"Half Blood Harry Potter"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Percy Jackson and all related demigods (with the exception of Loki) belong to Rick Riordan.

My congratulations to those who guessed – yes, the quote was from Game of Thrones. Where the irony lies is that the quote is from a central prayer in the liturgy to the Lord of Light – and Lord Baby Eater is anything BUT a Lord of Light. I thought the quote appropriate and the irony delicious. Mmmmmm … irony … [Homer Simpson drool]

GryffindorPosidens Divergents: While there was a passing reference to Oedipus Rex, it was the quote at the end to which I referred.

Sean Malloy-1: I don't know about Bill, Charlie, or Percival (called such so I may distinguish him from Percy Jackson), but Ginny is a demigod – see Chapter 29 for the hint of her divine parent.

WhiteElfElder: Hmm … a good question. I suspect Option A (though I wouldn't put it past Lord Baby Eater to put in a little from Option B).

DZ2: Will Ron screw up his mission? The bigger question is, whether he succeeds or fails, how will he suffer?

Chapter 33

"Any luck, Thalia?"

Thalia shook her head as she sat down in the Hogwarts Library. "No, Loki. Hermione, Annabeth and I have researched the history of the Triwizard Tournament and the results have been … unhelpful."

"Try vexing," said Hermione. "Events vary from Tournament to Tournament, and tradition says the First Task is a secret until the final minutes before it begins."

"In other words, it is the same σκοτια ταυρου Crouch told us on Halloween night," said Annabeth. "Even on the hypothesis that it is some kind of creature you have to face for your First Task, we would need some focus to guide us in our research."

"Well, if it is a creature," said Percy, "what kind of a creature would you think it would be? A cuddly teddy bear?"

Loki chortled at the thought.

"You think, Seaweed Brain?" said Harry. "A mother grizzly bear on the rampage would be the Triwizard style, although I doubt they would use one."

"Harry's right, Percy," said Hermione. "The Magical World has enough dangerous creatures to pick from without resorting to the dangerous ones of the Muggle world. If we narrowed these down to the most dangerous, we would have a wide selection and would be no closer to our answer than before … oy ..."

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

Another evening, Harry had come down to Hagrid's Hut at his request.

"Hagrid, is that cologne I smell? And I see you have combed your hair?"

"Yes and yes, Harry. You might want to try the same now and then … comb your hair, I mean."

"Hermione likes my hair just fine, thank you."

"Aye, but it wouldn't hurt, now, would it? Here comes my date, Harry. Put on your cloak."

What? Does Hagrid mean for me to be his invisible wingman? I don't mind being a wingman, but why here and now in the middle of the night?

He followed Hagrid and Madame Maxine at a distance, then he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up.

"Loki!"

"Nice cloak, Harry."

"What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I would take a walk." He lit up a cigarette and smoked it. "What about yourself? Wingman tonight?"

"I don't think it would be the sole reason I'm here, since they seem to be getting along so well. There has to be something more ..."

"Oh, 'Agrid, zey are beautiful!"

"Aye, that they are, Olympe … though that Hungarian Horntail is a right nasty piece of work ..."

Harry's eyes widened as he could feel his heart thumping in his chest. Oh, gods, no! Dealing with baby Norbert in my first year was madness enough, but THIS?!

We have to face dragons?!

"Come, Harry."

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

Percy buried his head in his hands when he heard the news at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. "Dragons? How do you think I will face a dragon?"

"What?" said Loki. "Are you too scared to face a dragon, Percy? Maybe you don't deserve your family jewels ..."

In the blink of an eye, a female version of Percy was sitting where Loki was sitting, much to roars of laughter from the table.

"Hi! I'm Priscilla Jackson, and I'm too scared to face a dragon! Why, mercy me, I do declare that this castle is feeling mighty drafty ..."

The Terrible Twins came to sit near her. "Hey, Miss Jackson –"

"– He's Fred, I'm George –"

"– You are a real pretty lady –"

"– You know that?"

"Would you like to come with us –"

"– And have ourselves a rocking good time?"

"Oh, thankee much, and you boys do seem awful nice, I reckon, so how do I say this?"

Within another flash, Priscilla Jackson disappeared and Loki reappeared in her place. "It was me in disguise all along."

The Twins fainted from shock.

"Loki?"

"Yeah, Harry?"

"I think you have scarred them for life."

Percy shook his head. "How did that feel – to be a female version of me?"

"It felt bizarre to have nothing but a cavernous sheath between my legs, Percy, I will say that much. I am sure the ladies would feel bizarre if they got the chance to wear male wedding tackle."

"Oh, yeah – a rod that stiffens at the slightest arousal?" said Hermione.

"How do you men cope with it?" said Annabeth.

Percy blushed. "Ignore it if we can, pump it in private if we can't."

Annabeth blushed. "Oh, gods, that is too much information."

"For the record," said Ginny, "we ladies do more or less the same with our – ahem – cavernous sheaths."

"Ginny!" said the females at the table.

"What? I just thought they would like to know!"

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Ginny," said Percy. "Now I am going to have a hard on all day, thanks to that image … oy ..."

Ginny giggled at Percy's red face. "You are welcome, Seafood Breath."

More laughter erupted. "SEAFOOD BREATH!"

"THAT'S A GOOD ONE, GINNY!"

~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~

Some time later that day, in the Transfiguration courtyard, Percy caught up to Cedric.

"Percy! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Harry and Loki figured out what the First Task will be. I have no doubt that Viktor and Fleur know."

"Well, what is it?"

"Somehow, the First Task involves dragons."

"Are you serious?"

"Well, try to look at the bright side, Diggory," said Loki. "If you end up near death, you could consider coming back as a creepy vampire, riddled up the wazoo with angst … or have I said too much?"

"I think you may have scared him, Creepshow," said Harry.

"Well, thanks for the heads up, Percy." He nodded to Harry and Loki. "Milords."

"That's one load off my back," said Percy. "Let's go."

"Oy, why so tense, Jackson?" said Draco from up in a tree. "Weasel-bee and I have a bet going on the three of you. I bet him you wouldn't last ten minutes in the First Task." He leaped down with Ron next to him. "He disagrees; he thinks you won't last five."

"You know what, Malfoy?" said Percy. "I could care less about what your overinflated ego thinks! As for Weasel-bee here, he is a pathetic, envious, gluttonous, backstabbing prick!" He turned with Harry and Loki to walk away.

"How dare you turn your back on us!" said Draco. He and Ron drew their wands.

"OH, NO, YOU DON'T!" said Professor Moody. Harry, Percy, and Loki turned around, and where Draco and Ron were standing, there stood a white ferret and a red weasel.

"You rotten little scumbags – I oughta teach you a lesson!" He zapped them around the courtyard, much to the amusement of his audience.

"Professor Moody!" said Professor McGonagall. "Professor Moody, what are you doing?"

"Teaching."

"Professor Moody, ARE THOSE STUDENTS?!"

"To be technical, Ma'am, they are a white ferret and a red weasel."

"PROFESSOR MOODY, WE NEVER USE TRANSFIGURATION AS A PUNISHMENT!" She transfigured them back to their human selves. "I trust the Headmaster told you that?"

"He might have mentioned it, yeah."

"Well, the next time you wish to punish a student, you can talk to their Head of House, understand?"

"Aye, Ma'am. You are Weasley's Head of House, right?"

"Aye, why do you ask?"

"He's gone, as is Malfoy."

Sure enough, both boys had bolted from the area.

"Ach, so they are. Carry on!"

Author's Note: Another chapter done. Read and review!

Smiles and laughter,

Loki Palmer