Chapter 4 – The Realization Sets In

-oOo-

After several minutes of looking blankly at the door after Rory left, Luke walked slowly to the table and took the engagement ring from its box. He held it up and observed how the diamond catches the light. He then went to his fridge and got a beer for himself, before dropping on the couch heavily, staring at the ring.

Memories started flooding in without his bidding. He remembered how Lorelai's face lit up when he gave it to her last year, how she hugged his neck tightly and kissed him over and over again. He felt like the luckiest man in the world to be engaged to a force of nature like Lorelai Gilmore, a woman he loved from afar until he finally found the guts to ask her out after eight years. Eight years, he thought, shaking his head at his stupidity. He's been pining for Lorelai for eight years, and after just two years in a relationship, he let her walk away.

But she cheated, he reminded himself, to avoid facing the realization that the break-up may have been his fault. I didn't even know that we've broken up when she went to Christopher. He took a swig of beer and gulped.

His conscience – or something in his mind – seemed to talk back to him. But she gave you an ultimatum. Marry her now or never. You said you can't marry her now. So that means never. That means the engagement is over at that point, it argued.

She should have waited. She should have told me how she felt. I'm not a mind-reader, dammit, he thought angrily.

But she did. In Martha's Vineyard. And several other times in the past few months. You kept brushing her off.

I needed time. I needed time to bond with April alone. She should understand that. I couldn't let her spend time with April yet, he argued – not even knowing who he was arguing with.

Yet you let everyone else spend time with April. Miss Patty, Lane, Babette, hell even Kirk… They've all spent time playing board games and chatting with April, getting to know her. And yet you never even let Lorelai anywhere near her future step-daughter.

The thought struck him. Step-daughter. If they got married, Lorelai would be April's step-mother.

"If" you get married? Not "when" you get married? the voice in his head taunted him.

I didn't mean it like that.

You meant it exactly like that. You couldn't commit. You wouldn't commit. And it's because deep in your heart, you couldn't help but wonder if it was your duty to try to make it work with Anna – give April the perfect family – Mom and Dad together.

Luke felt like he was losing his mind once the realization hit him. He rubbed his forehead with his free hand, eyes closed. Then after a few minutes, he remembered that TJ was waiting for him downstairs. He took a last gulp, put the ring back to its box, then he trudged down to continue working on the diner repairs, refusing to look at TJ or answer any of his questions.

Keeping busy with construction work would help keep his mind off things. Keep his mind off where Lorelai could be right now, and what she was doing out of town. Keep his mind off why she had to flee in the first place. Keep his mind off what an ass he's been to her for the past few months. Keep his mind off what a hypocrite he was.

-oOo-

At around 10 am the next day, Lorelai was ready to start driving again. For once, she got a map and quickly figured out the quickest way to get to Maryland. She called Rory while she was checking out.

"Hey sweets. Just wanted to let you know I'm off to Maryland today."

Lorelai's voice again had that forced cheerfulness, but Rory didn't bother to point it out. "Hi mom. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Um, yeah, I guess. A little wallowing never hurt nobody."

"Are you sure you're not too tired to drive?"

"No, and you'll be proud of me. I got maps and all!"

Rory gasped out loud. "Maps! That can't be true, mother!"

Lorelai laughed gaily. "Oh yes it's true. Guess you can teach old dogs new tricks, huh?" Somehow, the words suddenly sounded sad when they left her mouth.

"You're not old, mom."

"Oh but I am, hon. I mean… You know I want another kid, right? Not that you're not the most perfect kid in the world… And not that you can ever be replaced or anything… But, well, I don't really have much time if I wanted a kid, you know? I mean, I guess I have to find a man first since it's not gonna be Luke after all," she chuckled, trying to keep things light.

Rory felt the pain behind her mother's words. She was losing hope that she would ever get the future she ever wanted – husband, kids, white picket fence. "Don't worry, Mom, maybe you and Luke can still work things out. I don't know…"

"Nah, don't bother thinking about it kid. Luke and me are over. Nothing left. Nada. Zilch."

"I saw him yesterday. Gave him back the boxes and the rings and the checks. He was…"

"No hon, don't tell me anything," Lorelai interrupted hurriedly. "I don't need to know what he said or how he looked or anything, you know? I, uh, I have to quit him cold turkey... Sorry again about asking you to do that. It didn't feel right asking Sookie to do it. Mom volunteered to do it, but I said you would handle it. Can you imagine Emily charging to the diner? I mean, the guy broke my heart, but I wouldn't want him to face the wrath of Emily Gilmore."

There was a moment of silence before Rory spoke again. "So why Maryland?"

"Well, I've never been there. Plus, I was thinking of The Philadelphia Story and how Dexter and Tracy eloped to Maryland, so I wanted to see what was there. Just curious I guess. Hey, did you know I asked Luke the night we broke up to elope to Maryland with me?"

"I didn't know that."

"Yeah, well we know how that ended, so no use discussing it now."

"Mom… Can I come visit you now? I can drive over to Maryland today."

"Thanks hon, but I uh, need just a teeny tiny bit more alone time. You understand, don't you?"

"Yes, but I don't like you being all alone like this. I worry about you. Sookie worries about you. Hell, even Michel has been asking about how you've been."

"Tell them not to worry about me. I'm fine, well, not right now, but I'll be fine. And I'll be back better than new. Gotta go now, hon. Got myself some driving to do."

"Bye Kerouac. Call me again soon?"

"Of course hon. Love you."

Lorelai turned her phone off and wiped her eyes. It was good hearing Rory's voice and talking to her, but somehow it pained her to know that Luke already had his stuff back. She wanted to give those back, but knowing that they were now in his possession – and that she did not have anything left of him but memories – it was a sad thought. She shook her head and went to her Jeep, preparing for a few hours of driving.