Not too good of day, today, but uploading makes it a little better. Happy reading.

Chapter 5

I'm going to District 12 today. Wait, first I have to go to get the ultrasound which frightens me, because there's a baby inside of me, and it only means that is growing and it will come out to this terrible world, where Hunger Games and this war exist. My hands are shaky, and I want Prim to be here, but Coin would find out I told her. So I walk in Dr. Odessa's room, alone.

"Good morning Katniss," she says. Her voice isn't as friendly and I can see she's sad. "Lie here," she points. She asks me to lift my shirt, and she presses this device thing with goo on my stomach. It feels odd. I hear weird warping sounds, and she tells me it's my heart beat.

"If you listen closely you can hear the baby's heart," She says. She presses the device around my stomach. "Oh look." She says sweetly, her eyes on the monitor. I look at the monitor but I don't see anything. "There's your baby." She points on the monitor for me to see. Then I see it. The little image of a tiny person. My eyes begin to tear up, so I look away. Not now Katniss, you're stronger than that. "Would you like to know the sex?" she asks calmly.

"No." I simply answer. I tried not to let my voice crack, but it did. Dr. Odessa puts a hand on my shoulder, which I would quickly step away from, but I can't move and I'm feeling miserable, so I let her. I wipe my eyes and Odessa hands me a tissue, for my runny nose. Uck, I feel so weak. I pull myself together, while Dr. Odessa reminds me take the vitamins. She tells me the baby is healthy so far, and that if I do what she tells me, the baby should be fine. She mentions nothing of a visit from Coin.

I go to breakfast and I don't encounter Gale, which is good, because he'll probably see I'm not doing too well. I eat and leave the dining hall as quickly as I can. My prep team is expecting me in my boarding cell. So I walk down the hall and hope no one notices me, or tries to stop to say hi.

I take a long bath, because they're not here yet. I blow the bubbly foam from my hands, expecting to see bubbles form, but no, just spitting foam. For some reason I feel very disappointed that I can't blow bubbles, and I start tearing up. Nobody is going to see me cry. I know I'm not crying because of the bubbles. Twenty minutes later, my prep team busts into the bathroom. There's no privacy with them and me. They're not going to see what they haven't seen already. I'm glad the bubbles are shielding me, they're like my blanket.

"Katniss, We must start prepping you up! We're a little late, I know, but Octavia misplaced the brush, and it was such a hassle looking for it." Says Flavius. He seems less gloomy today. Venia hands me a towel, and they start with dressing me in the Mockingjay uniform, and putting only a little make-up, to even my skin tone. I'm suppose to look natural. Venia braids my hair and then they spray a little perfume. I don't know why. I gladly accept it though, because it was Octavia's and it cheered her up a little when I told her it smell wonderful.

I leave Venia, Flavius, and Octavia and head for the Hangar. I see Gale and Beetee and I walk over to them.

"Katniss! There you are," He exclaims. "I have your bow." He unlatches it and I take the bow from the case. I'm awestricken all over again. "Here are your plain arrows. Now, give them your best, you two." He says to me and Gale.

"They're just filming Katniss with the District ruins in the background." Says Gale.

"Yes, but you are her teammate and you get her to act her best. This is our message to the Capitol." Beetee rolls away from the boarding zone. He gives a smile of encouragement before he leaves the Hangar.

"You ready for this?" I ask Gale.

"Sure, yeah." He says, he holds his communicuff out.

"You got it back?" I ask.

"Yeah, Well since I'm going, they said I need it. I'm back in position." He says.

"Hey you!" I look behind me and see Finnick walking towards us. He looks a little better than yesterday. He isn't wearing hospital clothes.

"Finnick! Are you coming?" I ask.

"Sadly no, they won't let me. I told them I'm fine, but nope. I'm sure I'm going on the next one."

"Oh, well glad to see you're better."

"Yeah," he looks a little disappointed. "Came to see you guys off." He says patting Gale and I on the shoulder. He walks away, and I notice he still has his bracelet. I got mine taken off a few days ago, for filming. I wonder. Haymitch comes up behind me, sneakily.

"Hey!" he says loudly, and I jump. Not really because he's loud, but it's Haymitch. He smirks when he sees me jump.

"See this? You put it in your ear. It's my way of communicating with you."

"Where will you be?" I ask.

"In the hovercraft. It's just in case of an emergency, and I don't want those cameras at me. That's your job, right? Don't trip." He says with fake sternness. I can't help to smile a little. I'm sort of glad he's here, even though I'll be on the ground and he's on the hovercraft. He probably doesn't want to face the ashy remains of our home.

Gale and I get on the hovercraft. The hovercraft moves unto a large elevator. The hovercraft is elevated to ground level, then it begins to take off on the airstrip.

Plutarch tells us where we'll be filming, but Cressida interrupts and tells him to leave it to her. She's got it planned out. She explains her vision, and I'm trying to envision it too. She's the director, but I'm sure Plutarch thinks he really is. I see Twelve from our window. I imagine everything just coming back to life. I want to at least see it in my head, but that's hard to do. Gale grips my hand and gives me an encouraging smile. Having my presence in this destruction. This is what I'm here for, I guess.

