Chapter 5

While the men were attending the council session at the Great Hall, Deanna was spending the morning with Kurn's wife J'Mila. Worf told her she didn't have to and had given her every opportunity to back out, but Deanna was insistent. The truth was, she was curious. This was all completely alien to her and Deanna found it intriguing. So once again she found herself standing at those massive doors waiting for entry into the House of Mogh.

It was a servant that let her in this time, "We are honored to have you here. Mistress J'Mila is in her chamber and requests that you join her there."

"Thank you."

"I will show you the way. Follow me."

It surprised Deanna the level of humility displayed by the Klingon servants. She'd never before met a Klingon who bowed their head or averted their eyes from someone. It was as if they were a whole different type of people than the Klingons she knew. These were probably the commoners Worf had told her about.

The woman led her for what seemed like an eternity, but that was the case no matter where you went in this monstrosity of a house. Deanna laughed to herself, her mother would have been thoroughly impressed with Worf's social standing, even if it was in Klingon society. They rounded one last corner before coming to another set of ominous doors. The servant, Deanna really wished she knew her name, opened the doors and entered first.

"Mistress, forgive my intrusion. Your guest is here."

"Thank you," J'Mila was standing in front of a full length mirror adjusting her outfit. Deanna wondered if it were possible to pull her waistline any tighter or push her cleavage up any further, "You may go," J'Mila dismissed the servant without even looking at her.

"Good morning," Deanna said brightly.

"You know, I honestly did not think you would come," J'Mila replied still looking in her mirror. Now she was arranging her massive head of hair so that it sat on her shoulders just right.

"Why would you have thought that?"

"No reason," J'Mila said dismissively as she pulled black gloves onto her hands. She reached for a cup that sat on the table next to her, "Blood wine?"

"No, it's a little early for me, thank you."

"Very well then."

J'Mila's demeanor was quite different than it was when her husband and his brother had been there. Today, Deanna could sense the mild contempt that J'Mila had for her. She wanted nothing to do this Federation woman but she also knew that her role as Kurn's wife meant she had to deal with her. So she took another drink.

"In all honesty," Deanna began, "I did consider not coming. Worf tried to get me to stay at the embassy. But I care a great deal about him and Alexander and I want to learn more about this family."

That answer seemed to please her, "I appreciate your candor. If I suddenly found myself in your position I would hope to have to same courage you are showing right now."

"Thank you."

"So, where shall we begin…" J'Mila thought out loud.

"I would love to hear how you came to be part of the family."

J'Mila smiled, "Excellent. Why don't you have a seat so we can get better acquainted?" She motioned to a pair of black leather chairs across the room. As if by magic, another servant appeared and silently filled a pair of glasses. She then scurried over to the window and pulled back the dark heavy drapes to reveal another expansive view of the family's lands. Finally, she turned the chairs to face the windows before disappearing. As Deanna sat J'Mila handed her a drink, this time not bothering to ask if she wanted it, "You know, this is my favorite view from the house. As far as the eye can see belongs to the House of Mogh."

"Did you grow up in a family like this?"

"Even grander, if you can believe that," J'Mila began, "I am the daughter of Noprel, one of the most influential members of the High Council and a descendant of Klingon nobility with a lineage that goes a thousand years back. In addition to our considerable lands and fortune, my mother was fortunate enough to bare seven children for my father. I am their sixth."

It was clear that talking about herself was J'Mila's favorite topic and Deanna knew just how to stroke her ego, "Then you must have been perfectly suited for the life as a council member's wife."

"Yes, though being part of such a large family can have its disadvantages as well. My brothers will inherit everything and have already laid claim to that which is theirs. My options as a woman are solely based on who I marry. The only way to maintain my station in life was to find someone of similar station."

"So you married Kurn?" Deanna surmised.

"When Kurn joined the council there were those who opposed his presence, with his house having been previously disgraced and all. My father, however, admired his honor and courage. He took him under his wing and mentored him. I saw an opportunity and positioned myself in such a way that Kurn couldn't help but fall in love with me," she replied with a smirk, "And now I am married to a council member and the Mistress of his House. Quite the elevation in status for a sixth born daughter."

