Oolong the Terrible

"You called, Hokage?" Kakashi asked as he walked into the Hokage's office. He didn't even glance at the old man, his eye was focused on his favorite orange book. He casually stopped mere inches from the desk.

Hiruzen was standing at the window of his office. He knew that Kakashi didn't care much for Naruto (he heard the boy mention it to him on numerous occasions), but he was still his instructor. He didn't even glance back as the man spoke. "It's about Naruto. It's very urgent."

"Is it about Jiraiya training him? I was informed about it already, I'm fine with it." The Third Hokage noticed the way the man spat Jiraiya's name, but decided to hold it to himself for the time being. "Besides, I wouldn't have had much time anyway. I'm teaching Sasuke to master the Sharingan."

"It isn't about that." The old man said with a strong voice. "Do you recall hearing anything unusual today?"

Kakashi thought for a few seconds, but couldn't think of anything. "Not that I can recall."

The Third exhaled. He nearly forgot who he was talking to. If it wasn't reading amazing works of literature or torturing genin, it would go right by Kakashi. His carefree nature was almost dangerous, considering he was an A ranked ninja. "Today... I heard a yell that was unmistakably the boy's." Kakashi looked up from his reading.

"Surely, you must be hearing things. I know the speed that the old man travels by, and even at a slow pace then they would be out of range." Kakashi looked back towards his book. "He's fine, I'm sure of it."

The old village leader turned and faced Kakashi. He tried his hardest to maintain his calm. "I understand how you feel about Jiraiya, but what about... his son?"

Kakashi flinched. He closed his only revealed eye and slid his book into his pocket. He breathed deeply as he thought about his old sensei. "I'm sorry sir, but as much as I would like to help locate the duo, I'm simply not the right person for the job. Maybe you should ask Kurenai, her tracking team would be the perfect choice for this." Kakashi spoke with a much softer tone. Hiruzen almost felt bad for bringing up the name of his successor. He decided that arguing with Kakashi would have been much too draining and dropped the subject.

"Very well, send me Kurenai at once."

Naruto had to say that his time with the duo of Goku and Bulma was... amusing. First, they went to the girls house. Once in the house, Naruto was shocked as the girl started yelling about her panties. The boy Goku mentioned something about her not having balls and the next thing Naruto knew the girl was holding a contraption that he later learned was called a gun. Amazingly after an onslaught of small metal projectiles, Goku only suffered holes in his shirt.

After everything mellowed out, the girl placed her house into a small 'capsule'. Naruto was beyond shocked at this and made her open the capsule again to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Not long after the kids arrived at a village that seemed abandoned, yet they learned that everyone was hiding from some monstrosity called Oolong. After some talking to a villager (whom struck Goku on the head in fear), Bulma agreed that they would get rid of Oolong, but only in exchange for the Dragon Ball in an elderly woman's possession. And now Naruto and Goku stood dressed up as girls in the center of the town, being drooled over by a large pig faced being with horns.

"Wow, you ladies sure are hot!" the demon said. "Two for the price of one, and they both are pretty. Man, is it my lucky day or what?"

"Yes, just take us already!" Naruto said in his best girl voice, which wasn't that good. His butt was really starting to itch under this hideous pink dress. He looked over to the side and saw Goku trembling. "Hey, what's wrong?" Naruto whispered loudly.

"I gotta pee!" Goku whispered back, whilst jumping from foot to foot.

"I know! You're afraid of the way I look, aren't you?" The two boy's in disguise ignored the 'demon' as he burst into a large cloud of smoke. When the smoke cleared there stood a man in a large trench coat and a cane tucked under his left arm, with a large top hat in his left hand. He leaned into a bow. "How about this my lady? Or would you prefer a younger man?" The man was thrust to the ground as the door he was standing in front of burst open.

"N-nice to meet you! I'm Bulma!" The blue haired girl stood at the door staring at the man.

Oolong stared at the girl with his jaw hanging. His eyes instantly went to her breast. "What size is your-oof!" he was cut off as a foot connected to his jaw. The man was sent tumbling backwards and landed with a thud a few feet away.

