The floor, no longer covered with camping mattresses and sleeping bags, is hard and uncomfortable, but Kenma sits and waits patiently. He refuses to leave until it's found, not that anyone knows that nor is he actively doing anything to remedy the situation, but he has faith in Shouyou.
The first time Shouyou came over to his house it had been awkward, Kenma had been awkward. However, that's beside the point. Shouyou had been excited as ever, sunset-orange eyes wide and bright and smile never leaving his face. Kenma was terrified, what does one do with their boyfriend visiting their house? Sure, Kenma had kissed him but feared that was the extent of his bravery.
Asking Tetsurou was out of the question, Kenma refused to put himself through more teasing and fussing than is necessary. He feared Keiji's response would only be embarrassingly blunt information about physicality and Morisuke would have given him a lecture on safe sex. It was too late when he realised he should have asked Kei; Kei wouldn't have embarrassed or lectured him, perhaps make a face at Kenma's taste in boys, but he would have given real, usable advice.
As usual Kenma had been worrying about nothing though. It had been a little awkward at first, probably more so in his head than in reality, but Shouyou was energetic and asked questions and looked through Kenma's games and seemed happy enough to simply talk and play video games.
It was nice having Shouyou there. He even found a game crammed behind Kenma's dresser that he'd thought to never see again. Shouyou had a knack for finding things. As if Kenma needed more reason to feel affection for him.
"Kenma!" Tetsurou calls, relaxing marginally when he spots his best friend. For the last week Tetsurou has been on edge; Kenma hadn't expected the captaincy to affect him so much. "There you are. Why the hell aren't you outside ready to leave?"
"Lost my game."
Tetsurou sighs. "I'll buy you a new one, let's go. Have you seen Shouyou? I figured you'd be hiding somewhere making out."
Kenma feels himself colour, heat rising to his cheeks. Ignoring it, he frowns, watching Tetsurou distractedly glance around the room as if not realising what he's said. Tetsurou can be pushy and teasing but he's never outright rude; he wouldn't usually say something so carelessly, knowing exactly how it would affect Kenma. When his dark eyes meet Kenma's face his expression falls, lips tightening into a hard line.
"Sorry Ken, I didn't—"
"I found it!" Shouyou's voice calls, his running audible and he barrels into the room, holding the small piece of plastic up triumphantly as he approaches. "Kenma, I found it! For some reason it was in the magazine rack in the recreation room." Shouyou's face is twisted in confusion as he stares at the PSP game and then breaks into a brilliant smile as he looks up at Kenma.
"Th-Thank you, Shouyou," he says quietly, his chest tightening as he takes the game and their fingers brush lightly.
"I hope you didn't make a mess in there looking for the game, Shrimpy," Tetsurou says, seeming reluctant to interrupt their moment but also duty bound to ask.
Shouyou's eyes go wide and he smiles awkwardly as he turns towards Tetsurou, scratching the back of his head guiltily. "Ah, n-no sir, I wouldn't say 'mess' exactly—hey, what happened to your lip?"
Moving his gaze beyond Shouyou's head of messy orange hair, Kenma eyes the cut on Tetsurou's lower lip, a thin line of dark red where the lip has split. It happened two days ago, but Shouyou has never been one to pay much attention to details. Especially not at camp where basketball is all around.
"Oh, um," Tetsurou mutters, lifting his hand to touch the wound. He looks uncharacteristically uncomfortable, eyes on the floor as if refusing to meet their gazes. "Just Kou and his antics, you know."
Shouyou nods knowingly. "What did he do?"
"He, uh… The rope to pull the hoop out as broken so I gave him a shoulder ride to get it and he fell, pulling me down with him."
Kenma frowns. It's a lie, he knows it is. Keiji had told him about the incident and what his oaf of a boyfriend had done. Kei accidently head-butted Tetsurou in the fall, splitting Tetsurou's lip. Not that it's a big deal, just incredibly silly… So why is Tetsurou lying about it?
"Anyway, you guys need to go say goodbye to everyone," Tetsurou continues on before any more questions can be asked. "I mostly already have, so I'll go tidy up your mess in the rec room."
With that, Tetsurou turns and leaves. Shouyou, of course, doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary; he hasn't been friends with Tetsurou all his life and is more than a little oblivious to these things. There is nothing Kenma can do though, Tetsurou is very good at deflecting questions and seems in no mood to discuss whatever it is that's bothering him.
"C'mon Kenma," Shouyou says, casually lacing his smaller fingers through Kenma's, both of their bags slung over his shoulder, and pulling him out of the room.
Shouyou does that often now, shouldering their bags and taking the lead, completely comfortable with Kenma and often uncaring about any other eyes on them. Sometimes it makes Kenma feel embarrassed, that Shouyou so simply displays his affections, but mostly it makes him feel secure in their relationship and cared for, important. Ignoring the awkwardness, Kenma focuses on the warmth of Shouyou's hand.
They're at the bottom stair when Shouyou stops abruptly and shoves Kenma back against the wall. Kenma freezes, his heart pumping quickly with the sudden burst of adrenaline. Shouyou pokes his head around the corner, like a spy in a video game, then turns back to Kenma, a finger over his lips.
"Shh," he breathes quietly.
Kenma frowns, but then he hears the voices; adult, male, familiar… Straightening quietly, Kenma leans across Shouyou to poke his head around the corner. Standing there, half hidden behind a vending machine – but not from their view – is Coach Keishin and Coach Takeda, of Karasuno. They're standing close, Keishin has Takeda pressed against the wall in a way that makes Kenma blush. But they're simply talking.
"I miss you, Itte," Keishin says, his voice so low and full of emotion Kenma has to strain to hear it.
Takeda smiles warmly. "But I'm still here."
"We're leaving."
Takeda's smile saddens. "I know."
Keishin's jaw clenches and he leans in closer, resting his forehead against Takeda's and letting his eyes flutter closed. "Only seeing you weekends is driving me crazy, it's not enough. Please, for the love of all that's holy, move in with me."
"Okay."
Eyes opening wide, Keishin pulls back, more than a little surprised. "…What? But just last week you—"
"We should probably find a place located perfectly between Karasuno and Nekodani, so that neither of us gets resentful of the long commute while the other has a shorter commute," Takeda says, his hand rubbing at his chin and dark brow furrowed thoughtfully. "There is a mere forty-five minutes between our respective houses, so if we find the right place, neither of us should have more than—"
Takeda's rambling is muffled as Keishin surges forward and kisses him. Kenma's eyes go wide and he shoves himself back against the wall to hide, his face burning with embarrassment. Shouyou snickers against his hand, trying to contain the sound, and Kenma elbows him in the side, which only causes him to grunt in discomfort.
