Disclaimer: yadda yadda
Warnings: Slashy inappropriate things and stuff and Bones says swears I'm sure.
A/N: You guys are the most awesomest readers and reviewers EVER!!!!
I'm dedicating this Chappy to SpirkTrekker, who sent many reviews and made me gush.
I am truly feeling very loved right now. Thanks for noticing that I included Stargate stuff with my X-files puns. It was fun.
I just hope this chap lives up to expectations, I pounded it out pretty quick and I'm pretty tired, so I don't know if it made a lot of sense.
For all of you who read the Gorn Poem... I'm sorry... but at the same time - I'm totally not - because I AM insane after all. LOL
Okay - I gotta go take a freaking quiz and then to to class and then go to the hosp (Dad's having gallbladder surg) and then get a nap in there somewhere before I have to head back to work... ugh...
laters lovlies.
T
"Papa, where's my Little Spock and my Blankie?" a timid voice asked in the darkness. Spock felt James snuggle in closer to him, and while it was comforting, a small pang of disappointment reminded Spock that this was no longer Jim that he was holding.
"I believe we inadvertently left them in the living room area when we went to bed James," Spock said turning up the lighting slightly. "I will go and get them." He wasn't sure how they had managed to remember to retrieve James' pajamas from Jim's quarters, but forget his two most cherished possessions. Then again, he and Jim had indeed had other things on their minds.
"Thanks Papa. Papa, your hair looks all funny."
"Thank you for pointing that out James, I will rectify my grooming before returning to bed as well."
James just giggled at Spock. Spock checked the bathroom mirror seeing that his hair was definitely very out of place and rumpled due to he and Jim's love making. He had not smoothed it down afterward and then had slept on it already sticking up, and the effect seemed to have taken on some permanence. No matter how much he combed the strands on the right side of his head, they would not flatten. They simply remained sticking straight up in the air. He eventually had to resort to wetting down half of his head in order to get his hair to cooperate.
He contemplated making James move to his own bed once he returned to the bedroom with James' blanket and his Little Spock, but he was reluctant to do so. He missed Jim so, that James presence next to him was soothing, no matter how inappropriate. He decided to allow himself this indulgence and deal with the guilt in the morning.
"Thank you Papa," James said clutching the green bear to him and snuggling back up against Spock as tightly as he could. "You'r e warm Papa. I'm is cold and my head hurtses me still. Can you do that temple rubbie thing what you didded for Jim? It helps."
"Of course little one," Spock said, tucking James' blanket fast around him and massaging his temples. After a few minutes, James breathing seemed to deepen and even out as he relaxed. "Is that better?"
"Mhmm, much. You're really good at that. I'm glad I can let you do that now acuz you know everystuff and I don't haveta be 'fraid of you findin out stuff you isn't sposed to know. It wuz really hard for Jim ta tell you all that stuff Papa."
"I know James. I am very glad he did as well. James, may I ask you a query?"
"Sure Papa."
"Are you vehemently against Jim becoming Captain as well? Do you share his feelings toward the crew member's deaths and feel personally responsible for the number of transfers and lack of recruitment?"
"I was, and did, but not so much no more. I'm pretty much fine with bein' Captain again, but he don't listen so good. I guess I just think that stuff happens and if some people don't wanna be here then we can find better people to be here right?"
"I share your opinion. Do you know how we can convince Jim of this?"
"Nope. Like I said, he don't listen so good. I tried ta tell him that but he says that I just don't see it like he does, an I guess he's right cuz I don't. He makes stuff more complicated than it hasta be I think. But long as he's gonna be stubborn, I get ta stay wif you Papa, so I don't mind so much him disgreeing wif me."
"Yes, that is a silver lining son. I would miss you very much if you were gone."
"Papa, do you know what Jim was saying before um…," James started giggling and blushing and squirming.
"Before what James?"
"Before you did the naughty stuff…" James admitted giggling again.
"I'm afraid I am unsure what specific part of the conversation you are referring to," Spock said, blushing a bit himself but diverting the conversation.
"Well before he got a head of himself and then had ta explain about bein' in love with you for all that time, and still not knowing if you felt the same, you was talkin' about me, and how you'd miss me, and how you was a really good Papa."
"Yes I remember."
"What he was sayin' was, well, you know, eventually he's gonna come back for good, and I'm gonna go away for good, that's part of the deal, but he was thinkin' that maybe you and him, could have kids of your own someday. That way you'd still get to be the best Papa in the whole universe and he'd get to be a Daddy too, and Bones could be the bestest Uncle and Kevin too. I think you should Papa. I think you and Jim should have babies. Maybe you could name one James and think bout me and member me that way."