"Please, correct me if I am wrong as I am still learning all this," Deanna began, "But since Kurn is the younger son, technically Worf is the leader of the house is he not?"

That changed J'Mila's mood quickly, "Technically, yes."

"I see."

J'Mila shifted in her seat, "That would only be an issue if Worf decided to live on the Homeworld. And even then, I would think Worf would have enough respect for what Kurn and I have done in his absence to work with us and not usurp us," she narrowed her eyes, "I would hate for this House to ended up… divided."

Wow, Deanna thought, This woman meant business, "Oh, me too. Just as I am sure whomever Worf chooses to marry would defer to you."

"If that woman is of the Federation, like you, then yes. But if she is Klingon..." J'Mila took a drink, "I certainly would not step aside and allow the wife of my husband's younger brother to take my rightful place."

"I got the impression that Kurn wants Worf to stay…"

"You are a telepath are you not?"

"Empath," Deanna corrected her, slightly caught off guard by the question, "Which only means I can sense emo-"

"I know what it means… and you are correct, Kurn does want Worf to stay. Having his brother here and their family whole has been his desire since he discovered he had a brother," J'Mila lowered her voice and a look of despondency came over her, "He would hand all this over to Worf if it meant keeping him and Alexander here, no question."

It was clear J'Mila did not feel the same, but the profound respect she had for her husband kept her from saying so.

"Well, Worf is making plans to further his career in Starfleet so I don't think you have to worry about us intruding on the life you've built here."

"You are sure of this?"

"Yes. Though perhaps we need to make more time to visit."

"Visit. Yes, I think that would be best," J'Mila stood, "Come. I am meeting with the prospective wife of one of members of our House. You can accompany me."

The thing that surprised Deanna the most about being on the Klingon Homeworld was the opulence. They loved to fight and embraced death the way others embraced life, but they also loved tradition and formality. Tonight, as the Klingon consulate hosted the Orion diplomatic delegates, that tradition and formality was on display. There were opera singers, performers doing battle reenactments, and the wine and food seemed never ending.

These types of things made Worf uncomfortable. He was a soldier, an explorer, an officer, but not a diplomat. But Ambassador Olundu insisted he come and he didn't want to be rude. Both Deanna and Alexander seemed to be enjoying themselves, so that allowed him to hang back and hopefully go unnoticed. At least, as unnoticed as a Klingon in a Starfleet uniform could be.

The Ambassador, however, did notice him. She found her way to Worf's corner of the room, "You've been quiet all evening."

"This is not exactly my area of expertise."

"Well, I appreciate you coming nonetheless. You know, I think if you give it a chance you might find diplomacy a noble calling."

"One you seem eager for me to answer."

"It's not all banquets and dress uniforms. The experience and knowledge you have of both the Federation and the Empire would be invaluable around here.

Worf didn't respond.

"Think about it," she said sincerely, "If you'll excuse me."

Later that night after the celebration has ended, Worf, Deanna and Alexander headed back to their suite. It had been a long day for Alexander, Worf had taken him back to the First City and they toured all the most important historical sites. Deanna had spent the day at the consulate meeting with the resident counselor and discussing the nuances of performing his duties here. Alexander was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

As Worf closed the door to his room, Deanna spoke, "I think he had an amazing day. He couldn't stop talking about all the things you saw with him."

"I should have brought him here a long time ago. I think being here has been good for him."

She smiled, "We will definitely have to make more time to visit. I told J'Mila the same thing the other day."

"You have not said much about what happened between the two of you."

The two of them sat on the couch together, the lights of the city illuminated the view before them "Not much happened, really. She talked- a lot- and I listened. And learned."

"Learned?" Worf asked.

"I learned more about the responsibilities of running a Klingon House. She and Kurn seem to be very well suited for it," Deanna laughed a bit, "On the other hand, I cannot imagine you staying here and playing 'Lord of the Manor,' especially when you could be commander on a Starfleet ship."

"I could command a Klingon ship. As Kurn said, we have begun amassing our own fleet."

