Chapter 2: State of the Reunion

Pacifica was eating lunch with her friends, talking about their plans for the summer. It was the last day of finals. They were in their usual spot, the center of the courtyard of Northwest High School. Anyone who wanted to look around at the school grounds would have to look at that table, and revel in the fact they would never be as cool as the people sitting there. It was an oasis, a table that no normal student dare approach. At least, it was until she happened. The she-monster, Grenda, in full view of everyone, and with absolutely no shame, ran up to their table. Pacifica knew that she was a good person, she was a close friend of Mabel's, but still, being the best wrestler of the boy's Varsity team did her no favors. "Pacifica!" she cried out, in that unfortunately deep voice. "We're throwing a surprise party for the Pines twins! It's going to be at the Mystery Shack on Sunday! Be sure to arrive before 4 o'clock, because that's when they're going to get there!"

And then she just stood there, waiting for Pacifica's answer. Good God, did she have any tact? Pacifica could feel the burning stares of her friends as this all played out. She could feel the shocked looks and murmurs of the entire courtyard. Seriously, this was the worst possible way to invite her. It didn't help that she really wanted to go. But how could she say yes? That was tantamount to saying she hung out with the loser crowd, and the reputation she worked so hard for would be gone in a few shocked tweets. Now she realized she had been deliberating too long. She had to play it off. "Pines… Oh, you mean that kid who got rid of that ghost for us years ago?" she asked, pretending that she had been trying to remember. "Sure, whatever. I guess I should stop by and pay him or something."

"AWESOME!" she whooped, throwing her hands in the air. "We're gonna have a cool girl at our party! Mabel's gonna be psyched!"

And with that, she ran off, leaving the cool kids to recover from the fallout of that non sequitur of a conversation. "Pacifica," one of her friends whispered. "Are you serious about going to the Shitty Shack? Wasn't Mabel Pines that crazy sweater girl?"

Pacifica flipped her hair back. "Oh please, like I'd actually want to go there," she lied. "I'm just going to go up there, remind those losers of their place for even thinking of inviting me to their lame party, then maybe I'll break some of those dumb artifacts, just because."

Her friends laughed. "Dude, you should totally, like, trash the place," one of the boys suggested. "Serves those old dudes right for being so old and creepy."

"Oh my god, right?! I saw one of them at the grocery store the other day! He had this stupid little hat on, like, gross. Get a life."

As her friends laughed and joked, a young, angry voice rang in Pacifica's head. "You're just like your parents, another link in the world's worst chain." She shook her head. She did not need to see that horrible memory right now. She wasn't like her parents. Sure, she had lied at the Pines' expense, but everyone told white lies to get along in high school. It's not like she was doing this to hurt anyone. Besides, she and Dipper were friends now. At least, he was friends with the non-bitchy Pacifica, the Pacifica who didn't insult him and his sister to get by. That thought failed to make her feel better.

Dipper Pines adjusted his bang in the bus window. Satisfied that it properly covered his birthmark, he turned back to the two screens of his 3DX and continued his game. Mabel was sitting right next to him knitting, with Waddles lying over both of their laps.

"How are your commissions coming along?" Dipper asked, not taking his eyes off of Carby, who was on his epic quest to eat everything in sight.

"They are coming along nicely. This one's for a girl in Nevada, she says she wants it to be cowboy-themed. That's going to be super fun. And another guy in Florida wants me to make an FDR wax sculpture for his wax museum. How's the zit cream going?"

Dipper scratched his chin. "Well gosh, I'd like to check the website to see, but it would be impossible, since the signal isn't that good up here, unless, of course, I have a portable modem-router!"

Mabel rolled her eyes as he paused his game to check. "You are such a dork."

"Yeah well, this dork has unwavering HDO Go, Webflix, and YouView all day everyday, so who's laughing now? Also, a couple boxes have been bought, so it is going good."

"See, aren't you glad you got that horrible acne? It made you a profit in the end."

"In a way, sure. It didn't have to be that bad though. I looked like Deadtide without his mask on."

"That's all Geek to me!"

"Nice. Trust me, it was a funny analogy. I'll tell Soos when I see him."

"Oh my god! We are totally seeing Soos! And Wendy! And Grunkle Stan! And Grunkle Ford!" she cheered, hyperactively drumming Waddles' back, letting her herself feel the full excitement of re-realizing where they were heading.