Spock's eyes moistened at the thought. He had not considered being a father before, but caring for James had changed all of that. The thought of having children with Jim, overwhelmed him. He found that though it had not previously occurred to him, it was something that he wanted very much.
"I will take your suggestion into consideration, and discuss it with Jim at some point in the future when the time is appropriate. You are aware however that biologically Jim and I cannot have children with each other?"
"Duh Papa, you're both boys an boys can't have babies. I'm not dumb you know, but you can get one of them, you know… surry gates."
"A surrogate?"
"That's what I said," James stated frankly as he yawned and snuggled into Spock.
"Indeed. I believe it is time we both went back to sleep young man."
"Okay Papa," James agreed, yawning again. "Wuv you."
"And I love you James. Good night."
Spock hugged the man child who felt and smelled like Jim to him, and fell into a dreamless sleep. He was awakened the next morning by Dr. McCoy, tiptoeing into the room and running his medical tricorder over James' sleeping form. Spock stealthily and silently slipped out of bed, tucking the covers around James and motioning for Leonard to follow him out into the living room area.
"So how did it go? Or do I want to know? Scans are fairly normal by the way. He shouldn't have a migraine when he wakes up but he's gonna be damned tired. It's James in there right?"
"It is. Jim was not able to retain control for very much longer after you and Ensign Riley departed. James is fully aware of what took place and that Jim explained to us what happened with the Temporal agents."
"So's he on our side, or Jim's?"
"Ours, though he is as unsure how to sway Jim's opinion as we are. Am I correct in assuming that you and Ensign Riley had a chance to converse after your departure?"
"Yeah, we did, and I'll tell you right now before the kid wakes up, I broke a promise to Jim already."
"You have shared the information with others?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"It seemed the most logical course of action, to recruit more compatriots whom we can confide in and trust with this knowledge. We should seek those who will remain loyal to Jim and to finding a solution to our problem, and who will not betray our trust by informing Starfleet. There are a select few who fit those perameters, but I myself came to the conclusion last night, that it would be necessary to include others, as I do not think we will be able to accomplish our goals without their assistance."
"Exactly the conclusion Kev and I came to. I'll tell you who we recruited and you tell me if you agree with the assessment, not that you can do anything about it at this point. They all already know and are on board."
"Please, I am sure that we drew the same conclusions as to the personnel choices as well."
"Well that's one way to put it, I would have said something like friends, but whatever. We told Hikaru, Pavel, Nyota, Scotty and Christine. We thought about including Janice, or Giotto, or Gaila, but decided against it in the long run. I think Janice put in for a transfer. She was Jim's personal yeoman and she's been feeling pretty useless the last couple of months. We also knocked around including Keenser and the old man – you know, the other you, but Scotty said Keenser has a big mouth, and we figured this isn't exactly something older you has any experience with. His Jim didn't get dicked over by his mom, so he didn't have these kinds of emotional issues. Plus, that would just complicate the hell out of things. We wanted to included Pike – we know he can be trusted, but we decided that putting him in that kind of position wouldn't be fair to him. He is an admiral at Starfleet after all and he'd be obligated to report everything."
"Your assessments are the same as my own, with the exception of Keenser. I did not consider him as a compatriot, nor was I aware that he has a big mouth. I did consider calling Jim's brother however. Sam has been very concerned about Jim and James' condition over the past several months, and he was witness to Jim's emotional breakdowns when he was younger. He may be better equipped at dealing with this or finding a way to convince Jim that he is wrong."
"Good point. Kevin thought about calling Sam too, but when he brought it up it was close to 1 .a.m. back in the states so we haven't called him yet."
"Did the others have any ideas as to what measures to pursue?"
"Oh yeah, we brainstormed half the night. Scotty says he don't think Jim's right about the transfers at all, most of them was from his department you know. Also – he made it very clear that he don't just accept any old recruits, and he's been turning down anybody who didn't get top marks, so word got around not to bother applying unless you were top of your class. We decided that we're gonna track down each and every one of the people who requested transfers in the last 9 months find out what their motivations were.
Christine and Nyota and Pavel are gonna look into the rumors, and Pavel wants those chat transcripts. He wants to know what chat rooms Jim was lurking in because some of them are less than on the up and up and a couple of them are academy wanna be rooms, dumb kids who are pissed cuz they didn't get in, posing as students and/or cadets, and stirring up trouble. He has a list of those kinds of people too, and what handles they go by. Sometimes they go into legit rooms and try to start shit. He thinks that's what Jim found."
"So the rumors and conjecture may be false and completely without merit?"
