impact created a small crater.

"Wow, what a rush!"

Percy and Harry rolled their eyes as they arrived behind him.

"Percy, do you think he's this mad, or does he make it up as he goes along?"

"Harry, I think he makes it up as he goes along."

"Why can't it be both?"

"LOKI!" Faster than he could move, three females came at him with the speed of a freight train. Of course, the impact knocked him down as Harry and Percy laughed at him.

"You feeling comfortable there, Loki?"

"Thalia – Thalia, can you – let me – breathe a moment? Yes, Harry, I'm feeling mighty comfortable – it must be my lucky day or something! Hermione, Annabeth, you must be enjoying this ..."

"Holding you down while Thalia kisses you seven ways to the Afterlife?" said Hermione with a grin.

"You bet!" said Annabeth. "I didn't have any idea you were so warm, Loki … a girl could get used to this!"

Uh-oh, the blood's rushing South, Chief!

"Well … as tempting as it would be to take all three of you to my Cabin and have my way with you … giggity ..."

Hermione and Annbeth looked at him in shock. "You wouldn't!"

"I said it was tempting … but I have a better idea … hang on, Thalia ..."

Thalia hung onto him as his arms clamped around Hermione and Annabeth and ran out some distance.

"LOKI!"

"PUT US DOWN, YOU BIG BRUTE!"

"Harry, Percy, go long! I'm going for a Hail Mary pass!"

"LOKIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" said Hermione and Annabeth as they crashed into Harry and Percy.

Author's Note: Another hilarious chapter! Read and review!

Smiles and laughter,

Loki Palmer