Harry strode into Transfiguration, Baneofallrodents wrapped around his neck. There had already been one incident that morning with Scabbers, but Ron had managed to snatch the rat away just in time. "You should be a keeper, with those reflexes." Harry had remarked, and Ron had been so astounded by the sudden compliment that he forgot to berate Harry for allowing his snake to attack Ron's rat.
"You look nice today." He told Hermione, seating himself next to her. She blushed. Harry smiled inwardly. Point to him.
"Quiet please." McGonagall said. "Today we shall be learning how to turn a rabbit into a slipper." There was a flick of her wand and a rabbit appeared on each of their tables. Baneofallrodents lunged forward, biting the rabbit. Everyone stared. Baneofallrodents began the slow process of swallowing it. Harry smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry. She's hungry. Next time give me a warning, and I'll tell her not to eat it." He told McGonagall. "Naughty. I told you not to bite anything!" He hissed.
"You told me not to bite any human." She replied, rather smug to have found a loophole. Harry sighed.
"Well now I'm telling you not to bite anything unless I tell you that it is food."
"Fine." She hissed in a resigned voice. Harry smiled winningly.
"She won't do it again." McGonagall stared at Baneofallrodents, a perturbed expression upon her face.
"See that she doesn't." She said, and with a wave of her wand Harry had another rabbit.
"Now, the incantation is 'Lepmutavsol', and the wand movement is this." She demonstrated. Harry grinned. It was time to start demonstrating to the world that Harry Potter was not an imbecile.
"Lepmutavsol." He murmured, flicking his wand. Instead of a rabbit sat a pair of fluffy white slippers. McGonagall looked startled, then beamed.
"Very good Mr Potter! Five points to Gryffindor." Ron was gaping (he did that a lot), and Hermione looked frustrated. He slid his chair closer to hers.
"When you perform a spell, what do you feel?" He asked. She frowned.
"A rush of magic." Hermione said. Harry nodded.
"Okay, now, before you perform the spell, try and pull that feeling to you." Her forehead crinkled as she focused.
"Okay?"
"Now perform the spell, visualising the outcome." She did, and there sat a lovely pair of slippers.
"Thanks Harry." She whispered. He grinned. He could practically feel Malfoy's glare. He turned and winked at the blonde, who nearly fell off his seat. Oh, idiot baiting was so much fun.
They were sitting at Gryffindor table for lunch when Harry actually began to take note of the whispers surrounding him. They focused on one thing: Harry was the Heir of Slytherin. He tried not to chuckle at the absurdity of that suggestion. People were sheep. Harry decided to take his turn at being shepherd.
"What's this about me being the Heir of Slytherin, then?" He asked his part of Gryffindor table. A number of them blushed, or looked away. He could feel the rest of the Hall quiet. Ah, the profits of being famous.
"Slytherin," He instructed the table, as if the entire Hall wasn't listening. "Slytherin is the house of cunning. If I was the Heir of Slytherin, why on earth would I demonstrate that I was a parselmouth, and have a pet snake? It's far too obvious. Besides, those of you who have done your research know that the Chamber of Secrets was opened fifty years ago, and I wasn't even alive then. So it's obviously not me."
"Who is in then?" Someone cried, and he saw Snape wince. Hehe. He turned to the rest of the hall, not even bothering to pretend that he wasn't addressing them all.
"Well that is the question. Who was alive when it first opened? Who would we least expect it to be? And who is a powerful enough wizard to open the Chamber?" They waited with baited breath. Harry smirked.
"Professor Dumbledore, of course." Snape looked resigned. Dumbledore looked surprised. Hagrid looked angry. McGonagall looked amused. The students gasped, and as one turned to look at the teacher's table. Harry supressed a giggle. What a load of idiots.
"Harry." Hermione hissed to get his attention. Students began running out the hall, likely to inform their parents. Oh he was good, he was so good.
"Come along minions, off we go to Potions." Harry said, and led the way.
"Harry!" Hermione hissed even louder. "Firstly, I object to being called a minion, and secondly, you can't just say that about a teacher!" Harry rolled his eyes.
"Hermione your unfounded respect and slavish devotion to figures of authority is going to get you into trouble one day, and I'll be there to tell you I told you so." He told her. "Besides, if I was a normal student I'd be feeling horrible about the fact that people suspected me of attacking their friends, and that the teachers have done nothing to dissuade them of the idea. So I merely gave them a new one. It's a load of bollocks, of course, but so is the suggestion that I'm to blame." Hermione wrapped him into a hug.
"Oh Harry! Why didn't you say you were feeling bullied." Eh? How on earth had she drawn that conclusion? He shrugged, and let her believe it.
He sat next to Hermione in Potions.
"Aw come on mate, we always sit together." Ron said. Harry smiled viciously.
"Yes, you're the reason our potions are what some might call disastrous, or others might call catastrophically awful. You lack the fortitude for hard work and concentration that Potions requires, and the mental acuity to understand the interactions between ingredients that is essential for the completion of any potion harder than a cure for boils. Don't worry, you can partner with Seamus, perhaps that way only one cauldron, instead of two gets blown up." Ron frowned.
"So we're making new friends? Okay!" Harry stared. How had he put up with that imbecile for over a year?
"You really shouldn't be so hard on him." Hermione told him snottily, but he could see a faint glimmer of amusement in her eye.
"I'll stop being mean when he stops being an idiot."
"Ah, I see. So never?" She said. Harry beamed and patted her on the head.
"Hurrah, you're learning!"
Snape swished in with his swishy robes swishing about. He watched Harry curiously for the entire lesson, and barely did more than sneer at him. Then Harry felt a light probe of Legilimency. His drew up his barriers, leaving only a message in burning letters. Legilimency on a minor is illegal. It said. Snape pulled out of his mind and gazed at him with wide eyes. Harry smirked, and turned in a perfect potion.
