Chapter 33 - Eric's POV
Jeanine had left and I had stepped away for something that I had thought might help with her being sad.
"Have you had your cheat for the day?" I ask her sitting next to her.
She snorted and shook her head. "No I failed on the cheat day or cheat meals all together so far. Old habits die a bit hard I guess."
I put down two plates of chocolate cake and smile. "Then you can join me in having a piece." I hand her a fork that she takes and smiles at me nodding.
"Thank you."
We sit eating cake for a few minutes and I watch as Caleb and Tris come back into the Pit area and take the table across from us and have some cake too. Caleb smiles at Raven and from across our two tables does a mock cheers. She rolls her eyes then laughs and he does too before turning back to talk to Tris.
"Are you sure he doesn't have a thing for you?" I ask frowning.
Her brow furrows and frowns. "I don't think so. We just became friends when he first went to Erudite. He sort of became Aunt Genie's protégé of sorts, and he would have lunches with me at Headquarters or in her home. I helped him hide there." She leans closer and says that last bit much quieter.
I frown surprised. "I didn't think he was…does Tris know?"
She shook her head. "He hasn't told anyone I think. It wasn't something he liked talking about because he gave Tris a hard time for not fitting in with Abnegation. He wasn't proud of how he treated her because he already felt he had a home in Erudite. He could have gone here or there. She was always more Dauntless in spirit and he ridiculed her because he found himself superior. I think he was just jealous because she was sure of her place and he wasn't. He didn't know who he should be. He is where he belongs but it took him forgiving himself to let him see that."
"Why do you call her Aunt Genie? It's been bugging me all morning." I rolled my eyes and she laughed. I moved a bit closer to her, still soaking her up. That she is willing to sit here with me and smile or laugh is a miracle.
"Aladdin. I saw her as my Genie because she was setting me free and it was a play on her name. So she became my Genie and I became her Little Bird because even at 7 I was using Raven." She smiles as she eats more cake and I smile and nod. I can see that and it is such a Raven thing to do. She changed her own name because of the significance so of course she would for her beloved Aunt.
"I can see it. I could hear your love for each other. You have to know how odd it was for me seeing her like she is with you. Growing up in Erudite, Jeanine Matthews is kind of known as the Dragon Lady. Her showing you emotion at all is beyond me. I didn't believe you Raven. About what she was up to. But I never doubted you or hated you. " I sigh and try to show her every ounce of regret and apology I am feeling right now. "If anything I hated myself. One day if you want to know, I will tell you. But it isn't pretty." I frowned and she nodded.
"Oh she can still be the dragon lady; she just has the other side too. Her and Silas didn't have the greatest examples of parents and just like with me you learn the behaviors that you are brought up in. She said when my mom placed me in her arms something that had been broken clicked back into place. I wasn't hers though and…it hurt her to be around me for a while. It hurt her more to be kept away so when she found out I needed her or something or I wouldn't survive she stopped fighting that part of herself." She smiles as something and then looks at me seriously. "I don't need to hear about your past Eric, you aren't your past. It can shape us but it doesn't define us unless we let it."
"It was nice. I guess to see something more than bad memories and self-hate when I looked at her." I say softly.
"I am glad it helped then." She smiled and laughed as I saw a flash of red and yellow barrel towards her and leap out and launch his little body at her. She scooped the little boy up and held him close.
"Rayvn!" Astrid's little brother Jeff started placing sloppy kisses all over Raven's face and hugged her close.
"How is my Doodle bug?" She asks him and places him on the table in front of her and smooths the blonde hair from his face.
"I wan the sicle course like you Rayvn. But daddy said I couldn't touch the guns or knives yet." He pouted and she laughed. I smiled, loving watching this side of her.
"You still I have the wooden sword I made you? She asked him seriously.
He nodded and pointed behind is back vaguely as he spoke. "Yes but Daddy, he said I couldn't swing the sward no more cause he wanted more babies. Mommy said that I should swing the sward more because I is a handful."
I couldn't help it I broke out in laughter and he looked over me with wide blue eyes and leaned in to do his version of a whisper, which meant it was pretty loud. "Is he a giant Rayvn?"
She bites her lip to keep from smiling and address him seriously. "Not the kind from the stories."
Jeff frowns "Is he mean?"
She shrugs "Am I nice?" I find myself intrigued because she doesn't try and sugar coat things she wants him to think and discover on his own.