Dipper let himself get caught up in the excitement. "This is gonna be so awesome!" he added, putting down his game to join in on drumming Waddles. "Waddles, are you pumped?"

"Waddles!" Mabel cheered.

"Waddles!" Dipper echoed.

"Waddles!"

The bus PA clicked on. "Would the passengers with the pig please keep quiet? We only allowed that on board because you threatened to knock yourself unconscious if we didn't. You are on thin ice."

"Sorry!" Mabel and Dipper chimed.

"Waddles," Mabel cheered under her breath.

Dipper laughed and looked out the window again. "Man, it really has been too long. Do you think Sheriff Blubs has been fired yet?"

Mabel laughed. "If no one fired him during that summer, he's good for life."

"Yeah, probably. Hey do you think-"

His question was stopped as Mabel drew a sharp breath and grabbed his forearm with a pincer-like grip. The bus was stopping. This was the moment. The moment they had been been waiting for for four years. Mabel hurriedly shoved her knitting materials into her purse, and picked Waddles up and placed him on the floor. Dipper put his 3DX and phone back in his pockets. They got up and sprinted to the door of the bus, Waddles at their heels. As the doors creaked open, they saw a sight they had dreamed of every night. Their great-uncles were standing before them, grinning broadly.

"GRUNKLE STAN! GRUNKLE FORD!" they cried, each practically jumping into the arms of one of their grunkles. Mabel latched onto Stan, and Dipper onto Ford. They both hugged their grunkles as tight as they could, trying to communicate and receive all the emotions they could. After roughly half a minute, they wordlessly swapped and did the same with the other grunkle. As they finally pulled away, Stan clapped Dipper on the shoulders. "Hey look at you!" he choked up, tears in his eyes. "You've got some muscle now!"

"Yeah," Dipper responded, in a very similar state. "I, uh, I took up boxing when I got home. Needed something in place of giant bats and dream demons to get tough, right?"

Stan's grin, if possible, grew even more. "Yeah? How about you and your ol' Grunkle Stan go a couple rounds huh? I might be able to teach you a thing or two."

"Don't count on it," Ford joked. "He'd throw his back before throwing a punch."

"Haha! Grunkle Stan, you're old!" Mabel teased.

"Ah, what do you two know?" Stan snapped, smiling regardless. "My left hook hasn't left me!"

"Has Lazy Susan?" Mabel asked.

"Ugh, she still calls me sometimes," Stan complained. "Now come on, let's get all your stuff into the car. Waddles, you go in the trunk."

"Grunkle Stan!"

"Kidding, Mabel."

Dipper looked over the scene in silence, smiling. This was it, this is what he had been missing so dearly. He looked over at Grunkle Ford, who gave him an acknowledging wink. They moved to pile all their luggage into the car.

"That's an… interesting shirt, Dipper," Ford remarked. Dipper looked down at it. He was wearing his "Pterodactyl Buddies" t-shirt. It was still a little large, but puberty and boxing had done wonders for him in terms of getting it to actually fit comfortably.

"Yeah, Soos gave it to me," he replied, putting a suitcase in the trunk. "I figured there wasn't a better shirt to wear on the occasion."

Ford nodded and slammed the trunk closed. Dipper and Mabel sat with Waddles in the back, while Ford took shotgun and Stan got in the driver's seat. "It's as old and crappy as I remember it," Dipper remarked nostalgically.

"Damn right it is," Stan agreed. "Also, good to hear you swearing. It means I get to swear too."

"But Grunkle Stan!" Mabel whined. "Your old man swears are so funny."

"Kid, understand that 99% of the time, I'll try to accommodate you. But just this time, I do not give a shit."

Everyone in the car laughed as the car started and began making its way to the Shack. As they left the bus stop, Dipper thought of something. "Grunkle Stan," he asked. "Are you okay with not shepherding all those tourists to the Shack?"

"Shack's closed today, kid. Don't want to deal with all those noisy idiots when I'm reuniting with the family."

"Dipper," Mabel whispered loudly. "Grunkle Stan is turning down money to hang out with us! I am so touched right now!"

