Chapter 5 – The Conversation He Never Wanted to Have

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Luke couldn't sleep that night. He had another beer before going to bed, thinking it would help him sleep, but it only kept him up. His thoughts kept swirling around his head, driving him insane.

At 5 am, he gave up trying to sleep and got up. He wanted to talk to Lorelai. He still felt the pain of her betrayal and had to close his eyes every time he thought of Christopher's hands all over her. He wondered if she went there to sleep with Christopher on purpose, to hurt Luke back. Somehow, he doubted it. She would never be so mean-spirited like that. Maybe he went there to talk, but then they got drunk and things got out of hand?

He tried to remember the last time he and Lorelai were intimate. He was shocked to realize he couldn't even remember. Was it, what, two or three weeks ago? He went to her house late at night, had sex with her, then instead of cuddling and falling asleep with her, he got dressed and told her he was sleeping at his apartment because of early deliveries the next day. He saw the look of surprise and pain in her face, which she quickly tried to mask. She tried to sound light-hearted as she said, "Wow, I've never felt more like a whore in my entire life." He chuckled, thinking it was a joke, but when he sneaked a glance at her, she turned away and pretended to go to sleep. When he left the room, he could hear sniffles that he pretended not to hear as he quickly dashed down the stairs.

At 6 am, he wondered if it was too early to call Lorelai. He couldn't wait any longer. She'd be pissed if he woke her up, but he had to hear her voice. He tried to call Rory the night before to ask where Lorelai was, but she wouldn't pick up his calls. He couldn't blame her.

Finally, he decided to call Lorelai. The call went straight to voicemail. He tried again every 30 minutes until 10 am. Obviously she wasn't taking calls from anybody. Deciding on a whim, he went to Dragonfly Inn's kitchen and looked for Sookie.

Luke knocked gingerly on the kitchen door. "Sookie?" he called out.

He heard a loud clang, like a pot dropping to the floor. The door whipped open and he was suddenly face-to-face with a very angry Sookie. It caught him by surprise since she was normally so bright and bubbly. She glared at him without speaking until he started squirming.

"Luke. What are you doing here?" she asked, trying hard to keep her voice calm.

"I wondered if you knew where Lorelai was…"

She snorted. "And why the hell do you think I'd tell you if I knew? It's none of your business anymore."

Her answer reminded him of Rory's words the previous day. "I know, I just… I wanted to talk to her, but she's not taking my calls."

"To be honest, she's not taking anybody's calls. She calls Rory to let her know where she's headed that day, and she calls me to check on the Inn, but I doubt if she'll be calling you anytime soon."

"Yeah, but if you could mention to her that we need to talk…"

This enraged Sookie. "Wow, Luke. After everything you put her through in the past few months. Making her wait. Asking for time. Not wanting to talk to her about anything. Hiding things from her. Now it suddenly occurred to you that you guys need to talk?"

"I know it sounds bad…"

"She got over the fact that you didn't tell her about April for two months… I mean, it might have been longer if she didn't happen to drop by the diner that day and saw April with the salt shakers. To be honest, she was very gracious about it and forgave you and tried to understand what you were going through. If Jackson did the same thing to me, I wouldn't just…I don't know. There'd be a huge fight. And there'd be yelling. From me, I mean, not from Jackson."

"I'm sure…"

"Yeah, then one day, I was at her place getting Paul Anka, and you left a message on her freaking answering machine saying that April will be at the diner from 3-7pm, and you'd see her at the diner after that. I mean, you didn't say it in so many words, but the message was clear that she had to stay away while April was around. That really hurt Lorelai, Luke!"

Luke was going to reply but Sookie raised a hand to stop him.

"When she remembered that I was there, she tried to pass it off as a decision that you both agreed upon, but I knew it wasn't. She was completely caught off guard. I mean, if that's what you wanted, you should have the decency to at least have a conversation with your fiancé about it first, and not just drop bombshells like that over an answering machine, right? Seriously, if Jackson did something to me like that…"

"I know, I know." Luke hurriedly tried to pacify Sookie to keep her on the topic. This was not a conversation he expected, or particularly enjoyed, but he had a feeling he had to listen to all of this to figure out what went wrong in their relationship, and what he should do next.

