Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders or the song, Reliving.

Mr. Mr. of my youth. You fed me bread and taught me truth. And one adventure... you took me out. Showed what life is all about. I don't mind reliving. All the things about my youth. That made me high. I don't mind reliving. I was so much happier back then.

"Danni, I think you should go."

"I'm not going."

"Danni!"

"I said no!"

The room was spinning and turning black. Sarah was pacing the room, watching me from the corner of her eye like she was afraid I might fall or something worse. She kept pushing I go. That was the last place I wanted to be right now. My body couldn't move right now and there was only one thing on my mind.

I shouldn't be thinking about it. I shouldn't be thinking this right now. It should be the last thing on my mind and I'll never tell anyone what I'm thinking right now. What I'm thinking about instead of my brother. I'm thinking of Sam over him and I hate myself.

My head hurt. I never thought I'd have to force myself to cry in this situation. I thought it'd come easy. I'd just lost Soda - my brother - and I wasn't producing a single tear. I wonder what he must think. I wonder what Sarah thinks right now watching me. If she didn't know any better, she'd think I was crazy. Maybe I am though. Maybe that's the problem.

Randy couldn't get out of my head. I kept hearing his words and him telling me about someone finding out and killing Sam. Who was next then if that were so? No, no. I can't think that right now. Soda's dead. That's what matters right now. My family is what matters right now. I shouldn't be thinking about Randy or Sam.

Soda was gone. It didn't feel like he was gone at all. Wasn't I supposed to be feeling something right now? Instead, I'm sitting here, watching the clock, and listening to Sarah's heavy footsteps. Maybe we were wrong though. Maybe we were wrong all along.

"Danni." Sarah stopped and faced me. She kneeled down in front of me. "Y-you have to go."

I couldn't tell if she was forcing me or not so I just stared. Was she forcing me? "Sarah, I'm not going to go and have them tell me what I already know."

She didn't break her stare but thought for a minute. "I-I'll make you!"

I blinked a couple of times. She was serious. I chuckled. "What are you gonna do? Tie me up?"

"Maybe." She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. "I haven't thought that far ahead yet."

I knew Sarah wouldn't. She knew she wouldn't. She was just trying something here. I pushed her away and stood up and walked around the living room, thinking about Sam. I couldn't get my mind off it. There were so many things none of us thought about until now.

Was Sam killed on purpose? It's the first question that comes to mind. Or was it all just some freak accident and we were all over reacting. Was he killed because of something? Did someone find out and came looking, finding Sam and killing him off. Though maybe, we were all wrong. Maybe we were looking in all the wrong directions.

People get punished. It's obvious what was happening here. We were being punished for something Sam did. Sam was already punished though, right? Marilyn started the fire and killed Jane and Soda and injured more than that. Michael came up with the plan and now lies in a hospital bed. Randy has to live with all of this because he stood by and watched.

For me: Soda was dead. But wasn't that punishing everyone?

Though maybe, we're not the ones being punished.

I sat down and rubbed my head. I was seeing colors. "Sam's dead."

"What?" Sarah got to my level again, holding onto my shoulders as if I was shaking and didn't know it. "Danni-"

I tried shaking her off but she didn't move. "Sam's dead. He's dead, Sarah."

"No!" Sarah stated clearly. "Soda's dead! Danni, Soda's dead!"

I shook my head, so sure of what I was thinking was clear. "No. Soda's not dead."

She just stared at me for a minute, not sure if I was really crazy now or just in denial. She snapped to. "Soda is dead, Danni! We got the phone call. He's gone! We need to go to the hospital!"

"Do you know Jason Gibbs?" I asked, looking at her.

Sarah gaped at my question. "No! Danni what are you talking about?"

"You wouldn't," I said simply. "No one did. He's dead too though. Him and Sam both are dead."

Sarah stared blankly at me. I felt her shaking me over and over again and I think she was yelling. I couldn't hear her. It was coming together. We weren't the ones being punished here. Sam's dead. Sam, not Soda.

The phone started to ring and Sarah stopped shaking me. We both stared in that direction, then Sarah looked at me. "Are you-"

"No."

She slammed her fist on the floor and jumped up to fetch it. "Jesus, Danni!"

Jesus walks with all of us. He's there in times like these. He's there for everyone. The worst of people, he's right there. Jesus looks after us. He takes care of us and keeps us alive. He punishes those who deserve it and he heals the ones who are hurt. Jesus does what's right. It keep the world in balance - good things. The good out living the bad. That's the world. That's this world.

Jesus, don't fail me now.

Sarah came back, running. "We need to go to the hospital, now!"

The hallway was dark. Sarah kept rambling but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I kept walking, watching my feet to make sure I didn't fall. I don't know what I expected or where it was Sarah was taking me or who was on the phone and what they said.

My heartbeat was slow. My legs were shaking. I had to be right. I kept my eyes on the floor as we approached his door.

A doctor came out, smiled at us, and went on his way. I watched him walk down the hall as Sarah entered the room. I heard Darry's voice and then Kathy's. I turned and faced the entrance. I started to walk.