"Precisely and if we can prove that to Jim, he won't have a leg to stand on. Me and Scotty and Hikaru are gonna look into this recruitment quota thing. I'm about the same as Scotty. Nobody gets into my med department unless they are top of their class and I took it a step further."
"Meaning?"
"I went to the Academy Instructors in Med Sciences and gave them some announcements to read to all incoming new cadets, and those on track for graduation. In a nutshell it says, if you want to serve aboard the Enterprise, and that's why you joined Starfleet, then you better damned well be the best of the best or don't even bother applying to the Enterprise. The one for the cadets on graduate track says the same but goes into more detail. I'm the one who approves all recruit applications for the Med Sciences Department aboard Enterprise and if you haven't achieved certain marks in certain areas, or logged the appropriate amount of hours in the clinics, or if you haven't completed your rotations, don't bother, because I'll send your application back with a big red rejected and put your name in my file for future reference so that I can refuse transfer requests as well."
"I have done the same for the Science Labs as well. In fact it was just a few months ago that Montgomery came to me complaining about substandard applicants requesting recruitment aboard Enterprise and I apprised him of the fact that I had issued guidelines to the Academny for any new cadets wishing to apply for service aboard Enterprise. He also adopted this policy and sent a set of guidelines to the Academy for future Engineering, and Security personnel, but up until that time, he had not done so."
"Yeah, that's what he said. Nyota said her boss had done the same thing with Communications recruiting and I know for a fact that Jim did the same for Command Track cadets. Plus, as far as we've been able to tell, all the transfers have been low ranking officers or yeoman, and they've mostly been wet behind the ears kids who haven't been out of the academy for very long. Maybe they just couldn't hack it Spock. It kinda seems like we have all set the standards pretty damned high. I don't think Jim took that into account."
"I am sure that he did not. This is all starting to make much more sense. We should also take into account that among our high ranking officers there have been no transfers that I know of, not even to take higher ranking positions on other starships. This suggests that our higher ranking officers would rather stay aboard Enterprise, than take a small promotion and have to transfer to another ship to receive that promotion. The result being that our command structure is very firmly in place, which leaves little room for advancement past a certain level aboard Enterprise."
"Very true, and I'll bet Jim hadn't considered that little tidbit either."
"Given what we already know, I am now feeling much more confident that we will soon be able to compile enough data to convince Jim that things are not as they seemed to him when he made his decision to resign. I believe that we must also instigate a plan that will convince him how much he is wanted and needed aboard Enterprise."
"Now you're talkin'. I bet we could even…"
"Mornin' Bones, mornin' Papa," a sleepy James interrupted Bones mid-sentence as he padded through the room to the bathroom.
"Hey kiddo, how you doin' this morning?"
"Gotta pee, an I'm hungry too."
"Okay, you go pee and I'll see about getting us some breakfast."
"Should we not eat in the commissary?"
"The scans showed that everything was normal, but his electrolytes are down and he's going to be extremely fatigued like I said before. Jim taking over like that put a strain on his body and took a lot out of him. I think the sooner he gets some nourishment in him the better, so rather than waiting until he's showered and dressed and shaved and then going to the commissary, let's just replicate something quick, let him eat, and then he can get to all that."
"Agreed," Spock said, heading for the bathroom as James came out. He left Leonard to replicate breakfast for Jim and got ready for the day himself while James and Leonard ate. Then he replicated something for himself and ate while James showered, dressed, and shaved.
They agreed that James would work in IT that day instead of going to the daycare as he had previously planned. Leonard only allowed him to work a short shift and then insisted that he come to sickbay for a nap, which James was resistant to because 'naps were for babies' and he was a big boy. Regardless of the resistance, when Spock came to check on James just before lunch, he was sound asleep.
The next five days went by quickly. The Kaldorian colony was reached and their guests displaced to the planet, which made things much quieter on board. James was glad because he no longer had to avoid the mean kids that had teased him. Meanwhile the strike team had not had much chance to make much headway in their investigations due to the extra workload having the Kaldorians on board had placed on the entire crew, but once the Kaldorians were safely deposited at the new colony, the team went straight to work and the evidence was mounting.
Late one evening Spock was sitting on the couch, data PADD in hand, going over numerous reports while James was finishing up his bath. He'd been unusually quiet in the tub, but Spock had barely notice, preoccupied with his work. James came padding back in dressed in a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt, his hair combed back and his blue eyes shining mischievously. He climbed onto the couch and inserted himself under Spock's free arm. The Vulcan absent mindedly placed a light kiss to James' still damp hair and continued reading.
"Do that again Papa."
"Hmm?"
"I said do that again."
"Do what again James?"