Kenma holds his breath, his heart pounding, hoping and praying that they haven't been heard. Thankfully – or regretfully – the smacking sound of lips continues.
"You should go, your kids will be waiting for you," Takeda says, his voice light and happy.
Keishin hums in agreement and their footsteps sound, their voices growing distant. "I love you," another kiss sound. "I'll call you so we can sort this moving thing out."
Any response from Takeda disappears with them as the door closes behind him and Kenma lets out a long breath he'd been subconsciously holding, his eyes slipping closed with relief. If they'd been caught... that would be a level of embarrassing Kenma didn't think he'd be able to cope with.
Shouyou laughs out loud. "Oh my God! I didn't know they were—and they—" he makes a gagging noise, "—but they seem so… oh my God. Keish and Coach Takeda… so weird."
"Not necessarily," Kenma says, he hadn't really meant to say it, simply thinking out loud. Shouyou tilts his head in question, birdlike. "Well, Takeda has been training as a coach under Coach Ukai senior for two years. They're in the same profession, probably helped each other and spent a lot time together…"
"Well, yeah, that's true," he agrees, nodding. "But you can't deny that the kissing was gross."
Kenma can't help but smile at the adorable grimace, stuck somewhere between confused and disgusted, on Shouyou's face. Without warning or forethought, a mere need, Kenma leans forward and presses a kiss to Shouyou's lips. It's quick and still slightly nervous, the warmth of Shouyou's mouth leaving his skin far too soon.
Whenever they kiss Kenma can tell that both of them want more than a simple press of lips, but neither have any idea how to get more or what to do. So this is where they're stuck, quick pecks on the lips. Not that he would ever complain, he's just glad to have Shouyou in his life at all; near him, with him, touching him.
"We should probably get out to the bus," Kenma says, avoiding the disappointed look on Shouyou's face, fearing it matches his own. "If Tetsurou gets back before us we're sure to get an earful."
Not needing any more motivation than escaping a lecture from their team dad slash captain, Shouyou jumps down the last few steps and pulls Kenma outside after him. Once outside, Shouyou lets go of his hand and Kenma is grateful for it. In no way is Kenma ashamed of their relationship, but it draws attention and the idea of people asking questions, even if they're simply friendly and curious, makes him feel ill. He didn't even have to explain this to Shouyou, somehow his boyfriend has always been able to put his comfort first without prompting.
It's a warm day and Kenma squints as they step out into the bright morning sun. It's nearing the end of fall but they've had a surprisingly mild week, much to Kenma's relief. Soon the winter chill will overwhelm any warmth the sun attempts to provide, the thought alone makes him shiver.
The four teams are gathered out the front of the lodge. Ubagawa are already on their bus, the other teams waving goodbye as they depart, leaving the Nekodani bus the next to be filled. Not without their captain, Kenma suspects, glancing back at the lodge and hoping Tetsurou won't be too much longer.
When Kenma turns back around he has to stop dead in his tracks to refrain from slamming into a boy's chest. Glancing up, he meets a pair of dark blue eyes with intensity that somehow reminds him of Kei, but lacking the light-brown familiarity and therefore immediately making Kenma want to hide.
"Hello Kenma," Tobio says, his expression awkward, like he's currently attempting to solve some ridiculous mathematical equation in his head. "Contact details. P-Please."
Kenma is frozen, and more than a little confused. Surely Tobio Kageyama can't be talking to him… He wants to glance behind himself to check that there isn't someone else there, but fears it will draw more attention to himself. Also, he said Kenma's name.
"Hey! Are you hitting on my boyfriend!?" Shouyou all but yells. Kenma sighs quietly, wanting nothing more than to run to the bus and hide, though he is grateful for the intervention.
Tobio lifts a disinterested eyebrow, gazing down at Shouyou like he's an annoying yappy dog. "No," he answers simply and then turns back to Kenma to try again, the overly polite words stiff in his mouth. "I would like your contact details… Please."
Shouyou huffs angrily. "I don't see how that's not hitting on my boyfriend, you're asking for his phone number!"
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Tobio asks, frowning.
Shouyou's eyes widen so far they look like they'll fall out of his head and his face turns a shade of red Kenma has never seen before, and would prefer never to see again. Kenma winces, waiting for the explosion and having no idea how to stop it.
"You fucking asshole! You know exactly who I—!"
From the corner of his eye, Kenma sees a scurry of grey and blond hair. Shouyou is caught mid-air by his red and gold Nekodani sweatshirt in his effort to tackle Tobio and Tobio's hands, clenched dangerously into fists are restrained by his sides. Koushi is smiling and chuckling awkwardly, standing in close to Tobio, while Kei is gazing down at Shouyou like he's the biggest pest, his bicep flexing with the effort to keep Shouyou in place.
"Tobio was simply impressed by Kenma's skill as a point guard and wanted to trade contact details in hopes of maybe learning some basketball tips," Koushi explained helpfully.
Glancing up at Tobio, who nods sternly, Kenma can see the admiration behind the awkwardness and intensity. It's strange that the genius point guard, who has already been noticed by some big name recruiter's, wants help from Kenma, a point guard who will only ever play as reserve and in second string for his high school team. Kenma holds no bitterness in this regard, he only plays basketball for fun and knows just how good his friends are.
Shrugging, Kenma takes the phone Tobio extends and types his details into it.
Koushi heaves a sigh. "Really Tobio, I would have thought you would have learned a lesson not moments ago when Koutarou was threatening to pummel you."
Kei snorts a laugh. "Kou would be defenceless against even a little girl, trust me, he was at much more risk from Keiji."
"Kenma!" Shouyou whines as Kenma hands Tobio's phone back to him. "Why would you give this asshole your number?"
"Thank you," Tobio grunts after Koushi elbows him in the ribs.
Smiling small but sincerely, flattered that Tobio truly thinks so much of his basketball skill, Kenma makes his way over to the bus and away from all the people.
It's all been far too exciting and loud for Kenma, he's already exhausted and just wants to nap all the way back on Shouyou's shoulder so that he can play games at home for the rest of the day. He ran out of spare battery packs and Koutarou destroyed his PSP charger – which he very nearly murdered him over – a couple of days ago and now he's going through withdrawals.