Cressida films me walking through the streets where blacken remains lay on the ground. Buildings are burned down and when we reach the square, I make out what used to be there. There's the Justice Building, the grocery, the tailor… They film a little of me speaking of what my life was like before that reaping day. I decide to walk to a certain street. The crew follows me and then I see it.

"Action." Says Cressida.

"Right here, was the bakery. Peeta's parents owned this bakery." I look sideways to the lot of rubble. I start referring to him. "This where you worked, and created those beautiful cakes. My sister would walk me with her, just to see them from the window." I look straight into the camera. "Now it's destroyed. Can't you see what the Capitol did? They burned down our home! There can be no drop of arms."

I start talking to the general audience. "The Capitol will destroy everything dear to us! This is why we're fighting. This is what we're fighting for. Our home, and a better future! We have no choice but to go forward, and fight for what we believe in. And this war will probably will end dirty, but we have the choice. So those in the Capitol… I just want to say we're not going down without a fight, and if we burn, you burn with us."

"Cut! We got it." Cressida calls. The crew begins to pick up. I look at the bakery, and imagine Peeta icing those cakes in the window, remembering the day he took a beating to give me bread. Cressida walks up next me.

"This is going to get through to him and a whole lot of people." She says. "How can he ignore that the Capitol burned down his home?" I nod. His family sadly didn't make it out in time. The bombing was so unexpected. Gale realized the trouble that caused from blowing up the arena, and warned as many people as he could. They all got out to the Meadow, about eight hundred. The Capitol is the one who bombed District Twelve. Peeta can't be so blinded.

Gale does some filming by himself. He chooses his home and the forest. They just film him going through his home. Then he stumbles across a crooked metal poker chip. Cressida asks what it was like the day of the bombing, and she asks him to do a reenactment. They film him from his home to the Meadow. While they're filming I stand behind the crew. I'm beginning to feel sick, but I don't want anybody to notice. I just edge closer to a bush just in case I throw up. Please don't throw up, please.

Cressida yells "cut", and we start picking up to go the hovercraft. While just starting to pack up, cheese sandwiches are passed around and we eat them in the shade of trees. I see a Mockingjay in a tree. I tap Pollux on the shoulder and point to the bird. He points to my pin.

"Yes, it's a Mockingjay." Pollux whistles to it, and the bird sings his melody. I whistle and it sings it back. Gale watches, and the other are about to pack their cameras. Pollux is delighted, and then he writes in the dirt with a stick. He nudges my shoulder and I see it reads SING? I'd usually decline, but I can't say no to Pollux. I sing Rue's four notes. The birds sing in harmony. It reminds too much of her death so I ask Pollux for me to do a real song.

I start to sing "The Hanging Tree". My father used to sing it. He taught me it, till I was told it was forbidden. My mother told me to forget about it, and of course, it engraved in my mind. I sing the words softly. The birds focus on my voice. I continue to sing, and notice how they all fall silent. Peeta was right. They do all fall silent when I sing. Just like when my father sings. After my last verse, the birds begin to sing the song. It sounds beautiful and I see Pollux tearing up. I look around me and see that everyone is watching, and Messala has been filming. The birds finish a verse and Cressida yells cut.

Gale and I watch District Twelve fade away from the window. Haymitch sits in front of us. He stayed on the hovercraft during the whole time. He didn't really use the ear piece to communicate with me. I see Haymitch look out the window for second. His expression is sincere and almost sad. There it goes. Good-bye. Maybe it's our final good-bye.

We land in District Thirteen. Plutarch tells me that the editing will be done by this evening, and that Beetee will air the prop tonight. Wow, they sure commit themselves to showing this as soon as they can. I hope I acted well enough. A lot of people might originate their opinion about the war with this prop. I return my bow to the armory with Gale, and then we go to the dining hall. We grab our trays and I see Finnick. Good, he's out. I take a seat opposite of him and Gale sits beside me.

"Nice of you guys to join," he says. "How did it go?"

"I don't know, I was a bit distracted from my lines and all…" I say.

"You did good." Gale says casually. "You really put your heart in it, that statement about our home. Nobody could have done it any better."

"So when are they airing it?"

"Tonight."

"Really? Well I've got something to look forward to. Something different than tying knots over and over and over and…"

"Okay we get it." I say, laughing. I turn my attention to my stew and slice of bread. I know it's more than I used to get. I can't help to think about the lamb stew with the little plums, or you know what sounds really good? Cheese buns. The ones that Pe-. I try to stop my thought mid-track and look at things to distract me. Oh look, the scars on my finger are almost gone..., no use. Peeta. I miss him dearly, but now is not a good place to think about it. Gale pats my back. I turn to look at him.

"What?"