"Kiss me," James said, climbing onto Spock's lap, making it harder for him to read his data PADD.
"James I am busy."
"Pwease Papa."
Spock gave James' forehead a quick peck. "There, now please let me finish my work."
"Not like that. Kiss me gain Papa."
"James, I will kiss you goodnight when I tuck you in, which will be in one half hour. Find a book to read and I will read to you as soon as I am finished with this report."
"No. Kiss me gain," James insisted, taking Spock's data PADD from him and tossing it down to the other end of the couch.
"James, I do not have time for games. Please go find a book or find something else to do until it is bedtime. You will get a goodnight kiss when I tuck you in and not until."
"Not playin' games Papa. I need you ta kiss me gain, please…," James said a little more forcefully this time, moving to straddle Spock's lap and look him in the eye. What Spock saw there was not playfulness, but want, and need, it caused his breath to hitch. "Kiss me gain Papa, ony this time on the lips, like you did wif Jim," James said in a low husky voice his eyes darkening further as his fingers snaked underneath Spock's uniform shirt.
For a split second Spock wondered if this were Jim playing games with him, but in the same moment, he knew that it was not. He grabbed hold of James' wrist and pulled it back out from under his shirt and pushed him back so that James was sitting on his knees and not his thighs where he had been.
"You must stop this James. You must stop it right now."
"Don wanna Papa," James intonated, never taking his lust filled eyes off of Spock's, he moved forward, crushing his body to Spock's and tried to kiss him but Spock turned his head. "Please Papa, please kiss me like you kisseded Jim, need you Papa, want you."
Spock could feel Jame's hardness pressed up against him. He closed his eyes and summarily dumped James off his lap and onto the couch. Without saying another word to James he headed straight for the comm on the panel by the door, hitting the button for McCoys quarters.
"Hey Spock, I'm just about on my way, tell James I'll be there to help tuck him in."
"Leonard you must come now! You must come now Leonard, quickly, with the sedative, as we discussed."
It was a code they'd discussed in case something like this happened. Jim had warned that it might. James had been privy to everything that had happened between Jim and Spock and sometimes Jim's thoughts and feelings seeped so much into James consciousness that James couldn't separate himself from Jim, especially when those feelings pertained to Spock. Jim had thought something like this might happen and had told Spock to warn Leonard so that they could be ready to sedate James, which would be the only way to suppress and separate Jim's subconscious longings from James' conscious.
"On my way, either leave, or head to the bathroom and lock the door," Leonard had said through the comm, but Spock was halfway across the room on the first word and in the bathroom with the door locked before Loenard was done talking. Spock stood there, back resting against the locked door listening to James pound against it from the other side, demanding to be let in and pleading that he was sorry and that he'd be a good boy is Spock would just love him again. James pleaded with Spock not to leave him repeating his apologies over and over, sobbing. Spock heard him sink to the floor on the other side of the door as he felt a tear streak down his own cheek.
He wanted to open the door, to cradle James and tell him that it was alright, and that he was a good boy and that he loved him, but he could not. He was still reeling from what he'd experienced and was dizzy with emotions that he did not know how to handle.
It may have been James' conscious that had been sitting on Spock's lap and pleading with him, but that conscious had been and was in Jim's body. It was Jim's lust filled eyes that had burned holes into his soul, Jim's cool fingers grazing across his bare skin, under his shirts, and Jim's breath ghosting across his face and neck and lips as he begged Spock to kiss him. It had taken every ounce of Spock's control to resist and speak calmly to James and deny him, to turn away from his attempts to kiss him, but that control had faltered when he had felt Jim's hard erection press up against his own. He had barely been able to dump James onto the couch and make it to the comm.
He heard Leonard enter the room and cross to James who was still making a commotion and then the sound of a hypo being administered, followed by James quieting and then silence. He heard shuffling and knew that Leonard was attempting to carry James into the bedroom. He opened the door, and with shaky limbs closed the gap and took James from Leonard, who was struggling beneath his weight. He quickly deposited James in his bed and then left Leonard to tuck him in properly. He was sitting at his desk, discarded data PADD in hand, staring blankly at nothing in particular when Leonard re-emerged from the bedroom.
"You okay?"
"I… no… I am not," he admitted, still shaking and trying to suppress the cascade of emotions and desires coursing through his body.
"Yeah, I figured as much. I uh… brought out some of your pajamas. Come on, you're sleeping in Jim's room, I'll borrow some of his pajamas and sleep in here with James."
"I… am not tired," Spock said simply, not having any other reply and knowing that the jumbled thoughts and emotions swirling around in his head and body would not allow him to sleep.
