It takes Dave four days to figure out that he can't riddle this one out alone. Oh, sure, he tried. He locked himself in his room and did nothing but think for as long as he could stand it. All he did was go in circles. Bro is his guardian. The excessive age gap is illegal, even if the Internet claims that it's not technically pedophilia. It's still wrong. It should feel wrong. He should call a help line or the police or something and report parent incest and sexual abuse. It's abuse if Bro touches him, right? Which he did. So he should feel sick and disgusted and used. But Dave doesn't.
Bro said that he wanted Dave's consent. So… maybe it's about more than just sex? It's already illegal. What would tacking rape on top of everything else do? Nothing. Just more years in jail if anyone finds out. And Bro hasn't even taken away Dave's phone or grounded him to keep him from leaving. Which means that he has Bro's trust, even though that is incredibly dangerous to risk in such a delicate situation.
On Friday, Dave slips out of the house while Bro is asleep and heads towards the park. A nice quiet place to sit and ask Rose for help via Pesterchum. He left a note as a second thought, just explaining where he's going and when he should be back. He doesn't want Bro to worry or come looking for him, after all.
The real problem though, is how he was going to explain this situation to Rose without giving away what was happening at home. She would blow it out of proportion. Well, it is already out of proportion, but still. Bro isn't hurting him. He wants Dave's consent and to make him feel good. That's not abuse, is it? It's still unethical though, and Dave's mind is spinning as he walks. He wants Bro at least physically but that could just be the hormones talking. How is Dave supposed to know if he actually fully wants this?
The park is only a few blocks away, and Dave arrives quicker than he expected. But that's fine. He isn't looking forward to this conversation or having Rose trying to analyze his fucked up brain, but what else is he supposed to do? He doesn't have anyone else to turn to who could help. Besides a professional therapist. But while Rose might ask questions, Dave can avoid answering them pretty easily over text. In person? Not so much.
He takes a seat on one of the benches lining the paths, directly across from the fountain and the playground for the kids just to the right. It's pretty early in the morning, so there's no kids around yet, but there probably will be in an hour or two. Which gives Dave plenty of time to do this uninterrupted.
He sighs, but pulls out his phone and opens Pesterchum. And of course, Rose is online. The time is different in New York - one hour ahead, to be exact - but still. It's like she's always online when Dave needs her.
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 6:33 -
TG: so uh
TG: whats up
TT: Is that really the best opening you can come up with?
TG: maybe it is maybe it isnt
TG: either way it started the conversation so now whos the fool rose
TT: I'm going to hazard a guess at still you, Dave.
TG: its always so nice talking to you
TG: you really know how to boost a guys self esteem
TT: Thank you.
TT: It warms my blackened heart to hear that from you, Dave.
TG: whoa you mean theres actually something in there
TG: i thought you were just a completely empty shell of what used to be a happy little girl who got a fucking pony
TT: Again with the pony? Really?
TG: yes again with the fucking pony
TG: your mom got you a pony
TG: why the fuck are you mad at her do you know how many kids would kill for a pony
TT: Dave, I find it hard it believe that you're only here to pester me about my mommy issues. So are you just bored? Would you like to fill me in on your lackluster day so far? I'll even take notes if you want. It'll help keep up the façade of me being your personal therapist and actually wanting to poke around in your nightmare of a subconscious.
TG: no this isnt about your mommy issues or my crippling need for attention ill give you that
TG: but while were on the topic of parents can you help me with something
TT: Ah, there it is. Tell me all of your deepest issues, Dave, because I obviously have nothing better to do than sit here and give you obvious advice that you won't follow anyway.
TG: how about you get off the computer leave your room drop the sass like physically drop it and then come back and we can talk
TT: Alright, give me a minute.
TG: make it two you have a lot of sass that needs to be checked
TG: youd probably get stopped at an airport for carrying so much sass
TG: they have a weight limit for carry on rose and that sass of yours puts you 2 tons over i mean good god no one should have that much sass
TG: its sheer weight and volume would probably snap your spine
TG: so just drop it and ignore it because it never existed and you are actually a perfectly pleasant person
TT: Well, I tried, Dave. I tried, but it seems that I can't drop my sass. It runs through my veins. No blood - just pure sass.