He thinks for a minute "Sometimes you aren't bery nice." He looks over to me and his blue eyes look as if they are searching for some the answer to some mystery. He gives a nod "Jeff" He says and holds out his hand.
I quirk an eyebrow and smile, I told out my hand and take his small one into my own "Eric." I always loved kids but they never took to me after I got into my teens. Maybe because I turned bitter or because I just looked mean. This kid is already growing on me.
Jeff jerks my hand up and down in a handshake and then lets go and wraps his arms around Raven's neck and hugs her close and closes his eyes. "You don't sneak and help me sleep anymore Rayvn. You taught me to fight the shadows men. What if they come back? I might forget the words to the songs." Oh yeah that kid is trouble. Astrid's behind her lets me know she at least made a suggestion to him.
Raven sighs and closes her eyes. "You know your sister should not send toddlers to do big girls jobs dammit."
Astrid gasps and Raven smiles bit keeps her eyes closed. "Like not sending her baby brother to get me to sing another song. She is very lucky I don't send you home with …" I grin…"There once was a man from nantucke…"
I whip out my hand and cover her mouth and shake with laughter. Lord help any kids we….no not going there. "I can't in good conscience let you even try and complete that." I say quietly.
I feel her smirk into my hand and I release her as she laughs. "I don't even know anything other than the Nantucket part. No one has ever completed it." During our distraction I notice that Jeff has moved his head to lay right there on her chest and is looking up at her adoringly and like he would with a mother. Which from what Frank hinted at and how he is looking at them, she is. I wonder how she is doing with not being able to be near him.
"Please Rayvn?" He pleads and uses puppy dog eyes and she growls. Wow, blue eyes really are her downfall.
"Damn blue eyes." She mutters.. "Fine, keep your head there ok?" He smiles happily and snuggles in between her breasts and Tris and Caleb move over. Tris smiles and shakes her head. I watch them closely and smile softly.
"They learn young don't they?" Tris jokes.
She shakes her head, smiling with the love of a mother at him. "You have no idea. This one likes to play the bongos and fluff me." I hear snickering from Astrid and Hec and I feel something. I am not going to pretend that I have a chance with Raven after everything that happened. But I can imagine for a moment. With his blonde hair and blue eyes, it is almost easy to.
"Now Rayvn." Jeff commands her imperiously.
She tweaks his nose and he closes his eyes but then says "Up, walk, up."
I chuckle and turn to Astrid. "Is he always that bossy?" Raven is already standing to walk with him.
She nods sadly "My mom got really sick after she had him and only Raven could get him to calm down. Mom still is sick but has been doing a bit better. Raven became his mom for almost a year from the day he was born she has been there. My mom still has issues connecting with him because Jeff sees Raven as his mom now." She answers quietly.
She starts to sing a soft melody and closes her eyes and sways back and forth. I can tell his breathing had already started to indicate he was fading. Hec wraps his arms around Astrid and she leans into him and closes her eyes. A mixture of sadness and love on her face. I can see now why she wants Raven to sing so often. It is like all those emotions she denies talking about or letting others see, she lets the music speak for her and comfort or inspire those around her.
[Come Away With Me, Norah Jones]
Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song
Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies
I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come
Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me
By the time she is finished Jeff is asleep and she places soft mothering kisses on his forehead and I see the strain of not having him with her has on her. Raven turns to Frank who is looking at her with a soft sad smile.
"Hello Frank, how is Isla?" She asks quietly.
He sighs "Tired but good. It is getting better. Without either of you there she has to deal with things but every day we take it step by step. He misses you the most though. I wasn't sure if I should bring him, if it would do more harm than good. Then he said the damndest thing and said it wouldn't be brave to not go. So here we are."
She smiles and smooths the little boys blonde hair from his face. "Well I thank you for bringing him for us. Did you enjoy your visit? Were any of your old friends around?"
He nods "Yes, but I have been longer in Amity than I was here so it isn't the same. It was good to see their kids and them mine though."
Raven leans over his head and smiles as she places a kiss on his forehead and he smiles and sighs in his sleep. "Pour faire la chose utile, de dire la chose courageuse, à contempler la belle chose: qui est assez pour la vie d'un homme. To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life. Remember that Doodle Bug." I tilt my head and watch her with him and her choice of words. I can see her heartache at having to say goodbye to him.