"Nothing. Right? You'll say you're fine." He says. He knows I've been trapped in my thoughts a lot, and that he'll ask me what's wrong, and I'll tell him it's nothing. Finnick isn't paying attention. It looks like he's trapped in his thoughts too. Maybe he's thinking about Annie.

During Reflection, I'm asked to go to Command. I guess Fulvia, Plutarch ,and all of them, want to see my reaction of the prop. I walk in and stand next to Haymitch. On the screen there's the Capitol emblem.

"This message brought to you by…" Beetee was planning to air it just a few minutes after the Capitol show their news. Wait, on the screen is Peeta sitting in front of Caesar Flickerman. There's the original set where Caesar talks to guest. There are screen above them showing Peeta. This Peeta is very different than the first interview. He has dark circles under his eyes, even with makeup. He looks sickly and thinner, and my heart breaks at the sight of it. His fists are clenched and he looks anxious, his hand has a slight tremor. What are they doing to him?

Caesar asks him empty questions, like how he's doing. He speaks emotionlessly, and gives back predictable answers. Why is he lying? He is not fine!

"We've heard that Katniss is filming propos for the districts. What do you think about all this?" asks Caesar.

"They're using her, obviously. Probably telling her she doing a good thing for the war, but she has no idea what she's really doing. She's just rallying up the people from the district to eventually kill themselves."

"Is there anything you would like to tell her?"

"Don't be a fool, Katniss. Think for yourself. You're just an instrument in this destruction of humanity. You should stop this, before it's too late. Do you really trust the people you're working with? Do you really know what's going on? And if you don't… find out." It ends and the emblem of the Capitol shows.

Some of the people behind me are probably thinking how wrong it is to ask for Coin to pardon him. Peeta's words are probably just hurting his case from me asking for his immunity. Then before anyone could say anything about Peeta, the prop goes on. It was artistically done and I watched myself speak with such a different kind of confidence, I didn't know I had. People are watching this in the Capitol, thanks to Beetee. I wonder what Peeta is thinking right now. This has to get through to him and those ignorant citizens.

With struggle to keep the prop showing, it goes back to Peeta and Caesar Flickerman. They're watching it. Peacekeepers are keeping the audience from going crazy. A guy is yelling to get rid of it. The prop goes back on, and it's the scene of the bakery. There's only flashes that last a second of the Capitol televising, and I see Peeta's face. I don't know if it's confusion or some kind of comprehension, but he saw it. The prop finishes with my speech and then it ends. The black screen only shows the words; "If we burn, you burn with us"

Plutarch turns off the monitor.

"That was fantastic." He says. Cressida and them are proud of their work, and I try to act happy, but the image of Peeta is still on my mind, and I can tell it's still on Haymitch's too. Gale looks at me, he smiles but it goes away. He knows I'm bothered. I have to act happy. I don't want to make everyone sad because of me. I go to Cressida.

"That was great. You guys did a really good job." I say.

"You too, kid." She says smiling. People are patting me on the back and I smile in gratitude. Coin is calm. She's giving a tiny smile, which to me, looks ominous. Gale is talking about his part to Castor, how well they filmed it. Fulvia, I could tell was not as happy. I guess it's because Haymitch's idea worked over hers.

Coin has had enough of the self-congratulating. "So what else do you have planned?" she asks.

Cressida consults a clip board. "Well, Fulvia came up with this really brilliant idea."

Fulvia's expression is swiped off her face. "I don't know how brilliant it is, but I was thinking we could do a series of propos called We Remember. In each one, we would feature one of the dead tributes. Little Rue from Eleven or Old Mags from Four. The idea being that we could target each district with a very personal piece."

"That is brilliant, Fulvia," I say sincerely. "It's perfect for reminding people why we're fighting."

"I thought we might use Finnick to intro and narrate the spots. If there was interest in them."

"Frankly, I don't see how we could have too many of those kinds of propos," says Coin. "Can you start producing them today?"

"Of course." Says Fulvia, surely proud of her idea now. Fulvia, Plutarch, and the crew talk within themselves. Just talking about little things they'll do for the propos and then I notice Haymitch is gone. I walk out of Command and catch up with him. He stops, and we don't say anything. We know what we're thinking. Peeta is not well. Just days ago, he looked healthy and now he looks terrible. The Capitol is clearing torturing him. The effects are clearly recognizable and it's even worse because it's only been days.

"Say it," he says.

"How could you not save him?" I say sadly.

"We barely made it out of there, just getting you. The hovercraft might have gone down if we stayed any longer." I look down. Then look up at him.

"Now you say it."

"How could you let him leave your side?" he says. I nod and swallow the feeling in my throat.

"I know. I think it over in my head a hundred times, but I can't seem to find a way, that I could have saved him."

"I know what you mean. Listen, I'm still your mentor, so I'm still getting you through this. You listen to me, okay?"

"We'll see." I say.

I've updating regularly, but I might not be tomorrow, I don't know. Computer issues. Thanks for reading, though! Have an awesome day.

- cheezebuns