"Half Blood Harry Potter"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Percy Jackson and all related demigods (with the exception of Loki) belong to Rick Riordan.
DZ2: Oh, yes, I could have said "tall, handsome, and sparkling," but you have to admit, "tall, handsome and angsty" is funny as well – I laugh every time I read it. LOL.
krissieb481: Glad I could inspire you in my own way. Thank you for your support.
WhiteElfElder: Gee, you think? LOL!
Chapter 39
The Yule Ball began with a song in slow triple time, so the Champions and their dates took the waltz position, but with a cry of "Ωπα!" it broke into a faster duple time dance tune, at which point everyone else joined into the dance or clapped along.
[Both parts constitute the instrumental "Through Poland to Jewish Village," featured in the 1983 TV miniseries "The Winds of War" – based off the book by Herman Wouk – and the Family Guy episode "Road to Germany."]
The second piece to play was a slow Chinese love song ["美丽的神话" (Beautiful Myth) as sung by 孙楠Sun Nan and 韩红Han Hong].
A violin started to play in the background as Loki sang [tune: "When You're Evil" by Voltaire]
"When my Father is too busy, and Tartarus is too much,
They call on me, by name Loki, for my prankster's touch!
To the gentlemen I'm a terror, to the ladies I'm a freak,
Call on me, it's all the same; why should it matter to me?"
The music stopped, then it continued as Loki and Thalia danced:
"I'm the paddle come to spank, I'm the freak with a new prank,
I'm the boogey with a scare, come to drag you to my lair,
I am IT with a new laugh, I'm a nightmare and a half,
I'm a crise cardique, come to turn you on a rack …
People are scared 'cause I seem evil …
It's so fun to be me! The Furies laugh as they do see
The terror on the Face of Evil …
And I do it gratuit ...
The screams are all the pay I'll ever need!
Evil tries to roll the dice, while there's bad guys left to slice,
While my brother is off pissed, I will scratch names off my list!
I am Freddy of the screams, come to haunt you in your dreams,
It's a game, I love to play it; shall I be the one to say it?
People are scared 'cause I seem evil …
It's so fun to be me! The Furies laugh as they do see
The terror on the Face of Evil …
And I do it gratuit ...
The screams are all the pay I'll ever need!
I pledge ... my allegiance ... to Lord Potter
And I ... promise on the River Styx … to … always play my tricks!
Lord … Moldyshorts has never seen … a freak who's mad like me!
Not … only scares the bugs, but does so with such glee!
I'm the fear that drives you nuts, I'm the boot that kicks your butt,
I'm the madness in your brain, I'm the laugh that drives insane,
A Son of Death who does not care if you are the least prepared,
What's the debt that all men pay? You may just meet Him today!
People are scared 'cause I seem evil …
It's so fun to be me! The Furies laugh as they do see
The terror on the Face of Evil …
And I do it gratuit!
The screams are all the pay I'll ever need!
And I do it gratuit!
The screams are all the pay I'll ever need!
And I do it gratuit!
The screams are all the pay I'll ever need!"
Tears leaked from Loki's eyes as he mused:
"It is so sad when ... you seem evil …
What I'd do to make you smile … even for a little while …
Who loves me now when I seem evil?"
Thalia said, "Loki ..."
He cackled.
"Depressed; well, is that me?
My friends give me the company I need!"
"Harry? Do you remember how I said that Loki is a darker and crazier version of you?"
"Of course I remember, Percy."
"Well, let me add more: he gets a kick out of carnage, guts, and stroking his ..."
"PERSEUS JACKSON!" Sally and Annabeth said in stereo.
"I was going to say ego!"
"No, you weren't, young man!" said Sally.
"We are certain you were not going to say ego, Percy," said Annabeth.
"Και συ, Annie?" (You as well)
~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~
After another slow dance [to "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Middler], Hermione felt a tap on her shoulder.
"Hermione? May I have this next dance with my son?"
Her mouth dropped open when she spun around. "Lily Potter?"
"Mum? I thought ..."
"You thought I was dead? Yes, I died, but your Uncle allowed me to come back for a brief amount of time. May I have this next dance with him, Hermione?"
"Of course, be my guest. Loki, are you free for a dance?"
"It would be my pleasure, Lady Potter."
~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~
As Loki and Hermione danced [to "The Godfather Waltz" by Nino Rota, from the classic film of that name], Loki looked at her in wonder. "Have you told Harry yet?"
"Why, whatever could you mean?"
"Don't play naïve with me, Hermione. You can do what you can to hide this surprise from him, but I can sense it within you. You are with child."
She blushed. "Mother could sense it as well. I forgot about your ability to sense life forms. Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Should that make any iota of difference?"
"No, Loki, it makes no difference. I was curious, that's all. You won't tell Harry, right?"
He made a zipping motion over his mouth. "My lips are sealed. You can tell him later tonight."
"Loki?"
"Hmm?"
"Assuming we come out of this future battle alive … would you like to be godfather?"
