Chapter 17: Learning To Forgive

"I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."

-- Roy Croft

I couldn't help but stare at Cornelius's arm. The goo ran down his arm and stained his dirty sweater even more. I couldn't help but wonder as to what he did to get such a nasty wound. It must have been bad from the looks of it. Then my thoughts dragged back to Alex and as to why we were here in the first place. I turned my attention from his arm to his eyes and said quietly

"Cornelius, have you seen Alex?"

"Well, the last I saw, he was still in that cage." He responded

"Well, we need to get him and get out of here as soon as possible…" I said quietly and I looked over towards Dustin for guidance. He simply nodded his head in approval and then we turned back to Cornelius. Then I heard a rather loud wail come somewhere from behind us. Juliet was still crying and it bothered me. As much as I disliked her, it made me sad as to the fact that she may never be happy again. Then Cornelius's voice broke through my thoughts

"Ugh, it's Witch. Do you think we could speed this up and find him before I get my ear drums blown?"

"That's a good idea but there's one problem." I said quietly

"And that is?" He questioned

"I kinda threw the keys away…" I answered and looked away. It was silent except for Juliet's crying which made my stomach churn a little. I was so distant that I almost didn't hear Cornelius respond

"Great, just great. Now what are we supposed to do?"

"Um…look for the keys?" I suggested silently

"I highly doubt that Ell. From the way you put it, you threw them pretty far. Plus, we'd have to go back a few miles due to them moving on." Dustin answered. I sighed rather heavy and turned around. From where I was standing, I could see CEDA soldiers walking beside their prey. Somewhere in there was Alex was alone and for all I know, could be for the rest of his life. I had caused this, and I couldn't even undo it. My dead heart choked my chest as I thought more and more about this. What had I done? Tears almost flew to my eyes but were stopped by my sudden burst of courage. I'd go look for him and help him myself, even if it cost my life. I could hear Dustin and Cornelius protest as I walked out of the bushes.

It was still raining as I walked silently beside these foreign creatures. They didn't seem to notice, or care about me and that was a plus to this. I watched every single one of them go by and people shouted at one another to either hurry up or watch out in case something attacked. They weren't very smart considering the fact that I could just sit there and they'd pass me like I was nothing. I watched silently and checked each cage as they passed. I could still hear Juliet crying among other things. I held my breath as I saw him pass. He was sitting there and watched everything pass. He growled and hissed when a soldier passed his cage. What had gotten into him? Then everything stopped with a sudden halt. It caught me by surprise when everyone rushed to the source of the problem. I only had a few moments so I needed to hurry.

I ran to his cage and he hissed at me with such ferocity that I jumped a little. I stayed a little away, in case something happen, and I began to speak to him

"Alex, I'm so sorry about earlier…I can understand if you're mad at me, but I've come to fix it…I've come to get you out…"

He growled at me in response. He wasn't speaking, but growling. He hissed at me as I got closer and when I neared, he let out a demonic shriek. I jumped lightly and looked at him. Why was he acting this way? What had happened to him while I was gone? I was about to speak again when he screeched again. I told him to hush and he returned to his growling state. I came to the bars and wrapped my pale gray fingers around the icy iron. It chilled me to the bone just as the rain did. I spoke quietly again

"Alex, what's wrong? Please talk t-"

I was cut off by him screeching that horrifying scream. I reached out to calm him but only swatted me away with such force that he cut me with his cat like claws. I retracted my cold hands only to find dark goo oozing out from it. The moment I saw it, I felt the pain. It was excruciatingly painful and I held my hand closely to me. As I did, the tears began to form in my eyes. I was afraid to get close to the iron hell again so I backed away. My heart still choked my insides and my stomach still churned. This wasn't the same, gentle Alex that I loved and knew. This was a cruel, feral-demon that was not mine. Realizing this, more tears spilled. I could hear him pace back forth as he watched me. The very sensation from when we first met, the first time he held me in his arms. I cried a river of tears, more that the sky had cried. I wanted to believe that he was just messing around, playing a horrible trick on me. But I knew he wasn't. I managed to stop crying enough to choke out

"A-Alex, please listen t-to me."

He only hissed in response but I continued

"If you're s-still in t-there, I want you t-to know one t-thing."

Again, he only hissed in response but this time, he sounded more agitated.

"I… l-love you. And s- seeing you this way, it k-kills me inside…when I'm with you, you're the reason as to why my dead heart relives again. You're the very b- beat to its l-lost sound, and when you're g-gone, it's empty and l-lonely. It d-dies once more. You have my dead life in your very hands and you c-crush it by p-pushing me away. I'm sorry that I p-pushed you away, I-I really am. I-I love you s-so much, and I-I'm s-sorry. I-I wish you could f-forgive me…"

The rain came down hard and it hid my tears well. I stuttered my way through all of that but that wasn't the reason why I had felt so foolish. He growled and snarled as I poured my whole heart out to him, and snapped as I said I loved him. How could he forgive me if I couldn't forgive myself? But it didn't matter now, I already said it. I would have kisses him, better than the first time I did, but he would have cut me not just physically but emotionally. I stood in the rain by the creature I loved and listened to all the sounds around me. Juliet's crying was getting harsher and hoarser. It sounded as if she were calling out to something, or anyone. Too bad she was stuck in there too, she'd never get out until New Orleans, which was very far away. But I was content to stand here, to die if I must, but I'd stay with Alex no matter what. I'd share his pain and grief with him to make him feel a little less lonely. Maybe, just maybe, Dustin and Cornelius would get the hint that I'm not coming back and leave. For now, I'd waste away in the rain with my sweet Alex, even if he never got to know how much he meant to me.