"Then everyone in town met April. Everyone spent time with her. Heck, even I spent time with that little girl. While Lorelai, her future step-mom, only got the chance to talk to her during that disastrous birthday party."

"Disastrous?" Luke asked, surprise evident in his voice. "It wasn't disastrous. Everyone had a blast."

"The kids had a blast," Sookie said. "The next morning, she kept telling me that it was a turning point for you guys. That you were finally letting her in. That maybe you'd finally agree to set a wedding date. That maybe she'd finally see all her dreams come true. But no. The minute Anna got mad, that's all you cared about. Come to think of it, that's all you really care about – what Anna thinks, what Anna says. Makes people wonder who's the fiancée and who's the ex."

"That's not fair," Luke said angrily but Sookie cut him off.

"You know what she did the next day, Luke? She went to Woodbridge and looked for Anna. She didn't tell you because she was afraid you'd be upset. She wanted to introduce herself to Anna, to assure her that she's a good person and that there's no need to worry about her spending time with April. That she's a permanent part of your life and not just some floozy you picked up from wherever. And Anna basically said she doesn't want April to get to know Lorelai since she was only in your life temporarily. Lorelai told her that you guys were stable, that you're engaged. And Anna said, 'Engaged is not married, people get engaged all the time.' And Lorelai knew it was true."

Luke stared at Sookie, shocked. 'Engaged is not married.' Exactly what Anna would tell him whenever she kissed him. A chill ran down his spine.

"You know what, Luke, I really liked you. We were friends. Even when you guys weren't together yet, I kept telling Lorelai how great you were and how great you two would be together," she spat, getting more and more worked up as she went along. "I just thought that, you know, after everything she's been through in her life, she deserves to have someone who would love her completely like I though you did."

"I do! But…"

"I've known Lorelai since she was sixteen. I met her the day she arrived at the Independence Inn with a baby on her hip, begging Mia for a job. I've seen her break apart more times than I can count. When her parents came to the Inn unexpectedly and found her cleaning the toilet, and screamed at her for bringing shame to the Gilmore name. When Chris didn't come to Rory's Father's Day celebration at school when she was 10, and Rory got upset and blamed her mother for choosing a father that didn't want her. When she thought she was getting back together with Chris and getting the whole package, until he found out that his ex was pregnant and he left and married Sherry instead. But I have never, ever seen her as broken as she's been the last few months. Did you even know where she slept the night before you broke up? She came to my place, not saying anything, just sat in the sofa watching me and Jackson and Davey and Martha have dinner. She didn't want to eat, she didn't want to talk. She just wanted to sit and watch us. I didn't realize it then, but Lorelai was jealous of me. Jealous because I found a good man who loves me and married me and built a family with me. She was starting to realize that she would never have any of that with you. After a while, she just called out good night and curled up on the sofa."

"She never said a thing to me. I didn't mean to hurt her, Sookie."

"Yeah, well the last time she tried to push you, you broke up with her, remember? So how can you expect her to push you again?"

Luke remembered the disastrous vow renewal of the elder Gilmores. He got upset, refused to talk to her, and when she pushed, he said he wanted out of the relationship. No wonder Lorelai wouldn't tell him anything, she was afraid of saying anything because she was worried that he would leave her. Luke felt a deep ache in his heart as he realized what he has done.

"Anyway, Luke, do what you want. But as her friend, I'm asking you – don't try to call her again. Don't get her hopes up that you want to get back together, that you want to marry her, that you want to start a family with her. Just… just let her go, Luke. She deserves to find happiness. I hope to goodness that someday soon she'll find someone who would love her and take care of her and not hurt her. Since it's not you, just, just please get out of her way." With these final words, Sookie slammed the kitchen door shut, leaving Luke feeling worse than before.