I couldn't help it, it was niggling at me so here's another Kirsty chapter :D

Kirsty

It's easy for the most abnormal things to become normal. I'd never been struck before Warren came into my life; my parents never even tapped my hands if I was naughty when I was little. But all it takes is repetition and time and before you know it the abnormal is normal.

For me, over time, it became normal to be beaten weekly, but more often daily. It became normal to act the clumsy airhead wife to the heroic fire fighter husband who could do no wrong. It became normal to cover the bruises, paste over the cracks and pretend it wasn't happening to me but it wasn't the injuries that were the scariest part of what was happening to me it was what came hand in hand with all of it, that was the scariest part of all. It was that it became normal to try and act normally and pretend none of it was happening. It was scary how normal it felt to be locked in a violent merry - go - round.

Eventually it didn't even feel like it was happening to me. That it was cut away from me, that that part of my life happened to someone else and was so far away from me that it was like a hazy dream. Unfortunately the one thing I couldn't change no matter how hard I tried was my involuntary reaction to loud crashes or shouting. It seemed that the harder I tried to change it, to stop myself from jumping at every little thing the worse I got. I was always on edge, but it was normal, I knew no different, that was until I found myself curled up in the warmth and safety of Adam's arms.

It wasn't even real. I've never been curled up in his arms no matter how much I've wanted to be. It was a dream, just a dream that changed my life, which made me believe that there was more to life than going through the motions from one beating to the next never being free from the fear. A dream that's all it took but it was the best dream I'd ever had. It wasn't spectacular or crazy just a simple dream. I was still in my hospital bed hooked up to machines and I felt scared and alone and there he was sat beside my bed holding my hand telling me everything was going to be alright.

I didn't question him I believed him straight away and then he crawled into bed with me wrapping his arms around me whilst whispering in my ear that it was safe to go to sleep because he was with me and wouldn't let anything happen to me. I smiled and rested my head on his chest breathing in his smell before drifting off.

It felt so vivid and I tried to hold on to it for as long as possible but already bits were fading. I could no longer smell him or feel him beside me and as the dream got further away the realisation of what my life had become flooded my thoughts. I didn't want this life anymore, in fact I never wanted in I'd just put up with it; but not anymore. I didn't want the fear in my life or Nita's and I was going to make sure that it stopped.

The thing you're least likely to see if you're in my situation is how normal fear becomes. How you can never really let go and live for yourself when you live in fear. How your can never really be yourself because you fear the consequences but once you find that person that you're so at home with that you are no longer gripped by the fear that's has been built over the years and years of shouting and flying fists it is nearly impossible to go back.

It was easy before, to move on with my days not even listening to my body crying in pain. Sometimes my secret would catch me unaware whilst I was doing the washing up or had a spare minuet at work and I would almost be surprised that that memory belonged to me and try to pass it off as someone else's, like one of the many women I see come through the ED all the time.

I had spent my life denying what he was like and who I had become because of him. I used to be able to banish those thoughts and memories so easily, sometimes they snuck up on me but no sooner were they remembered than they the roughly removed and locked deeply away again. But now they had grown stronger, more powerful and I couldn't keep them locked deeply away anymore. They wanted out and I was powerless to stop them.

I was a strong person when I met Warren but as his grip got stronger on me I weakened. That strong person I used to be became a shell and inside I felt weak and useless. He ruled over my life for over fourteen years and now I'm going to take my life back. It is mine after all. It's my life not his to push around from pillar to post as he wishes.

I was his wife when he wanted me to be, mother to his child, cleaner, cook and punch bag, well not anymore. I'm not going to let him do anything to me again. He can no longer just take it when he wants it or lay into me because he's had a bad day that's not how it ever should have been and now it never will be again. When I get out of here I'm going to take Nita and we're leaving and not him or his brother or even his mother can stop us.

So strong words from Kirsty, is she going to follow through? I want to thank sararah, Harriet Shaw and Gillian Kearney Fan for reviewing my last chapter. After reading their amazingly kind reviews this just popped into my head and I just had to write it down. Next chapter should be with you on sat, but I'm very forgetful so it could be later :P Thanks for reading x