"Me? A godfather? Oh, Hermione, there is no need for the puppy dog eyes … I accept this great honor."
She smiled at him. "You see, Don Vito Corleone isn't the sole person who can make an offer you can't refuse."
He rolled his eyes. "Oy … who would have thought I would have a clever minx for a cousin?"
"Who would have thought I would have a madman for a cousin?"
"Ah, touché! Well played!"
"Well, it takes a clever brain to save Harry Potter's tuchas a countless number of times!"
"Although watching the both of you engage in friendly banter is nothing short of amusing," said Percy, "Sirius has an announcement for us. Were we interrupting something?" He waggled his eyebrows at Loki.
"No, not at all, Percy."
"Are you sure? We can come back to collect you later ..."
"Stow it, Tuna Breath! Where is our table? I could use a good nosh or two."
They sat down at the table, as Percy said, "Would you like me to call a dump truck full of food?"
Loki rolled his eyes. "Alright, Tuna Breath, why don't you zip it?"
"Hey, I was having a –"
"Zip it!"
"Come on –"
"Zip it!"
"Why do you –"
"Zip it!"
"You're being –"
"When a problem comes along, you must zip it! Zip it!" Whipping noise. "Zip it good!"
"Could somebody –"
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with Ex-Zipit A!"
"Loki –"
"你能停吗？你太好笑了。 Subtitle: Zip it."
Cho snorted at Loki's intentional mistranslation.
Sally was laughing at the byplay between the two cousins, while Sirius and the others were grinning. "Okay, if you two are finished with the bickering –" said Sirius.
"Loki loves chocolate, Percy don't!"
"Mom, could you make him stop?"
SMACK! "OW! THALIA!"
"Go ahead, Sirius," she said.
"Thank you for that, Thalia. Now, with all these witnesses gathered around, I, Lord Sirius Orion Black, have a question for Sally Jackson." He brought out a box and opened it to reveal the ring within. "Sally Jackson, will you marry me?"
"YES!" She gave him a heated kiss. When they parted, Sirius put the ring on her finger.
"When did you get the opportunities to date her, Sirius?" said Harry.
"Did you think Sally and I spent all of our time cooped up inside my house, Harry? Muggle London has many dating activities available. As for the sterility question, my Dad fixed it up, so it would be possible for me to have kids again! Not that we engaged in that activity … yet … giggity ..."
"To many happy years for my godfather and his new wife, Percy's mom," said Harry, lifting a glass with everyone else. "Cheers!"
"Cheers!/干杯！/Γεια μας!" said everyone else.
~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~
Much to Loki's shock, the scene froze.
"What is this odd magic?"
A chuckle that froze his bones sounded in the air. "Oh, what a happy occasion! I wish I could say I hate spoiling a happy gathering like this … but that would be a lie. Hello … brother … or should that be … grandson?"
Loki spun around. "What are you doing here, brother? Have you come to kill us already?"
"No, I do not have the strength for that – for I am a mere apparition – but after tonight, that may be a moot point. Perhaps you may die tonight, perhaps you will die later … it matters not. Everyone of you will die … except her." He pointed at Hermione.
"Hermione? What is your interest in her?"
"Well, even the Lord of Time realizes He needs His new son to have heirs. What better female to provide those heirs than the Cleverest Witch of Potter's Generation?"
"Your new son?"
"Behold." Loki saw a vision of Hermione snogging a familiar redhead.
"Ron Weasley, the Troll Brain? Why would she love him?"
Voldemort-Kronos laughed. "Love? Oh, you mortals are so pathetic with your love! Why should love enter into the equation? One way or another, she will provide Us with heirs … your precious Camp Half Blood will die along with you, and Mount Olympus will fall!"
"NEVER! WE WILL STOP YOU!"
"Oh, how amusing you are, Loki! I am afraid you are too late to stop Us. Look at her again."
The wine in her glass, Loki thought with a dawning horror.
Another cold laugh. "Yes … you are too late to stop it. If you do survive the night – and I doubt it – We will meet later. Valar morghulis and all that jazz. Don't forget to scream on your way down!" Voldemort-Kronos disappeared with a madman's cackle.
~HALF BLOOD HARRY POTTER~
The scene unfroze, and Loki leaped for Hermione's glass.
"Loki!" she said in shock. "I was drinking … AAAH!"
She bent over in pain, and Loki saw a golden mist exit her womb. He heard the unborn child's scream in his mind before it disappeared: "Daddy, Mommy, HELP ME!"
"Hermione!" said Harry. "Are you okay?"
She looked up at him with a cold grin, her eyes golden. "I feel better now," she said in a voice that was a mixture between her voice and the voice of Lord Baby Eater. With a burst of magic, she sent everyone flying from the table …
Author's Note: So the plot thickens. Read and review! For the record, you can find the music on Youtube – a really good English translation cover of 美丽神话 is by a Youtube user called melloe. It's not an exact translation, but it tries to translate the general spirit of the song. The original is awesome as well.
Smiles and laughter,
Loki Palmer