"Danni." Something hard hit me, grabbed me and squeezing me.

I kept my head hidden, and closed my eyes. "Darry."

I took a minute and embraced his hug. I didn't know if it was from the fact that I was happy to see him or from the fact that I didn't want him to move so I'd have to see what was behind him. I buried my face.

"You gonna save some hugs for me?" Darry let go, slowly, revealing the owner of the voice.

"Soda?"

"You just gonna stand there with your mouth open or are ya gonna come hug me?"

My feet felt like they were glued to the floor. Everyone was watching me to see what I'd do next. Soda was on the bed, smiling as big as ever and Pony was beside him, curled up under his arm, just laughing. Soda's bright face was showing. Some bandages around his face had been removed and the burns were healing. There was a machine beside him...beeping loudly.

I closed my open mouth and took a breath that I'd been holding in. I didn't know what to do next. There was running. What if this was just a dream and at any moment I'd wake up and be told the real news? Was I really right? I felt right.

Steve was standing by the window, not taking his eyes off Soda. He seemed happy. I sensed a smile across his lips though he didn't show it exactly. Kathy was fighting back tears and using Darry to hold her up. Pony's eyes were red and he couldn't stop crying.

It was real.

I walked toward Soda, feeling my face become wet. I choked on a sob. "S-Sodapop..."

"C'mere." He motioned me to come closer. "You ain't gonna hurt me none. Lay a big ole hug on me."

I got to his side and he pulled me down, wrapping both his arms around me and putting his neck on my shoulder. He pulled me down to where I sat on the bed and held me in that same spot and told me to breathe.

He was warm. I liked the way he felt. It took me back. Goddamn did it take me back. I wished Dally was here.

I latched on to my brother and sat there for what seemed like hours, just listening to the heart machine beep and feeling his smile on my neck. I was careful with the burns but held him tight, feeling like if I didn't, I might lose him again.

"Don't start cryin' too now." Soda laughed, squeezing my neck. "And you guys say I'm the one who cries."

Warm tears stained his shirt. I didn't want to move from this. After everything that happened, Sam's death, Randy and Marilyn, the fire, Dally being in jail - this was the first time I'd felt good about something. The first time hope shinned down on us and everything had gone right. A new beginning. Sodapop Curtis was alive and breathing. Sodapop, my big brother.

This was how it was supposed to go all along. He was never supposed to die. The story doesn't end that way.

Darry stepped over to us and explained, "Docs say it's a miracle. This one is just fighting off death all the time."

"H-h-how?"

"You took my spot." Pony made his way over to Darry, pouting about me being in his spot.

Darry further explained, "They turned the machine off and Soda just opens his eyes like nothing's wrong. The doctors don't know how it happened."

Soda rubbed my back and chuckled. "You guys can't get rid of me that easy. 'Sides, ya'll need me. Ain't no Curtis family without everyone's favorite sibling. I don't know what ya'll would have done. Kill each other probably."

"I love you," I whispered quietly. "We thought you w-were gone."

He ran his hand through my hair and laughed. "Shucks, I love you too, Dan. I ain't gonna leave. I ain't gonna leave for a long time. You're gonna have to put up with your stupid big brother for a good ole long time!"

I wiped a tear away and smiled. "I think I'll be ok with that."

Sarah came closer to us. "How did you know though?" she asked. "You said he wasn't dead but you got that call saying that he was."

"What?" Darry asked, looking to me to further explain. "You got a phone call saying he was dead?

I'd forgotten all about that. I sat up, letting Pony have his spot back. "Um, yeah. Someone said he was dead. I thought it was you or Ponyboy."

"Wasn't me," Pony said, snuggling back under Soda's arm. "We just called when he woke up."

Darry was still gawking at me but I shrugged. "Oh well, it's not important right now."

Soda went to rubbing Pony's back. Darry stood at his side, stroking Soda's hair. He wasn't crying anymore. There was a new light in Darry's eyes. He was smiling at everything. "I'm still gonna kick your ass when you're out of this bed."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Soda snickered. "Where's Dal?"

Again, eyes turned to me. "He's alright. He's going to be alright anyway."

Steve cleared his throat and came over beside Soda and stood next to Darry. "Buddy, once Darry kicks your scrawny little ass, I'll have to get my turn. I got a lot of anger to get out over this."

Kathy pulled me into her and held me by my side. "I still can't believe it."

"That's us Curtis'," Soda grinned proudly. "We just keep surprising the world."

Darry gripped onto his neck. "You got that right, little buddy."

Sobs filled the hallway. I followed them. Half-curious, half thinking I knew who they belonged to. They were loud and heart breaking. Someone was screaming and they were screaming loud. I followed until my trail ended and I saw them.

She was bent over on the ground, screaming into her hands and crying rivers. Her make-up was smeared all over her pearly face and she was shaking like nothing I've seen before. "Marilyn."

Randy appeared, his face swollen and eyes red. Marilyn didn't move at the sound of her name but Randy did. He came over to me, looking me over and swallowing hard. "Danni."

