Chapter XVI: Good Girl

I can't help but smile. I take all three of them in and can easily read them. The boy was going to be a stubborn one, that much I could tell. The loud one reminded me of Ino a bit, and that wasn't compliment. The other girl seemed to keep mostly to herself. I didn't see too much of my old teammates in them and I felt rather grateful for that. I wouldn't want to constantly compare them.

I let out a sigh, letting the thoughts go.

'My name is Sakura Haruno,' I say, introducing myself. I get up from my spot and think for a moment what I want so say. I snicker inwardly before wording my thoughts. 'There isn't much to say about me. I love a lot of things and there is an equal amount of things I hate.'

I take note that as a child you have it so much easier. Once you're older it all becomes a blur. After every word said comes a but, or a when, or except or a maybe… It was never truly clear. I remember thing much more simpleminded when I was their age. It was black or white. Wrong or right. Good or bad.

'Over the course we'll get to know eachother a lot better...' I mutter quietly, 'but first you need to pass this test.' I hold out the bells and can't help but smirk a bit maliciously, knowing the pain they would have to go through to succeed.

Walking home from my first day, I was feeling rather content. They had "passed" the test the same way team seven had. Well, perhaps I was being a bit too easy on them but I had no need to copy my own mentors. I could see the potential in them. It would take some time and work. And even so, by the end they had actually managed to be somewhat more of team then we had ever been on day one. There was no rivalry for once.
Well, there was little bit of rivalry but just not as intense as the one between Sasuke and Naruto had been.
I then make note I had never seen any rivalry as theirs.

I catch myself humming when walking down the streets. As I go get something to eat, I make a quick analyzation. A week and a half has passed since my talk with Kakashi and during the last three meetings we had, we seemed to have found our ease around one another again. Though something between us had changed, something permanent. There would always be a little bit of electricity that would hung ominously in the air. I couldn't quite place my finger on what this exactly meant but I let it be.

I haven't spoken or seen Sasuke since we all went out for dinner…

I make a disapproval sound, I was going to talk to him.

As I decide what to eat tonight, I catch a glimpse of one of my students down the streets. She too looked rather in a good mood and was talking loudly to her younger sister. I can't help but smile approvingly. Or perhaps it was the reassuring feeling that I got when I saw her that made me smile. Either way, it didn't matter.

Seeing those kids made me reflect on myself a lot more and as I walked home, I realize I can see little bit of myself in each and single one of them. I could be quite juvenile as a child but was always sharp when I needed it to be. I guess, though I had scowled Naruto so many times, I could be rather persistent on getting something I want too. Tsunade's teaching were definitely no walk in the park.

As I ponder on and on, I even find myself viewing Sasuke and Naruto differently. I see them differently. Like young boys and I can't help but feel the pity I should've shown when we were just starting out.
I was such a dumb kid. I didn't even think about their pain… No, I shake my head. That wasn't it. I just didn't understand. I didn't know how to feel their pain.

I think of the boys and in my imagination I see them grown. Though there are images of Sasuke that are missing. He wasn't around for such big part… The boy kind of reminds me him. Quiet, stubborn and sometimes even a bit rude. But no matter how much he puts up a front, I can see his anger.
I let out a sad sigh when I think of all the victims the war has cost us. He was far from the only one to lose both his parents.

I hoped I could get through to him and let him see beyond those negatives emotions.

Look who's talking… I snicker inside. The idiot who could hardly figure herself out and is not one bit closer to looking beyond herself and the past.

I shake off the sneering voice and tell myself to further enjoy my rather nice day.

 As I pushed the key into the lock, it occurs to me that, for Kakashi, the three of us were probably just as readable as I found my students now. …I wonder if he started to see himself differently because of us?

As I open the door I halt, noting a presence in my apartment. My heart falters a little, unhappy to find him intruding my personal space. I was having such a good day… I angrily push the door open and give him a cold glare when seeing him standing in the middle of my living-room.
Sure I wanted to talk to him but not like this. It would at least be on my own terms and with my permission to enter my house.

