Kakashi propped his hip against the counter as he bounced Sasuke gently. He looked at Keiko with hard eyes.

"No."

"Why not?" his cousin whined. She crossed her arms. "He's turning four!"

"Doesn't matter. I am not inviting Gai."

"You know what? Who cares what you think! I'm going to Iruka!"

Keiko stomped out of the room. Kakashi stiffened, knowing what would happen next.

She would tell Iruka; the brunette would invite Gai; Itachi would be scarred for life because of him; Kakashi would be contemplating suicide; and it would start all over again for Sasuke's birthday.

He hated his life sometimes.

He sighed and looked down at Sasuke, happily mouthing one of his toys. The baby looked at him with dark eyes.

"Sasuke, I forbid you to train with Gai," he muttered, shifting his weight to reach for Sasuke's food.

/\/\

Itachi shook his head, trying to clear the excessive noise. Why were so many people he didn't know at his birthday party?

"Happy birthday, Itachi!" Kushina said, setting Naruto next to Sasuke. Itachi smiled and raised his arms for a hug. The redhead grinned and bent down to embrace him.

"Don't tell your daddy," she whispered, "but Uncle Minato and I are taking you home with us."

"Really?" Itachi pulled back and stared at her with wide eyes.

"Yep!" Kushina tilted her head to the side. "I'll pack for you before the night is over, okay?"

Itachi nodded eagerly and she wandered away towards the kitchen.

A man dressed in green spandex stumbled into the room on his hands, panting. Itachi glanced at him wearily before shuffling closer to his father, gripping the gray-haired ninja's pant leg. Kakashi patted him on the head.

"Don't worry, Itachi," he said. "He'll be gone soon."

Kakashi nearly sprinted form the room, going into the kitchen.

"Minato-sensei," he panted. "Please tell me Anko is not going to be here."

Minato shrugged, taking a sip of his drink with a smirk. "Don't know."

Kakashi whimpered and glanced back at the living room, where everyone was gathered. Then he grinned under his mask and shifted, barking at the expression Minato was giving him.

"That is not fair, Kakashi," the blonde muttered. He grabbed the sake bottle, dropping his glass in the sink. "If we have to deal with them, you do too."

Kakashi feigned temporary hearing loss and damn near pranced back into the living room.

Iruka glared at him from where he was talking to Kurenai and Asuma. Kakashi let his tongue loll out of his mouth in place of a smug grin and wandered over to Itachi, who happily patted him on the head.

Gai sprang over to where they were, grinning. "YOUTH! My rival, you are a wonderful man! Raising two children who are not your—"

Kakashi lunged forward and lodged his teeth into the man's leg, who cried out and tried to push him away.

I swear, Gai, Kakashi threatened, you say anything about the adoption I will not hesitate to kill you.

"G-got it, rival!" Gai finally tugged his sore leg free, whining. Kakashi backed away and shook his head. He didn't know what the man was complaining about; he hadn't even broken skin!

Itachi looked at them weirdly then shrugged. Shinobi were weird. So was his dad. He wasn't going to say anything.

Iruka stomped over to them, gripping the back of Kakashi's neck and dragging the wolf away. He let him go when they reached the kitchen, where Minato was still downing the alcohol.

"What did he do now?" Minato grunted, shaking his head. It was times like these he wished he could go to a bar and drink his weight in booze.

"Bit Gai."

"Ha!" Minato laughed drunkenly, raising his hand for a high-five. "Good job, Kakashi!"

Iruka glared at him and hit Kakashi above his tail. The wolf whimpered and dropped to his belly, tail curled around him. The brunette smirked.

"I knew that having a dog when I was younger would come in handy."

Minato laughed again and lifted his bottle to his mouth. Iruka stomped over to him and snatched it from him.

"No more sake for you, Hokage-sama."

"Please," Minato hiccuped. "I'm not the Hokage right now! Right now, I'm a superhero! Call me Jiraiya!"

"Did somebody say my name?" Jiraiya himself walked into the room, and Iruka gaped at him.

"Who the heck invited you?" He frowned. "When the hell did you even get back in the village?"

"That is for me to know," the Sannin said, raising his arms. He giggled. "And for you to find out! Come on, Minato! We must fight crime!"

He and the blonde stumbled from the room, and in the confusion Kakashi was able to slip out. He crawled over to the couch, where he slipped between it and the wall and hid.

He stayed there until he heard that Minato and Jiraiya were walking on the ceiling. He lifted his head and stared up at his sensei as the blonde maneuvered his way over to Jiraiya.

He sat up, cocking his head to the side. He crept out from behind the couch, relieved to see that Iruka did not glare at him when the brunette locked eyes with him.

Kakashi shifted and stood next to Anko, who offered him a sake bottle. He took it pulled his mask down, for once not caring who saw him. He trusted these people, and he needed alcohol.

Anko smirked at him. "You do realize that you're trying to get drunk at your son's birthday party?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Nothing." Anko scratched her arm. "Just thought you should know that Minato and Jiraiya look like they're going to ask you to join them."

"Oh, hell no!"

Kakashi handed the bottle back to her and hurried over to Tsume, who handed him a sleeping Kiba.

"Hold him," she said desperately. "I really have to pee!"

She sprinted away and Kakashi blinked. He could now 'being asked to hold Tsume's youngest child while she runs away to pee' to his list of things he never thought he would be asked.

Huh. He had some weird friends…

A/N: One or two more chapter you guys! Soon I'll be done with my stories and can work on the sequels! Yay!