"How does that even work? They are Klingon Defense Force ships, yet they pledge allegiance to you and your brother?"

"The Defense Force actually owns very few ships itself. Most are part of personal fleets held by the noble and ruling houses such as our own. Our first duty is to the Empire, so personal fleets can be called into service at any time. But aside from that, they do the bidding of the House that oversees them."

"It seems like an unorganized way to run a military."

"It has worked for us for generations."

"I suppose," Deanna paused, "Though one thing was clear, J'Mila is not going to miss up when we go."

Worf frowned, "What do you mean by that?"

"Kurn may want you to stay, but she does not. She was defensive the entire time I was there, and all but threatened to split the house in two if you tried to take over."

"You must have been mistaken. J'Mila is an honorable woman, the epitome of what a Klingon woman should be. She has has done nothing but serve our House and Kurn is fortunate to have her."

Worf certainly thought highly of Kurn's wife, "Worf, I could sense it as plain as the ridges on her forehead."

"No one is infallible, not even you."

Now she could sense Worf's defensiveness, which was always there in part, but was growing right now, "I mean no disrespect. It's just kind of obvious, her position in the family is based on the fact that she and Kurn get to act as the leaders of your House even though that's your role. Kurn does not seem threatened by that at all, in fact he welcomes handing over some of the responsibility to you. But J'Mila…"

"Her position would only be challenged if I were to marry." Worf stated.

Deanna could feel an argument coming on and she had no desire for that. "It doesn't matter anyway, we both have positions waiting for us."

"I have not yet answered Captain Picard."

Her eyes widened, "Then you have put in for a transfer? You didn't mention to me-"

"I have not done that either," Worf answered, "I am going to request a leave of absence so that I can weigh my options."

"The option of going back to the Enterprise versus pursuing your own command?"

"Yes," Worf rose to his feet and went over to the window. He stood before it and spoke more to it than to her, "But also the option of staying here."

"When did you decide this?" Deanna whispered.

"I have not decided anything."

"But you're considering it?"

Worf turned slightly to face her, "It has been my goal to eventually return to the Empire my entire life, I just needed the right opportunity. This could be it."

"Worf, just last week we were talking about getting married. Now you're saying you might want to stay here? And you didn't think I might want to be in on that decision?"

"We were not discussing marriage, you were."

That took Deanna aback, "I was trying to come up with ways for us to stay together! You did not object at the time."

"Not saying no is not the same thing as saying yes. Just as I have not said either to my brother or to Ambassador Olundu."

"So we all get to exist in limbo while you take your sweet time finding yourself?"

Worf did not like being questioned, especially about his personal life. He had been trying to find himself since the day his parents were killed on Khitomer. It was all so very complicated, and right now he was resenting the fact that Deanna felt like she should have a say in what he did. It was hard enough for him making decisions for himself and his son, but adding her into the mix was too much, "Whatever I do next will impact the rest of my life. And not only mine but my son's and possibly yours as well. I cannot act hastily."

"I never knew that you wanted to come back here," she whispered, "And I should have known that."

"How could you have? It was I who never shared that with you."

"But if it's something you have wanted to do your entire life, shouldn't I have known it?"

"I am certain there are things about you that I do not know either."

Deanna was quiet. There definitely were, and that was part of the problem, "That's not a good thing, Worf."

Worf realized how upsetting this must be for her to hear. That wasn't his intent at all. He walked back to where she sat, and took a knee on the floor in front of her. He took her hand in his before speaking, "I care for you a great deal. As I said before, we can find a way to make this work between us, even if we are not living in the same place."

Deanna looked down at their hands and nodded. She had been here before. When Will got his assignment on the Pegasus, he chose it over her. He promised her they'd make it work, because he cared for her. And of course, they never did. He had been willing to sacrifice what they had for himself, and now Worf was about to do the same.

Deanna Troi activated the monitor on the desk in their suite at the embassy. A familiar face appeared and regardless of all they'd been through, his smile always made her smile.

"Will. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You are on tough lady to find, Deanna. I had to use all my command level clearances to track you down only to find you in the last place I'd think to look. What in the world are you doing at the Federation Embassy on the Klingon Homeworld?"

