Chapter 6

Author's note: I never liked how Alexander's absence, then reappearance, on DS9 was handled. When we last saw him and his father on TNG, their relationship was improving. Then we were led to believe that somehow all fell apart without any explanation. With this chapter, I wanted to establish what could have happened to put a wedge between the two of them.

Dear Alexander,

I am going to be going away for a while. I have decided to use the free time that we have while awaiting our next assignment to visit with my mother. I am certain she'll be excited to hear how much you have grown and matured! I am sorry that I did not get to say goodbye in person, my transport left early and I did not want to wake you. It may be some time before we see each other again but please know that you can always call or write me whenever you'd like. Take this time to get to know your culture, it means a lot to your father and I think when you are older you'll be happy that you did. Know that I am always thinking of you.

-Deanna

Alexander read the note Counselor Troi left for him three times. It sounded like a break-up letter, not that he'd ever received on of those. He had a dozen questions, but they all led back to one answer- his father. His father must have sent her away. There is no other reason that Deanna would have left so hastily.

The young Klingon boy looked around his room in the suite they'd been occupying for a little over a week. He had to admit, he kind of liked being here. He never thought much of all this "Klingon stuff" but this hadn't been bad. That said, this was not his home and Alexander was ready to know what his father was planning for them next.

Worf sat at the desk of the suite; he was focusing intently on whatever was on the display screen in front of him. He looked up when he saw Alexander enter the room, "Alexander, you are awake. There are some things we need to discuss."

"I know about Counselor Troi." Alexander stated.

"You do?"

He held up the padd in his hand, "She wrote to me. What is going on?"

"I have decided that you and I will spend the remainder of our time on Qo'noS at our family's home."

"What?!" the boy exclaimed, "Why? For how long? When did you decide this? Is this why Counselor Troi left?"

"Counselor Troi's departure is none of your concern."

"None of my concern? She's the only person from home that's been with us since the Enterprise was destroyed and I'm not supposed to be concerned that she's gone?"

Worf had been dreading this conversation all night. Deanna was usually the person who would help him navigate sensitive topics with his son but, she was gone.

"It is not your place to question what goes on between she and I," Worf knew Deanna would not have approved of that response, but the reality was he couldn't explain what he didn't quite understand himself.

Alexander could feel the anger rising in his chest. He clenched his small fists into tight balls, "I hate when you get like this."

"Excuse me?"

"Why can't you talk to me? Why can't you just answer a question like a normal person?"

"A Klingon does not have to explain himself to his child."

Alexander groaned, "Here we go. Is that why she left? She wasn't Klingon enough for all this?"

Now it was Worf's whose anger rose, "Take care how you speak to me, Alexander..." he warned.

"Did you send her away so we could go live at Kurn's house?"

"No," Worf answered honestly, "I did not."

"Then what happened!?"

"I will not answer to you!" Worf jumped to his feet and barked in frustration, "Now ready your belongings so we can go!"

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"You and I will never work without Deanna. I am not going anywhere with you without her."

Worf looked at the boy who stood half his height and had the nerve to glare up at his own father like he was his equal. Worf knew he was right, Deanna was the glue that held their fragile relationship together. He had made great strides with his son, but only because of her guidance and counsel. Without it he was lost.

"She is gone," Worf calmed his voice and tried to reply compassionately, "And I am sorry for that."

"Then I am going too."

Now it was Worf's turn to be surprised, "What did you say?"

"I am not staying here and living out your Klingon dreams. We need to get back to our real lives. If you won't then I will."

"And where do you think you'll go?"

"Back to Grandmother and Grandfather."

Worf shook his head, "They are in no position to raise another child, she said so years ago."

"I'm older now, I can take care of myself. If not there, I'll find somewhere else to go. You can send me to a boarding school, you've been trying to get rid of me since my mother died anyway."

Worf's anger was being replaced by despair, "I do not want to send you away, Alexander. I want to show you the possibilities for our life here."

"No. I'm not staying here any longer," Alexander could be just as stubborn as his mother once was. And just like with his mother, Worf's patience for it was short.

"Fine. If that is what you wish, I will arrange transport."

"Fine."

"When I have decided where our next home will be, I will send for you."

"Fine."

Alexander turned on his heel and went back to his room.