'Sasuke,' I say his name with a strictness, making it clear I do not approve of finding him here.

He was holding the book I had been reading. I inwardly roll my eyes because he of course barges into my house, looks at my daily belongings and picks up to see the rather cheesy book I was reading for the moment.

'What are you doing here?' I then ask as he throws it back down on the sofa where I had left it.

He gave an unfazed look before looking around some more. He eventually speaks up when I am halfway inside, putting the food I had bought on my kitchen counter.

'I'm leaving… and I had simply wished to say goodbye.'

I look over my shoulder at his stoic expression. 'And you couldn't do that waiting in front of my door?'

'I apologize,' he simply answered. His dark eyes got me staggered for a moment. They looked different, as if he was brooding on something. I suddenly felt a little nervous, remembering he had seen me talk to Kakashi. The memory of that conversation made my cheeks flush a little, suddenly hoping he hadn't heard or picked up on anything.

I turn around with a sigh, turning my head to the side when seeing his awkward posture standing in the middle of my beloved living-room. We had such a nice time together only a week and a half ago.

Perhaps I need to take control of the situation now that it had represented itself and make the best of it.

I open my mouth and for a second my first question was going to be will you be gone long, which in the end doesn't matter to me nor would he'd be able to tell me. Where he was going was just as unimportant.

'Would you like to stay for dinner?' I ask instead. He was going and that was the point of him being here.

To my surprise he nods. I'm a bit taken back in surprise but me make no remark on it. I tell him I need some time to get it ready. I wanted to say make yourself comfortable but that felt as something uncomfortable to say, so I say nothing at all and let him be. He eventually joins me in the kitchen and helps out without saying a word.

A strange silence hangs in the air but we both get used to it and prepare dinner together. It is a bit of an odd situation and presumably hilariously ironic when seeing our relation in third person. I even found it a bit amusing myself, having to hold in a snicker when I accidently bump into him.

It was awkward but we somehow manage to get the food ready.

'Just a little more,' I quietly say as I stir into the pot and turn the beef in the pan. It smelled really good and I was rather proud of myself.

'I don't want you to be mad at me.'

Startled, I look up at him. He had a look in his eyes I had only seen once, when he had asked me for forgiveness the very first time. A sincere, defeated and almost sad look. Sad for all he had done, eager to make it right. I gape a little at him and don't know what to say. I focus on the food again.

I'm not mad… Am I?

'Sakura,' he says, not letting me get away with it. 'I don't want… I don't want to part knowing your mad at me.'

I turn around. The food is practically ready so there is no need to pretend any longer. The way he looks at me makes me think of the boy. I shake my head inwardly, no not my student. That boy I fell in love with years ago.

I did feel anger. Frustration. Sometimes I was indeed mad at him.

I stare into your dark eyes. Maybe I was mad at you because I could never be anything else but that good girl you claimed I was. I felt trapped in a persona you've created because I feared you otherwise you would've never return. And after a long time, I realized this person didn't mean a thing to you. I had only fooled myself into believing I was this person and that you would return to her.

You never returned. You were still leaving.

'Back in the house,' I start. 'You told me I was good.'

You only nod and intently listen to me talk.

'I'm not always this good, loving, caring person,' I then say, for once daring to mouth my feelings and thoughts in a rather sincere moment. 'Sometimes I'm quite the opposite. I'm not always a good girl.'

I do suddenly feel angry.

I then come to the realization I'm mostly upset at myself for letting you push me, even at such great distance, into this person I wasn't. I'm not always innocent. I'm not always doing the right thing… most of the time, I don't know what I'm doing. I had those same feelings while growing up and yes, you are partly to blame.

'I don't hate you,' I then add out loud. 'I just need… I don't know. I'm still figuring that out.'
I turn my attention back to the food. I stir in the cranberries, a guilty pleasure of mine. Though the thought of its sweetness normally watered my mouth, I now felt nothing. I couldn't tell if I was doing the right thing or not.

