Disclaimer: SSDD

Warnings: Well Bones has a potty mouth so he says swears. Naughty Bones. And… there are allusions to slashy feelings – but no actual slashy things happen.

A/N: Thanks to MirrorFlower and Darkwind who was the first to review as usual, and thanks to Blue –Eyed Chica, passionfornight and raven2547 for their reviews also.

I am such a review whore, but they inspire me and keep me going so I want you guys to know how much I appreciate it – and to everyone else who has reviewed thus far….

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

The three of them had dinner together and then settled on the couch to watch a movie with James sandwiched in between them leaning against Bones and holding Spock's hand. Leonard had given James a pain medication that included a mild sedative and soon it took its toll on James. He fell asleep about halfway through the movie so Spock once again found himself carrying James, this time to the bedroom area.

"He still won't sleep in his own room huh?" Bones whispered as he pulled back the comforter and sheet on James' bed, which was directly across from Spock's own.

"No he will not, but I find that it is not as cramped as it seems, and he tends to have trouble sleeping at times so I am glad he is where I can hear him easily." Spock admitted tucking Little Spock in with James and waiting for Leonard to cover him with the sheet and comforter so that he could spread James' blankie out, picture side up, just the way he liked it.

Bones watched with a look of concern. Both men kissed James lightly on the forehead to complete their nightly routine for tucking him in, and then Leonard motioned for Spock to follow him into the other room.

"Has he been having nightmares?"

"I believe so. At first I thought he was just a restless sleeper. He frequently tosses and turns and whimpers in his sleep, but last week he cried out in his sleep a few times so I began to wonder if he was experiencing bad dreams. I have found that if I stroke his hair and speak to him softly, it seems to comfort him and he quiets."

"Yeah that's typical, I wondered if that was still going on. You should have told me. This whole duality thing has me all confused, and none of the neurologists I've talked to have been any help. The ship's counselor wants him tested for Dual Identity Disorder and put on psychotropic medication. I told her to stick it. I've got a call into his personal therapist to see if she can vid conference with him in the next day or so."

"What do you mean by typical? Did Jim suffer from frequent nightmares before?"

"Yeah he did. I sometimes have to give him sedatives, or sleeping aides. I just didn't know if James would have the same dreams. I guess it makes sense that he would if Jim is still in there and his memories are still in there with him, them… whatever.

Look Spock, I probably shouldn't be telling you this but from what you are describing, it sounds exactly the same as when I was rooming with Jim at the academy. I did the same to soothe him, but this tossing and turning and whimpering, it's just the tip of the iceberg, and if I'm right it won't be long till he has a doozy of a nightmare, or even a night terror. He doesn't have the bad ones very often anymore, but injuries or especially difficult situations bring them on sometimes. With circumstances being what they were, you know, with Kevin being there when he got hurt, well he'll definitely be having a doozy here in the next couple of days. I'd set my watch by it."

"What do you mean by especially difficult situations and why should you not tell me of this. Is it not pertinent to caring for James?"

"Yes it is pertinent and need to know, which is why I'm breaking protocol and telling you. We'll have to contact Admiral Pike tomorrow and let him know so that he can put the clearance paperwork through. He already has it sitting on his desk, just in case we needed to do this.

Look you better sit down Spock. What I mean by difficult situations is anything that is emotionally distressing for Jim. For example, if we lose a crew member on an away mission. He doesn't show that it affects him at all on the outside, does his duty as Captain, informs the family members and goes about his business, doing his job, so I'm sure you had no idea, but inside it eats him up.

He takes it personally and feels like a failure every time we lose someone. It's because of his past and he's been in counseling for years, but not with the ship's counselor, he has a private therapist who has clearance. They vid conference for the bad shit, but mostly it's just me dealing with the aftermath. He knows that it's part of the job and he can't save everyone, but there's a part of him that can't let go of the guilt and that's the part that triggers the nightmares.

I've learned that if we lose somebody on a mission or in a battle I automatically need to sleep in Jim's room, with a hypo ready. The nightmares get bad and he wakes up crying and inconsolable sometimes. He needs physical contact so I hold him and it helps, unless of course it was worse than just losing one crew member, then sometimes I can't just hold him. In fact I have to remember to sleep on the couch if it's been a really bad situation. If I don't, I end up with a black eye."

"I do not understand."

"No you couldn't, not yet. You see if it's worse, like that battle we got into with the Klingons a while back when we lost 12 people on D deck during the firefight and so many others were injured, or when we found that entire colony of people on Maris outpost II slaughtered by who knows who, well then he has night terrors and they are really bad. He gets violent."

"How so?"

"He doesn't just wake up crying, he wakes up screaming and comes out of the bed swinging. His eyes are open but he's not awake, he's still in the middle of the dream, screaming at the soldiers, screaming at Kodos, trying to save the kids, fighting for his life and their lives. He'll come at me thinking I'm the enemy. Those two times I told you about were so bad I couldn't get him settled down by myself. I thought about calling you but you didn't have clearance, so I called Kevin, just like I did at the academy, poor kid, but I was damn glad he was here aboard the ship so that I could call him. When Jim was able to see Kevin and see that he was okay, it brought him out of it and he quit screaming and fighting and I was able to sedate him."

"You are referring to the young Ensign in Engineering, Kevin Riley are you not? This would be the same Ensign Riley who was playing with Jim today when he was injured?"

"Yeah, yeah I am, and yes he was with Jim, which is why I'm sure he'll be having a whopper of a nightmare in the next day or two. You'll need to call me if he has one tonight, but I gave him a sedative with the pain meds to help him sleep so he might not."