Kenma watches the farewells from the window. Old Coach Ukai and Coach Nekomata smiling deviously at each other as they shake hands far too firmly to be considered anything but a challenge. Koutarou and Keiji shake hands with the Shinzen captain en lieu of Tetsurou. Kei's old teammates jumping on him, Daichi and Asahi patting him firmly on the shoulder and Koushi hugging him tightly.
Tetsurou finally exits the lodge and when Kei notices, he quickly wraps up his farewells and climbs onto the bus with Morisuke. Kenma frowns, uncertain why Tetsurou and Kei seem to be avoiding each other, uncertain whether they're arguing or—
"Hey Ken," Shouyou says quietly, flopping down in the seat next to him and leaning conspiratorially close, Kenma already feels himself leaning into the warmth. "Do you know what happened between Lev and Mori? Mori's been grumpy all morning, and look."
Shouyou points to where Kei is sitting next to Morisuke, deep in an emotional conversation, if Morisuke's expression is anything to go by. He looks frustrated and upset. Lev walks past, sulking as he slumps down into a seat by himself.
"Last night they were talking about sex because of… Actually, I don't know how it started," Kenma starts casually, watching Lev mope as he recalls the conversation between him and Morisuke that neither of them probably remember Kenma witnessing. "Lev made some stupid comment about Morisuke being too small for them to have sex or something. I was only half listening and mostly when the yelling started."
When Kenma finishes and gazes back at Shouyou, who's face is very close after leaning across him to watch Lev, he's blushing furiously. Kenma realises what he was talking about and with who. It doesn't particularly bother Kenma, but it's obvious Shouyou isn't comfortable with the topic, which, in turn, makes Kenma feel uneasy.
"D-D-Do you—" Shouyou stutters and then clears his throat with a cough. "I-I mean, d-do you—is that s-something that you think about… much… at all."
Kenma expects himself to feel incredibly awkward, embarrassed and uncomfortable, and yet a fond smile pulls at his mouth. Shouyou's worry makes him feel relaxed and completely certain that he really and truly adores this boy. It even gives him a burst of bravery.
"No, never," Kenma answers honestly, having never thought about it and not sure he ever will. "I'm still just trying to work out how to kiss you for longer."
The flush of Shouyou's cheeks doesn't fade but a broad smile spreads across his face and he starts laughing, a light, bubbly sound that makes Kenma's heart soar.
"We'll have to work on it," Shouyou suggests, lacing his fingers through Kenma's and resting his head on Kenma's shoulder. "Later."
"Later," Kenma agrees, leaning his head against Shouyou's.
The bus is almost full, quiet conversations murmuring all around them. Tetsurou is the last one on the bus and Kenma regards him as he makes his way down the aisle. His best friend looks tired yet restless, like he wants nothing more than to rest but can't switch his brain off, can't stop twitching and fidgeting. His best friend looks uncomfortable in his own skin, frustrated and… lost. Kenma is so used to Tetsurou being his steady, reliable father figure that he has no idea what to make of these changes. No idea how to approach him, how to talk to him, how to ask him if he's okay.
Tetsurou's halfway down the aisle when he looks up and stops. Kenma follows Tetsurou's eye-line to Kei, sitting next to Morisuke and lost in thought as he stares absently out the window. The bus starts moving and it jostles Tetsurou into slumping down into a seat by himself.
[19:57] tetsu
if you need anything im right here, just ask, anything at all
Kenma rolls his eyes at the same message he's received numerous variations of in the past forty-eight hours and switches his phone on silent. His father is away for business for a couple of days, which means that Tetsurou's worrying and parenting goes on overdrive. Kenma is seventeen and more than capable of looking after himself. In fact, for a whole month, this month, he's the same age as Tetsurou.
It's been five days since they've been back from training camp. With being back at school, focusing on homework and regular practice, Tetsurou seems to have reverted to his normal, ridiculous self and his friendship with Kei seems not to have changed. Which is a relief, because Kenma honestly has no idea how to handle anyone else's problems, let alone his own, he definitely would have had to ask Keiji or Morisuke for help. And by 'help' it would have been along the lines of: 'Tetsurou is broken please fix him'.
He simply must have been reading the situation wrong, doing some Tetsurou style worrying, and saw Tetsurou's stress with the team as more than it was. Although it does seem odd that in the face of the Regional Tournament and the team's first official games, in less than two days, Tetsurou has settled…
Kenma shrugs. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Shouyou on the other hand… Since returning from training camp, each day Shouyou looks more and more dejected. And if they thought his basketball had been erratic and unpredictable at training it's nothing compared to how it is now. He's distracted, barely paying any attention to Keishin or Tetsurou or his teammates. Keishin avoids yelling or lecturing, partly because he doesn't think Shouyou is listening and partly because he's worried Shouyou will break into tears.
Kenma could guess at what's wrong with his boyfriend, he knows about Shouyou's father's illness, but Shouyou hasn't confided in him. Hasn't told him anything. These last few days Shouyou has barely spoken a word to him.
It hurts. But what can Kenma do? He can't force his boyfriend to open up to him, nor would he ever force him to do anything. He just has to wait… Wait and worry.
Feeling hungry, Kenma uncurls himself from his desk chair and stretches, his joints popping pleasantly as he twists his wrists. He slides his bed-socked feet along the ground lazily as he makes his way out to the kitchen and flicks the light switch on. Out the corner of his eye Kenma notices movement of a bush in his backyard and dives behind the kitchen bench.
Heart pounding against his ribcage, Kenma takes a deep breath and peers around the side of the bench. But there is nothing out of the ordinary in his backyard, far as he can see in the darkness that floods it. Huffing a laugh at himself, Kenma rises to his feet.
You've been playing too many video games, Tetsurou's voice in his head scolds.
Putting his microwave meal in to cook, Kenma shuffles back to his room to play more while he waits. When he gets there though, he hears a quiet tapping noise on his window. Feeling goose bumps rise on his skin Kenma moves towards it to hear better, feeling courageous with the heavy curtain drawn closed. The sound is too rhythmic for it to be natural, but is has to be, a plant or animal or something.
The microwave beeps loudly and Kenma slowly backs away from the window. He gets his meal out but, still feeling unsettled, goes over to the back door to make sure he's just imagining things. Squinting out into the darkness of the backyard he can't see anything. Setting his finger on the light switch, Kenma almost jumps out of his own skin when a figure is illuminated in his backyard a mere few feet from him.
