Disclaimer: not mine
Warnings: Some hints at slashy feelings maybe...maybe not... you be the judge.
This is the last chapter I have written on this story, so there won't be any updates for a bit.
Author's Note: Yes I know this is the second posting in one day – but – I won't be home in the morning and if I flunk my Math final like I think I'm going to – I won't be in a very Posty Mood – and you guys shouldn't suffer because of me.
That said - I have to get updates for MOII, and Saving Grace done before I update this again so it will be a few days.
In the meantime – HAPPY SATURNALIA to one and all.
And please send me good vibes and stuff – if I don't pass Math – I'm screwed. Ugh...
Destiny's Child
Chapter 5
In Which Things Get Complicated
Spock finished the reports he had been working on and informed Dr. McCoy that there had been no change in the Captain's condition, but that Jim had bathed, and gotten ready for bed and was now asleep. Leonard also expressed his own wish that Jim would return to normal when he woke up. They again agreed to meet in the mess hall unless Jim did return to normal.
After getting ready for bed himself, Spock checked on 'James' one more time before shutting both bathroom doors and climbing into his own bed. He had been asleep only a short time when his senses alerted him to the presence of another being his room. His eyes snapped open to find a dark figure looming next to his bed.
As his eyes adjusted he could see that the dark, looming figure had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and was sucking on one of it's thumbs. The shadowed figure sighed deeply and continued sucking the appendage in it's mouth.
"James, why are you not asleep?"
"It's dark in there."
"It is not." Spock said curtly, raising himself up onto his elbows. "I left the ambient lighting at 10%. That is great enough to illuminate your path to the bathroom, yet still allow you to sleep."
"It makes scary shadows."
"I see. Shadows are just areas where the light is hindered by a solid object and is therefore unable to be illuminated. There is nothing to be afraid of."
"Yes huh there is, there's noises too. Big ones, and little ones, and creeky creepy ones, and scrapey ones and all kinds of em."
"Those are just the standard noises of a starship James. Do you not remember these noises from before?"
Jim shrugged, which Spock was beginning to suspect meant yes, but he didn't want to admit it.
"I'm ascared. Can't I just sleep wif you?"
"That would not be appropriate." Spock said immediately, before asking the computer to turn the lights on to 60% power.
"Please," Jim tried, pouting the pout and batting the eyelashes he was learning got him his way with Spock, Bones, and Christine. This time Spock resisted, for he knew he must, he had no choice in the matter.
"No Jim."
"James. You said James member."
"Yes...James, I'm afraid I cannot grant your request, however, we may be able to come to a compromise."
"How come, how come I can't just sleep wif you. I sleeped wif Mom all the time when I had a bad dream. Or Sam sometimes when Mom wasn't home."
"It is simply not a good idea James. Perhaps we could make you a bed on the couch. It is big enough for you."
"Yeah, but it's in the living room part and not in here in the bedroom part and even though there's not a door there's the wall thingy and I can't not see you and I'd still be by myself and that's scary."
"I see." Spock said, surveying his surroundings. His bedroom was quite large by Starfleet standards, as was Jim's. Being the command team had it's privileges. His living area consisted of a desk and work area, a table and chairs, near the replicator, and a recreation and relaxation area with a couch and chase lounge. Jim's was identically furnished.
Spock's bed had long ago been pushed and affixed against one wall. Jim's was in the center of his bedroom where it had been bolted to begin with. The larger units of furniture were permanently bolted for safety reason. Although by the same reasoning the smaller furniture should have been as well. Spock didn't make the rules or design the Starships, he just lived there. He had however had his bed moved to accommodate his meditation area. He left his meditation mat, candles, lamp, and stone arranged on the floor against the far wall.
He supposed that these things could be once again returned to the drawer beneath his bed in order to accommodate another, smaller bed on that side of the room, if the situation with Jim proved to be lengthy or permanent. For now he was reasonably sure he could remove the chase lounge from the living room area and put it on that side of the room. Jim seemed to be fine with that arrangement.
It took some time and some doing, but Spock was able to unbolt the chase lounge and move it with Jim's help. As they worked, Spock noted that Jim's skills with tools were definitely still intact as well.
This caused him to remember something else. When shutting the bathroom doors, the computer automatically locked one, when the other was opened, for privacy purposes. An override code was needed in order to unlock the second door and enter the other residence.
Spock had obtained the code from the CMO earlier of course, which is how he'd managed to unlock both doors. Normally the CMO and his top staff members were the only ones allowed to have those codes since most quarters were set up to allow 4 residences to share one large bathroom. In the lowest ranks some of those residences were double occupancy – which meant as many as 8 people shared one large bathroom. The codes were put in place for privacy and safety reasons. They were designed to be used in the event of a medical emergency.
