Chapter 5: Mabel's Guide to Being A Shameless Shipper
For Dipper and Mabel Pines, the next few days were perfectly normal. They spent their time chatting with Wendy and Soos, Dipper did research with Grunkle Ford in his lab, Mabel edited her next vlog, and Grunkle Stan got them to remove the giant armadillo-like creature that had burrowed its home behind the Shack. Perfectly normal.
Thursday found Mabel, Soos, and Wendy sitting around the gift shop, talking about their respective love lives. The door chimed. They all tensed up in shock that they might actually have a customer midday on a Thursday, but immediately relaxed when they saw it was just Dipper, draining the remains of a chocolate milk bottle.
"How was the gym, Bro-bro?" Mabel asked.
"Eh," Dipper grunted. "Got my workout done, did some shadow boxing, so it wasn't bad, but Manly Dan was there. A guy can't feel accomplished with Manly Dan in the room."
Wendy laughed. "Yeah, Dad's pretty overwhelming."
"I'll say," Dipper muttered. He tossed the empty bottle of chocolate milk towards the trash bins. It was a high throw, and a little wide, but he knew it would make it in. Mabel dashed from where she was, and slammed the bottle into the recycling bin.
"Alley-oop!" she whooped.
"And the Pines have scored yet again, putting the Golden State Warblers ahead by another 2 points!" Dipper exclaimed in a deep announcer voice.
Wendy and Soos laughed. "You guys should totally go pro," Wendy joked.
"It's crazy how in-sync that was," Soos added.
"Years of Mabel saving me the embarrassment of failed trash shots, and we've finally perfected the art," Dipper grinned. "So what have you guys been up to all day?"
"Romance and junk," Wendy told him. "Swapping old wives' tales about our significant others and why, with the exception of Melody, they're all dumb."
"Old wives' tales?" Dipper asked. "Never thought Wendy Corduroy would say that one."
"Dude, I am poetic as shit," she insisted.
"Ah, I see it now. My apologies. Clearly, I'm in the presence of the next Whitman."
"It's alright," Mabel sniggered. "You just couldn't see it because you didn't have the wit, man."
Dipper sighed as Mabel broke down laughing. "So, are any of you guys staying for the big season finale tonight?" Dipper asked.
"Nah, man, this is the last night before my brothers head off to Logger Camp," Wendy explained. "We're having a big family dinner."
"Me, Melody, and Abuelita always make sure we see each new episode together," Soos explained. "It's a bonding-type deal."
"Got it." He looked over to his sister, who had finally stopped laughing at her own joke. "And what time is Pacifica coming over?"
"Why are you so concerned about when Pacifica gets here, hmmmm?" Mabel interrogated.
Dipper rolled his eyes. Not with this again. "Because she's my friend, and I generally like to know things."
"Oh? And did you want to take a shower and look good beforehand?"
"That was the plan," he grimaced. This was not going in his favor.
"Whoah, whoah, whoah," Wendy chimed in. "Dipper Pines is taking a shower? Because a girl is coming over? I never got that kind of treatment."
"You work here on a daily basis. I wasn't going to go through that much effort. And no," He raised his hand as Mabel opened her mouth. "The fact that I don't take a shower every day is not a thing we're talking about right now. Look, I haven't seen her a while, figured it would be rude to just be gross the entire time she's here, alright? You can all calm down."
"I dunno, dude, you are kinda bad with hygiene," Soos noted. "And I know when Melody and I started living together, I stopped doing a bunch of my gross stuff too. Girls change us, dude."
"I'm not changing, I'm just being polite," Dipper seethed. What was it with everyone shipping him and Pacifica? Had Mabel paid them or something?
"Alright, dude, if you say so. But trust me, love doesn't wait for you to pick it. It picks you. Like one might pick a puppy from the pound."
"Thank you for the advice, Soos. I'll keep it in mind. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to depart from the conversation before it goes even further south. I'll see you guys later," he declared, heading towards the inside of the Shack.
Dipper walked up to the bathroom, slightly shell-shocked. He remembered helping Mabel coach Soos to just be able to talk to a girl. Now Soos was giving him advice on the nature of love. Everyone around him was so much more experienced in love then he was. When had that happened? Well, Wendy had always been that way, but Mabel and Soos? They had been in some pretty major relationships. Soos was getting married. And here he was, left in the dust.