He recognises the person immediately though, knowing that messy orange hair anywhere.
"Shouyou?" Kenma asks as he slides the glass door open, frowning. "What the hell are you doing out there? You scared me."
"S-Sorry," he murmurs, closing the distance between them and walking straight into Kenma, wrapping his arms around him. Shouyou's voice is muffled where he's buried his face against Kenma's chest when he says, "I didn't want to knock in case your dad was here."
"He's overseas."
"Oh… Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."
The words are barely spoken, as if he doesn't have the energy to speak and his voice sounds sad and broken. He's cold, frozen and trembling; the nights are getting deathly cold and all Shouyou's wearing is a t-shirt and sweatpants. Kenma can feel his heart breaking for this small, shivering boy in his arms and still doesn't know why… Doesn't know if he wants to know why. Doesn't know if he can handle it.
"Shou you're freezing, come inside."
Without any argument, or even a word, Shouyou is moved easily into the house and Kenma takes his hand, leading Shouyou to his room. Under any other circumstances Kenma might feel nervous about the rather bold action but that's the furthest thing from his mind. He's far too worried about Shouyou to think about the fact that his boyfriend is in his room or to think about that promise to work on their kissing that they never got around to.
Kenma goes to his wardrobe to get Shouyou a hoodie, and maybe even a blanket considering how unusually ice-cold his sun-kissed skin was, but turns back to find Shouyou crawling into his bed. He crawls under the covers, settling himself into the side of the bed that Kenma doesn't sleep on, as if he somehow knows. Of course he doesn't know though, Shouyou always seems to flawlessly fit into all aspects of Kenma's life.
Swallowing hard, Kenma approaches, sitting on his side of the bed and gazing down. Shouyou is distracted, outlining one of the kittens on the pillow case Tetsurou had given Kenma for his birthday.
Kenma's eyes are drawn to the strands of orange hair that fall across Shouyou's forehead and into his eyes. Without a second thought, Kenma brushes the strands back, smoothing his hand over Shouyou's head softly and repeating the action as his eyes flutter closed appreciatively.
"Dad's really sick," Shouyou murmurs, his voice heavy and quiet, barely able to get the words out. Kenma's hand halts its movement, his horror building and twisting his stomach into knots.
Please no. Shou deserves better than to lose his—
"Is he…?" he asks, unable to get the rest of the words past his trembling lips.
Shouyou shrugs the shoulder he isn't lying on. "It happens. It gets better; it gets worse. He's been this bad before," he explains softly, matter-of-factly. "It's selfish… but I feel so alone. Mom's either looking after dad or working or cleaning or doing a million other things. Natsu's too young and only partly understands what's happening. And dad… he's just too sick. It's lonely there… I feel—I feel alone. And it's stupid and selfish because—because dad's—he's d-dying and all I can do is feel lonely."
Tears roll onto the pillow, Shouyou's face contorted with anguish and self-loathing. Usually so helplessly uncertain how to console people, Kenma moves with uncharacteristic determination. He crawls under the covers and wraps his arms around Shouyou, pulling him close and resting his head on the pillow so that they're noses are touching.
Kenma thinks about when his mother left. He was young, but they're some of his first memories, his most painful memories. The loss of the presence of the one person he'd been closest to confused and hurt him beyond any sense of reason. And when he lashed out, when he blamed his father and took it out on him, his father was calm and patient, allowing Kenma to feel. He remembers crying hysterically, telling his father 'I hate you, I hate you!' when really he was saying it to his mother. His father merely drew Kenma into his arms, holding him, understanding him, crying with him, and telling him 'I know, son, I know'.
"You're not selfish," Kenma says, more firmly than he's ever said anything. "You're allowed to feel however you feel, your parents wouldn't begrudge it and your father wouldn't think it selfish. They love you and you love them. You're sad and scared and lonely, they'd understand better than anyone.
"And you're not alone," he affirms, his voice softening with emotion as he smooths back the strands of his wild orange hair once more. "I'm right here, Shouyou. I'm right here."
The distance in Shouyou's eyes clears as he focuses on Kenma's face. Kenma watches as comprehension softens Shouyou's features and affection brightens his eyes.
"I love you, Kenma," Shouyou breathes.
Kenma freezes, not daring to move, not daring to breathe; more tense than he had been when he thought someone was creeping around his backyard. His heart, however, beats steady and slow, seemingly unfazed by the information. Perhaps having already known that Shouyou loves him, perhaps having already known that he—
Shouyou's eyes widen and he moves back, slightly alarmed as Kenma surges forward. Kenma kisses him. And when Shouyou's bottom lip gets trapped between Kenma's as he pulls back, the small gasp Shouyou breathes against his mouth reels him back in. Kenma shapes their lips together, again and again, sometimes bravely sucking or licking at Shouyou's lips. Shouyou's fingers clutch at the front of Kenma's hoody and his leg wraps around his hip.
It's comfortable. The kisses tender and loving. Their bodies warm and entwined.
It's safe.
Kenma loves it. Kenma loves Shouyou.
"Kenma!" An uncertain but frustrated voice calls through the house. It's Tetsurou, he'd know that annoying dad tone anywhere.
Shouyou flinches, eyes wide and scared as he jerks away from Kenma like he's been burnt. Kenma barely has time to sit up and scowl at the door before Tetsurou bursts in.
"I swear you better not be dead or so help me I will—Oh," Tetsurou breathes awkwardly, his eyes narrowing on Shouyou, sitting right on the edge of Kenma's bed, looking about ready to run for his life. Tetsurou's holding a baseball bat, the intimidation factor of which is marginalised by how humorously small the bat is as he hasn't used it since he was a kid and his oddly appropriate 'Stop Stressing Meowt' t-shirt.
"Kenma, next time check your phone so I know that the boy sneaking around outside your house is in fact your boyfriend and not a murderer. And no boys over on a school night," Tetsurou says sternly, but there is a twinkle of amusement in his eye.
"Sorry Captain! It was my fault," Shouyou explains quickly, loudly.
Kenma sighs heavily. "That's not even a rule."
"You make a good point," Tetsurou allows, grinning freely. His expression turns serious once more and he points the bat at them. "But no funny business, we have training tomorrow!"
Shouyou sits up straight so abruptly he almost falls off the bed and salutes. "Of course, sir!"
With a wink, undermining the whole 'no funny business' comment, Tetsurou shuts the door and says, "Have a good night boys."