"Good day sir!" He said cheerily as he walked out the room. They retreated to the common room before dinner, where Baneofallrodents slithered up to him.
"Master, master!" He cried. (For Harry was unpronounceable in parseltongue.) "The rodent turned into a human when I tried to eat him!"
"Baneofallrodents, what have I told you about not eating other people's pets?" Harry hissed, then froze as he realised the implications. "Does he know that we can communicate?" He asked, looking around for Ron's rat. There it was, dozing in Ron's hands. Oh holy fuck that was a human. An animagus.
"No." Baneofallrodents hissed. Harry collected Hedwig's cage.
"Hey Ron." Harry said, casual like. "Do you mind if I take Scabbers to get some food. He's looking a bit peaky." Ron peered at Scabbers, and shrugged.
"Yeah, whatever." Ron muttered. Harry took the rat, which was still asleep, and debated the best course of action as he placed it into the cage, which he shrunk slightly. Snape or McGonagall. Or both? He raced down the corridors and to McGonagall's office, wand ready to Stupify the rat before it could do anything.
"Hi Professor!" He said with a gasp as he entered the room. Luckily for him they were both present. "Would you mind charming this cage unbreakable?" He asked with a cute smile. McGonagall narrowed her eyes, but muttered the incantation.
"Stupefy." Harry muttered, pointing it at the rat.
"What is the meaning of this, Mr Potter?" She asked, and Snape stood with folded arms.
"Well, Baneofallrodents was trying to eat Scabbers, and then she told me that he turned into a human."
"What nonsense is this?" Snape growled.
"The Weasley's rat has lived for eleven years! Don't you think that's rather suspicious for a rat? And I swear it's not a joke. He slept in Ron's bed!" McGonagall and Snape exchanged glances.
"We better take this to the aurors." McGonagall murmured, and Snape muttered an agreement.
"If this is a prank…" Snape left the rest unsaid. Harry snorted.
"If I was going to pull a prank I'd do a much better job than this, and it would be much funnier." Harry scoffed. McGonagall and Snape fixed him with glares. "Not that I would." He said brightly. Snape scoffed.
"Dumbledore being the Heir of Slytherin?" McGonagall reminded him. Harry looked affronted.
"Ding!" He said. "Dumbledore's not the Heir of Slytherin. Don't be ridiculous."
"Just like your father." Snape muttered. McGonagall gave him an amused glance.
"Of you go, Mr Potter. I'll let you know what we discover."
Harry met Malfoy on the way back to Gryffindor tower.
"Potter. I'd like to offer you a truce." He said stiffly. Harry grinned.
"Your father finally write back to you then?" If possible Malfoy stiffened further.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Malfoy said. Harry scoffed.
"If you say so. Right, you're a Slytherin. Are you the Heir?" Harry asked.
"What? No! I thought it was Dumbledore?" Malfoy said, brow arching as if he disdained the very thought.
"Ha! What gave you that idea? Of course it's not Dumbledore." Harry frowned. "Damn. We had such a great plan. Hermione's brewing Polyjuice, and we were going to kidnap Crabbe and Goyle and pretend to be them to get the information out of you. I guess we don't have do to that now." Then Harry narrowed his eyes. "Or have we done it already? Is Crabbe really Harry, and Goyle really Ron, and I'm really Hermione?" Malfoy glanced at him suspiciously, then at the two lumps by his side.
"Or maybe we haven't done it yet, but we will soon. Keep your wits about you! And watch out for Lockhart. Last year the incompetent teacher was actually Voldemort in disguise. Why not this year?" Malfoy looked horrified. "Alright Malfoy, I suppose, after all your begging and pleading, I can accept a truce. See ya later!" Harry said, and ran off, stifling a laugh.
"Hermione my darling!" Harry cried as he entered the common room. She gazed up warily. He didn't blame her.
"Malfoy's not the Heir of Slytherin, I asked him, and then told him about our plan, so we can't use the Polyjuice for that."
"Harry!"
"What? It's not like I actually ever thought he was the Heir. He's just too much of an idiot, and besides, he's got alibis."
"What if the Heir commanded the monster to act after he left?" Harry shook his head.
"You're giving Malfoy far too much credit. However, I do have an even better idea for what we can do with the Polyjuice." He said, an evil grin upon his face.
"Oh no." Hermione muttered. "Why does this always happen to me?"
Severus sighed after Potter left the room. Damn Potter. Minerva threw floo powder into the fire.
"Auror's Office." She cried. Kingsley Shacklebolt waved them through.
"What can I do for you today?" He said jovially. Minerva placed the cage on his desk.
"One of our students has claimed that the Weasley's pet rat is an unregistered animagus, and has been sleeping in Ron Weasley's bed." She said with a growl. Kingsley frowned.
"That is suspicious. Let's take it to a holding cell." The rat was deposited into a cell, and Minerva cast the animagus revealing spell. There was a flash of light, and instead of a rat there was a human. Even worse, that human was Peter Pettigrew.
"Oh dear." Kingsley said, and Severus rather felt that was an understatement. After a very enlightening veritaserum interview, repeated two times in front of Amelia Bones, and Rufus Scrimgeour, a task force was assembled to retrieve Black from Azkaban. Bones was storming around the office.
"Never had a trial!" She cried. "Get me Crouch in here right now! Bring up the all of the transcripts of these supposed imprisoned Death Eaters! I want answers people, and I want them right now!"
"Well, Mr Potter does seem to like causing trouble." Minerva observed. Severus thought back to the floods of owls Dumbledore was dealing with, questioning their children's safety.
"You can say that again." He muttered. "Bloody Potter."