No girl had ever come up to flirt with him, like Melody had for Soos, and nobody seemed to accept his affections, like Mermando, Will, Tony, and an entire freaking boy band had done for Mabel. Why? He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He wasn't bad-looking. Girls probably didn't go for bags under the eyes or horrible, slouching posture, though. He was kinda muscular. That was something. And he was a good conversation. Sometimes. He wasn't nearly as good with people as his sister, and his shortcomings in that regard were pretty immediately visible. But hey, he had only ever asked out two girls, and really, he shouldn't count Wendy. One girl. He had only asked out one girl. He just wasn't Jenna's type. Or anybody's. That was still a very real possibility. Nah, statistically-speaking, he would find somebody. Well, statistically-speaking, he would probably find somebody. Wow, he sucked at pep talks. Add that to the list of faults, and, oh goody, he had come out worse than he started. Truly, Dipper Pines was the pinnacle of positivity. A champion of cheer. An obelisk of optimism. A-
"Dipper, hurry up with your shower! The video goes up in 15 minutes!" Mabel called out.
His pep-talk-turned-chastising-turned-weird-alliteration-game was put on hold indefinitely as he rushed through his shower routine.
"So how much time do we have?" Dipper asked, walking into Mabel's room.
"Two minutes," she responded, lounging on her bed, staring at her computer.
Just enough time to make the usual bet. He sat down on the edge of her bed. "What are you thinking?"
"If I win, you have to escort Pacifica to and from her car every time she decides to come to the Shack. And I'll use Pacifica's current lack of knowledge of the Lamby-Lamby Dance as collateral."
Dipper groaned. He wasn't sure who he blamed more, his mother for creating such mortifying blackmail, or his sister for using it so liberally. "Fine," he grunted. "But if I win, you have to stop trying to get me and Pacifica to hook up, and as my collateral, I'll tell Mom about how you would drive to Tony's in the dead of night."
"Ooph, this week's is super serious. Blargh."
"Yeah, well, you started it. What's your bet?"
"Pixelqueen's 'first' comment hasn't been first comment in a while, so I'm going to say it is actually first this week."
"Gambler's fallacy is assuming that a low means a rise. Her chances aren't any better this week," Dipper reminded her. "I'm going to say that she's not this time either, and then, as a safety net, I'm calling that there's going to be 'Dipper is a prick' comment in the first five minutes."
"Awww, that's sad. Betting against yourself makes Mabel sad."
Dipper shrugged. "I was pretty irritated right at the beginning, and I know that at least a few of your almost one million subscribers are not going to take kindly to that."
Mabel started butterfly kicking furiously. "I'm so close to a million! Why can't I get there?!"
"The fact that you're even close is already completely insane. Be grateful," Dipper chastised. "But I might be ruining your chances with my, what was it? 'Voice so grating it kills babies'?"
Mabel wrinkled her nose. "That guy was such a butthead."
"And I'm sure he was utterly distraught when you replied to him with such. Video's up!"
"C'mon, pixelqueen, work your magic, girl!" Mabel cheered.
The first notification that comments had been posted popped up. Mabel clicked it with crossed fingers. There were two comments. The one on the bottom was a "First!" from pixelqueen.
"Whoo!" Mabel cheered.
"It's not over yet!" Dipper countered. "I'm still calling the prick comment, remember?"
They waited patiently, Dipper a little less patiently than Mabel. If there was a comment denouncing him, then he got a second chance to win the bet next week. Still, if there wasn't, Mabel would go full tilt in trying to get Pacifica and him together. But, c'mon, he knew the internet. There was going to be a comment lambasting him, no doubt. At 12:05, Mabel refreshed the page. She scrolled through the comments. A bunch asking about where they were in Oregon, some excited to see her so happy, one mentioned they knew it was going to be good when Dipper commented on the Mabel Juice, but not one negatively impacted Dipper. They reached the comment reading: "First!"
Mabel and Dipper both shot up.
"WHOO! Now you can't even complain about it!"
"Seriously?! How is that possible?! There has never been a video without a comment saying I'm bad, and I was actively antagonistic in this one!"
"Face it, Bro-bro, the universe ships Dipifica!"
"That's a bad ship name! But while we're on the topic, how did you get Wendy and Soos on board?"
"It's just that much of an OTP. They could tell just from yesterday!"