Only when they hear the front door close does Shouyou slump down on the bed, face first. "I thought he was going to murder me," he mutters into the blankets. "I completely forgot about your second dad."
Kenma feels a smile stretch his lips and laughs at the ridiculousness of it. His best friend is an idiot, but at least Kenma knows he'll always be there if he needs him.
"Come here," Kenma prompts, breaking Shouyou from his distracted staring at Kenma's laughter. Shouyou shuffles under the blankets again. "You haven't been sleeping very well have you?" Shouyou shakes his head. "Okay, you can sleep here and I will get Tetsu to drive you home early so you can get ready for school. I just have to text him and you should message your mom."
Kenma goes to get his phone off his desk but Shouyou catches his sleeve.
"Thank you, Kenma. For everything."
Smiling, Kenma leans down and kisses Shouyou softly on the cheek. "Any time. I love you too after all."
A happy smile warms Shouyou's face as he blinks sleepily at him. No matter what happens, Kenma will be there for him; no matter how difficult or scary. He never wants Shouyou to feel alone ever again, he won't let it happen.
"Ready for the telling final practice?" Tetsurou questions, appearing out of nowhere to lean against the locker beside Kei's. If not for his well-developed, self-disciplined ability to not react to things, he would have flinched.
Kei glances at him but Tetsurou looks far too adorable with his head tilted against the locker and a ridiculous grin stretched across his face, so he swiftly moves his gaze back to his locker. The more he avoids it the closer he gets to being able to convince himself it's getting easier to ignore his desire for Tetsurou and the desire to kiss those stupid, beautiful grins off his stupid, attractive face.
While training camp had been a series of frustrating and awkward events, things seem to have gone back to normal since being back to school. A great relief. The student body isn't even discussing how much of a 'man whore' Tetsurou is anymore. And Tetsurou himself seemed to quickly calm from the basketball stress that had vexed him throughout the week of training camp.
It was hard. Seeing Tetsurou like that; so miserable and distracted. Kei had felt so helpless, the only help he could offer was to play his best and train hard for his team and his captain.
"You make it sound like we're marching off to war," Kei responds, shoving books into his bag and closing his locker.
"But we are Tsukki!" Tetsurou declares, threading his arm through Kei's and pulling him towards the gym for after school practice. "Brothers in arms, off to battle for the glory of National Champion! Our quest starts here, a drizzling backdrop of heavy grey clouds and—"
Kei groans. "You're so loud, Tetsu."
"Tsukki approaches the giant stadium where he has learnt everything he knows—"
"Yes, the gym taught me all the most important life skills."
"—from his trusty commander, who leads the way to finalise their battle preparations—"
"Of how to shoot a ball through a metal circle."
"—that will determine their fate. Victory or doom. It is all up to them now."
Silence falls between them, made even more effective as they exit the bustle of the locker corridor. Without a word, Kei turns towards a grinning Tetsurou, raising an are-you-finished-being-dramatic-yet eyebrow. Tetsurou merely chuckles, his eyes crinkling with mirth. He really is unfairly gorgeous, especially when he smiles so freely, especially when Kei is the cause for such an unrestrained smile.
When they get to the locker-room, most of the team's already there, greeting them with excitement. Despite his dramatics, Tetsurou's right, today's training is important. It's their final practice before Nekodani's first official game in the Regional Championship tournament tomorrow. They'll be playing seven games in the next month that will decide on their eligibility for the State Championship to represent their region. With an unlucky draw, the two games tomorrow promise some of the most difficult match ups though, Nohebi being a team that certainly has the talent to knock them out early.
Even Koutarou isn't fucking around today, dressing quickly and asking Kei if he needs help with anything before leaving. After the almost-getting-hard-against-Tetsurou incident, Koutarou had apologised profusely, going so far as to grovel in the face of Kei's fury. Kei forgave him, not only to stop the embarrassing apology but because after his humiliation dissipated he found he wasn't angry at Koutarou, just at himself. Nonetheless, Koutarou has been overly nice to him all week. It's nice, unnecessary, but nice.
As they start their warm ups Kei's eyes drift to a head of orange hair. Their biggest concern. Concern enough that they're considering dropping Shouyou for Morisuke, which, Kei agrees with.
Shouyou has been getting worse and worse. Lethargic and distracted, barely paying attention to what's going on around him. He's looked like he's barely got any sleep all week, Kei knows the signs from personal experience. Today though, Kei notices that old light in his eyes and less redness around his eyes.
"Finally got your shit together I see, Shrimp?" Kei comments as they're playing a practice match, after carefully measured his mood so as not to actually hurt him. It was obvious something serious was happening with him.
Shouyou doesn't answer, at least verbally. Instead, he makes an impossible steal straight from Kei and charges up the court to make an impossible jump, slam-dunking the ball through the hoop. Meeting Shouyou's intense orange gaze, Kei actually feels the twitch of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
"Come on Tsukki, don't lose to Shouyou!" Tadashi's voice cheers from the sidelines.
Kei turns to him with a withering look, which makes his best friend look horrified, and says, "Hah?"
Keiji approaches, leaning over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. "Let's get it back."
"Obviously," Kei responds, bumping his fist with Keiji's and smiling at Tadashi, who grins back in turn.
The ball slams to the court, echoing around the room as a repetitive reminder that Kei, once again, can't do what he needs to. He growls and turns on his heel to do it again, rubbing the sweatband on his wrist across his forehead to remove the sticky, annoying moisture there.
"Getting frustrated, Tsukki?" Tetsurou says, the provocation of his words making Kei clench his fists, which only means it's working. "Good, do something about it."
The words sound harsh, but that's just how they train. Tetsurou knows how to get under his skin, better than anyone, and it always pushes Kei to play better.
The rest of the team finished training half an hour ago but Tetsurou wanted to try a few extra things with Kei and asked for Keiji and Lev's help.
When Kei turns back around he's facing a smirking Tetsurou and a deeply concentrating Lev. They're playing two on two, but their structure is how the opposition teams will likely work to shut Kei down. Double team him. Even though that leaves one of their other team members free, for Kei to fight back and score with two opponents on him would be incredibly demoralising. Kei understands that, he simply questions Tetsurou's timing in practicing it for the first time.
'I know you can do better Kei, just, please… Show me' Tetsurou had said, his eyes practically pleading. And Kei, knowing how stressed Tetsurou has been about their team and the upcoming games, could say nothing but 'okay'. The last thing he ever wants is to let Tetsurou down.