"What the HFIL?" Bulma yelled. "There was a perfectly good boyfriend for me and you ruined it Naruto!"

Naruto growled as he threw off his dress, his face a bright shade of red. Goku quickly followed suit and ran to a tree behind them to relieve himself.

"Don't get all googly eyed over him!" the Jinchuuriki shouted. "He's the enemy!"

Bulma growled and yelled with an apparent rage. "My one reason for collecting the Dragon Balls were for a hot boyfriend! I could have saved my wish to be rich instead!"

As the two argued, they didn't notice the transformed man slowly rising to his feet, a scowl spread across his face. "Hey, are you telling me that... those girls... weren't girls?" he asked as he saw the two boys, one pulling up his pants and the other rubbing his head where the girl just struck him.

"You think you can make a fool of me?" the man yelled, finally gaining the groups attention. "I'll teach you all to mess with me!" A loud 'poof' was heard as the man transformed into a large bull, causing a shriek from Bulma, a scowl from Naruto, and a smirk from Goku.

"Can I beat him up now?" Goku asked as he placed a hand on his pole. He lowered into a fighting stance, his smirk widening.

"Do what you want, he's nothing to me!" Bulma yelled as she ran into the house she recently exited.

The bull seemed to be nervous. He kicked up dust with his right hoove. "You sure you wanna fight me?" he asked with a smirk.

"Bring it on!" Goku bounced in excitement, a small giggle escaping him.

The bull started sweating profusely and looking at the two boys. "B-but I'm really strong!" he yelled in an attempt to seem scary. "The two of you have no chance, don't you know that?"

A large grin spread on Naruto's face. "Is that so?" He crossed his fingers and a large cloud of smoke ensued the village. From the smoke his voice could be heard. "Then what about two hundred?" There was literally a clone in every street of the town, even some standing on buildings.

The bull-man-pig was blanketed in sweat as he saw the numerous boys. He could only mutter two words as the boys all jumped at him. "Aw crap..."

Sakura was sitting in the flower shop with her friend Ino. After the girls match in the Chunin exams, they were much closer than they were before. Ino's father invited Sakura over for dinner and after a tense start, they both realized they were acting rather childish about Sasuke. They would either spend their days at the flower shop, or at the hospital with Rock Lee.

Lately, however, Sasuke really avoided the pink haired genin. Of course they weren't that close to start with, but now he went out of his way to avoid her. She remembered the last time she tried to speak to him.

Flashback:

Sakura went to her teams training grounds. She knew that she'd run into Sasuke here, and the sound of steel hitting steel proved that she was right. As she got closer, she straightened her hair even more.

Sakura was carrying a basket full of food that she personally prepared for her crush. Now that the dobe was out of the way, there was no one to interrupt her time alone with him. She was waiting for this opportunity ever since her team was assembled, and she wasn't going to let it past.

"S-Sasuke!" Sakura yelled as she entered the training field dubbed Training Area 7. She saw the raven haired boy was shirtless and it took all of her will power to not pass out from excitement.

Sasuke didn't turn to look at Sakura. His hair fell over his eyes, but he continued to stare forward. "What do you want?" he asked in his cold voice.

He's talking to me! The girl thought as her heart fluttered. Ever since his last encounter with Naruto, Sasuke would brush her off and walk past her as if she didn't exist. Maybe he was finally ready to express his feelings for her! "I brought you some food!" she smiled and continued walking towards the boy. "It's dango, I hope you like it!" she giggled. I remember when Kakashi took us to eat one time and you almost ate more than Naru-"

Sakura froze as Sasuke turned to her. His Sharingan was spinning and it scared her a lot. She shook visibly as he opened his mouth. After a few seconds he finally muttered some words.

"You're so... annoying."

End Flashback

"Hellooooooooooo earth to Sakura!" Sakura realized that Ino was waving a hand in her face. She realized that she must've doze off for a second. Ino pouted at her. "You really didn't hear anything that I said?"

"No, I'm sorry Ino." Sakura blushed. "What were you talking about again?"