"They've seen TV episodes longer than the time we talked!" Dipper hissed. "How could they possibly see anything romantic in that time?"
"OTP! OTP!" she started chanting.
"Please stop saying that. Don't ship actual people this strongly."
"I can't help it, it's totally my-"
"Don't," Dipper warned. "Mabel, we both know you have a habit of going completely insane over random things, and this is one of those things. I think it is beneficial to all parties involved if you actually calmed down about all of this. It's actually starting to get on my nerves."
"Alright, fine, fine," Mabel conceded. "I won't be too crazy. That doesn't mean you get out of the bet though!"
"Fine. I'll pick her up whenever she comes here. Happy?"
"For now," Mabel agreed.
"That wasn't comforting."
Pacifica flipped open her laptop. She had just come back up to her room from lunch, and decided to have a nice little siesta before going over to the Mystery Shack. A sleepover with Mabel promised minimal actual sleep, so she had to relax while she could. She opened up YouView and clicked on Mabel's newest vlog. She was an avid fan of the show, frankly. It was funny, sweet, and a good way to keep track of her friends.
The video loaded up to play the theme song, as a montage of old episodes played. It ended on the title card, which appeared to be an old Sevral Timez poster, with the words "Room Decoration" bezazzled over it. It cut to Mabel in the attic.
"Hey all you lovely people, I'm Mabel Pines!" Mabel said, doing jumping jacks on her bed. "Mabel's Guide to Life is going to be very special for this summer, because, right now, we are in the greatest place on Earth, our great-uncle's house, in Oregon! Dipper, pan the camera around the room!"
"Mabel, we're in the attic, they still won't know where we-"
"PAN!"
"Gah, fine!"
The camera panned around the attic, only to turn into Mabel's suddenly up-close face. The camera jolted back. "F***! Mabel! Stop doing that!"
"As you can see," Mabel started. "The attic is a little bit sparse, so as, you might have gathered, we are going to be decorating! Follow me, Dipper! We're going into town to buy supplies!"
The camera followed her bounding to the door, then it flipped over to Dipper's face.
"I'd like to apologize in advance for Mabel," he spoke. "She chugged an entire blender of Mabel Juice this morning for no reason, so she's a little bit crazy."
"YOU'RE ackin' cray-cray!" came from Mabel off-screen.
"Not what I said! Ugh, whatever, enjoy the episode."
The video transitioned to them inside a furniture store. "Now, the first thing we want to look at is furniture. You really have to think about what you'll need beforehand, and make sure to keep in mind your space. I for example, need a nice, big rug, and a bean bag. My studio is going to be up there too, so I'm still going to need some space, so I can't buy anything too big. Wax figures require lots of space, after all!"
"Unless the wax figure is of a ghost. Those don't take any space at all!"
Mabel shook her head. A "wah wah waah" sound played. "...You're going to edit in the 'wah wah waah' sound aren't you?"
"What? No!" she lied, winking to the camera.
"Mabel, I'm your cameraman. I can see you wink-"
"Edit!"
They were in a fabric store. "Now that the blueprinty stuff is out of the way, we get to focus on the really fun stuff, decorating! So, of course your room has to have a complementary color scheme! The closer everything is on the color wheel, the better! Or, if you go chic, and go with more mild, solid colors for each thing, your beige, your faded black, your maroons, that can work too! Of course, we all know that I'm sticking with my purples and pinks."
"Shocker of the year."
"Haha, I do not have to pay you!"
"You don't pay me."
"Touche!"
The episode continued like that, them going from store to store, getting things and then, the servant Pacifica now knew as Soos picked them up in his truck. She watched as Mabel moved, decorated, and painted her room at a considerably sped-up rate. It was dark outside the window when the footage cut back to normal speed. "Dinner's ready, Mabel," Dipper's voice called from somewhere. Mabel dashed off-camera and came back pulling him into the frame.
"What do you think?" she asked.
"It looks like it's definitely your room," Dipper said, clearly having no opinion on it.
Mabel frowned and slapped a sticker on his shirt. He walked over to the camera, and picked it up, probably using it as a makeshift mirror. The camera showed a circular sticker, with the phrase "Don't be so boar-ing!" with a sleeping boar at the bottom. "This seems like a rude thing to put on a sticker," Dipper observed.
"Yeah, well, if people with your sour-puss attitude didn't exist, they wouldn't have to," Mabel pouted. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter, because this next surprise is going to blow your mind! Grab the camera!"