Keiji's bouncing the ball, waiting for Kei to be ready. He doesn't know that he'll ever be ready; attempt after attempt has left him doubting his ability. His muscles ache, his breath is short, he's covered in sweat and he's exhausted. But Kei glances up and meets Tetsurou's burning brown eyes and knows he has to do this. For the team. For Tetsurou.
"C'mon, Tsukki," Tetsurou growls, his voice full of encouragement so profound Kei can feel it burn through his chest.
Kei straightens, huffing out a breath and then he strides forward. Keiji moves with him in perfect synchronisation. Tetsurou and Lev, having faced it multiple times, prepare for the attack and having the advantage of knowing Keiji won't shoot it himself. Kei can see Tetsurou watching his movement carefully, eyes taking in every flex of muscle, waiting for the telling weave or pivot to evade them. He doesn't do either of those things though, he simply charges forward, straight at them.
A minor twitch of his finger gives Keiji the signal to pass. He can tell Keiji's surprised by the timing of it, but doesn't hesitate, passing powerfully. By the time the ball touches his fingertips Kei's only at the three-point-line, typically too far out with two opponents worth of pressure.
He meets Tetsurou's gaze momentarily and practically hears the disappointed, 'too soon, Tsukki!"
Ignoring it, Kei catches the pass, sets his stance and extends to shoot. Four long arms come into his shooting view and Kei smirks. Too soon, Tetsu. Feet still on the ground, Kei resets his stance swiftly and, shooting view now clear, shoots before Tetsurou and Lev even land from their jump.
Kei doesn't need to watch the arc of the ball as Keiji and Lev do, he knows it's going through and so does Tetsurou. Their gazes meet and it feels like that first week they'd met, that first shot he'd made against Tetsurou at Nekodani's try-outs. Tetsurou stares, in disbelief and amazement. At him, at Kei. He feels pride fill him, tingling and exciting, and smirks at Tetsurou.
"What the actual fuck?" Lev exclaims, confused. "Did he just do what I think he did?"
"Yes," Keiji answers, a hint of surprise in his monotone voice. "Personal time difference."
"You asshole," Tetsurou mutters, a broad grin brightening the shock from his face. "You brilliant, clever, smartass, asshole. You stole my move!"
Kei scoffs. "Yeah, well, you were annoying me. Have to get one up on you somehow."
He barks a loud laugh, shaking his head with disbelief. "You're fucking amazing, Tsukki."
Sucking in a sharp breath, Kei feels warmth rush to his cheeks. If not for the fact that he's already sweaty and likely red-faced from exertion, he would be embarrassed, but all he can do is stare at Tetsurou who stares straight back at him. Smiling.
"Again," Lev prompts excitedly. "Again, again."
"As much as I would love to drill it into Tsukki, make sure he's got the move perfect, it's very situational and I trust his ability to use it when he needs to. We've been here long enough," Tetsurou comments, crouching down to catch his breath finally. "Don't want to over exert you guys before tomorrow. Go home and get a good night of sleep."
"Yes captain!" Lev says, saluting. Something he and Hinata have taken to doing.
With a single nod, Keiji leaves with a, "See you tomorrow."
Stalling, because apparently he's a sucker for punishment, Kei takes his time stretching out his legs and arms as Tetsurou packs away the equipment. He likes spending time with Tetsurou. When it's just the two of them. When it feels like he's the only one Tetsurou sees. When he can delude himself into believing that their conversations and interactions are more than the mere friendship they truly are.
Even without the delusion, simply being around Tetsurou is when Kei feels happiest.
"I really—I still can't believe you pulled that off," Tetsurou says, approaching him after locking the equipment room door. "You did it perfectly too. And there was something even better about your shooting form, if that's even possible. It looked… More natural. More Kei."
The muscles over Kei's ribs tighten at the sound of his name in Tetsurou's mouth, the short, simple sound Tetsurou somehow makes sound like so much more. It doesn't happen often. Kei loves it.
Kei shrugs, nonchalantly and Tetsurou pulls him to his feet.
"It really was awesome," Tetsurou says, smiling face far too close as Kei straightens and Tetsurou casually slings an arm around his shoulders. "You really are incredible, you know that?"
Breath catching in his throat, the weight of Tetsurou's words too important to ignore, Kei turns to face him but forgets. Forgets how close they are. Tetsurou does this so often it feels normal, natural. The warmth of his body searing through Kei's clothes and burn his skin in the most pleasant way. Kei usually avoids this, facing him, and this is exactly why. They're noses are almost touching, Tetsurou's lips stretched into his beautiful smile and the depths of his dark eyes swallow Kei whole.
He's lost. Lost in Tetsurou. The heat of his breath over Kei's face, the beautiful depth of colour of his sweat-damp tan skin, the movement of his long, dark lashes as he glances down at Kei's lips…
Air rushes out of him. Tetsurou is staring at his mouth. Kei's body reacts, the way it's always wanted to, and leans in, closing the distance between them.
Kissing Tetsurou.
For one whole second Kei feels like he's floating, he's warm and his heart is thundering in the best possible way because he's kissing Tetsurou. The calm, breath-taking eye of the hurricane. And then, abruptly, everything falls down around him because he's kissing Tetsurou, who is stiff and uncomfortable and—
Fuck!
Kei pulls away swiftly, like he's been burnt, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth and staring wide-eyed at a shocked looking Tetsurou. "I… I-I'm so sorry. Shit…"
Everything in him is screaming at him to run as adrenaline floods him, fight or flight instincts taking over as Tetsurou stares at him dumbly. Maintaining some semblance of dignity, Kei turns and walks out of the gym, hurriedly.
The world is a blur around his as he gets to his locker and grabs his bags with trembling hands. An accusing voice in his head chanting, you fucking idiot, you fucking idiot! After the fifth attempt, Kei finally gets his jacket on and slings his bags over his shoulder. But when he turns to leave Tetsurou is standing in the doorway.
Kei wants to vomit.
"Tsukki, what—what the hell was that?" Tetsurou questions.
Just like that, the anger and accusation of his voice, edged with a hint of disgust, makes Kei see red. Suddenly everything clears and he's trembling with rage rather than fear and anxiety. Defensive. Frustrated. Enraged.
How many times does he have to stare at him before he notices? How many times does he have to smile at him and laugh with him before he sees? How much more of himself can Kei give before Tetsurou acknowledges him?
"A kiss, I would have thought that was obvious," Kei says, his voice laced with snark.
Tetsurou frowns deeply. "Wh—Why? Why the ever living fuck would you kiss me?"