"I'm here with Worf and Alexander."

"You told me you were going to see his family on Earth, no Qo'noS."

"He has more than one family."

Riker's brow furrowed with worry, "How are you doing? The Klingon Homeworld can be a very rough place. Are you okay?"

"Yes, Will, I'm fine. Is that why you called, worried I found myself on the losing end of a bat'leth match or something?"

"I called because as the executive officer of the Enterprise-E crew assignments are my responsibility and I haven't heard back from you, or Worf for that matter. Planning to set up housekeeping there with him?" Will asked with a playful smirk, though deep down he was terrified the answer would be yes.

Deanna's heart sank, "So you're returning to the Enterprise?"

"Well don't sound so excited. I have said a dozen times, I'd rather be second in command on the flagship than the leader of some no name cruiser."

She knew what that meant, then; Worf would most likely not go back, "I figured after all these years Captain Picard would have convinced you to move on."

"Then he'd have to pick a new first officer."

She didn't say anything.

"Wait a minute…" Will was piecing this together. Deanna and Worf were the only ones who had not committed, but hadn't applied for transfers either, "Does Worf want it?"

"I, I can't speak for Worf," Deanna stammered.

"Sure you can."

"Well, even if he did you'll never give it up so what does it matter?" Deanna replied, her voice showing her exasperation.

"So then what are you going to do?"

"I… I don't know yet. It depends."

"On what Worf does." Will stated.

"On several things."

"Deanna," Will shook his head, "So you're willing to just pick up and go where he goes then? Regardless of what it means for your career? Tell me, would he do the same for you?"

That surprised her, "What?"

"Granted, an officer like Worf could probably command a good posting but still. You're willing to follow him, but would he follow you?"

"You're reading too much into all this. Worf has not committed to returning to the Enterprise because he is weighing all this options, that's it."

"And why haven't you? What better posting for a ship's counselor is there than the flagship?"

"I am weighing my options as well."

Riker sighed, "I'm gonna miss you like crazy if you go someplace else. I don't know what I'll do without having you here."

Even across the light years of subspace, Deanna could feel the desperation in Will's voice. He was truly afraid of losing her. What surprised her was that she felt the same way, she really didn't want to be away from him. They might not be together anymore but they were friends and she didn't want to be without that relationship. She could talk to Will in ways that she couldn't with anyone, even Worf. He knew her more intimately than anyone in the galaxy and she would miss that connection greatly if it were gone.

"I would miss you too," she admitted.

"Dammit," he said as he pounded the desk, "You know, I could get Captain Picard to order you back," Will was grasping at whatever he could.

"You could," she replied cooly.

His large shoulders sagged, "No, I wouldn't do that to you. And neither would the Captain."

Deanna was silent.

"Do you love him, Deanna?"

Deanna's lips parted to reply, but no words came.

"Do you love him?" Will repeated.

"You have no right to ask me something so personal," she finally said.

"Just tell me how in love you two are and I'll leave it alone."

"I am not the same young girl you met all those years ago," Deanna huffed, "The decisions I make now are based on more than fleeting passion. I need more than that and I have to think about my future."

"That means no, you don't, but Worf is safe. Loyal to a fault even. I suppose the fact that you feel you need to cling to someone like him is my fault."

"Leave it to you to find a way to make my relationship with Worf all about you."

"Isn't it, though?"

His words hung in the air like a ton of bricks. Will Riker always knew just what to say to push her buttons. Moments before she was thinking about how much she'd miss him, and now it was all she could do not to hit the 'end transmission' button, "I need to go. I will contact you shortly to give you my decision."

With one quick motion, she did hit that button and the screen went black. What upset her most wasn't simply what Will said, it was that what he said was right.

The Ambassador Curzon Dax suite at the Federation Embassy was quiet. Alexander had gone to bed and Worf assumed Deanna had as well. As he sat on the couch and looked around, Worf wondered if the grandeur of this suite was a reflection of the person it was named after. His gaze eventually settled on the windows in front of him. It was as if the First City was framed like a life sized painting before him. He'd come here hoping to gain some perspective on what he wanted his next move to be, yet now he felt more uncertain than ever.