"Don't get too full of yourselves," Stan chided. "After you guys took out that Blind Eye Club, the fact that there's some weird stuff in this town has been spreading like wildfire. Tourists and townsfolk alike have been flocking here like vultures to a dead body. I'm making money out the wazoo. I figure we can take at least today off."

"My research has been going well also," Ford spoke up. "I've finished another journal of research, and I have received another grant for it. The government has been very interested in Gravity Falls since you kids were last here."

"I can imagine," Dipper grinned. "So, since we're basically the cause of all this revenue, does that mean you guys can buy me and Mabel cars for our 17th birthday?"

Stan did not stop laughing for the rest of the drive.

"Oh, hey dawg! Just go through the living room to get to the gift shop." The Pines' weird man-baby servant greeted Pacifca at the door. He was wearing some weird shirt that said "Pterodactyl Buddies" on it and looked like it had been made by a third-grader. Pacifica nodded to him and stepped onto the porch, taking off the bandanna and sunglasses she had been wearing. She opened the front door to hear a loud, manly cheer of "SURPRISE!".

"Grenda, it is not time yet," Candy chided.

"I'm practicing, Candy!" she retorted. "It's super-cool for you to come, Pacifica! Candy said you wouldn't, but I knew you would!"

Pacifica was not sure how to respond to Grenda's odd faith in her. She merely gave a slight smile and a nod, and hurried into the other room. In what was obviously the gift shop, there was a surprisingly large crowd. She saw Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland, some old waitress, a chubby blonde woman, and, was that the crazy homeless guy from the dump? She saw two goths in the corner, one of whom was texting. And there was a group of college kids by the counter, chatting. She made eye contact with one of them, a red-haired girl. The girl came over to her and held out her hand. "I'm Wendy," she introduced herself. "You're Pacifica, right? Cool of you to come."

Pacifica shook hands with her, caught off-guard by how chill she seemed, like nothing could ever faze her. She hadn't even reacted when the richest girl in town walked in. "So, when Soos sees the car rolling up, he's going to come in here and tell us. We'll flick off the lights and surprise them when they turn them back on. Cool?"

"Um, who is Soos exactly?"

"The guy who you saw on your way in," Wendy clarified.

Pacifica nodded, and Wendy went back to talking with her friends. Pacifica decided to amble over to a corner and find something to lean on. She rarely went to social events without some of her peers being there, and when she did, it was her parents' parties. This was the first time she was just awkwardly without someone to talk to, and she did not like it one bit. She felt like a sore thumb, like she was carrying a billboard over her head that said, "Look at me, I'm a sad loser with no one to talk to." Is this what unpopular girls felt like all the time? Great, now she felt awkward and guilty.

After what seemed like a merciless amount of time (her phone told her it had been six minutes), the servant Soos barged into the gift shop. "They're here!" he squealed. Pacifica was surprised by how excited he seemed, like a kid on Christmas.

Wendy charged over and turned off the lights, making a gesture for everyone to hide behind something. She and Soos crouched right next to the door. Pacifica decided to crouch behind a tower of postcards, feeling fairly stupid as she did so. She was Pacifica Northwest, the richest girl for miles, and yet, here she was, spending a Sunday squatting behind a postcard tower. It was stupid, but also kind of fun in a weird way, maybe because it was so stupid. Speaking of fun, she heard two people laughing like maniacs out there.

As the car slowed down, Dipper's heart sped up. They were here. They were finally back. He stepped out of the car, breathing in the familiar, muggy air. Waddles hopped out after him. Upon seeing his surroundings, Waddles started squealing excitedly, presumably recognizing his first home. His sister walked up next to him. "We're finally back, Dipper," she said, tears trickling down her face.

Dipper swallowed. Now he was crying too. "Yeah," he choked.

Waddles started running around. Mabel quickly joined him, running toward the Shack. Dipper, not one to be left behind, started sprinting after them. As he started running, the adrenaline created a reaction in his brain, releasing copious amount of dopamine. Midway to the Shack, he just started laughing. Something had released inside him. Mabel joined him, and encouraged by each other, they started laughing louder and louder. He was laughing harder than he ever had before. In that moment, Dipper could find no fault with the world. There was nothing, no political chaos, no global warming, no insecurities, just him, his sister, his great-uncles, and a forest with plentiful adventures and mysteries. He would explore, learn, and live on a level he hadn't in four years. So he laughed, because Dipper Pines was truly alive once more.