Kei laughs, completely lacking humour and slightly hysterical. "Because I'm a complete fucking idiot who ever so stupidly started liking you, for God knows what reason."
His dark eyes widen and he pales, shaking his head vigorously. "No. No."
"Oh what? You're going to tell me how I feel now?"
"Nonono, you can't—you don't."
"Yes, yes, I do! I like you Tetsurou. I have feelings for you," Kei yells, carelessly; months of fear and repression completely abandoned.
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not a fucking faggot!" Tetsurou screams.
The silence that follows is deafening. Kei feels like he's been hit, his ears ringing with Tetsurou's voice as the words slicing through his skin like a million tiny razors. Taking in a deep, numbing breath, Kei sets his jaw and moves forward. One foot after the other. Sidestepping an unmoving Tetsurou, he makes his way out the door and outside.
It's pouring rain. The wind rushes about him, threatening to over balance him with every gust. The rain obstructs his view, covering his glasses in a haze. But it doesn't matter. Kei just walks forward. Vaguely aware that this is the road that leads to his house.
A car pulls up beside him, the gravel crunching under wheels. Kei stops. Kei stares straight ahead. He doesn't have to look to know who it is, and yet his head turns in Tetsurou's direction anyway, like he can't help himself. Like, despite everything, he just wants to see Tetsurou.
Kei swallows the bile in his throat and keeps walking.
Wheels skid furiously and Tetsurou disappears. Kei stops walking again.
His whole body starts to shudder, his throat swelling with emotion as hot tears well in his eyes. Tilting his head back, Kei stands there, letting the rain fall on him, soaking through his clothes and chilling him to the bone.
That's what friends are for.
Air rushes back into Tetsurou's lungs and suddenly Kei is gone, no longer standing in front of him angry and terrified and hurt.
"Wait… wait! Kei! Kei wait," he calls out, voice cracking.
But he's gone, the locker-room empty, the corridor empty.
Tetsurou rushes over to his locker and grabs his bags, running out of the room without closing his locker and barely remembering to lock the facilities behind him. He's in his car faster than he believed possible and with a trembling grip on the steering wheel, pulls out onto the road.
He finds Kei quickly even though it felt like an eternity from when he screamed those hideous words to when he could breathe again. Kei's soaking wet, the usual strong set of his shoulders slumped and his usually bright golden eyes dim as he stares distantly.
You did this, an accusing voice in his head seethes. You did this to him. To your friend. To someone you claim to care for.
Tetsurou's hands squeeze the steering wheel, bone white with the pressure. Kei stops, as if considering getting in the car. But no. No… Of course he doesn't want your help, you're the problem, you're the reason he even needs help. Kei keeps walking.
Slamming his hand painfully hard against the steering wheel, Tetsurou growls at himself and then accelerates away. He needs to leave. He needs to get home. He comes to an abrupt stop in his driveway, so quick that it jolts him forward against his seatbelt. But his hands refuse to leave the steering wheel, rain bombarding his windscreen too quickly for his wipers to keep up.
Tetsurou's breath rushes out of him, erratic and panicked. He feels hot, his skin burning. Dizzy, his mind spinning.
I like you, Tetsurou. I have feelings for you.
Slowly detaching a trembling hand from his steering wheel, finger by finger, Tetsurou touches his lips softly. He can still feel it. He can still feel Kei there. The touch of his mouth more tender than anything Tetsurou ever deserved.
He curls his hand into a fist.
"No…"
Fumbling for his phone, Tetsurou wipes the blur from his eyes and focuses on the glowing screen. Searching through his contacts he finds the person he's looking for and does his best not to wince as he hits send.
[19:33] me
busy?
[19:33] ana
never 2 busy 4 u sxy :P
Cringing at the message, Tetsurou puts his phone down and reverses out of his driveway. Ana's house is less than five minutes' drive, but he stretches it to ten minutes avoiding—
Tetsurou's jaw clenches.
When he's outside her house he messages her again and stares at the steering wheel, carefully focusing on nothing. Usually when he needs to distract his mind, he would flood his thoughts with basketball, strategy or the team or training. But any thought of basketball brings him back to…
"Kei," he breathes.
Tetsurou flinches as the passenger side door opens, even though he was expecting it to.
"Hey Tetsu, see you finally decided to forgive me," Ana says, closing the door behind her and leaning over the centre console, closer to him. She's wearing a low-cut top, cleavage on full display, and a short skirt, even though it's a cold fall night. "Where are we going, Tetsu? Are we going to study some more biology?"
"I don't… I don't want to go anywhere," Tetsurou murmurs, hating the way she says his name.
"Oh, well, that's okay, we can do it here. Come here."
Turning his head with a hand on his cheek, Tetsurou is made to look directly at Ana for the first time and she smiles at him. He should feel guilty that he's using Ana to forget about… to forget, but he can't bring himself to. He's pretty sure she wouldn't even care.
Leaning forward, Ana's eyes flutter closed as she meets Tetsurou's mouth. He forces his eyes closed too, focussing on the feel of her mouth. Her lips move against his, softer and more pliant than—don't. Her tongue nudges at his lips, insistent and seeking access. Her kiss is firm and impatient, moving too quickly, unlike—no, stop thinking about it.
Tetsurou feels tense, uncomfortable, and he doesn't know why. He's kissed Ana before, a few times, and has never had this problem before. Letting out a forcefully relaxing breath, Tetsurou cups her face with his hands and tilts his head to deepen the kiss. It's not a bad kiss, it's just not—
He's close, so close. Lips swollen and red as he's habitually, thoughtfully, bitten at them throughout practice. His blond eyelashes flutter closed, soft and delicate against his pale, lightly freckled skin. He smells like sweat and polished pine and rubber, pleasant in its familiarity. His breath is short, hot against Tetsurou's skin. Pressure and movement against his mouth; gentle… tender… craving…
"Mm," Tetsurou groans, his eyes opening wide and he pulls away from Ana. "I don't think… I don't think I can do this…"
"Sure you can, big guy," Ana purrs, tilting her head and licking her lips flirtatiously. "About time you got it in. Isn't that what you want Tetsu, to be inside?"
He doesn't respond, doesn't know how to. What I want?
Ana takes his silence as affirmation and moves forward to kiss him. Her tongue is in his mouth again and Tetsurou awkwardly accepts it, moving his mouth with hers, but he's not paying much attention. Busy contemplating what he wants.