The camera was picked up and pointed at Mabel as she walked over to her bed.
"So what kind of surprise is it?" Dipper asked, striding towards her.
"Well, it's not a surprise so much as it is a… FUR PRIZE!" She pulled a large, very old… bear thing out from behind her bed. It had a vest and a cap, and its plastic face looked like it belonged on a horror movie poster. Dipper did not react kindly to it.
"Why did you bring Bear-o here?!" he asked, backing away from Mabel.
"Oh, he he just wanted to see if there were any good salmon in Oregon!" And then, in a deeper voice. "Did somebody say salmon?"
"Oh, not right here, you silly clown!" she responded to herself.
"D'oh, I can't wait till I get my paws on some. Do you want some salmon, Dipper?"
"I am not talking to Bear-o."
"Oooh, Dipper, don't be like that! We're the bear-st of pals!" she said, marching towards him as he backed up. "We are claws as brothers! You haven't fur-gotten all of our fun times together have you?" She started shoving Bear-o in his face.
"Dipper! Mabel! Get down here already! Waddles is looking at your food, and I'm not about to get out of my seat to stop him from eating it!"
"Oooh, maybe we're eating salmon tonight!" Mabel started going to the door, but the camera swerved in front of her.
"Give me Bear-o first," Dipper commanded. "That thing looks like it was the inspiration for Six Nights at Sammy's, not to mention you get twice as crazy whenever you bring him out. Give it to me before you leave this room."
Mabel shielded Bear-o with her body. "YOU CAN'T FETTER THE SWEATER!" she screamed, before pushing him aside and running out of the room.
The camera staggered a bit before turning to Dipper's face. "Well, that's I guess that's the end of this week's Mabel's Guide to Life. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to-"
"SWEET MOSES, WHAT IS THAT THING?!"
"Don't worry, Mabel! I've got it!"
Dipper blanched as what sounded like a laser fired.
"BEAR-O! NOOOOO!"
"Episode's over!" he blurted, the camera spinning around as he quickly turned it off.
Pacifica laughed as the video ended. It had been a quality episode. Not really pertinent to her, but funny regardless. She'd have to ask how the ending went down in actuality. Speaking of which, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. She sent Mabel a text. Just saw your video. Hilarious as always. What time do you want me to come over?
A response came immediately. Whenever you want! So long as you've eaten lunch. Grunkle Stan doesn't like feeding more people than he has too. :P But make sure you text me when you get near the bottom of the hill! There'll be a surprise waiting for you! =D
Pacifica frowned. Surprises from the Pines usually didn't go to well. 'My entire family history is a lie' surprise, 'you spread a rumor my butler picked my nose for me' surprise, or 'this mini-golf course is going to kill you' surprise?
It's going to be a good one this time! Promise!
Pacifica walked to the path leading to the Mystery Shack to see her "surprise" in a T-shirt, jeans, and a very familiar hat. "I cannot believe you still have that thing," Pacifica laughed. "Is it even the same one?"
"Of course," Dipper replied, rubbing the bill of his blue, pine tree hat. "This is the greatest hat in the history of ever. It's only appropriate, too, now that I'm finally back."
"Well, I'm happy to see that your nostalgia glasses prevent you from seeing how much of dork you look like right now," Pacifica teased. "Because, let me tell you, it is almost painful to look at otherwise."
Dipper rolled his eyes. "Can't even wear a hat without you tearing me apart for it. Remind me why we're friends again?"
"Beats me. I don't even know why you're down here. Isn't walking me around against your code of honor or something?"
"Mabel blackmailed me into being your bodyguard whenever you come here," Dipper answered.
"No offense, but I think I'd prefer Mabel as my bodyguard," Pacifica said.
Dipper nodded. "That's a smart choice. It pains me to say it, but she still is the stronger of us two."
"I'm sure you can handle yourself just fine," Pacifica placated. "Here, I'll boost your manliness factor by letting you carry my things." She handed him her sleeping bag.
Dipper lifted it over his shoulder. "Free pancakes, here I come," he joked.
She stared at him blankly. "What? Seriously? You've never been to Greasy's Diner?"
"Dipper, what makes you think I would go anywhere near a place called 'Greasy's Diner'?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I guess that's a good point. It's the Pines family's go-to restaurant, so I figured everyone had been. Anyway, they have this machine called the Manliness Tester, and you get free pancakes if you beat it. That's the joke."