Ino sighed. "The one time I said something that I would think you would approve of, you make me have to repeat myself." she smiled. "But, I said I was over Sasuke."

Sakura eye's got wide as she heard this statement. "Are you serious? How? When? WHY?"

Ino giggled. "Slow down, slow down!" she said as she rose her hands defensively. She crossed her arms across her chest. "But to answer each question, yes I'm serious. After seeing the way he..." Ino's face twisted into one of both disgust and pain, "assaulted Naruto, I realized that he wasn't as perfect as I thought him to be. What if one day it's ME that he decides to attack. I definitely can't take a beating like that, and I don't even know how Naruto survived it. And besides." Ino shrugged. "Naruto's much cuter when you think about it."

Sakura's blush intensified as Ino finished her statement. "Naruto isn't nearly as cute as Sasuke!" she yelled. She looked to the ground. "I'll have to admit that the beating he gave Naruto was pretty harsh though. He could've won it and let Naruto go, but he kept hitting... and hitting... and hitting..." Sakura trembled at remembering this. It was easily the hardest thing she had to watch in her entire life.

"Yeah, and he seemed to enjoy it... who the hell want's a psychotic boyfriend? I'll have to pass." As Ino finished talking, the bell on her shop door opened. "Oh, hello Kurenai Sensei!" Ino said excitedly.

"Hey Ino, Sakura." Kurenai waved as she approached the girls. Kurenai was the definition of beauty. Her tall slender frame is coveted by many, as well as her flowing black hair. Her most striking feature was her eye's which were red with an extra ring in them. She was wearing mesh armor with only the right sleeve and a thorn pattern. Her arms were covered by bandages as well as her legs.

"What brings you here? It's usually Asuma Sensei grabbing you flowers, not the other way around."

Kurenai blushed an intense red and her eyes went to the floor, which resulted in a snicker from Sakura. "It's nothing like that!" she said a little louder than she expected. She quickly let the blush fade away. "I came for you, Ino. You've just been assigned to a B ranked mission.

Both girls eyes went wide. "WHAT?" they yelled in unison.

"It's a secret mission, I'll explain the details on the road." Kurenai stretched her arms above her head. "We leave in exactly an hour, so be by the gate then." She turned to walk away, leaving the two girls in shock.

"W-wait!" Ino yelled. "Why are you telling me this? Shouldn't Asuma Sensei be the one to tell me?" Confusion was evident on the girls face.

Kurenai sighed, she knew that this question was going to arise. "He's not going with you, you're being assigned to my team in the place of Shino." Kurenai paused, expecting another outburst from the girl. She was surprised that she stayed silent, so she continued. "We'll be gone for a week or two, so make sure to bring only necessities." Kurenai walked through the door as she finished her statement.

Ino stood up from her stool, and was followed by Sakura. They both were curious as to the mission, but knew that they weren't going to get any info.

Sakura smiled at Ino."Well, Ino-pig, it looks like you'll be gone for a while." she held out her hand. "I'm going to check up on Lee, so I'll see you when you get back, k?"

Ino smiled and shook the pinkette's hand. "You got it, Forehead. I'll make sure to come see you as soon as I get back!"

"I'll hold you to that!" Sakura said as she turned and ran to the door. "Later!

Goku and Naruto made quick work of Oolong. He was beaten to the point that he returned to his base form, a small bipedal pig. His pink body was plastered with bruises, and his right eye was swollen shut.

After leading the village to his house, they discovered that the girls were actually living a great life. Oolong owned a large mansion that he kept them in. He pampered the girls with gifts and rare jewels, and he even admitted to being tired of them. After some talking, they were finally handed the dragon ball.

"Hey, pig!" Bulma yelled at Oolong. "You're coming with us!"

Oolong shook his head swiftly. "No way! I refuse to, you guys fried my pork skin!"

"But your ability will be useful, I'm sure of it!"

Naruto stepped forward with a grin. "Henge!" In a small puff of smoke, the boy turned into a copy of the pig. Well, a copy without the bruises. The three onlookers all was surprised at this.

"How'd you do that?" Goku asked in awe. "Can you teach me?"