He and Mabel ran up the porch, stopping to each other. Mabel glanced at him. He nodded. She opened the front door, and they stepped through. It was like a blast from the past. The living room, the coat rack, everything was where it had been when they walked out. Even the gross old man smell was just as he remembered it. "This place hasn't changed a bit," he said, grinning from ear to ear.

Pacifica heard a boy and a girl laughing louder than she had ever heard anyone laugh. The door flew open. "The place hasn't changed a bit," the male breathed. It sounded like he was laughing, crying, and out of breath at the same time.

"Yeah," the girl agreed in the same tone. "You think Darryl is still there?"

"I don't clean, so he's probably grown as much as you," an older voice chimed in.

"Hey, we aren't still going to be sharing the attic, are we Grunkle Stan?" the male asked.

"Nah, Ford built a bedroom for himself in the basement so he could be even more of a hermit, so you'll get his old room, Dipper, and Mabel gets the attic because I don't want the pig on the furniture."

"Oooh, I am going to have so much fun decorating!" Mabel cheered.

"Any new weird, experimental furniture I should know about, Grunkle Ford?" Dipper asked.

Pacifica couldn't believe it. That was Dipper? He sounded so different! She knew that he would, but still, it was hard to imagine the cracking, high-pitched Dipper had changed so much. It wasn't even close to Sheriff Blubs' level of deep, but it was significantly deeper now, and it didn't fluctuate like it once did.

"We can all redecorate and move potentially radioactive sofas later," 'Grunkle Stan' said. "But for right now, why don't you two pick something out from the gift shop, free of charge?"

"Can we unpack first, Grunkle Stan? I wanna see the attic again!"

"Mabel, you know my kindness better than anyone. This 'free of charge' thing is a now or never deal."

"Ugh, fine, let's hurry and pick something Dipper!"

"Right behind you!"

She heard their steps getting closer, and then the lights flickered on. She saw everyone in the gift shop move and pushed her legs up to follow them.

"Surprise!"

Dipper walked to the gift shop with his sister. His mind was whirring, both from the "radioactive sofa" comment and Grunkle Stan's insistence that they go to the gift shop now. There had to be a reason. Perhaps there was a creature loose in the house, and they were keeping Dipper and Mabel occupied until they found it? Or maybe there was a surprise party waiting for them? He shouldn't get his hopes up. Grunkle Stan might very well have just wanted to make sure they got something before he reverted back to his cheapskate self.

Mabel turned on the lights, and Dipper saw numerous people before they all suddenly shot up. "Surprise!"

Dipper briefly noticed that Pacifica Northwest had just popped out from behind a postcard tower when his attention was diverted by the group hug that he and Mabel were suddenly pulled into by Wendy and Soos. He immediately returned the hug, overjoyed to see them again. They pulled away after a moment. Wendy punched him in the arm. "Look at you, Mr. Muscles," she said teasingly. "Boxing has certainly done you some favors. Also, are you taller than me? That's gross."

Dipper nodded, grinning. "Where's Robbie? I want to brag about how I can totally beat him up now."

Wendy laughed and turned to talk to Mabel. Dipper turned to Soos, who was inarticulately, but wildly, gesturing to the shirts they were both wearing. "Of course, Soos," Dipper remarked. "Pterodactyl buddies for life."

"Aw dude, this is super awesome!" Soos said, giving him a high-five. "You guys are back and everything!"

"That we are," Dipper replied, grinning. He then noticed something on Soos's hand. "Soos, is that a ring on your finger?"

Soos grinned, putting a finger to his lips. "I'll tell you after the party. Go see all the other dudes right now though."

He pushed Dipper towards the center of the room, where a small old man shambled up to him.

"Old Man McGucket!" he smiled. "How's my favorite homeless inventor doing?"

"Crazier than ever!" he replied, laughing. "I've got a few new inventions I'd like to show you, if you're willing. Promise these ones won't try to kill ya."

Dipper laughed, remembering the Gobblewonker. "I'll drop by the dump as soon as I can."

"Great!" he responded. "I'll have the ol' raccoon wife cook you up something edible, hopefully!"