Pacifica nodded, beginning to walk up the hill. "I'll make sure to archive that in the Vault of Dipper's Incredibly Hilarious Jokes we have at home."
He kept pace next to her. "You're lucky I'm being blackmailed or this bag would go straight into the forest."
"About that, there's a secret so bad that it gets you to be my escort for the rest of summer? I could stand to have blackmail like that."
"I'm doing this precisely because I don't want you to have it."
They continued walking in silence for a minute, having reached a dead end in their back-and-forth. Pacifica realized that she was a little bit bothered by the silence. They hadn't seen each other in four years. They should be talking more.
"So, how does it feel to be back?" she asked.
"Fantastic," Dipper answered immediately. "It feels really, really good. The Shack hasn't changed at all, neither have Grunkles Stan or Ford, Wendy's in college and Soos is engaged so I guess there are some things different, but it's still all there where I remember it."
"The man-baby is engaged?" Pacifca asked, shocked. She clapped her hand over mouth and sent him a silent apology.
Dipper only laughed. "No worries, I can see what you mean. Yeah, he met Melody when we were here last. She lived in Portland for a while, so they were long-distance, but Soos got her to come back and replace Wendy while she was at college, and they tied the knot after a while."
"Good for him," Pacifica replied. She didn't actually care that much, but she didn't want to dampen Dipper's mood about it. She did find it interesting that their long-distance relationship worked out well. The common social mantra was that those never worked, but now the only two people she even indirectly knew in a long-distance relationship had gotten married. How peculiar.
"Oh yeah, and guess what?" Dipper continued. "I'm gonna be the best man!"
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Soos asked me," he said excitedly. Pacifica kept the comment that obviously the groom would be the one to decide the best man to herself. She could see why Dipper was pumped. Someone valued his friendship enough to give him such an honor. It was a concrete sign of how close he was with Soos. Frankly, she was a little jealous. She didn't have anything like that with anybody.
"But I'm just talking about stuff you probably don't care about," Dipper reflected. "How are you doing? How's life for you?"
Pacifica kicked a rock. "Same old, same old. Still the best at everything."
"Parents?"
She stared down at her feet. "They've been letting me out of the house more. Y'know, letting me go to social events and stuff, so I can keep our reputation upheld amongst the common folk. Still not allowed out of my room during the annual gala though."
"As charming as ever, then. Still, you're breaking the rules coming here, so you're definitely breaking the mold."
"How do you know I'm breaking the rules?"
"Well, I can't imagine they particularly approve of me or the Pines family after that summer, and what other reason would you have to tell your chauffeur to drop you off near the bottom of the hill if he didn't think you were going to some other friend's house?"
"Detective Dipper has done it again. Good job," she said, giving him a slow clap.
"Hey, umm, this is super random, but can we bring up the elephant in the room?" Dipper asked suddenly.
"Ummm… sure, I guess." A small sliver of worry echoed in her mind. She didn't know what he was talking about, and that made her nervous.
"We're both way different from when we were 12," he said quickly. "Like, I've been here almost a week, and you are easily the thing that has changed most in this town. I mean, you know, that makes sense, because we're at the age where we change a lot, but still, I'm kind of not used to it."
Pacifica nodded. She knew exactly what he meant. "Yeah, you're pretty different yourself. Still not used to your voice, or the fact that you're, y'know, like, ugh, this is going to make me throw up, but… manlier."
Dipper's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really? Well, I mean, yeah, obviously, what with boxing, and growing up and all that, but for even you to acknowledge it, I guess ol' Dipper's been doing pretty good for himself."
"Already regret saying it. So what about me? How have I changed?"
"Well, you're a bit more… antagonistic? Like, I don't mean that in a bad way, you've just gotten a lot more genuinely snarky over the years. Again, not bad, just different."
She nodded. She had noticed this trend as well. "Anything else?"
"Well, I mean, y'know… obvious differences… Too obvious to bring up, really..." he stammered.
Oh, well this was interesting. His face was growing red. It was rare for her to see Dipper lose his composure like this. "Bring it up anyway," she insisted.
"You've got, y'know, a polynomial figure."
"I am not enough of a nerd to know what that means."
"You've gotten curvy," he blurted out, his entire face bright red.