"Hey, that's copyright! You can't steal my technique!" Oolong yelled in anger.

Bulma smiled. The boy was full of surprises. She looked at Oolong and stuck out her tongue. "You got lucky, punk. But I feel like you should be punished somehow."

"Ooo oh I gotta idea!" Goku yelled while jumping up and down. "Maybe he can let the people live with him, then they all can be friends!" Goku stood with a wide smile, clearly happy with his plan.

Oolong shook his head. "No way! I built this mansion with my own stolen money for ME and my girls, not all of these dirty villagers!"

"Shut it Porky!" Naruto yelled as he bonked him on the head.

Bulma nodded slowly. "Well that's an idea... How about you stay here and be their servant?"

"No no no no no! I'd rather travel with you demons than be stuck here wit- ouch!"

"I said shut it!" Naruto was angered even more as the pig used the term demon.

"Alright, so that settles it. I guess I'll be the one to pass the message."

Naruto turned back into himself and created a clone. "I got this! I'm going to leave this clone here to make sure that Oolong wont do nothing stupid!" Him and the clone looked at each other and nodded.

"Aye aye!" the clone yelled, much too excited for his own good. He picked up the pig and ran into the mansion. Bulma giggled as she watched the clone disappear into the building with a groaning Oolong on his shoulder.

"Well let's get going!" Bulma yelled excitedly. She opened the capsule and released her motorbike. She pulled on her helmet and cranked it up. She looked back at the blonde boy. "Needa ride?" she asked in a cool voice.

"Heck yea!" Naruto yelled. He jumped on the motorbike and clung around the girls waist, causing a blush to spread across her face.

"Hee hee let's race!" Goku took off on Nimbus, with Bulma and Goku in tow.

"So how's thing's going on your side old man?" Jiraiya asked Master Roshi. Jiraiya was a big fan of the Turtle Hermit. As a child he attended the Turtle school and passed with flying colors, all before he was five years old, when his father sent him to Konoha.

"It's OK I guess. I'm the same young man I was before!" the old man flashed a toothy grin and held up the piece sign. How's things going with you and..." The Turtle Hermit raised his eyebrows twice. "Not so little Tsunami."

Jiraiya returned the grin and shrugged his shoulders. "The same way it's always been. Her pounding on me," he grimaced as he said this, but it morphed into a sly smirk, "and then ME pounding HER, HAHAHA!"

"Ha ha, that's my boy!" The older hermit exclaimed. His face fell as his laughing died down. "It's been ages since your old Master has seen any action. I think I'm starting to lose my groove.

You sure as hell are, who uses that term anymore? "No way Master, you taught me my moves, it's no way that you're rusty!"

Master Roshi sweat heavily as his pupil questioned him. "I... well... you see..." he fumbled with his words, thinking of an excuse to have.

"I know what the problem is!" Jiraiya boomed, causing Roshi to flinch.

"Y-you do?" The old master looked away from his student. No way... he can't know about-"

Jiraiya smirked wide as he patted his sensei on the back. "You just need to get out. Come out tonight with me, there's a party in South City, let's get there."

"Aaah..." Roshi relaxed as he exhaled. A sudden realization dawned on him. "How do you plan to get there? It's miles away from here, and by sea at that!"

Jiraiya continued to smile. "Gambunta owes me. I beat him at drinking... again!" he bit his finger as he spoke, drawing blood. "You ready?" he asked in a cool tone as he walked to the door. He suddenly turned around realizing that the hermit didn't respond. "Old man?" he asked, and was a little shocked at the sight he saw (with an emphasis on little.)

Roshi was leaning over in his seat, watching a female exercising program. The girls were leaning stretching their ankles to their ears. And Flexible Felicia was basically begging to be looked at in her skin tight spandex. Who was he to not look at her?

"You never changed, old master."

A/N: And that's it. OK guys, I'm not gonna lie... I think I need someone to beta for me. It would be great, because I'm not the most exciting writer. I feel that with someone's help, I could make this story MUCH more exciting. Soooooo... if anyone's interested... pm? I'll read you guys stories and review and choose the author that best fits my style. Well... thanks for reading!