With that, he began moving towards the door. "You aren't sticking around?" Dipper asked, disappointed.

"Nah, I just wanted to mosey on by and see ya. Plus," he muttered. "Old Ford still feels like its his fault about what done happen to me. Don't want ta make anyone uncomfortable on the big day."

Dipper glanced over to his Grunkle. It was true, that on the few occasions Ford and McGucket had met last time they were here, it had been awkward at best. Still, he couldn't believe they hadn't been able to patch things up in four years. "Well, I'll try to see what I can do on that end. Plus, I've got some stuff I'm interested in showing you, too."

"Mighty appreciated, Dipper! Lookin' forward to seein' ya! I'll be moseying on now!"

"Looking forward to seeing you, too!" Dipper replied. What a good guy. Couldn't wait to see what new gadgetry he had in store, but that would have to wait.

The Grunkles suddenly came in, carrying food supplies. Ford lifted the cake reading "Welcome back, Dipper and Mabel" to tremendous applause. Stan lifted bottles of discount soda to significantly less applause.

Pacifica watched the party unfold from her corner of the room. The cake had been dispensed, but she couldn't muster up the courage to barge into the fray to get some. God, this was embarrassing. She was Pacifica Northwest, why was this so hard? Two of the college kids were getting their fat friend to chug a liter of that discount soda, the old people were in a corner chatting with each other, Mabel was talking with the rest of the girls, and Dipper was talking to the goth kids. She looked over and read the postcards for the fifth time. They all were in solid groups. Groups that were closer to each other than she was with any of them. There was no entry point at all for her. The only reason she was staying was that she had to at least say hello to the two.

"The great and popular Pacifica Northwest is at a party reading postcards alone, like a sad loser, while the nerd, Dipper Pines, is the one to pity her enough to come over and talk. You'll have to excuse me while I revel in the glorious, glorious irony."

Pacifica looked up from the postcards to see Dipper grinning broadly, holding two plates of cake. "Shut up, nerd," she muttered, taking a plate from him. Trying to hide her embarrassment, she looked directly down at the cake.

"So, is there a specific reason you're not talking with anybody, or are we just generally not good enough for you?"

"Who am I supposed to talk to?" Pacifica asked, gesturing to the room. "Aside from you and Mabel, I don't know anyone here."

"Wait, Mabel hasn't talked to you yet?" Dipper asked, frowning. "I thought for sure that she, Grenda, and Candy would make a beeline for you."

"Well, they didn't. You're the first person I've spoken to. You should be honored."

"To be graced with such an achievement is truly the pinnacle of my existence," he replied sarcastically.

Pacifica looked up from her cake to get a proper look at her friend. He was significantly taller than her now, something that irked her. His wavy brown hair and bang were the same as ever. She glanced at his arms. He had gotten muscular. Not exactly buff, in fact he could really only be considered lean, but he definitely had clearly defined muscles, a vast change from his noodle arms from four years ago. She glanced up to his face. The baby fat was gone, and his chin had become rather strong. All in all, Dipper Pines was exceptionally easy on the eyes. Speaking of the eyes, his just looked down at hers, completely catching her in the act of staring at his face. That was embarrassing, sure, but Pacifica Elise Northwest never looked away first. Ever. After a moment or two, Dipper hastily looked towards the college kids. She grinned to herself, domination asserted.

Dipper stared at Nate, Lee, and Thompson, trying to keep his embarrassment from showing. Her hair and eyes had not changed, but her face and head had become far... sharper? Angular? Her cheeks weren't as rounded anymore, was what he was getting at. She was undeniably pretty. That in and of itself wasn't the primary cause of his embarrassment. The source was that he often forgot how much taller he was than girls, and when he looked down at Pacifica just then, he had gotten quite a view. It didn't help that puberty had been extremely kind to her. He tried to clear his head of those thoughts. Getting flustered by her now would just be embarrassing.

"Thanks for coming," he said, determined to come up with some sort of conversation.

"Huh?"

"Thanks for coming," he repeated. "It was really nice of you. I'll speak for the both of us and say we're really glad you came."

"Hmph," she muttered, slightly bothered by how happy she was that he said that.

"Your attempt at a thank-you has been documented. I would compare its proximity to an actual thank you with every other sign of gratitude you've ever given me, but I suspect, as you are currently at that rebellious age, that it would only create a downward trend from here on out."