"You will be," Leonard ensured, jamming they hypo which had been filled with multiple sedatives, into Spock's neck. Spock looked up at him in shock, but also with gratitude and allowed himself to be pulled up from the chair and through the bathroom into Jim's room.
He was awakened hours later by a faint tentative touch to his forearm and the whisper of his name in the darkness. He opened his eyes and realized that James was standing beside the bed. He jerked backwards fully awake awaiting the inevitable, but only saw James' face fall and his bottom lip tremble.
"Imma awful sorry Papa. I dint mean ta be a bad boy. I … I.. I…,' he chocked and sobbed as alligator tears spilt forth from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Spock's heart was breaking and so was his resolve. His son was standing in front of him, disheveled and devastated and he needed to reach out and comfort him, but he was afraid to.
"James… I…" was all he could manage to say.
"You don't love me no more acuz I was bad. You lefted me an now I gotta go live wif Bones. I don wanna live wif Bones, I love you Papa, I wanna be wif you. Iamma so sorry, I dint mean to Papa, I dint mean to."
Spock could no longer deny his need to comfort James. He was reasonably sure that there would not be a repeat of the earlier evening and slowly he let himself move forward until he was close enough to reach out and envelop the sobbing man child in his arms. James melted into his embrace, sitting next to him on the bed and burying his head in Spock's shoulder. His heaving sobs and shuttered breathing lasted a few more minutes as Spock gently rocked him back and forth shushing him and telling him that he was not bad and that he did love him.
"But I … I wanted to do the naughty things with you Papa, that is bad. I am bad Papa, even if Jim says it ain't my fault."
"Jim told you that it was not your fault because it is not James. You are unable to handle the emotions and desires seeping through to you from his subconscious. They are not your desires James, they are Jim's. Do you understand?"
"Yes…no… I dunno Papa. I just don't know no more. Some days this is just too hard. I don't know if I can do it no more. It ain't just this neither, it's every stuff."
"Everystuff…. Everything such as?"
"I get tired of people bein' dumb all the time and I just wanna tell them how to do it different and right and tell them what to do so they don't waste time and waste money and nobody listens to me acuz I'm just a kid and they should because I know stuff they don't know. They make dumb mistakes and if they'd just listen, if I wasn't me, if I was Jim, they would listen and everything would be fixeded."
"You desire to regain the Captaincy, so that you can ensure that your orders and suggestions are followed in order to achieve optimum efficiency."
"Yeah, what you said," James sighed. "Jim don't like it, but he gets frustermated too."
"Frustrated."
"That's what I said. Papa?"
"Yes James. "
"I'm still sorry even if it ain't my fault. You promise you still love me?"
"Do not ever question my love James. We have talked about this on numerous occasions."
"I know but… it's just sucky."
"Yes I suppose it is… sucky… as you say."
"Jim says, he's sorry too Papa, and he loves you and he wishes he could talk to you himself."
"He cannot?"
"Nuh uh. It took a whole big bunch of effort just to split off and talk to me so's I could tell you what he wanted me ta say and stuff. After that last time, it was too hard and he had ta go way deep down, and he says it's like swimming in molasses or tar or somthin' and not bein' able ta git to the surface, but he's still in there, he just can't get all the way up from the deep down so he can talk to you. Oh and he says he thinks he's bleeding. He can't not bleed can he Papa? I mean I ain't bleedin' nowhere, so what the heck is he was talkin' bout?"
"I am not quite certain, but I'm sure that he is not speaking of bleeding as you would from a cut James. I believe he is being metaphorical."
"Here you two are. You scared the crap outta me when I woke up and you were missing kiddo," Bones said from the bathroom doorway.
"Sorry Bones, I had ta poligize to my Papa an it couldn't not wait."
"You could've told me where you were going instead of sneaking out of the room."
"Nuh uh. You wouldn't have let me come if Idda don that."
"He is right Leonard."
"Yeah I know that, but he's not supposed to know that. Come on kiddo, let's get you back to bed."
"No please, I don't wanna leave my Papa. I love you Bones but I need my Papa, can't I sleep wif you Papa?"
"No James, you cannot, not this time."
There was a lot of pleading and arguing and finally James broke down crying again. Finally Bones said he had an idea and left. When he came back he had Little Spock and James' blanket with him, along with two extra pillows.
"Scoot over to the far side Spock. Jim's bed is a really big bed, it can hold all three of us okay? If I'm in the middle, then we can all sleep in Jim's bed together, but I have to be in the middle okay?"
James readily accepted this, as did Spock and the three of them crowded into the bed together. Spock and James intertwined their fingers across Leonard's chest and he heaved a sigh, wondering what he'd gotten himself into before he drifted off to sleep.