"Wh-what..." As if I needed to ask.

Randy looked behind him at Marilyn. He choked on a sob and shut his eyes, letting tears roll down his cheeks. "Danni-"

My focus was on Marilyn. Her cry did something to me. I went to her and called again, "Marilyn-"

"He's dead!" she cried. "He's dead!"

"Who?"

"Michael!"

We're not the ones being punished.

The only thing I could hear was Marilyn's loud sobs. She stood alone, a tissue held up against her face. I felt my hear sink a little and I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. It hadn't registered yet. Nothing had registered from this day. I saw Marilyn though.

"H-how?"

Marilyn wasn't going to answer. Instead, Randy spoke, "He was fine just a few hours ago." He sighed, holding back another sob.

Then I knew why I was feeling the way I was. Here was Marilyn James standing in a corner, by herself, crying because she had just lost her brother. As if being blindsided wasn't hard enough, she had the guilt of knowing it was probably her fault this happened. I knew what I saw. This was supposed to be me.

She was alone and that angered me. I didn't need to ask where her parents were. For years, Marilyn had been the odd one. The least favorite of the duo. As a child, she was fat. Her mother gave her pills and starved her until she got skinny. She was flat chested when most girls her age had bras. Her mother made her stuff. Her nose was pointed. Her mother paid for the surgery.

The red hand print that showed on her face was just another reminder of how imperfect Marilyn was. Her flaws were showing now. Her make-up was gone and her true colors were showing. The colors I once knew. The person I once knew. Memories came back.

"I heard about Soda," Randy said.

I shook my head, still watching her. "Not now."

Her world had crashed. The perfect world she had created for herself. I didn't know what I should say, if anything. I made it pretty clear, as did she, we were not friends, just anything but. Right now though, I saw me.

"Mar..."

Her body fell to the floor and she sobbed into her hands. I stopped and watched her cry. Randy came up beside me, watching her too. "This is what we get. This is what we fucking get!"

I shook my head and looked at the poor girl on the floor whose body was giving up on her. "Marilyn-"

"He was just fine!" she screamed, looking up. "He was just fine!"

I kneeled down on the floor and scooted to her carefully as if she was going to hurt me. "Marilyn..."

Randy was leaning against the wall, crying and saying over and over again about being sorry. I don't know who he was saying it to. I had a good guess. Randy finally understood now. We all understood what this horrible game was all about.

"First Sam...now this!"

Sam was just the start. It was meant to be this way. It seemed too perfect.

I placed my hand on Marilyn's shoulder. She didn't move. "I'm...I'm-"

"I don't want you to say it!" she hissed, knocking my hand away. "You got your perfect little family! Rub it in my fucking face! Are you happy now, Danni? Are we suffering enough now? Goddamnit! Fuck you!"

I backed away and stared at her. "I-I-I-"

"Go away!" She reached out and shoved me across the floor. "Get out of here! Stay away from me! You got what you always wanted Danni! You finally got it! I'm sorry!"

"Marilyn-"

"I did it!" she shouted, pointing at herself. "I screwed up and look what happened! I'm fucking sorry, ok? I'm sorry!"

I crawled away from her and watched in disbelieve. "Mar-"

"Go away! Go live your fairy-tale ending! Just get the fuck away from me!"

I stopped crawling and swallowed the large lump in the back of my throat. "Don't blame me for this. Let me help you."

Marilyn's cold eyes stared me down. They were so red and full blown raging. "I don't want your help. My brother is dead because of what we did! Get the fuck out of here, Danni. Get the fuck out of our lives!"

"You should leave," Randy said his two-cents.

I didn't break from Marilyn. "Don't hate me. I-I don't hate you, Marilyn. I'm sorry about Michael. I'm so sorry, Mar. Let me help you. Please, just let me-"

"Go away!"

Randy pulled on my arm, coaching me to go with him and leave her be. I didn't budge. "I don't hate you, Marilyn. And you shouldn't hate yourself. You didn't kill your brother. You didn't kill anyone Marilyn. We didn't kill anyone. This isn't your fault."

Spit and foam was forming in the corners of her mouth. She looked like a rabid dog, ready to attack. "It is though. Can't you see it! You said it yourself. It's all my fault. I set the fire. I hurt those people! Sam hurt those people...God!"

My hand inched toward her. "It's over. It's over and it's ok-"

"It'll never be ok," she said harshly, stopping her sobs for just second. "Not for me...Just go, Danni."

"Marilyn-"

"Get out of here!"

I stood up and gazed at Randy. He shook his head and rounded the corner, leaving us. I watched Marilyn cry as I left. I watched her scream it over and over and over again. She screamed it loud:

"I'm sorry!"

Cinderella of my youth... You made me smile and broke my tooth. And one adventure... you held my hand. Made me feel I was a man. I don't mind reliving. All the things that were so good. When we were young. I don't mind reliving. I was so much happier back then.

A/N: I had this already written and then lost it. I liked the other one better but this is what I came up with after. I only have a few chapters left so please stay with me. ;) Please review if you were to be so kind!