Adam

"How are you?" I asked as we sat at my kitchen table, both cupping our freshly made coffee's. It was the first thing I had said since she'd stepped into the house.

"Better, a lot better. Adam, I'm sorry for leaving, I truly am but I was in a bad place I needed to clear my head. I couldn't cope here with you and everything that reminded me so much of him. It was too painful. I couldn't cope, I'm sorry," and with that a tear rolled down her cheek. I leaned forward wiping it away with the pad of my thumb. It was something I'd done many times but the feel of her soft cheek under my thumb brought a lump to my throat. She'd come back, maybe even for me. It was still hard though. I loved her and the kids so much and when they left me I felt cold and empty. I didn't know what to do with myself at first. There was this big hole and nobody to fill it. Slowly I rebuilt my life, it took a long time but I got there. Could I really face losing them again? I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to carry on if they left me again.

I know why she left. It was painful to be around the house and her when they reminded me so much of him but it was so much more painful being alone and sat in a big silent house. That day was meant to be the happiest of our lives but instead it ended up being the worst. She was at in front of me staring into her cup. I was fixated on her face trying to memorise everything about it. It had been so long since I'd last seen her that my memories were getting hazy.

We fell into silence neither of us knowing what to say next. I sipped my coffee before starting.

"Jess," she took her eyes off the mug in front of her and brought them up to mine, "I've always understood why you had to leave. It was painful, almost too much to bear and it was everyday no where I went ever took it away. I wanted to get away from it as well, so much but I knew that where ever I went it would all still be there but why come back, why now?" She remained silent. I looked deep into her beautiful brown, warm eyes. They reminded me so much of all the good times we shared together. They had changed slightly since then. Now there was a small part of them which carried Harry and what had happened to him.

"It just seemed like the right time," she spoke softly and sadly. I wanted I comfort her but there was something unseen which held me back.

"I loved you both so much. I thought it was too much; I couldn't stand to loss you as well. We were growing apart; I couldn't bear for us to end up bitter and unhappy not after it had been so wonderful between us. I couldn't let that happen.

At first I resented you for saving me and not our baby. You should have saved him first and it took a long time for me to see that you just did the best you could in an awful situation. I wish it could have been different.

When I left I thought I could leave all of the memories behind, that they wouldn't haunt me as much if I was somewhere else. I was wrong only this time I'd pushed you away and didn't have you either. I'd lost you both when I could have held onto you. I've thought of coming back so many times but I couldn't stop the thoughts that you wouldn't want to see me and that you didn't love me anymore. I was scared you wouldn't want me in your life.

Linda could see how unhappy being away from you made me. She tried to talk me into coming back but I couldn't face it, not then, I wasn't ready. Slowly I learnt to live with out you but then I met this guy. He was sweet and charming but all I could do was compare him to you. That's when I knew I had to come back. I have to know where we stand, if there's still a chance for us. I don't want to rush into anything I've got Amelia and Lucas to think of. I just want to know how you feel; about everything." Tears fell down her cheeks as she spoke and all I wanted to do was to wipe them away and hold her but I held back and let her speak desperately wanting to know what she was going to say. She finished I didn't have to think of what I wanted to say I'd gone over this moment in my head thousands of times.

"I love you Jess. I always have. Even when you left I couldn't deny the fact that I loved you. Sometimes I think what you did was for the best. We were both grieving and neither of us was ready to talk to the other about what had happened. Other times though I can't believe you gave up on us. We could have got through it together. I've learned to live with what has happened and although it's painful and some days I have to force myself out of bed I'm living my life. Now I can smile when I think of him. That took a long time and my heart will never fully heal from losing him. I remember his cheeky little giggle when he got tickled under his chin, I remember how happy we were and all the memories we shared as a family." Tears were trailing down both our cheeks, both in happiness and sadness. Our memories were perfect but that's all they were, memories.

I stood and move over to Jess wrapping my arms around her giving her the comfort she wanted and receiving the comfort I wanted.

Kirsty

I'd been held up in the hospital for what seemed like years. I wasn't sure exactly how long it was, but it was defiantly was too long. I wanted to get out. Everyone was suffocating me; they popped in all the time before, after and during shifts and sometimes all three. Everybody had been to visit me, everybody apart from the person I really wanted to see. Every time someone entered my room I expected to see him but he had never come. Did he really not care? Or had he realised what I am. He was the one person I didn't expect to react the way he has. He thought he knew me but now he knows the truth he doesn't want anything to do with me. He knows that I'm a bad person he knows what I was trying to hide. I don't blame him but I had held out hope that he wouldn't mind when he found out the truth. I was wrong, he hadn't bothered to come and see me because he knows me better than anyone else. He knows what kind of person I really am, that I'm not worth it and now he wants nothing to do with me. It was all ruined. I could no longer spend time with him just being friends the best friendship I'd ever had but I wanted so much more from it than that but now it was over, destroyed forever and now I didn't even have his friendship his absence showed that much.