She carefully transfers the boy over to his Father's large ones sadly. He places a hand to her cheek tenderly. "I hate to remind you Raven but you do remember the papers I filed right?"
She nods and gives a small sad smile. "I said I would the moment you put him in my arms and if it comes to it then I will. But I won't give up on Isla until her heart gives up on her."
He nods and smiles "Both my girls better take care. And can I say thank fuck you are done with Shane."
We all laugh and agree, none more so than me. "I believe you just did." She playfully gasps. "What will Amity say?"
He snorts "I believe Johana will fucking rejoicing with me. That woman has the patience of a saint but I swear she was contemplating smuggling in the gelding tools in a bag and snipping Shane's tackle and bait right off if she heard him talk to you like he did one more time. That was before we found about all the crap going on now. He ran from me earlier, just almost pissed himself and ran when I saw him. My friends said they will keep an eye out though."
He turns and kisses Astrid's head and shakes Hec's hand, then he turns to shake mine and looks between Raven and I, I nod and he smiles approvingly. He turns back to Raven and seems to debate something looking very worried. "Stay away from it Raven, please. I know they have been offering but, just stay from it. I can't go through watching you get caught up in that again."
She turns white and nods. "I don't plan on accepting the invitations."
He nods "Thank you." He turns and lets out a relieved breath and then leaves. Raven looks to Tris who points for her to sit.
She sighs and takes a seat and goes to eat more cake but Tris pulls it away and quirks an eyebrow with her lips thinned "Spill."
Raven sighs and shrugs. "Remember that thing that Peter was wanting to take me to. Well they aren't the only place to do that in Dauntless. The other is more private and they have been slipping me invites here and there. I toss them or burn them."
Tris slumps and rubs her face and I move closer to her and restrain myself from pulling her to me because I remember clearly my fears about our conversation about the Gallows. I softly lay my hand on her thigh and look her in the eyes. "Mind running that by me?"
She shrugs "Prize fights. I had my first invite before I even put on the first scrap of black, for the dauntless ones that is."
I lean back confused, why had I never heard of other faction fights."There are other faction prize fights?"
She nods and gets quiet. "Not everyone started out a Candor or Erudite or even Abnegation. Dauntless-borns have transferred out. But when they do go they get restless and it isn't as easy to give up. I told you that Peter trained me to be brutal in the most brutal way possible."
I blood goes to ice I am so furious with him. "Please tell me that he was not taking you to these fights and going against others?"
She nods and shrugs, I can see it now in her eyes just like I first thought and hope not to find. In my mind I am killing Peter in every way imaginable. "At first he was taking me. And then I took myself."
Tris motions for my attention wearily. ""She hasn't been to one in over a year though. It was like getting an addiction out of her system almost to get her to stop. They underestimated her or belittled her but wanted her to keep coming back. Four scoured the city sometimes to find her. She would disappear for weeks because she was going between locations."
She sighs and I see the pain from those times in her eyes."Not exactly my proudest moments. But the last bender went on for a month or two. I hurt a guy bad and I saw my reflection in a broken window as I had just mangled this kid. I didn't like what I saw so I walked away. That night I walked away. But then Four also found me that night and we got into an argument because he started demanding I leave. Of course I was going to leave but then he started going all…" she waves her hand in the air. "Fourzilla..."
"Fourzilla" Tris and Raven say at the same time and laugh. I shake my head but I am not all that amused. But I will listen to her and contemplate what to do about fucking Hayes.
"Yeah so I stomped back in there and took one more match but did a pressure point win just because I wanted to have the last word. It's pretty fucking addicting though, especially if they are run correctly and it is about skill. Those are the ones I sought out but not everyone there is about that. That last guy I fought was one of those and I lost it. He couldn't have been maybe a few years out of his own transfer initiation to Erudite. I found out who he was and made sure I approached him to apologize, he did the same thing and he is doing pretty well for himself in Erudite now. He doesn't fight but still trains and works out and he chose to dedicate himself to things that could benefit his faction of origin." She shrugs and Tris pushes the cake back to her but Caleb looks at Raven and frowns.
"Raven can I talk to you for a second?" He asks her quietly and I tense. I fucking knew it.
She looks to Tris who frowns at her and shrugs. She looks back to him and nods and he gets up and walks away a bit and she follows.