"I do not understand. Why would calling an Ensign for help be a better alternative than simply calling for me? I am much closer after all, and why did I not hear the Captain screaming?"

"Because he made sure you wouldn't. He installed soundproofing algorithms into his environmental controls and on the bad days, we turn them on before he goes to sleep, just in case."

"I see, however, that does not answer my earlier query, nor does it explain your reference to the children or the soldiers, nor does it explain the significance of Ensign Riley's presence and why his presence would serve to instigate one of Jim's nightmares. Also, you mentioned…..Kodos….." Spock suddenly stopped himself, as if a light had gone on in his brain. "Leonard are you referring to Governor Kodos, of the Tarsus IV colony?"

"Yes Spock, I am. You puttin' two and two together now?"

"I believe I am. Jim was one of the Tarsus Nine, and if my assumption is correct, so was Ensign Riley."

"Yep, now you understand why I couldn't tell you. Jim had to get permission to tell me back at the academy, but they figured with the nightmares and me bein' his primary physician and his roommate and all, that it was prudent that I know. That's part of why he roomed with me all three years and didn't switch dorms after getting accepted to the Command track.

He would have ended up serving on the same ship as me and bunking with me instead of some other random officer had he not got the Captaincy and been assigned private quarters. Pike had already filed for special circumstances for us for after graduation, though I heard the rumors. A lot people and even some of the higher ups who don't have access to Jim's files thought Jim and I were together, you know, a couple, and thought that it was a spousal assignment. I figured whatever, that was better than them knowing the truth right?"

"I see. Were you?"

"Was I what?"

"Were you…..together?"

"You just found out that Jim went through the hell that was Tarsus IV when he was a kid, watched thousands of people being murdered, lived through starving and nearly freezing, and fighting for his life and the lives of all the other kids he was trying to save, and your only question, is whether or not Jim and I were screwing each other?"

"I would not have put it so crudely."

"Fine, but you're serious aren't you, you damned green blooded elf? Your concern is not his emotional wellbeing, or the fact that he's permanently traumatized and scarred for life, your concern is whether or not he and I were involved before all of this, romantically?"

"I do not mean to sound callous Leonard, please do not misunderstand. I am grievously concerned about Jim's wellbeing, mentally, emotionally and physically. More so than you could possibly know. There is simply nothing that I can do to change the fact that he experienced something so horribly traumatic. I can only use the information you have given me to aid in helping him in the future, and I am very grateful that you have shared that information with me.

As for your relationship with Jim, please, disregard my query. It was far too intrusive and personal and I realize that it is none of my business, I simply…, wanted to ascertain whether or not there were other memories of Jim's,… that James might encounter concerning you, and thought that it would be prudent to be aware in case it became relevant…."

Bones cut him off, laughing as the Vulcan seemed to stumble over his words in his lengthy, unnecessary and obviously untrue explanation.

"Spock stop, don't worry about it. You don't have to make shit up to cover your curiosity. This is me you're talkin' to. I get what the deal is, I caught that remark about you caring about Jim more than I could possibly know, and I saw the look on your face when you said it. I'm learnin' to read you about as good as Jim does since we been spendin' so much time together playin' 'My Two Dad's' to James. I get what's goin' on and you don't need to worry, Jim and I weren't together that way. I love him a lot, but like a brother, and now like a son, not that way Spock. I like girls. I like girls with long hair and big boobs and long legs and…. Well you get the idea."

"Yes I believe I do." Spock said furrowing his brown and swallowing hard as the realization that Leonard did indeed know why Spock's curiosity had been so piqued by the allusion to the possible relationship between the Captain and the Doctor. He began to fidget a bit, not that anyone besides Jim or apparently Leonard would have been able to detect that he was fidgeting and not merely standing in the middle of the room in contemplative silence. Leonard chuckled to himself again and clapped Spock on the arm lightly.

"If it's any consolation, I think he felt the same way. He never said anything, but every once in a while he'd look at you when you weren't looking at him, and I could tell. And if you are wondering, yeah Jim liked girls, but he didn't just like girls, if you get what I'm sayin'.

"Yes…I….thank you." Spock said slowly, heaving a sigh of relief at the partial admission.

"Don't worry about it. If we every figure this thing out and get Jim back, tell him Spock, and don't give me any lip about your command and your duties, just tell him. If we don't get him back, well then…, Jesus I don't know….

This whole thing must be really hard for you sometimes, a lot harder than I realized. I'm sorry Spock. If I'd known I would have tried to help out more or something. Do you need me to start takin' him at night? I can. We can move him in with me, or I can stay in here with him and you can sleep in my room or his room or whatever you need."

"No, that will not be necessary Leonard, but thank you. It is quite…difficult at times, I am very conflicted by the duality but I find myself very attached to James, to Jim in any form, and I would rather deal with the difficulty that be separated from him. Also I would not want him to feel as though I did not wish to be with him."

"Yeah, he would feel that way too. He'd think he did something wrong or you didn't love him anymore or something like that. Kid's always do. Joanna did when me and Jocelyn got divorced. Anyway, just lemme know if you need me to help more. If you have a particularly conflicting day or somthin' I can take him. We'll just tell him you have to work. My point is you don't have to put yourself through hell, not when I'm here."

"I know Leonard, and I promise you, now that you are aware of the extenuating … circumstances, if I need your assistance, I will indeed ask for it."

"Good. Look it's been a long day, I'm gonna head to bed. I'll come back first thing and check on his bruises and give him some more pain meds. He'll be a little lethargic tomorrow because of them, but that'll help keep him from getting restless. Night Spock."

"Good night Leonard, and thank you again, for everything." Spock spoke sincerely.