"Could you go one second without being a complete nerd?"

"Point proven."

"Oh, and you're just above it all, I take it?"

"Precisely. I've always been mature for my age, and luckily, I managed to coast right over that embarrassing emotional phase, unlike you, who has been stuck in it for years."

"Whatever. Go walk into a pillar or something."

"That was one time!"

"There's that classic Dipper whine. Knew it was in there somewhere."

He pursed his lips and glared at her. She flashed him a mocking smile.

"Aw, look at you two! It's like no time has passed at all!" Mabel remarked from over the postcard tower.

Both teens immediately lurched away from the postcards. "Mabel!" Dipper gasped, looking over to where the girls were talking. "How- when?"

"Thompson just drank all of the soda, causing Grunkle Stan to remember that he hates young people. He asked me to tell anyone who doesn't work here to 'scramble faster than eggs'," she explained.

"Who even says that?" Pacifica muttered.

"Grunkle Stan apparently," Mabel replied, walking around the postcards. She immediately brought Pacifica into a bone-crushing hug. "I'm really sorry that I didn't come over to talk to you earlier and now I'm just telling you to leave but it was super wonderful of you to come and I'll try to find some way to make it up to you I promise!" she blurted out.

"Mabel… can't… breathe..."

Mabel released her from her hold as she came up with an idea. "I know, a sleepover! Just you and me! That way you don't have to feel all awkward and left out! That's Dipper's job!"

"Literally right here."

"What do you say, Pacifica?" Mabel asked, ignoring her brother. "Pleeeaasssee?"

Pacifca thought about it while gasping for air. It certainly would be fun to just have a girly-girl night with Mabel. "Sure. When do you want to have it?"

"How about on Thursday? Oooh, it's going to be so much fun!" she squealed. Pacifica agreed, especially considering what was going on Thrusday.

"Mabel! Unless we're taking her hostage for ransom, which I'm totally okay with, she needs to go! Soos apparently has something important to say for once," Stan shouted from across the room.

Mabel sighed. "Sorry, Pacifica, you're going to have to go now. Do you have a ride?"

Pacifica nodded. "Yeah, they're waiting at the bottom of the hill."

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, then," Mabel said. "Here, Dipper'll take you down there."

"I will? She can get there by herself. I want to hear what Soos has to say."

"Dipper! Giving a lady a proper departure is one of the golden rules of manhood!"

"I thought the golden rule of manliness was stick up for what you believe in no matter what? And I firmly believe that I don't need to bother escorting Pacifica."

"He's right, Mabel. I'm good. Doesn't mean he isn't a jerk, but just this once I'll let it slide."

Pacifica walked out of the gift shop, through the living room, and into the outside air. She started jogging down the hill. She knew the quicker she was out of these woods, the better. When she hit the bottom of the hill, she walked a bit to her limo, which was parked only a few blocks away from one of her other friend's house. "Did you enjoy your party, miss?" her chauffeur inquired.

She thought about it. It was the first time she had ever been part of a surprise party, it had been the happiest she had ever seen either of the Pines twins, and she had even managed to have a decent conversation with both of them. "Yeah, I had a ton of fun, actually."

Mabel punched him in the shoulder. "Rude," she hissed.

"Yeah well, so is specifically avoiding her so that I'm the one who talks to her first," Dipper shot back, rubbing his shoulder where she punched it. "Don't think I don't know what you're planning with all this. It's not going to work."

"We'll see," Mabel smiled. "Your older sister has some tricks up her sleeve."

"Five minutes. A purely random twist of fate caused you to emerge first. You are not older than me in any reasonable way."

"You're just too young to understand. Now come on, let's go hear what Soos has to say!" she said bouncing off to where everyone else was. Dipper followed, muttering under his breath about the biological logistics of fraternal twins and how neither was older.

Soos looked around, making sure everyone was in close proximity. He coughed into his hand, and raised his arms. "Everyone, I have an announcement," he declared.

"Get on with it," Stan complained, scratching his back. "I could die any minute."

"Don't get my hopes up," Wendy muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear. A wave of giggles erupted amongst those present. Soos coughed into his hand again.

