IS THIS REAL LIFE?

Chapter Fifteen

Butters' P.O.V

It was pretty late when I got out of Eric's room. We'd been messing around with the camera and actually having a good time. I'm sure it was Sarah's influence, but Eric seemed to be gaining emotion.

Stan and Kyle's room door was open. I peeked in as I passed, and noticed that they weren't in their usual sleeping position. Usually they looked very cosy, Stan hugging Kyle from behind. Tonight, Stan was crushed into a corner, facing away from Kyle, and Kyle was hanging forlornly off the edge, his fingers grazing the carpet.

I shut their door for them.

I headed into the room I shared with Kenny. Kenny was sprawled right in the middle of the bed, arms and legs at odd angles. I bit my lip. As far as I knew, the girls still hadn't called Kenny to ask him how he felt about me, and I was getting worried. Either the girls had gotten caught and so couldn't call, or the news was so bad they couldn't bear to tell me.

I shook my head and pushed away these negative thoughts, trying to think rationally. Obviously, the girls were busy, maybe they couldn't find a moment alone to call. There were cameras watching them every second of every day, of course they had to be careful. I was just being ridiculous.

Kenny twitched, and I hurried into my pyjamas in case he woke up. Then I stood awkwardly at the end of the bed, looking for a place to curl up.

But there was nowhere. Kenny had succeeded in taking over the entire bed. Either I went to sleep on the couch, or I woke him up.

Just the thought of the dark corridor outside the door gave me goosebumps, and I knew I couldn't spend the night alone in the living room. Kenny, I knew, would understand, and so I shook him lightly until he grunted awake.

"S-s-sorry to b-bother you, Kenny, but y-you should put your pyjamas on and get in bed." I advised him, grinning sheepishly.

Kenny smiled at me in a goofy manner and rolled off the bed. I crawled under the blankets and waited, listening to him pull off his jeans and hunt for pyjama pants.

He crawled under the sheets beside me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me tight to him.

"Night, Butters." He mumbled into my hair. My face burned, but I managed a stutter-free "Goodnight."

I was actually quite comfy in Kenny's arms. But as I was drifting off to sleep I swore I heard him muttering some kind of mantra. One that sounded like "I will not be like Kyle. I will not be like Kyle."

But I was too sleepy to make sense of it right then.

Kenny's P.O.V

Butters was cold. Stupid Eric! Didn't he realize other people, especially tiny Butters, didn't have excessive amounts of fat to keep them warm?

I cuddled Butters closer, rubbing my palms against his upper arms to create friction. Butters gasped a little and burrowed his face into my chest. His tufty blonde hair tickled my chin, and I couldn't help but smile and nuzzle it.

Despite what I had told Kyle, my feelings for Butters weren't an 'I think' thing. I did like Butters, I had for a while. His innocence, his plain cuteness, really got to me. I wished I could have been like that at some point in my life.

I wondered if I should tell him though. The kid obviously had some daddy issues. I knew enough about phsycology to know that could influence his feelings towards potential suitors. I didn't need an angry homophobic homosexual in my bed.

Hey, maybe Butters wasn't even gay. I was just jumping to conclusions because he liked to play with dolls.

I decided I would treat Butters to something new to play with tomorrow. In the least sexual way possible.

ERIC'S P.O.V

Gold. Pure gold.

Did everyone in that goddamn apartment think I was stupid or something?

I knew everything that was going on and it was precious!

Kenny, weirdly, was first to emerge in the morning.

"Hey Eric." He greeted me sleepily, pouring some milk on his breakfast cereal.

"Good morning Kenny." It was clear from my tone that I was up to something, and Kenny gave me a suspicious look.

"What?" I asked, wide-eyed and innocent.

"Nothing..." Kenny muttered, sitting beside me and beginning to crunch.

Butters wasn't long after.

"G'morning Eric! Kenny!" He chirped. As usual, he was all too happy in the morning.

Kenny pulled out the chair beside his so Butters could sit down, and I watched with satisfaction as Butters' cheeks flushed pink. However, this lovey-dovey scene was not the one I had been looking foreward to for the mornings entertainment.

"Eric." Kenny warned. "Why are you smiling?"

"Wait." I answered simply. And, as if on cue, Stan's voice could be heard from his room.

"Just leave me alone!" He yelled, slamming the door. He stomped into the living room and grabbed a cereal bar from the cupboard.

"Woah, what's up, Stan?" Kenny asked, standing up.

"You!" Stan snapped, whirling around to point an accusing finger in Kenny's face. "You fuck off! Before I hurt you!"

"Woah!" Kenny said again, backing up. "What did I do?"

Stan's expression became, if that were possible, even angrier. He didn't touch Kenny, but growled low in his throat and shook his head. His eyes were filled with tears.

"I'm leaving." He muttered, grabbing a jacket.

"S-s-s-Stan?" Butters spoke up, stuttering even more through fear. "You want to talk?"

"Not right now, Butters." Stan replied, his voice a lot softer towards the little guy.

Stan left the apartment just as Kyle shuffled into the kitchen. He was wearing nothing but a huge white shirt and little boxer shorts. I raised my eyebrows at him and said "Well, hey Kyle, buddy."

Kyle's huge green eyes regarded me coldly. Despite the fact that it wasn't my intent to harm Kyle on this particular mission, I waited hungrily, leaning foreward in my chair. Could this be it? Could this be the day I finally- FINALLY- made Kyle Broflovski cry?

"What did you say to him?" Kyle asked me in a gravelly voice.

"Nothing." I told him, and for once I was telling the truth. I mean, sure, I'd put the offending chapter in Kyle's diary, but it was Kyle's stupid fault for looking like he was fucking Kenny.

Was he fucking Kenny?

I wondered for a while, but the way Kenny and Butters were acting around eachother you would think Kenny was totally besotted. Why would he do anything with Kyle if he was into Butters?

The situation confused even me.

"Nothing my ass!" Kyle yelled suddenly. Butters almost jumped out of his chair, and I noted how Kenny wrapped his arms around the kid's shoulders, and rubbed his upper arm comfortingly.

"I'll have you know Stan is pissed entirely of his own accord." I informed Kyle. Might as well let him know.

"How come?" Kyle asked, calm again. He had learned a long time ago that getting mad at me got him nowhere. Being calm wouldn't help him this time though, because I knew nothing.

"I wouldn't want to say." I smirked. "Innocent ears." I made my eyes dart to Butters and back. Kyle sighed exasperatedly, and dragged me out of the room as best he could.

When we were in the living room, the kitchen door shut, Kyle spun around to face me but said nothing, staring into my eyes beseechingly.

I cleared my throat. I heard a phone trilling in the kitchen, heard two chairs pull back. But I concentrated solely on Kyle's eyes, willing the tears hidden behind them to spill over.

"Hello...?" Came Kenny's voice from the kitchen. "Course I can talk!"

Kyle's lips was trembling. I licked my lips, surpressing a shiver of delight. I could almost taste the tears.

"Do I...Do I what?" Kenny's voice had become that of a frightened little boy. Butters was not making a sound.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the moment of impact.

"Stan knows you fucked Kenny."

Kyle's already huge eyes widened further, but still there was no sign of tears. I could sense they were close.

"H...Huh?" Kyle's voice cracked.

From the kitchen, came the confident and assured reply of Kenny.

"I do. I will."