'I don't want you to be anything.' You move next to me. 'I'm content to hear you do not hate me, it is feeling I never wish to bring upon anyone… especially you. And if I ever pressured you into thinking you had to be someone you're not, I apologize.'

I let his words sink in a little.

I slap him on his chest. 'Stop being so nice,' I say. 'I don't know how to handle it.'
I give him a small smile and I see him smile back at me out of the corner of my eye. I stir in the cranberries again. He gets two plates for the both of us and we proceed to finally start eating.

We talk a bit more during dinner. I feel strange being so close to him and talk about trivial matters. Even when I talk about my day and how much I've enjoyed it, he's surprisingly supportive now and even asks me out about my students. I tell him a bit about the boy.
'If one person is capable to make him see the good, it is you,' he nonchalantly remark. 'I'm still very thankful for… everything.' He then adds, making me feel a bit uneasy. I hide my embarrassment by grabbing our plates and getting up to the sink. He follows behind with the rest of the dishes.

I try to keep it light, like we had been talking before. I bring up Naruto, jokingly remarking he would never forgive us for letting him miss out on a free meal. He snickers, adding, as always, a little insult when thinking of him.
I start cleaning up and give him the pan to put in the sink. 'Don't mind, I'll do it later,' I say about the dishes.
When I grab the pot of cranberries I can't help but put my finger in it and lick it clean.

'This is the very best part of the meal,' I say when I feel his eyes on me, probably disapproving of my rather childish habit of still cleaning out the pot. When I reach for my finger in again I suddenly feel him on my back and I see him grab my wrist. I see my finger disappear in his mouth.

I let out a short staggered breath.

He suckles on my finger for a moment and moves in even closer to me. I can feel his breath on my skin. His nose touching my cheek.

'I'm sorry,' he breathily whispered. 'I just… I'll stop. I can't seem to…' I can hear him struggle with his words and instead of stopping I feel his mouth in my neck. I want to resist but instead I feel myself melt into his arms. He has peculiar scent. I feel my hand touching his face and he trails openmouthed kisses in my neck until I meet him halfway and our mouths find each other. Unlike before, I can't seem to think.

Everything is a haze.

Turning me around slowly, his mouth never leaves mine and his hand travels over my body.

We finally part for air and I see the same wildness in his eyes I've seen before, that what had me so worried. His hand lightly touches my face, putting a lost strand of hair in the back of my ear. His eyes flutter shut again and continues on. I can tell he won't just let me go this time. His tongue ravishes mine and I feel my heart beat loudly. Excitement enters my veins and I'm not able to control myself either. Feeling his hair and holding on to his neck, I let out a moan. His mouth travels again.

I dare to say that I might not be able to stop him if I wanted him to.

We're at a point I no longer want to stop.

He pulls up my leg, pushing me closer to him. His one arm wrapped around my waist. His mouth on every inch of my skin.
I only open my eyes from time to time just to see his face. I never catch him with his eyes open, as if he savors every passing moment between us.

We move around and eventually I strip you partly of your clothes. I feel your bare chest and arms, feeling flushed with every touch. The electric feeling I once felt only slightly, now was pulsing through my entire body.

I almost feel as if I am losing my mind.

You don't strip me of my clothes until we're in bed. Eventually only sweat is what is between us.
You turn every naïve fantasy I once had in reality. Patient yet bold at times. Always gentle.

I kiss your neck. You enjoy every touch. We eventually lose ourselves.

I wake up in the middle of the night in your arms, holding me close. I flutter my eyes shut and tell myself to relishing this moment. To relish this night and forget everything.
I drift into a deep sleep, letting obscurity have me for all I am.

The next morning you are gone.

Few more chapters to go but not before some more trouble here and there. Thanks for the reviews! Next chapter will be up soon!