Dipper made it his new goal in life to stare at his feet, which meant he only heard Pacifica laughing, he didn't see it. That was better somehow. "Oh my god, you are so embarrassed," she noted gleefully. "Have you never talked to a girl before? Ever? Surely something like this must have come up at some point?"
"Well, yeah, some of my female friends at school ask me to appraise their looks, but it feels weird saying it to you! It would be like you coming up to me and saying, 'Hey, nice abs, Dipper!' It's just weird!"
"Alright, alright, I see what you mean," Pacifica chuckled. "So we're both different, and it's a little awkward and weird, primarily because you are a complete dork, but hey, we're still friends right?" She asked, giving him a smile.
Dipper returned the smile. "Totally."
"Well that's the important thing. See? Problem solved. You're welcome."
They shared a brief moment of silence, showing that they both understood the significance of such a bonding moment, when Dipper spoke up. "Wait. Did I just get friendship advice from Pacifica Northwest?"
"Yep. You are officially the worst at being friends. Congratulations, I thought my general lack of kindness would let me hold the title for life, but your sheer inability to handle when other people are slightly different than what you expect overcame the odds."
"That hit a little too close to home, actually."
"Well luckily, I'm not nice, so I don't care!"
Dipper sighed. "Yeah, I guess I walked into that one."
"Nah, only if you move a couple feet to your left," Pacifica suggested.
Dipper turned to his left to see the trees he was walking past. He turned back with a look of mock-disgust. "I have never been more disappointed in another human being in my life," he decided.
Pacifica smiled. His exact phrasing brought up... less than pleasant emotions, but she was sure Dipper meant no ill will, and that was a pretty funny reaction. "Oh, come on, you live with Mabel. You should be used to dumb jokes by now."
"I hold Mabel and the rest of humanity to different standards."
Pacifica put her hand to her mouth. "Oooh, I am telling her you said that. That was harsh."
"You know what I mean. Some of those standards are higher, some are lower."
"Don't worry, I get what you mean," Pacifica affirmed, looking up at the Shack that was coming into view. It felt weird, acknowledging Mabel's flaws with her brother, however roundabout they were about it. Well, she vocalized dislike all the time, but never before about somebody she actually really liked. She supposed that's what real friendship was, though. Acknowledging their faults while still caring for them deeply. Usually, gossiping was reserved for people who were mutually disliked, rather than a passing acknowledgement of a friend's errors. Interesting.
It briefly occurred to her that Dipper and Mabel might have talked about her flaws behind her back. A brief panic struck over her. Did they? What did they say? Did they the same things she said about other people? Then she realized: the boy walking next to her had no problem calling her "the worst" before slamming a door in her face, or interrupting a conversation to talk about his perceived awkwardness with the new situation. Rude, and entirely not socially proper, but if he had a problem with her, he would tell her. She smiled at the thought.
"Welp. Here we are, the Mystery Shack," Dipper announced. "In all its ramshackle glory."
She zoned back in to reality to see that they were in fact right in front of the Shack's front door. He coughed into his hand. "Now, about my tip..."
"Don't be such a nerd," she advised without missing a beat.
Dipper sighed. "I offer you a trial in philanthropy, and you fail it miserably."
"Mabel not selling you out is payment enough, I think," she replied, opening the door.
"Well, it was worth a shot," Dipper shrugged, handing her her bag. "Have fun with Mabel, I'll see you for the-"
Their conversation was brought to a screeching halt as a shriek echoed down from the attic. A terrified shriek that sounded very much like Mabel.
AN: Oh man, it has been a while! I started college shortly after the last chapter was posted, and adjusting has taken most of my time. This and the next chapter were originally going to be one giant chapter to make up for the long wait, but it was taking too long, and I wanted to get this out before the next episode, so here's the first half!
Also, for those readers who haven't taken a calculus class, when Dipper calls Pacifica "polynomial", he's referring to polynomial equations, which, when graphed, yield a curved line. The more you know! Still, it really says something about him that his first thought was to use a calculus analogy. Fucking nerd.
Also also, got questions, comments, concerns? Enjoy the occasional witticism? Then search up "theinsomniactree" on Tumblr! I'll try not to disappoint! Speaking of trying not to disappoint, I'll see you all in the next chapter, where, as you might have guessed by the cliffhanger, spooky supernatural action will happen! Thanks for reading!