"This is a good thing, brother. A very good thing."

Worf and Kurn stood together on the rear balcony of the house that was once the Duras' but now was theirs. They stood side by side, the expansive view of their lands before them. The sun was setting in the distance, creating brilliant colors in the sky.

"I have been away for too long," Worf admitted.

"You are here now. We will begin first thing tomorrow morning granting you security access to all our systems. I will arrange briefings with all the commanders of our various holdings to bring you up to speed on each one of them. It will take time to integrate you into the daily workings of our House, in addition to our council duties, but I am honored to finally have you by my side."

Worf swallowed. He did not want to admit to his younger brother that it was all somewhat overwhelming. The idea that they had "holdings" and "systems" was daunting. But this was what it meant to be the leader of a Great House. It was not just a title, there was a lot that went into it.

"Your son will one day join us," Kurn said hopefully, "It may take him time, the same way it did for you, but he will take his rightful place. And I pray that I will soon have my own sons and daughters to stand beside him."

Worf bristled at the mention of Alexander, but he said nothing. He knew Kurn meant well.

"Kurn, might I have a moment please?"

The men turned to see J'Mila standing behind them. Her eyes briefly lowered respectfully when Worf looked at her.

"Of course, my love. Excuse us, Brother."

The two walked into the house and down one of the long corridors, "Has Worf decided to stay with us permanently?" She asked.

"He has not said, but I think it is inevitable. He is understandably troubled over his son's decision to leave."

"A Klingon father should not have given his son the choice," J'Mila replied.

"Worf has lived a life and undergone hardships I cannot imagine. Integrating into this life will not be easy for him. Do not be so quick to judge."

"Yes, of course," she took a breath, "That is why I wanted to speak with you. Perhaps I can be helpful with that."

"How so?"

"Well," she began, choosing her words carefully, "The Federation woman… I imagine she still occupies at least a part of Worf's thoughts…"

"Yes, I imagine so."

"Perhaps he needs something to take his mind off her, and put his focus where it belongs."

"What did you have in mind?"

"It would not take long for a Klingon woman to make him forget all about her and ensure that he wanted to be nowhere else but here," J'Mila replied with a smirk.

"Yes, yes, I agree," Kurn replied, "Do you have someone in mind?"

"I do."

Kurn stopped walking and faced his wife, "J'Mila, I know what this will mean for you. If Worf stays here and marries, his wife will by rights take on the role you have assumed."

Of course she knew that, that's exactly why she was doing this. If he stayed, Worf finding a Klingon mate was inevitable. If she left it to chance, J'Mila would find herself subordinate to whomever he fell for. But if she chose who that person was, then she could maintain the upper hand. J'Mila knew exactly the kind of woman that needed to be. Not a high born woman like herself, but someone so in awe and overwhelmed with their lifestyle that she'd have to defer to J'Mila's counsel.

"My loyalty is to the House of Mogh and not to myself," J'Mila answered, "It is an honor serving this House in whatever my role might be. I do not do it for personal glory."

Kurn smiled, then leaned forward to kiss her forehead, "How I managed to marry a woman as loyal and honorable as you I will never know."

The best seats in the opera house were reserved for the Chancellor and members of the High Council. When they took their seats, the rest of the audience gave them a rousing applause. J'Mila and Kurn stepped forward and waved to the crowds below. Worf hung back, not at all accustomed to this level of attention.

Worf tried to concentrate; Barak Kadan was performing and he had never heard him live before. However, his attention was taken by the woman J'Mila had introduced him to not long after he moved into their house, the woman who sat next to him tonight. Her name was Lirana and J'Mila had been more excited about her than Worf had seen her about anything. Worf knew what they were doing- they wanted to take his mind off Deanna Troi by putting a Klingon woman in front of him. Worf, not wanting to be rude, engaged in small talk with her, sat next to her at dinner and offered her his hand as they climbed the steps to their seats tonight.

The last few weeks were like a blur for Worf. Each day, Kurn introduced him to someone knew. They went over books and balance sheets, crew manifests and property deals. He met a litany of people he knew he'd never remember. They settled disputes among both their fleet commanders and High Council members. He barely had time to think about anything, let alone Deanna. She'd written him to let him know she made it to Betazed safely. He told her he'd moved to Kurn's- his - house and that he was doing well. He left out the fact that Alexander had gone back to Earth.

