(Hey everyone! Sorry about the delay. School was crazy and then the Presidential Election happened and I had to have a mini meltdown about y'know my future as a woman in American and what was going to happen to my LGBTQ friends and the POC in my life and then I came down with the flu. So overall not a great past week. BUT. Here we are. Chapter 6. I hope you enjoy. Please review.)
"Many a time freedom has been rolled back - and always for the same sorry reason: fear." Molly Ivins
JJ
Every part of me had intended to go into work this morning. I truly did. After a night of terrible nightmares involving flashing red and blue lights, and pillars of smoke, and not being able to find Emily, I had woken up alone in our house and steeled myself to face this day. I had gotten up and gotten ready for the day.
I had showered. I had fixed my hair, applied makeup. I had made myself breakfast. I was ready in plenty of time. But when I found myself in the entryway, staring out the glass door at the street, I couldn't force myself to open it. I had angrily commanded my hand to reach out and grab the door handle, to turn it and push it open and step out into the breezy morning. I needed to go to work. But my heart pounded in my chest, refusing to let me follow through. My breathing had begun to speed up and the baby had proceeded to wriggle and flip within me so I impulsively stepped back and closed the wooden door. Even this simple action, blocking my view of our front yard and street, made me feel a little better.
With a shaky breath I had called Penelope and let her know that I was still feeling unwell and that I would be working from home. After assuring her that I definitely did not need to go to the doctor and that I did not need her to come to the house, I finally convinced her to send me the files so that I could work the case from home. And so that's what I'm doing. I have the crime scene pictures taped up along the wall of our living room, the files spread out on the coffee table. I've been in contact with Garcia and the team members in the field throughout the day, relaying information and theories. We hadn't had many leads other than the ME determining that the victims had been shot once from about twenty feet away then finished off with a point blank shot to the face. The one person I haven't really spoken with was my wife. It isn't necessarily that I'm avoiding Emily, I'm just not sure how she is going to react to me staying home again. I can tell that she is worried about me. And I hate that. We are so stressed, all the time. I don't want to add to that. And I also don't have an adequate reason as to why I'm staying home. It would be one thing if I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions or pain or discomfort of some kind. Hell, if I had a runny nose that would be a better reason to stay home than I'm scared. Because when it comes down to it… That's what's wrong. I'm scared of something happening to me or the baby and home just seemed like the safest option right now. And isn't that what we continually taught people at the BAU? To tune into their bodies, and trust their instincts? Instincts evolved from thousands of years of trying to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe from harm. That's all I am doing.
At 5:30 I find myself standing in front of my makeshift cork board chewing on the side of my fingernail. Something doesn't quite fit, but I can't put my finger on it. The sound of the doorbell pulls me from my thoughts. I pull open the wooden door to find one Penelope Garcia, in all of her purple sequin glory standing on our front porch. She gives me a wide, gleeful smile and holds up several plastic grocery bags. I can't help but laugh as I push open the glass door and let her in.
"What are you doing here?"
"Well you said you weren't feeling good and Em's in the field so I figured you could do with some company. And I come baring food!" After she bustles in, I close the door firmly against the outside world. "I hope you're hungry because I brought like three different kinds of soup, and some crackers, and I also bought us a tub of caramel brownie ice cream."
"Oooh that all sounds delicious!" Truth be told, I'm glad Garcia's here. I had begun to feel a little bit lonely without Emily here.
She sets up her laptop on the kitchen table then insists that I sit and wait as she prepares my soup. I concede, curling my legs up underneath me as she bustles about our kitchen. As she slides the bowl of chicken and stars in front of me, her phone rings.
"You're go for Penelope, Reigning Queen of all Available Intellect, currently based out of Kingdom of Matrimonial Bliss and Cute Baby on the Way, what dragon may I conquer for you this evening?"
"I take this to mean you're in my house?" My wife's voice comes across the line with a slight chuckle.
"That would be correct." I tell her.
"How are you feeling, Jen?" I can hear Rossi ask, and assume we are on speaker.
"Uhm…" I nervously rub my hand over my stomach as I swirl my spoon through my soup. "I'm okay. I have Penelope here now and she brought like every kind of soup the grocery store had, so I think I'll be okay."
"Garcia I need you to compile a list of any men in the area who would somehow know that our victims were domestic abusers." Hotch pauses as Garcia begins to type information into her computer. "It could be that he's a counselor of some sort, maybe law enforcement. He might even work at a shelter."
"Okay, searching…" Her computer dings. "Eh okay so that brought up quite a few names. Like 2000 names."
"Narrow it down to men in their thirties, who either have access to guns through their jobs or have a registered firearm." says Morgan.
