Chapter II: Disappear
If I begged and even if I cried, would you stay tonight? Would it change anything at all?
If I'm being honest with myself, none of the things I have longed for has given me any light.
I mostly feel like there is no hope at all, as if it as all just a figment of my imagination.
I stare at your dark eyes.
You give me a solid blank expression, as always.
I can't help it though, my heart stays faithful to only you. After five years, I can't let go.
Though when I think about it, we don't have a lot in comment. And every memory of me with you, makes me cringe. I swallow uncomfortable and stare at my feet dangling over the railing of the balcony.
The silence doesn't seem to bother you.
Sometimes I wonder if you are truly the answer to all my problems. But I've waited for you for so long…
I turn my head, nervously tucking a few lose strands of hair behind my ear.
I see you looking at me.
'How is the world?' I eventually ask. I wish hadn't sound so sarcastic when asking. Or was it more anger that was hiding in my voice? Either way, it made me sound like typical plain old Sakura.
'I've met interesting people,' he simply answered.
How are you, Sakura? I ask myself when he doesn't. My eyes wander over the city before me. Lights, excitement was filling the night sky.
I'm miserable, I answer myself. I hate being alone after all this time. I hate doing the same thing over and over, every single day. I hate coming home and find no one waiting for me. I hate the glimpse of my reflection in mundane objects when catch myself waiting for you…
As I say all of this in my mind, I catch you looking at a group of people. Probably out of boredom. Or perhaps you sincerely don't know how to act around me.
'I've been given a task by Kakashi,' you say out of the blue, 'I accepted it…'
'Oh,' I bring out, not quite sure how I'm supposed to react to that. I can't bare another cringe scene of me telling you not to go. I bit my lip, finally letting the angry thoughts go.
Inside my head makes an assumption. Perhaps I will never be able to share anything with you.
Like you have never done with me.
Because when I think about it…
I don't think I ever really cared. Most of the time I just closed my eyes and ignore the far more dark part of your existence.
When I was younger… I was too consumed with myself. Too consumed with other more frivolous matters to care about any of it. And as I grew older, I just wanted you to understand I wasn't as hollow as I came off, that a part of me did love you and wanted to understand you.
And now that we are here and I don't know if… if it is enough. If what I have to offer you is enough.
'I'm leaving tomorrow morning,' you then tell me. Your dark eyes bore into mine, leaving me speechless.
Why can't you be hideous and uninteresting?
Silence lingers long in the air but I don't care. I don't know what to answer you. I have a vow now.
A vow of me telling myself that I will not chase after you. I will not go after you. You will come to me. You will want me.
And you would tell me.
'Good,' I answer faking a smile. 'Naruto would be upset to see you leave during his birthday-party!'
I turn around and jump off the ledge. He isn't that much taller than me. I can tell he can tell I'm lying.
My mind points out that the fact that though he notices, he doesn't say anything about it.
As I leave to go back to the party, I hear your footsteps following me. That used to make me smile. A genuine smile not like the one I had just faked. Yet I can feel my lips not moving a muscle.
Somewhere along the years it had disappeared without notice. Just like you did the next morning.
I don't know about the pairing yet…