And now he was sitting in the best seats of the best opera house listening to the best singer in the entire Empire with a beautiful young woman sitting next to him, a woman he knew would do just about anything to be his wife.

And he couldn't bring himself to be happy about any of it.

"Mistress J'Mila, please come in," Lirana bowed respectfully and stepped aside so J'Mila could enter her home, "I apologize, I was not expecting you."

J'Mila entered the small home that was inhabited by Lirana, her father and her four younger siblings. Lirana's mother had died giving birth to the last one and the family struggled on these lands for years. Lirana shooed the littles ones away and pulled out a chair for J'Mila. She took a seat, trying her best not to show her distain at having to bring herself to such a place.

"No apologies are needed. Did you enjoy the opera last week?"

"Oh yes, Mistress, very much. I could never have dreamed of visiting the opera house in the First City. To be there with you all, it was an honor."

"Have you seen Worf since then?"

"Yes," she nodded quickly, "He came here once. He asked quite a few questions about how we live and what exactly it is our family does for yours- for his I mean."

J'Mila frowned, "Did the two of you spend any time together?"

"Yes, ma'am," Lirana nodded quickly, "I showed him some of the farming equipment that father and I help to maintain when I am not caring for the children."

"Farming equipment?" J'Mila sighed. Perhaps she'd stooped too low with this one. J'Mila would most certainly be able to control her, but she might be too simple to catch Worf's eyes, "Do you remember what we discussed when I first came to you?"

"Yes, I do. You said that your husband's brother was living here now and was looking for a wife but that he was not very good with women and would need some help."

"That's right. And if he chooses you, then you'd be the wife of a noble and high-born Klingon. Almost equal to me."

"Yes ma'am."

"Do you think talks of farming equipment will make that happen?"

Lirana shook her head, "No ma'am."

J'Mila sighed, "Tomorrow night we are having a banquet at our home. I will send for you beforehand so that you can get ready for it in my chambers," J'Mila stood and spoke directly to her, "You are a beautiful girl, Lirana. If you are willing to do what it takes, you will have no worries for the rest of your life. Your father and your siblings will all live to a standard you can only dream of. If you do what it takes. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"Good. I will see you tomorrow."

"I think you and I will have the most glorious women of the night on our arms," Kurn said to his brother. Worf could see J'Mila coming towards them in the distance with Lirana trying her best to keep up the pace beside her.

"It would seem so," Worf replied flatly.

"What do you think of Lirana?"

"She is... young."

"Which means there could be many years of children ahead for you. J'Mila is always thinking of the future of this family, you know."

"Lirana has much to learn about our way of life," Worf paused, "Then again, so do I," he added quietly.

J'Mila and Lirana stood before them, "Good evening," J'Mila began, "Worf, I truly hope everything I have planned for this evening pleases you. This is a celebration of you being back home where you belong," she glanced at Lirana, "And I do mean everything."

"You have been most welcoming to me, I cannot thank you enough."

"Your presence here is enough. Let us get ready, our guests should begin arriving shortly.

Worf had seen Klingon parties before, but they were mostly the drunken revelry of soldiers celebrating battle. This was entirely different. Not that the blood wine didn't flow freely- it did, numerous vintages- but this was a sampling of all the best of Klingon nobility. And all of them were here for him. It did not take long for every corner of the house to be filled. The hypocrisy of how many of these people watched him face discommendation in the council chambers just six years ago was not lost on him. Now they were drinking in his house like they liked him.

Lirana clung to him like a frightened child, and in all honesty he was glad to have her there. Tending to her distracted him from everything else going on, "If I have not told you tonight how amazing you look, then I have been remiss."

She blushed and lowered her eyes nervously, "Thank you. I must admit, I have never done anything like this. My friends couldn't believe I was coming here as a guest and not a servant."

"I am not exactly accustomed to these things myself," Worf admitted.

"We could go someplace quiet," Lirana began, "Perhaps continue to get to know one another."

Worf looked down into her innocent eyes. If he had to picture the most quintessentially beautiful Klingon women he'd ever seen, it would be Lirana. In that regard, J'Mila had chosen well. He could not help but be attracted to her, even if they had virtually nothing in common.