TG: god dammit rose you had one job
TT: I gave it my best shot. Looks like I was right to keep my day job. Which is being your personal therapist. And I don't even get payed for my services. That's child labor, by the way. This is an illegal and socially frowned-upon thing you're doing.
TG: you know its funny that youd bring up illegal things right now
TT: What did you do?
TG: wow what the fuck rose
TG: i havent even finished my train of thought and youre already making assumptions
TG: ill have you know that my slow but sure descent into criminal wrongdoings wont be happening until at least after my future movie career has crashed and burned
TG: at least rose
TT: Well, at least you have goals. Even if they're awful and should be seriously reconsidered. It's a start.
TG: thank you
TT: So what's this illegal thing that you definitely didn't do?
TG: alright so uh
TG: say that there was this older person who you had always sort of admired and looked up to as a role model
TG: and say that they admire you too but for
TG: different reasons
TT: Clarify something for me in this hypothetical scenario of yours. How much older is this role model?
TG: like twice your age
TT: Uh huh. And these… "different reasons" would be…?
TG: like sexual reasons
TG: they want to get it on with you hella bad
TG: and you think that you kind of want it too but theyre just so much older than you and youre under age and completely unsure on whether or not it would be like a serious relationship or just you guys being fuck buddies and also if you would even want a real relationship
TG: because you think that you sort of kinda like them a lot but theres just so many variables and you really shouldnt because its illegal and just over all wrong
TT: Dave, why are you asking me if you should have sex with your Bro?
TG: thats not what im asking at all!
TT: It's cute that you think you can bullshit me, even after all these years of knowing each other.
TT: Here's my advice. Ready? I know you won't follow it, but I'll tell you anyway.
TT: If you want to do it, then do it.
TG: rose you just told me to have illegal incestuous sex with the man who is the equivalent of my father
TG: i mean technically
TG: hes not much of a dad but hes the closest thing to one i have
TT: Hear me out, Dave. You're stubborn and so is he, so if either of you want something, there is little that will keep you from it, including laws. If you're going to fuck your brother though, a few things.
TT: First, leave me out of it. I have absolutely no interest in your sex life, Dave.
TT: Second, you should be certain. Mediate on it if you have to. Just be sure. Because once you say yes, I think we both know that the chances of ever going back are slim to none.
TG: rose your advice is awful
TT: You're going to be seventeen in five months, Dave, which is when you will technically be of legal age based on the age of consent laws in Texas.
TT: I doubt that you're going to be more mature than you are now by the time that rolls around. And honestly, you seem perfectly capable of deciding what you do and don't want.
TT: The two of you aren't even really related. He adopted you, didn't he? Had to fill out the official paperwork after he found you on his doorstep. At least, that's how you tell it, right?
TT: So my advice sums up to this:
TT: Do what you want.
TG: i came here for guidance and im honestly feeling so attacked right now
TT: Dave, you're not a child. You can make your own decisions, can't you?
TG: of course i can make my own decisions
TG: the problem is my decisions are notoriously awful and usually end in everything getting 10x worse
TT: Honestly, Dave, it's not a hard decision make. Yes or no?
TG: how the fuck should i know!
TG: hes like twice my age rose and he raised me but now theres just these feelings added into the mix of what was already a complicated relationship
TT: Dave, I seriously can't help you with this. This is a delicate situation. You could always call the police and report sexual harassment and attempted incest, but something tells me that's not an option for you.
TG: yeah no shit its not
TG: hes still my bro and i dont want to get him thrown in jail or anything
TG: plus hes pretty much all i have
TT: Then tell him no and go back to your old relationship.
TG: i dont think i can
TT: You're going to have to.
TT: If it helps, I promise not to mention this conversation to anyone else.
TG: yeah i guess that helps
TG: wouldnt want john or jade finding out about my severe daddy issues
TT: I can see where that conversation would be awkward.