Deanna was in the other room, but she wasn't asleep. She'd dressed for bed, but instead sat on the edge of it thinking. She'd come here to Qo'noS wanting to gain some perspective on what the future would hold for she and Worf. Deanna had to first ask herself what was it that she really wanted. She and Worf's relationship has progressed almost methodically; they were colleagues, then friends, then very good friends, then they began dating, then lovers, and now… what? What did she want to happen next? If they were still together on the Enterprise things could go on like this indefinitely. But they weren't. The question was, was what they had strong enough to make it through the state of limbo their lives were in right now? Or was it time to just call it and move on?

She stood slowly and walking into the living area where Worf sat. Even as her footsteps brought her closer to him and she sat down next to him Deanna still wasn't sure what she was going to say until it came out of her mouth, "Worf… I think it's time for me to go."

Worf seemed almost unfazed by her words, as if he were expecting them. His gaze remained fixed on the city in front of him.

"You have some big decisions to make and I am worried that your desire to do the honorable thing by me is standing in the way of doing what is best for you. You're too good of a man to tell me to leave, so I'm doing it for you."

Worf looked down at his hands, "Deanna, I-"

She put her hand up, "Please, don't deny it, You need your space to sort through all this. And, let's face it, I don't belong here anymore than you would on Betazed."

Worf smirked, "On that we can agree," he paused, "Is that where you're going?"

She nodded, "There's a transport ship leaving for Starbase 34 tomorrow morning. I can get to Betazed easily from there."

"How long will you stay?"

"I don't know... How long will you stay here?" Deanna countered.

"What if," Worf took a breath before continuing, "What if I decide to stay here permanently?"

Deanna put on the best smile she could as she reached up and stroked his hair fondly, "If we are meant to be, then we will find a way back to each other."

Silence.

"Deanna, our time together has meant a lot to me. I had closed myself off to the idea of being with someone but you have shown me that it is still possible for me. I will forever be grateful for that."

He is saying goodbye, Deanna thought to herself, and not just for now.

"This doesn't have to be the end, Worf. We are just putting things on hold for now."

"I know... but I feel it needs to be said nonetheless. I have valued what we have a great deal."

Worf's emotions were clear as a bell right now- he felt relieved. That in itself made tears well in Deanna's eyes, tears she did her best to hold back. There was no fighting, no pleading, and no impassioned appeals to make things work between them. She said she was leaving and he said okay. Deanna had expected him to object maybe just a little bit.

"As have I."

"Will you be returning to the Enterprise when it is completed?"

Just then she knew that's what he wanted her to do. The plan to get married and apply for a new post elsewhere had been her idea, not his. It wasn't what he wanted and if she was being honest with herself if wasn't what she wanted either.

"Yes, yes I will. I hope you will as well."

Worf was quiet. He couldn't answer her and she didn't expect him to.

"Alexander is not going to be happy about this," Worf said offhandedly.

Everything between them always seemed to come back to Alexander. Deanna placed her hand on his knee, "You are his father. You will know what to do."

"You have been such a help to me with him. We could not have come as far as I have without you."

Deanna lowered his eyes, "I sometimes think our shared concern for him is what brought us together," she said quietly.

Judging by her tone, Worf determined that Deanna wasn't thrilled about the truth of what she just said. He knew he needed to find a way to reassure her that they would have come together on their own regardless. But he couldn't because she was right.

"What time does your transport leave tomorrow?"

"Early. I should probably get some sleep."

Worf nodded, "You take the bed. I will sleep here."

Deanna's eyes widened, "Are you sure?"

"I insist."

Deanna rose to her feet and Worf did as well out of respect, "Well then, good night Worf."

"Good night."

The tension between the two of them was palpable. She needed to touch him, hug him, something to let her know this hadn't all been for naught. Surprisingly, it was Worf that made the first move. His large frame loomed over hers as he stepped closer to her. Worf reached for her, pulling her into him and bending to kiss her mouth gently. When their lips parted, Deanna took a few steps backward before whispering good night one last time.