The two of them stepped out onto that expansive terrace that was quickly becoming Worf's favorite part of the house. The view of the estate was quite different at night, the small houses in the distance were like little points of light dotting the black landscape.

"It looks very different from here," she whispered.

"Which one is yours?" Worf asked.

"It is hard to tell…probably that one," Lirana said, pointing toward the right.

"Have you ever left Qo'noS?" Worf asked her.

She laughed, "Until I went to the opera last week with you I'd never even left this province."

"Would you, if you could?"

"Up there?" she asked, pointing towards the stars, "Oh no. This is my home. If I had to I suppose I would, but just being here is all I need."

Worf was quiet.

"Do you miss it? Traveling amongst the stars?" Lirana asked.

"Yes, I do," he admitted for the first time, "Up there, I know what to do."

"Perhaps you will again," she said, "After all, your family owns many ships."

"Yes, yes we do," Worf replied.

"For some reason, I think it is more than the stars that you miss."

"My son… and someone else as well."

"A woman," she answered for him.

Worf was caught off guard by her direct response, "Um, well, I…"

Lirana took his hand in hers and brought her body close to his, "I know that I am not her. But I also know that it was she who chose to leave you, something a Klingon woman would never do. My loyalty is without question. My home is here, and my place is by your side, if you will have me."

Again Worf looked into her eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. He looked back towards the party; the music and the laughter were growing louder by the minute. The doors to the terrace opened and the celebration began to spill onto their private spot.

"Not so quiet anymore," she said with a smile.

Worf's gaze rested on Lirana's face once again. This was everything he'd ever wanted. The position, the respect, the family, the woman. If you had told him as a boy, struggling the make it on a cold foreign world while surrounded by aliens that this would one day be his life, he would never have believed it. Worf could feel his heart pounding nervously in his chest. This was what he'd wanted and yet… he couldn't silence the doubt that kept creeping back in.

No, he said to himself, I deserve this. All of this.

"I know of another place," Worf said, "Come with me…"

Out of the corner of her eye, J'Mila could see Worf and Lirana quietly escaping toward the direction of his bed chamber. She ordered one of the servants to deliver food and freshly chilled blood wine to his room, and not to let their glasses empty.

Worf could really go for a glass of prune juice right now. In Ten-Forward. Maybe he'd stand at the window, gazing out and pretending he wanted to be alone, yet at the same time being grateful for Guinan's insightful banter. Those days were gone, and would probably never return again.

Instead, he sat in this monstrosity of a house, the signs of last night's raucous party all around him. Even at that early hour, servants were already working to put everything back the way it had been before. The air felt stale, so Worf decided to find his favorite spot on the terrace one more time. It was very early, and the rising sunshine cast long shadows at his feet. Sunrise here was breathtaking. Almost as good as the view from Ten-Forward.

"So, what did you think?"

Kurn's voice bellowed from behind Worf, who kept his gaze focused on the horizon, "It is clear that you have made quite an impression on the other Great Houses of the Empire. That they would all gather to celebrate here is remarkable."

"I do it in our name, for the glory of our House. The honor is never my own."

Spoken like the perfect younger brother. Worf shook his head, "No, this is all yours. I cannot share the credit."

"Then at least take joy in it," Kurn replied, "You seem to last night…"

Worf tensed, his hands clutched the railings tightly.

"I didn't expect to see you up this early. Has Lirana left already?" Kurn continued.

Worf sighed. Kurn clearly knew what happened so there was no use denying it, "No."

"Then what are you doing out here?"

"I… was not myself last night. I let the festivities and the blood wine go to my head."

Kurn laughed, "Is that your way of saying you were drunk and now you regret the woman you took to your bed?"

Worf was not used to speaking of such things so freely. But Kurn was his brother, and moreover, he was right, "Yes."

He laughed again, "Oh well. Hopefully you had some fun at least."

"My actions were self-serving and were without honor. I am ashamed of how I allowed myself to behave. A Klingon does not-"

"Where exactly do you get all these Klingon platitudes? I do not think a single one of us could live up to the standards you hold for yourself."

Worf was quiet for a long while before speaking, "If I did not have all this, if I were just Lieutenant Commander Worf, firing phasors for Captain Picard, do you think that woman would be in my bed right now?"

"Worf, what are you talking about?"