He wants to play basketball. He wants his friends and family to be happy and healthy. He wants to feel light, laughing and smiling and calm, like he does when he's with…
Ana climbs on top of him and Tetsurou's arms rest on her sides automatically, to steady her. She's skinny, his fingers rolling over the hollows between her ribs and he can't help but think there isn't enough muscle, she doesn't feel solid enough. Not like when he held Kei, sitting at the foot of his bed, emotionally drained and with a fierce desire to protect him, Tetsurou's arms wrapped tightly around Kei's surprisingly solid form. He looks tall and gangly, but he's strong, especially through his core. His well-defined abdominal muscles flex as he takes his shirt off to shower after practice, water rolling down the swell of muscle under his milky-white skin…
Tetsurou's cock twitches and he groans against Ana's mouth. In response she grinds against him, rolling her hips. One of his hands moves to her hip while the other moves to her hair. Her hair is thick and his fingers get tangled in it's length, falling straight down her shoulders. It's too long, not soft, not curling around the rims of black-framed glasses, not darkening blond as it sticks to sweat damp skin.
I like you, Tetsurou. I have feelings for you.
Ana moans as Tetsurou's fingers grip tightly into her hair. But all he can hear are the appreciative humming noises Kei made when he was massaging his hand. She grinds down against his now exceedingly hard cock.
"Mm, Kei," Tetsurou moans and Ana freezes against him, pulling away.
"Kei? Who's Kei…?" she questions, sounding more curious than annoyed. Knowing her, as little as he does, she likely – fortunately – doesn't care about the basketball team to know its members.
Tetsurou's eyes are wide as he realises what he's done, what he's said. His stomach tying itself in knots as fear grips him. "F-Fuck… I can't do this."
Ana scoffs. "Saying another girls name isn't enough to make me reconsider."
She leans down quickly and before Tetsurou even knows what's happening her mouth is enclosed on his again, her tongue pushing into his mouth invasively. Groaning a complaint, Tetsurou grips her by the shoulders and pushes her back.
"Get off."
Pouting playfully, she leans into his neck and starts kissing him there. "Aww, come on, Tetsu. Clearly you can't have your little 'Kei', so have me instead."
I could have had him…
Tetsurou's jaw clenches and he pushes her back once more, growling, "I said no, now get the fuck off of me and out of my car."
"Holy shit dude," she giggles to hide her embarrassment as she climbs off him. "You in love with this bitch or something?"
"Get. Out."
Ana sneers at him but obeys. As soon as the passenger door closes Tetsurou reverses out onto the road and drives home, going the long way around again. Avoiding. He turns the radio on, full blast, and sings along with a semi-familiar song – after switching from one he and Kei sing along to in the mornings as they drive to school.
Thankfully neither of his parents are home as he rushes through the house, still half-hard and covered in sweat from practice. Climbing the stairs to his bedroom is uncomfortable. Tetsurou slams the door behind him, throws his bags on the ground far too forcefully and flops down heavily on his bed. He really should shower, he feels gross. But he can't be bothered.
Tetsurou is tired.
I like you, Tetsurou.
Avoiding it is driving him to distraction, so Tetsurou allows his eyes to fall closed and allows himself to finally, really feel it. Kei felt warm, the kiss tender and affectionate, slow and unassuming.
There is a big difference in kissing someone for the sake of kissing them and kissing someone because you really want them. You can feel it, in the touch, in the warmth... Koushi's voice reminds him helpfully. That's what Kei's kiss had been. Kei had wanted it, in that moment Kei had wanted to kiss Tetsurou more than anything. He felt it. The pure need.
If he hadn't been so unresponsive would Kei have done more? Gone further? In the locker-room, would he have backed Tetsurou up against the lockers and leaned in slowly, golden eyes intently focused on nothing but Tetsurou. Would the kiss grow more passionate? Kei's tongue sliding slowly across Tetsurou's top lip, waiting for his response before pushing inside and meeting Tetsurou's tongue.
And, wow, Kei's incredible with his mouth, Koushi's voice reminds him, unhelpfully. Tetsurou's wonders what it would feel like, to nibble and suck at Kei's lips, to make them pink and swollen himself. Kei gets them like that every practice. His lips wrap around the water bottle and his cheeks hollow as he drains the liquid out of it. He tips back his head and his long, pale neck arches, throat working, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows.
Tetsurou opens his eyes to the heat of arousal blazing low in his abdomen and he can feel the blood swelling his erection until it's throbbing and aching and impossible to ignore. Looking down at himself, Tetsurou groans.
He sits up, grabbing the bottle of lube from his bedside table before pulling his shirt off and disposing of it on the floor. Laying back, he lifts his hips and pulls down his shorts and underwear, kicking his shoes on the ground with them. The cold air raises goosebumps on his hot skin in the wake of his warm hand sliding down his stomach. Tetsurou wraps his lube-slicked fingers around himself and lets out a breathy sigh of relief.
Feeling imaginary eyes on him, Tetsurou looks down at himself once more and finds Kei gazing down at him. His gold eyes glisten in the dark as a smirk pulls teasingly at his lips and lowers himself over Tetsurou's cock.
Have to get one up on you somehow, Kei's says in his mind, voice low and promising. Kei smiles again before his jaw drops open and he wraps his beautiful mouth around Tetsurou's cock.
"Kei…" Tetsurou groans, his muscles tensing as he imagines the wet heat of Kei's mouth. Wondering just how much he can take. Wondering what his tongue would do. Wondering at the noises he'd make if Tetsurou laced his fingers through soft blond hair and tugged.
Tetsurou lets his head fall back, moaning loudly as he strokes himself in time with the imaginary bob of Kei's head.
You're so loud, Tetsu, Kei whispers in his ear.
It builds too quickly, he's been worked up for too long and is on the precipice of promised bliss. He doesn't have the willpower to hold on, his body aching and weary, his mind ravished by previously inconceivable, and yet absolutely breath-taking, thoughts of Kei.
Tetsu…
"Fuck, Kei, I'm—"
His heels dig into the mattress and his back arches off the bed. It dizzies him, muscles tensing deliciously tight as he releases onto his stomach.
As he starts to relax, Tetsurou stares up at his ceiling, mind suddenly and painfully clear, and all he wants to do is cry. Especially as he tilts his head up and sees that Kei isn't there. He'll never be there, he reminds himself.
He'll never forgive you.
Hands trembling, a tear rolls down Tetsurou's cheek and he laughs, a short, pathetic, choked sob.