Not that it wasn't possible to bypass the codes, but one would have to have considerable computer skills to be able to bypass those codes without alerting security protocols that it had been done and setting off an alarm.
Spock knew of several individuals aboard the Enterprise with the skills to do just that, a few of them worked in the IT department that maintained the ships computer systems, a couple of them, including Mr. Scott, worked in Engineering. Some of the main bridge crew also possessed such skills. He himself did, as well as Ensign Pavel Chekov, and of course Jim Kirk. That is, the Jim Kirk that as of 4 days before, had been fully adult and Captain of the Enterprise.
"James, how did you enter my room?" Spock asked hesitantly.
"Through the bathroom door silly."
"That is not what I mean and you know it." Spock informed him as he laid the sheets out on the chase lounge. "The computer automatically locks the door to my room, when you enter the bathroom from yours. Therefore, the door to my room was locked. How then did you enter my room?"
Jim shrugged. This of course meant that he knew very well how he'd done it, but didn't want to tell Spock. Spock was glad at least that he was learning to read James' body language.
"You will not be in trouble, I am simply trying to ascertain how you were able to gain entrance through a locked door, without tripping the alarm. Did you bypass the security codes James." Jim looked shamefully at his feet and hugged his blanket to him.
"You promise you won't be mad."
"I will not. You have not done anything wrong."
"I'm not asposed to bypass the codes."
"You are the Captain, and are allowed to do so when the situation merits it. You have full authority if you deem it necessary and it will not harm another, or invade their privacy."
"I'm NOT the Captain no more! You are!" Jim suddenly shouted, throwing himself onto Spock's bed.
"Alright, technically I am the Acting Captain James, but that is just as I said, a technicality. You are still not in trouble, and I am not mad, and as soon as you are yourself again, you will be Captain once more."
"No! No I won't!"
"James, what is wrong?" Spock said, sitting beside Jim on the bed, trying to figure out what had upset him. Did he miss the Captaincy so much that he was angry at Spock for taking it from him, even though he couldn't be the Captain in his current state?
"I....I.... it's nothin' Spock. I'm sorry." Jim said sitting and wiping tears from his eyes. "I...I did bypass the codes, and I did an override on the security protocols so the alarms wouldn't sound. I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
Spock was a bit taken aback by this. Although it was the answer he expected, it was surprising that Jim still possessed such complex knowledge, learned by his adult self. He was also surprised at how much James had sounded like Jim when uttering that last statement. He hadn't even stumbled over the big words. McCoy had been quite right about the personality and maturity fluctuations.
"It would seem that your considerable computer skills are still fully intact if you were able to bypass those codes and protocols. Very curious." Spock said more to himself than to Jim. "You have no need to apologize. I should have left the doors open in case you needed something, however, knowing that you still posses your computer skills is very helpful."
"It is?"
"Yes it is. Remind me to inform Dr. McCoy in the morning." Spock said as he finished making Jim's bed on the chase lounge. "Are you ready to try sleeping again. This is not the proper length, but if your condition remains unchanged we can find an alternative."
"I guess. I still don't know why I can't just sleep wif you, but it's gonna remain unchanged."
"As I said before, it would be inappropriate, and how do you know that it will remain unchanged."
"It's cuz of him ain't it?"
"What is because of whom? Please clarify your statement, and answer my query."
"It's because of Jim. That's why it's not propriate. Cuz of Jim, isn't it? And I just know."
"I do not understand. You are Jim."
"No I'm not. I'm not Jim at all. Jim is Jim. I'm me. I'm James. I'm James to you, and Jimbo or Kiddo, or Sport to Bones, and Jimmy to Christine, but I'm NOT JIM. I'm not Jim and I'm not gonna be him. Not for a long time. Jim's the Captain. He's the one that...." Jim trailed off scowling but wouldn't continue to explain. When Spock prompted him to continue he shrugged and scowled again, but continued.
"He's just the one that's all. He's the Captain. I'm not. I'm Not the Captain and I ain't gonna be, and he's not coming back unless I say. He's gots too much stuff to think about and even if he does figure it all out that don't mean I haveta let him come back. I got stuff I gotta figure out too ya know, and my stuff is just as portant as his."
"Of course it is." Spock stated, not really grasping what Jim was saying, but hearing the desperation in the childlike voice of his friend. "If I am to understand you correctly, your condition, though temporary, is provisional...."
