I'm really sorry this has taken so long to post, I've had some problems since the last time I updated and I wasn't able to use my laptop so this chapter has been sat half finished for a while. Hope you like it. I will up date soon.

Adam

Jess had brought back so many old memories. She was asleep in my bed while I lay awake on the sofa thinking. She'd come back to ask me how I felt and if there was still a chance for us but how do I tell her I have no idea what I feel or if there's a chance for us. She'd come looking for answers but I didn't know what they were.

We'd spent the last couple of days just talking things over. We didn't even left the house. I was meant to be thinking of Jess and coming up with answers to give her but all I could find myself thinking about was Kirsty. She haunted me. Every time I closed my eyes she was there. I saw flashes of her, some of her lying in the shower or being wheeled into rhesus, others where her in David's arms but the strongest ones were of her lying in the badly lit blood soaked corridor. The flashes were my reminder of her in the day, and at night there were the dreams. In these dreams I would desperately try to save her only to have her slip through my fingers and cruelly taken away from me.

I would wake covered in sweat gasping for that first breath and then all I could think about was Kirsty. Anything and everything about her, one of the more common thoughts was about the nightmare she had had and that I witnessed. I was having nightmares about her now. I'd phoned the hospital none stop asking about her when Jess was out of ear shot. I didn't want to upset her but I did have to tell her about Kirsty sooner or later. The only thing was Kirsty wasn't mine to tell her about. She was married they had Nita, nothing about her situation involved me but she was such a huge part of my life. I don't know how I would even start to explain to Jess about Kirsty. It was all so complicated.

Jay

The front door to Kirsty's house closed behind us and I turned to look at Emily. She was supporting the same look as me and we both erupted into laughter.

"God and I thought my mum was bad, never again will she hear a complaint from me. I now know how good I've got it."

"Yer, I've lumped down some tea cakes for my gran but did you see that slop she was calling food." We stood for a moment at the end of the drive grinning like school children at each other before I placed my arm around her shoulders and we started walking back to mine.

We were silent after that but it was a strangely comfortable silence. My thoughts quickly returned to Kirsty. She still looked lost and alone and nobody could reach her. We had all held out hope that being at home would change her, heal some part of her that couldn't be fixed whilst she was in hospital but it seems we were wrong. It's breaking her family. I could tell that Warren and Nita's relationship was heading from bad to worse and I didn't know how long they could carry on with out her. Their relationship looks so rocky and Kathy is only adding to that not making it any easier.

I couldn't understand why Kirsty had just shut down. She had apparently been living with it for years so why now? Was it shame or had it finally become too much and this was the only way she could deal with what has happening? I wanted to know I wanted to help, everyone did. We all felt guilty that we hadn't spotted the signs earlier; that we could have made a difference if we'd taken more time to stop and look, we could have changed it, so that it didn't have to end the way it did. But it had and now we were all trying to make up for not noticing but it was all too late. I was scared that it was too late and now we were going to have to section her. There seemed to be no other way forward. She wouldn't sleep or eat, she wouldn't even acknowledge anyone. There was nothing else we could do. She would be given a week at home, probably less but if nothing changed then what else could we do.

I sighed deeply causing Emily to stop and turn to face me.

"I know, but what else can we do. We can't force her to do anything. It just so frustrating not being able to do anything, we help, that's our job but when we can't," she paused looking for the right word.

"We feel useless," I finished for her.

"Yer," she sighed her blue eyes looking sadly into mine.

"Come here," I pulled her into a hug, resting my cheek on her forehead, "she will get there, it's just going to take longer than we thought." I hoped that we could get her through this; we just needed to know how.

Kirsty

I'd been sat motionless on the sofa ever since I'd got back from the hospital. I couldn't even get myself a glass of water let alone make myself a coffee. I just sat trying to hold my mask in place. I felt it slip ever so often before I pulled myself together knowing the consequences that I would have to face if I didn't.

The creak of a door opening slowly from above me made me tense with fear. The house had been quiet for hours now everyone had gone to bed. I listened as the footsteps came down the stairs and along the hall every inch of me screaming at me desperately to run but I was frozen to the spot. The door opened excruciatingly slowly. My heart was beating a million miles an hour and I suddenly realised how hot I was. My back was to the door so I had no idea who was behind me. Their hand rested on my shoulder. My stomach was churning, my mind racing, trying to think of ways to stop anything that was about to happen. My hands were clenched and sweaty in my lap, the heavy hand resting on my shoulder for a couple of second. My breathing was quick even though I tried to keep it under control. I couldn't show my fear. It made me weaker. I had something to concentrate on if I had to hold onto my strength.

"Mum," Nita's uncertain voice filled me with relief. I took a slow, calming breath but continued to stare in front of me. I'd expected the worst when it had just been my daughter. She came and sat beside me I could see her eyes wide with worry. Seeing her like this was making me want to cry, but it was for the best. She sat beside me for a while studying the side of my face.

"I love you mum." A giant lump caught in my throat at hearing these words, she loves me. Then she leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. She drew back too soon leaving nothing but cold air around me and I was once again left by myself. She kissed my fore head then headed back up stairs to her bedroom. The second I heard her bedroom door close I couldn't hold it in any longer. I wept silently, not letting so much as a whimper of sound out into the silent house. Tears fell down my cheeks, the lumps caught in my throat and I fought to swallow them.

I quickly regained control again and took a quick look around the room just to check that there was, in fact, nobody watching me. I always got a creepy feeling like somebody was when I was in this house. The house was dark with nothing but the light from the street lamp outside coming through the window. Lots of the corners were pitch-black and I looked at them nervously, scared at what might jump out at me. Shadows hung from everything making the room feel daunting. All I wanted to do was hide under the covers or run and turn on the light. I felt like a child, a frightened little defenceless child. One who runs through the darkness to the safety of their own bed and hides under the covers from 'monsters.' Only now the monster from my childhood doesn't lie in the void under my bed or hiding in my closet waiting to pounce; now he lies in my bed waiting for me to come to him, as I always do.

I don't have my mum or dad to come running to me to dry my tears when I wake screaming in the night after a nightmare, I have him, the one who caused my nightmares. I can live with it though, for her, as long as he isn't causing her any of these things. I could give her a family; I do give her a family. We would have a family for as long as I held it together.