All I wanted to do was get out of bed find Adam and tell him the truth. Who really caused my injuries, to explain that it wasn't his fault, it was mine. They all felt sorry for me but if they knew the truth they wouldn't. They would know I deserved everything I got. It wouldn't be right to burden anyone with that knowledge. When it first started I didn't believe that it was all my fault. I didn't want to believe it was my fault but over the years I've excepted that it is. I just wish I knew how to change it to make it better, change it so what ever I did that was so wrong would be right again. I spent hours cooking and cleaning making sure everything was spotless but there was always a reason. Some of them seemed petty but the reason was still there and no matter how hard I tried everything I did was never good enough.

Everyone spent their time sat beside me trying to hoax me into talking and it was seriously grating on me. I knew I couldn't talk to them so I spent their visits restraining myself and trying to hold an empty look in my eyes. I kept questioning why I was doing this, why she suddenly had the same command over me Warren did but it was simple, because she knew. She had known this whole time and never once let on. She'd seen my injuries on many occasions and listened while I told my excuses to how I got them. She had backed her own son and to hell with me, the mother of her granddaughter, not that she showed that she even likes Nita.

Now she controls my life. She wouldn't even let me speak to warren when he had sat beside me lovingly holding my hand in his begging me to talk to him. Out of everyone Warren had been the worst one to ignore for two reasons. Number one is that he never shows me love and when he does I want to lap up every second of it knowing that it won't last long and number two being that Warren has always ruled me when I was around him. It felt so wrong not to be doing something he said. I kept expecting him to fly of the handle and 'teach' me to obey him, just like he had done at the beginning before I'd learnt it was best to do as he said simply to avoid the pain.

Kathy went about ruling me in a completely different way. She showed me no violence, not that she could have gotten away with it with me being in hospital but instead she threatened to expose me as a battered wife. There was no way I could have everybody looking at me that way so I did as she said. I might already be getting some of those looks because of the whole David thing but if they actually knew the truth those looks would be a lot worse. I would be seen as the weakest of the weak for letting David take the blame for something my husband did to me and they would hate me when they found out that it was my fault it happened, that they'd spent their time worrying about someone who wasn't worth it. Thankfully they hadn't caught David yet and people kept reassuring me I was safe and that he couldn't come back to get me. Little did they know that the person they thought was a million miles away from me now was sat beside me, hidden under a mask of deception and when I went home it would be to him and the bed we shared together.

In a way it was easier to stay quiet. I knew if I started talking I would have a mountain of questions to answer, questions which I have no answers to and I would have to start with the police. They had already been to visit me asking their questions and getting frustrated when I didn't answer them. In the end they gave in knowing that they couldn't force me to talk to them and there was nothing more they could do.

Warren had been fighting my corner whilst I remained mute. He knew how much I would hate being stuck in hospital and kept trying to persuade them to let me come home with him. This morning he had finally won them around and I was being released this afternoon. It was a relieved knowing that I wouldn't have the twenty plus visitors a day but I was scared about how I was going to handle being at home with Warren and Nita. I didn't know if I would be allowed to talk to them there and if I wasn't would Warren beat me until I did?

Warren had accepted Kathy's offer to stay with us until I was back on my feet so she would be standing over my shoulder twenty-four seven making sure I didn't put so much as a toe out of place. I was nothing more than a puppet to them. Just as Warren has released the strings Kathy was there to pull them tightly back into place instead. It did however take of the burden of how I was going to explain what had been happening to me but I desperately wanted to talk to my daughter, to hug her back and mostly to tell her I love her just like I'd promised myself I would do while I was lying beside David. But I was unwilling to stand up to them. It would ruin Nita's life and mine. She would be devastated and shocked because she never saw it coming she would probably blame me and say I was making it all up. There was no way I could do that to her. I've stayed with Warren for fourteen years so that she could have a family so I'm not giving up on it now. So instead I'll just buy my time. I can't stay silent forever.

I don't really know Jessica as a character so she could be completely out of character but I've tried to make her everything I've heard about her. I can rewrite this chapter if you're not happy with Jessica. I went for the evil 'step' mother hope you like it, she's about to get worse.