*right before present time: Bucky's POV*

I plopped down on my bed, having spent the whole day playing video games with Nives, and I was utterly spent. There were times when she won purely because I had gotten distracted by her hair, glistening in the sun coming through the windows.

I stared at my ceiling, wondering if I should invite her to dinner, but decided against it. It was Friday night, and I wanted to make this night the night I confessed to her how I felt. And that was better done where she can lock herself away if she gets embarrassed.

I don't want to waste the weekend.

I sighed and got up, opening the door right before she had time to knock, and she smiled up to me.

"Hey, buck," she said, "Nat, Wanda, Steve and I are gonna go catch something to eat, wanna come?"

I kept my disappointment off my face, "Sure."

As I say there, I knew I couldn't tell her how I felt, so I decided that I needed to push myself away. No one wants a broken person anyway.

*few days later*

I wrote her a letter, telling her that I loved her, but that I was leaving. I told her that I couldn't bare to break her heart, or mine, and so I was leaving, and told her I would miss her, but she shouldn't worry too much, I'll be okay.

I'll never let our love get so close.

I was on a train, heaving south, I had gotten an apartment in Miami and would be living there, for I wasn't sure how long, but enough to get over this crush. The whole ride I thought of Nives, hoping that she wouldn't try looking for me. Wondering if me leaving was all she needed to fall for Steve. But I couldn't help the tears from falling, and I knew I would be away for a long time, because I would never move on.

As me train rolls down the East Coast I wonder how you keep warm. It's too late to cry, too broken to move on.

*Nives POV*

I had found and read the letter in Bucky's old room, and I screamed. In doing that, Steve came running in, bewildered and worried maybe Bucky had snapped. But he saw me crying and picked the letter from my hands, reading it quickly before bringing me close to him.

"James had never been one to show his feelings, Nives, and you've got to know that."

I sobbed into Steve's chest, my body rocking with tremors, and mumbled a sorry for getting his shirt wet.

He quieted me, telling me it was going to be okay, "You've also got to know, this means he's scared, I don't think he would run if there wasn't something else going on… " Steve trailed off and I nodded, and my eyes started to close, tired from crying so hard. I laid my head on Bucky's pillow, breathing in the scent I had grown so accustomed to.

It was impossible that the rest of the team would want to deal with me for the rest of forever, being with the way I was.

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved.

When I woke again, I pulled out my phone and tried calling Bucky, but it went straight to voicemail. I asked him to call me back, in a calm voice that was not anything like how I felt.

Those next few weeks I hardly slept, and when I did, it was only after I had listened to Bucky's voice mail several times, to hear his voice. I was completely consumed with the thought of Bucky.

It was to the point that, when we got another mission, Fury left me out, saying, "You can't be distracted, it could harm the rest of the team."

So I spent the next few days in my room, hardly coming out to eat or go to the bathroom, that when everyone came back, they asked if I was actually still there, because there was still so much food left in the fridge and things had started to accumulate dust.

And I just can't let you be, most nights I hardly sleep.

Then, one day, Bucky sent a letter:

Dear Nives,

I'm sorry I left. I've gotten all of your messages, your phone calls, but I can't come back. I'll just hurt you more than what this is doing to you. Please, I beg you to move one. I never should have let myself fall for you, because you deserve so much more.

All the love in the world,
James Buchanan Barnes 3

I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone. And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go.

There was no return address on it, so Steve did some research with Nat, and found where Bucky was staying. They didn't tell me though, saying that they would go instead, and by this time, it was fall, and the leaves were bright. The opposite of how I felt.

& New England as the leaves change, the last excuse that I'll claim, I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl.

And yes, he even put a little heart next to his name.