"I just wanted you guys to know that, well, Melody and I've been dating for a while," He gestured to Melody. "And, I asked her three days ago, we plan on getting married at the end of the summer."

Dipper clapped his hands over his ears. The others, not possessing his Mabel Sense, felt the full power of her ear-shattering scream. She ran over to Melody, wrapping her in a full-on Mabel hug. "Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod this is the best thing ever!" she squealed. "Where's it gonna be? Is it gonna be here? Can I be the wedding planner? What's your budget? Are you guys going to have kids? I mean I know that's long term but it's an important question to-"

Melody managed to push her back somehow. "Mabel, we haven't decided on much yet, we just know the wedding's going to be simple. But Soos did have the Shack as his personal choice for where it should be."

Everyone else, upon recovering from the shock, went up to congratulate Soos.

"Go Soos!" Wendy cheered, giving him a hug.

"I wish you both the happiest!" Ford said, clapping him on the back.

"I'm not going to have to buy gifts am I?" Stan asked.

"Grunkle Stan, can you be happy for somebody for at least a minute?"

"Dipper, I am a simple man. And by simple, I mean cheap. Besides, it's not like this whole thing is guaranteed to pan out."

"GRUNKLE STAN!" Mabel shouted, attention diverted from Melody by his appalling statement. "You cannot say that! Apologize right now!"

"It's alright, Hambone," Soos placated. "Mr. Pines has a point." He turned to face Stan. "Mr. Pines, sir, normally I respect your opinion. But Melody and I have been together for a long time, and I think she's like, the one. I know you don't trust marriages very much, but I think that Melody and I will be the exception. Like one of those couples you see on the Internet, those old couples with the matching shirts? Yeah, we'll be like those dudes."

There was a silence as everyone waited with bated breath. "Soos, as usual, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. However, you have been my repairman for many years, so, when it comes time for your marriage to fall to shambles, which it will, I'm going to assume you'll be able to fix it."

There was a brief moment of silence. Ford, Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy all started cheering. Soos actually started crying. Melody went over to hug her now Stan-approved fiance. "Alright, you party animals," Stan grumbled. "Since we now have two big events to celebrate, I guess dinner is on me. Tell me what you want and I'll get it."

Mabel, Dipper, and Wendy looked at each other. "Caviar!"

"Lobster!"

"Pancakes, but replace the butter with solid gold!"

"What's that? I'm old. All I heard was 'pizza'. Well, if that's what you want..."

"Boooooo!" they chanted.

"Yeah, yeah, suck it up. You all knew this was going to happen anyway."

The setting sun found the employees and family of the Mystery Shack sitting around and eating pizza. Dipper and Mabel had gotten all their things into their rooms while waiting for the pizza to arrive, and finished unpacking while Stan convinced the pizza guy that it had been over 30 minutes since he placed the call. Dipper made a mental note of the anomaly of a pizza place that still did the "30 minutes or free" deal in 2016.

"So, in the end, you didn't actually pay for anything, Mr. Pines," Wendy noted, munching on a slice of pepperoni.

"I said dinner was on me. Never said anything about paying for it."

"And yet he always got C's in English class," Ford muttered.

"Hey, I never need to read Shakespeare to find a loophole."

"Mmmm, what about that bookworm we fought? Didn't he almost eat you because you didn't know that line from 'Romeo and Juliet'?" Dipper asked.

"Hey, nobody would no such an obscure line," Stan defended.

"The quote he gave you was 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo'! If the quote has 35% of the title in it, it is not obscure!" Ford cried, exasperated.

"Don't you mean 33%?" Mabel asked. "Cuz it's one of three words?"

"No, you're both right," Dipper clarified. "Romeo is five of the 18 letters in the title, meaning it takes up 35% of the letters, and 33% of the words. Grunkle Ford was going for scientific accuracy."

"First of all, you two are nerds," Stan established. "Secondly, I haven't been eaten, and I got 5 large pizzas for free, so my methods work wonders, thank you very much."

"Speaking of not being eaten," Dipper segued. "I've actually got presents for you guys." He put down his plate and quickly ran to his room, coming back with a case. He opened up the case to reveal six watches. He handed one to Ford, Stan, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos, and put the last one on himself. "Sorry, Melody. Didn't think to make you one."

"Don't worry, it's fine."

