Disclaimer: SSDD

Warnings: Jim swears and is mean in Spock's dream. Really mean. And he's a homophobic prick – but it's just a dream.

A/N: Just about got the next chap done – so you'll probably get a twofer and then I'll work on 14 this weekend.

Thanks to "Cat" for your wonderful review - it was anonymous so I couldn't respond in person.

Thanks to everyone else as well – I'm really glad you guys are liking this – it's such an odd concept that I get nervous it's too 'far out there'. You guys and your encouragement are great though.

Love you all.

T.

In the days and weeks that followed there were very few awkward moments. James let Leonard tend to his nightly bath routine as much as possible, and when Leonard was not available, he always got out of the tub and got his pajamas on by himself, like he did whenever someone else was babysitting him.

Nearly a month had gone by with no evidence that Jim was even still in James' head. Finally he had another nightmare, but it seemed to be a typical childhood anxiety dream. It had nothing to do with Tarsus or Frank or any of Jim's memories.

Spock had just fallen asleep when James had woken up sobbing and crying out for Spock. He soon settled down when Spock cradled James in his arms and sang to him. Spock was able to get James to recount his dream. James had been alone in their quarters and couldn't find Spock. He had gone out into the corridor and started searching but everywhere he went no one had seen Spock. Near the end of the dream no one even knew who Spock was, and it was if Spock had completely disappeared and James was all alone. Even Bones had acted as if he'd wanted nothing to do with James.

Spock had discerned that the dream being about Spock disappearing, probably had something to do with Spock filling in on Beta shift and not being home to tuck James in at night. Spock reassured James that he would be back on his regular Alpha shift the next day and then relented and let James sleep with him that night. He was later glad that he had when he was startled awake by disturbing dreams of his own. James presence was comforting and calming.

"Papa, are you okay?"

"I am fine James, go back to sleep," he whispered.

"You sure, you were makin' funny noises and then you hollered my name affor you jumpded awake. Did you have a bad dream too?"

"I did yes."

"I thunked you didn't have no dreams."

"Do not use double negatives. I do dream, however, it is rare and rarer still for me to experience a bad dream or a nightmare. In the past, I have only had them when I have been ill with fever."

"Why come you think you had one now?"

"I am unsure, but the content of the dream suggests that your dream left a subliminal suggestion in my subconscious."

"You dreamded the same as me?"

"Yes much the same. I came back to our quarters and found them empty and all my attempts to locate you were thwarted. I became panicked. No one would tell me where you were, and I felt empty and lost."

"I was all that plus ascared too."

"Perhaps I was as well."

"Well I'm here Papa, and I'm not goin' nowhere neither. I'll stay wif you for always if I can. I promise. You're my bestest ever Papa and I wuv you lots and lots and tons."

"Do you love me as far as Earth?" Spock teased, playing a game with him that Bones usually played with him. James giggled and immediately picked up on it.

"I love you all the way to Earth and back again Papa."

"Well I love you all the way to the Nidirian Galaxy and back and that is much much farther."

"Then I love you all the way to the Beta quadrant and back Papa, and that's more farer than nideee whatever."

"Then I love you all the the way to the Gamma Quadrant and back."

"Delta!"

"Infinity!" Spock declared, causing James to burst into a fit of quiet giggles as he hugged Spock close to him.

"Infinity too Papa… thank you for playing the Infinity game wif me," he yawned. "My Bones said you was too much of a stuffed shirt to play that wif me. He was wrong."

"He underestimated the fact that your love for me causes me to behave in very un-Vulcan like manners. Now, we must go back to sleep or we will both be very cranky tomorrow."

"Wuv you Papa, night."

"Good night James," Spock told him, kissing him on the top of the head. They settled back in and soon James was asleep but Spock laid awake, reflecting on the dream. It had been quite disturbing, and he hadn't been completely forthcoming to James. In part of the dream, it had been Jim he was searching for but he could find neither James, nor Jim.

By the end of the dream it was only Jim that he was chasing. He wandered the corridors just as James had described in his dream, but no one seemed to know where James was. Sometimes he would ask some random crew member, only to find out he had just missed Jim. He would run in the direction that the crew member indicated Jim had gone, but could not seem to catch up to him. After what seemed like hours of chasing Jim, he heard Jim's voice in the corridor ahead, and saw his shadow on the wall, so he ran faster. However the faster Spock ran, the faster Jim ran and as he was chasing Jim's shadows through the corridors, he could hear Jim's echoing laughter up a head of him.

He chased Jim through Engineering, calling out his name, only to hear Jim's laughter as a reply. Around every conduit and tube he could see Jim's fleeting form. He chased it but never caught it, and sometimes Jim's voice, his laughter, sounded more menacing than enticing. Spock was pondering all of this and what it meant when he fell back into a fitful sleep.

His thoughts were so unsettling that the dream he'd been having continued only this time as he chased he grew closer and closer to Jim. Finally found himself running through the doors onto the observation deck and there was Jim, standing on one of the platforms of the playground equipment. Spock stopped short thinking that he had found James instead, but it soon became clear that it was Jim and not James.

However, it was not the Jim he wanted to find. This Jim was indeed menacing and hurtful. Spock asked him what he'd done with James and he spat his reply at Spock, telling him that he'd never see James again and that everything had been a lie.

"You are a fool if you thought that I would ever love you Spock. You're a dirty half-breed and the thought of being with you makes me sick!" This cruel James shouted.

"No! No! You are not my Jim. My Jim would never say such cruel things. My Jim loves me. Who are you and what have you done with him. Where are my Jim and my James?"

