Chapter VI: Mission

'Sakura,' he greets me happily.
It is still odd to see him sitting behind that desk. Where my former sensei once sat. And where my teammate would someday sit… I ponder for moment who will be next in line after Naruto.
'Hokag—'Kakashi,' he corrects me.
I kind of stare in awe before I realizing no one is around and we are alone.
I slightly smile before saying your name. 'Kakashi.'
'We've been through a little too much to be so formal with one another,' he says nonchalantly while he neatly stacks papers to the right side of his desk.
I simply nod, not really sure how I feel about it. It feels kind of odd in all honestly. His name doesn't role off my tongue without being able to add the "sensei" part.
'I, uh,' he starts uncomfortable and completely avoids making eye-contact with me. I frown at first, not entirely understanding the situation. When I see him struggle with finding the right words, my heart sinks. This could only mean one thing.
Ino.
I squint my eyes and curse her.
'It has come to my attention that—'Listen I don't need special treatment or anything! I'm fine! Whatever Ino has been spreading around, it's,' I halt and hesitate for a moment, 'nothing,' I manage to eventually bring out. I see how you gawk at me and blink a couple of times before your lazy expression returns.
'I was actually going to say you haven't gone out on a mission for a very long time…' You then mutter.
As you say the words I get an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. It is incredible how quickly you can sense you have made mistake. I feel incredibly stupid.
'I didn't want you to lose your skill and I thought the mission…' You halt, uncertain if you should even continue.
Great, now you are worried about me!
'I,' I first click my tongue trying to figure out what type of excuse I could use.
I sigh, you look too alarmed to be snoozed off with lame words. I let out another sigh.
'That was a bit…'
'Unnecessary?'
Your humorous way of putting things make me snicker and I can't help but laugh at my own stupidity.
'I'm well aware of you being a bit of a loner these days,' you then say, which makes me abruptly stop and stare at you. 'I don't need Ino to tell me anything… I keep up with my precious students.'
I tilt my head at that remark and ignore the playful smirk on your lips.
'I do.' You exaggerate.
When I don't response, you give me this hurt expression which, ironically, makes me roll my eyes.
'So I thought it would be best if you took a break from nosy people like Ino and Naruto—'Naruto?' I ask.
'He might've mention you but like I said, I keep up. And I do actually have a mission for you.'
'You do?' I ask, not being able to hide my surprise and curiosity.
'Sasuke has contacted me.'
I can't help but take a breath. I feel something weird go through my veins. Something toxic. And yet a bit of excitement too.
It's not like Sasuke asked for you, I tell myself, Kakashi is merely suggesting you should go.
'He didn't request for you,' he says which confirms my thoughts.
For some reason I actually feel a bit disappointed. Not that I longed for him asking for me, I just long for any other feeling but the one I always feel. Rejection.
'But I think in between the lines—'We're not like that,' I flatly tell him.
'Excuse me?'
'We're not… in love,' I tell you uncomfortable while emphasizing what everybody was always speculating.
That actually felt even more odd to say than when I had to say your name, I mentally note.

'Are you sure?'

His voice echoes through my head and my eyes widened.
What an absurd question! Of course!
I give you an angry, unappreciative look but you seem unfazed. You just keep staring at me and I suddenly notice how dark your eyes are. They kind of disarm me.
Maybe I've only notice it now because there is no longer one lazy eye staring at me, I note.
And I can't remember the last time you gave me such hard look either.
'I'm no… expert.' You shrug, obviously still a bit hesitant to continue the conversation. Yet as a sensei, you feel obliged to do so. I can tell. And so I listen.
Also because Kakashi's voice is most soothing. It is always collected and calm. It makes sense when the rest is a blur. I guess a sentimental part of me clings onto how he always handles everything with ease.

'I know you might not think it but… I know how you feel. Sort of.'
I'm a bit stunned to say the least. Yet my mind is already arguing against you.
That is the problem, I don't feel anything. I don't feel like doing anything.
'I won't bore you with details but… you should go out and look for answers. You have to look for something outside of your usual routine.'
I quirk up an eyebrow.
You reach out to give me the mission scroll. I hesitantly stare at it before looking up back at you.
'Go see if there is truly nothing out there, instead of pondering about it.'