"So what are they?" Wendy asked, examining it. "Because if it's just a watch, I will be severely disappointed."

"It actually doesn't tell time at all," Dipper responded. "What it measures is the danger of the anomaly present. Grunkle Ford discovered that all anomalous creatures exude a certain energy wave, one that lets them manipulate matter or exist contrary to the laws of normal physics. Basically, magic. These watches measure the amount of that energy that is in the surrounding air, and communicate it to the other watches that are within a 10-mile radius. So if one of us encounters, say, a category 10 ghost, then all the watches will immediately alert their owners to the high-level threat. Best of all, you can scroll through each watch's energy measure with the top buttons, and if you press the bottom-right button, see the little arrow on the circle rim? That will automatically point to whichever watch you're currently on. We'll be able to immediately know when someone's in danger, and be able to find them!" he finished his rant, breathing excitedly.

"Dipper," Ford began."This is… brilliant! I mean, not only does it negate at least some of the safety concerns we had, but it also offers a quick way to put yourself on guard. Hide-behinds, specters, shadow creatures, I mean, it doesn't exactly track them, but we at least have some way of knowing we aren't alone in the room! Truly remarkable!"

Dipper rubbed the back of his head, sheepishly. It felt really good receiving such high praise from his idol. He wasn't quite sure how to respond. "Thanks, Grunkle Ford. There is one problem though. These watches only measure the amount of that energy in the surrounding air, not where it's coming from. They can't tell the difference between a bunch of low-level threats and one high-level one. I've been stumped on a way to include a radar feature for a while now."

"Yeah, but I mean," Mabel muttered. "It's not like any of us will just be traipsing around on our own, so it's not going to be that big a deal, right?"

Dipper shrugged. "It's a safety precaution," he responded, specifically ensuring that Mabel's statement was neither confirmed nor denied.

Soos punched her lightly in the shoulder. "C'mon, dude, this is awesome. This is some spy movie technology right here. We could all be James Stock!"

Mabel smiled back. "Frankly sir, I don't give a damn," she said, in a horrible British accent.

As Soos giggled at the impression, she looked down at the watch. It was really incredible, and really useful. Her brother really was a genius for making it. But still, she hated it. If this thing watched Dipper's back for him, well, what was her job then? The watch didn't tell time, but she knew it was ticking down to something.

To: Dipper

7/13/15 7:15 PM

Pacifica: Hey, don't take this as a compliment, but you seem remarkably zit-free lately. What do you use to get like that?

Dipper: My, it seems my facial perfection has finally been noticed. As much as I am loathe to deny a lady who clearly stares at my Facelook pictures with great focus, I should think that a Northwest could not possibly require the aid of such a meager commoner as myself.

P: I can literally hire an assassin to beat the info out of you and then kill you.

D: Needed to make something "useful around the house" for our home ec final. Invented a zit cream. It's super good. Selling it on Scrollr.

P: OMG you have a Scrollr? That's hilarious.

D: It's only to follow scientific research blogs and sell my zit cream!

P: What part of that sentence made it less nerdy?

D: Shut up

P: Make me

D: I don't have to tell you the address of my blog.

P: Just texted Mabel. Got it.

D: I'm jacking up the prices right now

P: Doesn't matter to me. I'm rich. Also, nice to see that you're taking after your uncle.

D: ...Double shut up

AN: The gang is all back together! The politically-themed title pun is, of course, in honor of The Stanchurian Candidate, which comes out today! HUZZAH! A really dialogue-heavy chapter too. Maybe not as personal or reunion-y dialogue as some of you may have liked, (there were a lot of people and things going on this chapter) but I assure you, that comes next time. Also, some of you may or may not have noticed that, in the spirit of the show, most real world products and websites were given slightly different names. The only exception being "tweets", which are derived from Twitter. This is because Stan Pines used it to run his campaign, establishing it as existing in GF lore. That is absolutely the reason, and it is in no way because I couldn't think of a good substitute.

Anyway, this chapter is up so soon after the first! And over three times longer! Don't get too excited though. Chapter 2 was 90% done when I posted Chapter 1. Chapter 3 might not be so expedient. I'll get it done quick as I can though, for all of you. Thank you all so much for the positive feedback, and for reading this chapter, and make sure to stay tooned! Hah, still funny to me.