"I'm not a condition!" Jim cut him off. "I'm a person. Quit calling me a condition just acuz you like him better." Spock sighed realizing he had hurt Jim's feelings. James' feelings.
"I apologize. It was not my intent to hurt your feelings, and I have no preference toward your previous incarnation."
"Yes you do Spock. I know you like me just fine, but I know you liked him better and you wish he'd come back. That's why I can't sleep wif you. Cuz you like him better. Cuz you maybe like him more than you should sometimes and you still see him when you look at me. That's okay. You'll get used to me. Then you'll just see me. You'll still miss him though huh?"
"I suppose. It is a very confusing situation James."
"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean to yell. I'm just flushtrated."
"Frustrated."
"That too."
"For having the mind of a child, you are very...insightful James." Spock noted without really admitting anything.
"I'm asposed to be."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, you know, cuz of the stuff, so I'm asposed to be sightful, so it will help."
"Please clarify. To what 'stuff' are you referring."
"You know. The stuff. Like what I was saying before with the my stuff and his stuff."
"I see, and so when you have figured out 'the stuff' then Jim will return."
"I guess, but only if he figures out his stuff too, and then we both haveta agree or I can say no, that's the deal. I can say no, or he can say no, or both of us can say yes, but if only one says yes, then the whole thing's a no."
"I see." Spock wasn't really sure he did see, but it was clear that there was much more going on here than he and Dr. McCoy had originally anticipated. "If you and the Captain have to agree, does that mean you can communicate with him?"
"I guess..., maybe..., well, no, not really..., I dunno. It's …. complicated? Is that the right word?"
"Yes I believe it is."
"This is funny." Jim said dangling his legs off the end of the chase lounge and completely changing the subject. "I don't fit so good. Can we get a different bed in here tomorrow."
"You are quite sure that you cannot sleep in your own quarters?"
"Quite sure, it's scary. Least not now. Maybe someday when I get braver, but I'm not braver right now."
"Are you also quite sure that your cond....That you will be staying with us for a while, and that Jim will not be returning to us any time soon?"
"Uh huh. Quite sure about that too. I know that makes you sad, but I can't be sorry about it, cuz I like that I get to spend some time wif you Spock. Jim didn't preciate it, but I do and I'm gonna...." Jim suddenly sighed dejectedly and cast his eyes downward once more. "Oh...." he said, as if someone had told him something he didn't want to hear.
"Oh what?"
Jim shrugged and continued to swing his legs off the end of the chase lounge before asking innocently if Spock could tuck him in.
"I will tuck you in, if you tell me what you are keeping from me." Spock said, spreading the blue and brown blanket over James, picture side up and tucking the blankets in around him.
"He did. Preciate it I mean. But I'm still not sorry, and if he felt that way he shoulda done somthin' about it, that's what."
"You are referring to Jim. He should have done something about what?"
"How he felt. I need to go to sleep now."
"I do not understand. To what feelings are you referring and what should Jim have done?"
"Can't say."
"You cannot say because you do not know, or you cannot say because you are not allowed? And if you are not allowed, who is making these rules for you and preventing you from telling me?" Spock urged, trying to ascertain what or who could be responsible for Jim's current predicament. Perhaps if he could ascertain who had done this, and why, it would help them reverse Jim's condition. James had spoken of a 'deal' so it was possible that he knew who was responsible.
"Um... it's not my thing to say Spock, it's his, Jim's. He has to tell you."
"I see, you cannot say, because it is not your place."
"Yeah, that. And I can't say who made us this way, acuz I don't know that, so you might as well stop tryin' to get me to tell you. I can't tell you what I don't know, and that's the truth."
"Once again, your insight is uncanny." Spock simply replied, internally noting James' use of the word us in his explanation.
He obviously had some communication or connection to his adult self's conscious. Whether or not they were indeed two separate incarnations or consciences residing in one body remained to be seen, and it wasn't clear whether or not James knew the answer to that question.
The question was, who did? The next question was, if he and Dr. McCoy could find out who knew and what the answer was, what would, or could, he and Dr. McCoy do about it?
Jim demanded another 'hugkiss' goodnight, which Spock indulged in letting himself enjoy just a bit this time, relenting himself to his supposed fate. He climbed back into his own bed, ordering the computer to keep the ambient lighting a 5% after ensuring that was enough lighting for James.
"It is if I can still see you Spock, and I can. Night Spock, luv you." James yawned before promptly falling asleep.
Spock didn't have time to return the spoken gesture, which was quite alright as he had no discernible response to the sentiment. He had much to think about. Many of the things James had said had been confusing and could constitute different interpretations. He would have much to discuss with Dr. McCoy in the morning.