"There never was a James and I am the only Jim there is. It was all a lie Spock. It was all a game for my petty amusement. I will never be "your Jim" because your Jim doesn't exist. You are an anomaly Spock. You don't belong here on the Enterprise, and you don't belong on the New Vulcan Colony. No one wants you Spock. You're disgusting, you're not only a half breed, but you're a stupid delusional pedophile. I know what you wanted to do to me when you thought I was James you fucking homo, you fucking green blooded Queer!"

"Noooo! Noooo! You are not Jim! You are not! You cannot be. I loved you, I loved you… I thought you loved me too." Spock yelled at the vile and sneering Jim creature standing before him. The sharp angry hurtful words had cut him like a knife, crushing his spirits. He fell to the ground in a disheveled heap, sobbing like a human, the Jim creatures words still stinging and his laughter ringing in Spock's ears.

Throughout the ordeal he had unknowingly cried out in his sleep, tossing and turning and calling Jim's name. He'd asked why Jim was being so cruel, and why Jim didn't love him. Somewhere far away he heard a soft voice speaking his name and he felt himself being wrapped in a warm loving embrace. He heard Jim's voice comforting him, telling him that everything was all right. But the dream had continued and the cruel Jim creature had kept taunting him. When he'd finally collapsed in his dream, the Jim creature and his laughter had faded and he heard a much more comforting voice.

"It's all right love, I'm here. It's me, it's Jim and I do love you Spock, I do. Shhhh shhhh it's okay. It's okay baby. I'm here, I'm right here hon. It's okay."

Spock knew it was just part of the dream, but it felt and sounded so good that he let himself relax into the warmth of the words and the embrace. He felt butterfly kisses ghost over his hair and his eyelids, his nose and his cheek. They felt wonderful and so much like he'd imagined having Jim kiss him like that would be. He relaxed even more, and drifted off into a deeper and dreamless sleep.

He was of course confused when he awoke the next morning, not holding James as he remembered, but being held by James, who hugged him close briefly and kissed the top of his head before yawning and murmering something that sounded like 'morning beautif....unghgrffshit'.

Spock rose up and looked at … James? … with his most quizzical look and opened his mouth to say something to the man who was staring wide eyed at him with a an expression that could only be likened to someone being caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar, but before he could speak, James did.

"Erm... uh… hi… there… SpAPA… um…I uh… gotta … Go…" he said sliding sideways off the bed in a very suspicious manner and backing towards the bathroom, not taking his eyes off of Spock. "You know, go to the um… the bathroom… yeah… bathroom… which is… um… over there. So I'll just do that, and you um… you know, can just, stay right here… in the bed… oh crap… bye."

Spock sat stunned. He knew he could not be reading the situation right. The comforting voice last night, it had been part of his dream. Had it not? Just as the cruel one had. James must be acting so strangely because of another erection. That was the only logical explanation, despite the fact that his voice had sounded like Jim's, devoid of childlike inflection and mannerisms, or speech deficiencies.

He'd seen the longing in James' eyes, which had not been the same look of horror and confusion combined with curiosity that he'd seen in James' eyes the last time he'd inadvertently gotten an erection due to an innate attraction to Spock, but that had to hold another logical explanation, did it not? And of course the slew of expletives now pouring forth from the bathroom door must be James as well, even though James didn't like swears.

Which is why he calmly walked over to the bathroom door, fully intending on asking JAMES what was wrong, knocked quietly and tentatively said, "Jim"?

He received only silence as a reply, and then heard the shower turn on. He tried again, louder this time, but again heard nothing. He paced, trying to decide whether or not to use the override codes to unlock the bathroom door. He eventually decided against it and realized that he could no longer hear the water running. He entered the bathroom and found it unoccupied and the door to Jim's room shut and locked. He was about to knock on it when he saw the mirror, fogged over, but bearing a message.

"Please, just give me some time alone," was written in the misty film.. Spock sighed and complied.

He showered, shaved and dressed himself and then could no longer deal with the anxiety. He used his codes to enter Jim's quarters without even knocking, unsure what he'd find there. What he did find was James, sitting on the floor, playing with his cars, dressed in his favorite shirt and jeans. It was one of Jim's favorite shirt too, which made the situation all the more confusing.

James loved the shirt because it was comfortable and soft and had Scooby Doo, The Gang, and the Mystery Machine on it. Jim loved it because it said, "What Happens in the Van, Stays in the Van" and reeked of innuendo. The shirt was as much a duality as Jim and James were, but this was definitely James, crashing his cars together and making engine noises, tire screeching noises and overdramatic crash noises.

"Hi Papa! I'm hungry. Can we go get some breakfast now?"

"I… yes James… James?"

"Uh huh?"

"Is everything quite alright this morning?"

"Yeah Papa, like my shirt?"

"Of course. Did you, pick it out all by yourself?" He asked leadingly.

"Sorta, can we go now?"

"James, was Jim here earlier?"

"Like my car Papa, it's a Nova."

"Yes James it is nice, can you answer my question?"

"Nope. Let's go Papa," James said enthusiastically dragging Spock out into the hallway forcefully.

"Nope you cannot answer, or Nope he was not here?"

"Exactly. Hi Pavel, hi Hikaru, you wanna have breakfast wif me an Papa?"

"Hey kiddo, sure we do." Hikaru answered.

The three of them struck up a lively conversation on the way to the commissary leaving Spock a bit behind and more than a bit frustrated. He contemplated sharing his experience with Leonard, knowing that Leonard needed to know as James' doctor, if Jim had indeed made an appearance, but he was not 100% sure, and he felt selfishly like keeping the information to himself, so he did.

That had been the first time in weeks that Spock had any inkling that Jim was still in there somewhere, his curiosity was once again piqued, but he was sure that James would not talk to him about it, so he forced himself to let it go. He had no way of knowing then, that he would encounter Jim much sooner than he anticipated.