"This," he outstretched his hand, "All this defines who were are now. Would Lirana have bothered dressing herself up to be a miniature version of your wife had it not been for all this?"

"This is who were are now, Worf."

"Those people last night… How many of them were part of the lie that cost our father his name, and almost cost me my life?"

"Is that what this is about?" Kurn asked, "Are you still angry with them? I am not in love with any of them myself, but I know in order to maintain all this, I have to play by their rules."

"Play… it is all just a game, is it not? How long will this last? How long before we fall out of their favor again? And what then?" Worf ranted, "If all of this were gone, what would become of Lirana? Or J'Mila for that matter."

Kurn narrowed his eyes, "You question my wife's loyalty to our House?"

"No, not at all. I know she is loyal to this House. And to the servants and the position and the status. But is she loyal to you? Would she be with you if this were all gone?"

"You regretting taking Lirana to your bed is one thing, but dishonoring my wife is quite another!" Kurn's voice rose in defense of his wife, "She brought Lirana to you to try to help you get over the Federation woman and to show you what could be yours if you'd just open yourself up to the possibilities. If you didn't like her, fine. There are others."

"No," Worf shook his head, "I must face what I have done with her. Her family will expect that we take The Oath."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. As much as her father would love to have his daughter marry into a great House, he would not dare challenge you on it. They are low born and we are noble. Marry her if you want to, but it is not expected."

"So because she is a commoner, her honor has no meaning?"

Kurn frowned, "That is the way of things and Lirana knew that when she went to your bedchamber. If it will make you feel better, her father has a lot of debt owed to us. I will dismiss it as a favor from you."

"So instead her honor has a price?"

Kurn was getting impatient, "Or you can marry her. It will satisfy your honor, she will be Mistress of a Great House and you will be miserable. Which is what I think you prefer anyway."

The two stood there in another long silence before Worf spoke again, "I do not belong here," he finally admitted, though more to the sunrise than to Kurn.

"Yes, Worf, you do. You always have," Kurn placed his hand on his brother's shoulder, "It pains me to hear you say otherwise. You have been away since you were just a small boy. The only way to overcome that is to simply be here now. Perhaps Lirana was too much, too fast. J'Mila and I meant no disrespect by bringing her to you."

Kurn had a deep affection for his older brother that Worf didn't truly understand. They had only known each other for six years, not a lifetime like most brothers. Kurn challenged Worf when they first met and even though Kurn had long moved past that, Worf always felt like he had something to prove to his younger brother.

"I want to belong. I always have," Worf admitted, allowing himself to be more vulnerable than he ever had with his brother.

"Our father would want you here, living the life that he could not."

Worf shook his head, "My own son does not even want to be here."

"You must make him. He is unsure, just as you are. But Alexander is Klingon, I have seen the call of the warrior in his eyes. In time, you both will realize there is no other place where you truly belong."

Starfleet. The Enterprise. Deanna Troi. He'd have to leave all that behind if he stayed.

"You are thinking of the Federation woman," Kurn said definitively.

Worf let his silence be his answer.

"There are other woman Worf," Kurn repeated, "Women who would do anything for the honor of being your wife. Women who would bear you many children."

"I need… time."

"More than you have had?"

"I need a place where I can focus…" Worf thought a moment, "I will go to Boreth."

"Boreth? The monastery?"

"Time there will allow me to focus myself free of any…" Worf looked back towards the house, "Distractions."

Kurn laughed, knowing full well the distractions Worf was alluding to, "Very well, Brother. You take as long as you need to freeze at that monastery. Your home will be waiting when you are ready."

Worf contacted his parents and told them of his plan to go to Boreth. He asked if Alexander could finish the school term there with them. They were happy to have him, things were going better this time than when he'd lived with them as a young child. His parents did not ask about Deanna, which meant they had to know she was gone and didn't want to upset him by prying.

Deanna. She was on Betazed finishing out her leave by training some Starfleet Academy prospects. Worf started to call her three times but couldn't bring himself to do it. He was worried she'd somehow sense that he'd been with another woman. He decided that writing her would be better. He started that more times than he could count but could ever find the right words.

By the time Captain Benjamin Sisko of Deep Space Nine called for him to serve on a special assignment, an assignment that would ultimately change the course of his life, Worf still hadn't finished that letter.