"Okay… still like 450 names."
I'm standing in front of the pictures again. "Wait… what if we're thinking about this the wrong way?" I call.
"What do you mean?" asks Hotch.
"Well the men were all shot in the chest, from a sizable distance. Why stay so far away?"
"Maybe as a forensic countermeasure? Harder to get caught?" Morgan sounds just as stumped as I feel.
"What if it's because the unsub knows that the victims are dangerous and didn't want to risk being physically overpowered?"
"You mean someone that's physically weak, or handicapped in some way?"
I chew on the inside of my cheek. "Not quite so far as that. What… What if the unsub is a woman? I mean, I know that female serial killers are a rarity in themselves, and those that exist don't tend to kill with guns, but what if it is? And she's shooting from far away to protect herself and then approaching once they're wounded to finish off the job?"
"That would make sense. Garcia search the same perimeters but with women." Hotch says.
"But expand the age perimeters, starting at 30, ending at 50. If this is a female unsub, this reads very mature, It's almost calculated. I'm not in the room with them, but I can almost see Rossi stroking his goatee as he stares at the photo board.
"Okay, so a lot fewer names, 187. But I'll need more to narrow it down."
"Can you cross check all those names with our victims, see if there are any who interacted with all three?"
"Uhm, are people who skip the ninth Doctor complete idiots? Of course I can, but it will take me a few shakes. I will hit you back when I have some results."
"Thanks, Garcia. Oh and JJ?" There's a click and her voice is clearer, she must have taken us off speaker. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
I take Penelope's phone and also tap the speakerphone, bringing it to my ear. "Yeah babe?"
I can hear the voices of our coworkers get farther away and a door closes, she's left the room they were in. "Baby what's going on?"
"What do you mean?" I walk away from the dining room table towards the kitchen, smoothing my hand over my stomach.
"You stayed home again? Is everything okay? Are you in pain? Is the baby alright?"
"The baby's fine!" I rush to assure her. "I just wasn't feeling well."
"Not feeling well how? JJ if something is wrong you need to go to the midwife, you need a check up."
"Emily the baby is fine. They're moving and squirming and kicking. I don't need to go to the midwife."
"Well I'm glad to hear it. But honey you're scaring did you stay home?"
I sigh in frustration, pinching the bridge of my nose. I don't have to look behind me to know that Pen is trying her hardest to respect my privacy and not eavesdrop. I drop my voice. "I don't feel safe."
Now it's Emily's turn to sigh at me. "JJ I don't understand-"
"I know it doesn't make sense, okay? I don't need your judgment on top of what I'm already feeling-"
"Jayje-"
"-which is like a huge, crazy, pregnant woman who is losing goddamn mind." I finish.
She pauses a moment and I know he is picking her words carefully. "JJ I never sad you were crazy. And I'm not judging you. I'm just… at a loss as to why you are so freaked out all of a sudden. Is this- Is this about what happened at White Collar?"
Her voice is incredulous, disbelieving almost, but the mere mention means that visions of terrified pedestrians and smoke filled air assaults my mind. "No, of course not." I snap. "I'm sorry but I just feel like the world is a little fucked up right now and I feel safest at home, where I can keep our unborn child away from all of it!"
"Oh so we're just going to keep the baby in the house for the rest of it's life? We'll be a great little hermit family." she retorts. Emily and I don't fight often, but when we do it can get pretty heated. We're both exceedingly passionate people.
"Maybe we will! We can find a nice underground bunker to move into!" I sarcastically suggest.
She lets out a slow breath. "JJ I can't do this right now. I'm in the field and I need to focus." I purse my lips and don't respond. "Hey. Hey! I love you. I really do. I love you and I care about you and we'll get this figured out. Okay?"
I can feel some of the anger begin to release from my body. "Okay. I love you. And baby loves you. I can't wait for you to be home."
"Me either, baby. I'll call you tonight before I go to bed, okay?" We say goodnight and I hang up the phone. I return to the table, where my soup is now almost room temperature.
"Is… Everything okay? You can talk to me, y'know. I'm a good listener." Penelope covers my hand with her own. I smile back at her.
"Yeah, it's just… It's hard. Em being away and me being so pregnant."
"Well, it it's any consolation, I am not a crazy pregnant woman, well, I'm not pregnant, and I also feel like the world can be a big, scary, icky place. And sometimes it is nice to just be in your own home and feel that security. And I think Emily will understand that if you talk to her."
I give her hand a squeeze. "Thanks, Pen. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you."
She gives me a cheeky smile. "And I haven't even made you an ice cream sundae yet!"
(A review would be just lovely.)