TT: My lips are sealed, but I do have to go now. Mom is insisting on making breakfast, and I have to supervise. She's trying to kick her drinking habit, and she's not very… good at hand-eye coordination yet.
TG: alright you go make sure your mom doesnt burn the house down trying to make cereal and ill keep my pants on
TG: setting goals rose
TG: its the first and most important step of getting shit done
TT: Have fun being productive, Dave. And good luck.
TG: thanks
TG: i think im gonna need it
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 6:54 -
Dave doesn't feel any better about the whole thing when he closes Pesterchum and leans back against the park bench. If anything, he feels worse. That was all Rose has to offer? "Do what you want"? Really?
He sighs, running a hand through his hair and tucking his phone back into his pocket. Fine, then. He can definitely say no to Bro. Doing so will deny both of them, but if he can't make a choice, then society can make one for him. This is the smart path. The one he usually avoids, but it will have the best outcome for both of them in the long run.
There's still no children in the park when he leaves. Just a couple out jogging.
When he gets home, Bro is - predictably - waiting for him. That's new. Usually, Bro isn't predictable. He's sitting on the futon, though the TV is off and his normally relaxed position is tense. Dave realizes how bad this must have looked to Bro. He could have easily gone to report him to the police, but Dave hadn't. And Bro could have gone down to the park if he wanted to check out the legitimacy of Dave's story, but he hadn't.
They're walking a thin line between each other, but at least they still have mutual trust.
Bro doesn't say anything. He never was one for smalltalk, and that probably isn't going to be changing anytime soon. Regardless, Dave can feel Bro's eyes on him as he moves into the kitchen to get something to drink. The last time he tried this around Bro, he ended up with a boner, but this time it goes much smoother. Dave still doesn't risk bending over. Instead, he just pours himself a glass of milk, pretending not to be staring at Bro as he does. They're both waiting for the other to make a move. To say something before the tension in the air becomes unbearable.
Finally, Dave sighs, setting the untouched glass down on the counter. He doesn't know why he bothered with it. He isn't even thirsty. "Bro. We should… talk." Dave begins nervously, not risking so much as a glance in Bro's direction. "This… thing going on between us - whatever it is - it needs to stop. Before it gets out of hand or someone finds out and you end up in jail."
The words feel good to get off of his chest, but all it does is make Dave more aware of what he's still holding back.
"I know." Bro's voice, low and unusually quiet, comes as a surprise to Dave. "We should stop, shouldn't we? But before we do, lemme ask you something."
Dave knew that letting his guard down was a mistake. Bro is upon him in no time at all, his hands gripping the counter on either side of Dave as they lock eyes. Oh, sure, he tries to look away, but then Bro grasps his jaw loosely with one leather-clad hand and Dave knows that he's royally fucked.
This close, Dave can see the outline of Bro's eyes through his shades. He can't remember when he last saw Bro's amber orbs head on, but he can remember how they look in great detail. They're nothing but a faded memory, but still special. Still beautiful.
"Do you want this?" Bro asks under his breath, so quiet that Dave isn't sure at first if his brother even spoke at all.
"Wha-?"
"Do you want this?" He repeats, a hardened edge to his voice as his hold on Dave's jaw tightens. "And I don't want to hear some bullshit excuse about how wrong it is. I don't want you to tell me the consequences or everything immoral about it. I'm already going to Hell, Dave. So tell me straight up. Do. You. Want. This?" He punctuates each word carefully, and he's so close by now that Dave can feel their breath mingling and it sends shivers down his spine.
Dave can't answer immediately. He's searching Bro's shades, looking for - something. He's not sure what. He wants to know what Bro wants. Does he want a quick fuck or does he want a regular thing? Like a relationship. But then again, Bro wouldn't be asking if all he wanted was to fuck. He would just do it if that was the case. And besides. He had asked about what Dave wants. Consequences be damned.
He closes his eyes, and the word comes out as no more than a breath. "Yes."
A/N: If anyone knows how to color text on ArchiveOfOurOwn, let me know, because I refuse to post this chapter there without it, and I won't be updating until that happens.