Ch. 2 Switzerland's Secret Journal
Sept. 1,
Raivis came to my house to "play" with Lili. She might only be 13, but you can't be too sure. I'm keeping my gun loaded. I swear, the second I turn my back and- well you get the picture. No door can hold me back when my sister is locked on the other side. I can always shoot the door off its hinges. And it would seem I have an extra surplus of .223 ammo, thanks to peoples' poor recognition of good presents.
Sept. 2,
Turns out that Raivis just wanted to play. He's not really interested in my sister, (but just wait until puberty kicks in to that little pedophile in the making). Niklas wasn't too happy when he came to pick up Raivis, and I had an M-16 in my hand. So I put myself under a 1 day house arrest (thank God too, because today's meeting was in Italy, and I'm not going to that pasta-eating idiot after he streaks on MY lawn!).
Sept. 3,
Italy cried today, at the meeting because he thought I hated him. So I reminded him that I didn't like him in the first place. Then his brother, Lovino, called me a "chocolate coated bastard", whatever that means. I guess stupidity runs in their family.
Sept. 4,
Alfred is such a child. Today, he gave a presentation on how to defend the Earth if unfriendly invaders were to attack. Then, he tried to make me lose my neutrality and join the Allied Powers. He doesn't understand that I will not go to war, (unless my precious Lili's land is invaded).
Honestly, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. Maybe it's because I was alone for so long that I learned from everyone's mistakes. If that's the case, then being called the "mean old mountain hermit" was totally worth it.
Sept. 5,
Unfortunately, I was hosting today's world meeting. I let Lili attend this one, but she did not leave my sight, (I'm referring to you, Emil!) Everyone left the place a wreck. Alfred spilt his French fries all over my sofa. Feliciano took all of my pasta. Lovino left a note on my door, saying "Nice meeting chocolate coated bastard". The meeting wasn't even that successful. We didn't do anything productive. It'll take days to clean everything (and buy more pasta). Next time the meeting's at my place, I'm running a tight ship. No food, drinks, theft, or inappropriate notes. Literally, the only considerate person here was Matthew (at least, I think he was here). I'm just undergoing a lot of stress now; I need to blow off steam. Which means I'm going target shooting (I'm going to draw the rude people's faces on the target).
Sept. 6,
I'm much better now. I feel so relaxed; I even cleaned the whole house in just a few hours. Lili's going to be so impressed when she comes home from school. I'm not even attending today's meeting. Today is my relaxation day. I'm just gonna sit down, eat some chocolate, and watch war movies that are rated R for blood violence and would emotionally scar Lili if she were to watch. This is the good life here.
Sept. 7,
Gilbert found out that I was watching those war movies. Because he stole one, and brought it to the world meeting and presented it to everyone. Of course, I brought Lili to that meeting. I had to cover her eyes (because Emil certainly wasn't). Gilbert has major problems. I don't know how he got in my house in the first place. I had to have a talk with Ludwig, who said, "I apologize for my brother's insensibility. He's a mess. And if it makes you feel any better, I don't know how he got in your house either." Ludwig is actually a decent guy, but his brother is a maniac.
Sept. 8,
Ludwig punished Gil for his inappropriate actions yesterday. Gilbert is not allowed to attend any more meetings for the next month. I'm glad too; Lili kept asking what was happening during the movie, since all she heard was blood spattering, screaming, and gunshots. I had to deny everything I knew, because Gilbert picked out the most violent movie that I own. Ludwig actually makes sense around here, and I completely agree with his punishment (although, two months would have been nice).
Sept. 9,
Just because Gilbert isn't allowed to the world meetings, it doesn't mean he can't bother me. Last night, there was a knocking at my front door. When I opened it, Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis were standing there, half-wasted. They probably went to a bar and got so drunk that they couldn't find their way back home. At least, that's what I thought, until Gil asked, "Hey Vash! We want you to come drinking with us. It'd be like '83 all over again! We can even bring Elizaveta." So I told them, "No!" then I called Ludwig, Lovino, and Matthew. Ludwig said, "I'll deal with you at home." and he dragged Gil by the ankle to their car. He was holding a belt, so I can only imagine what happened after that. Lovino came to get Antonio, and he was not happy. He said something like, "Antonio you •••••••, don't you know you're not allowed to drink? I swear, when we get home, you're going straight to your ••••ing bedroom. Do you understand?" I had to cover Lili's ears for that. Then Matthew came to get Francis, he said, "You've been very bad, Papa. I'm sorry Vash. You're going to get a very bad spanking when we get home." So Gil tried to bother me, but totally got what was coming to him.
Sept. 10,
Yesterday, Gil said "It'd be like '83 all over again." So Lili asked what happened in '83. So I had to reply, "Lili, what you have to understand is that they were drunk, and didn't know what they were talking about." She must never find out. If she did, she would never respect me again. Besides, I was drunk, and haven't had a relationship in quite a while. So if she found out, that's my excuse.
Sept. 11,
Alfred was acting weird today. Apparently, it's a tragic day in history that happened in his country. He brought a gigantic American flag to the world meeting. Then he asked me to "retire the flag". So I told him that I'm not American, so he should do it. Then he gave me a speech on terrorism and the Twin Towers. So I left the meeting early, leaving Alfred to give his speech to Arthur, who was really annoyed. Maybe if Alfred would mind his own business, then he wouldn't have these problems.
Sept. 12,
Today, I had to join Rodderiech at lunch again. Because Elizaveta and Lili feel that it's "good" for us. But honestly, it just makes us fight over who takes the check. It's not healthy to be upset with your neighbor, now we're even angrier with each other. Lili thinks we should get along, and that we should be friends again. But I will not befriend that Beethoven-worshipping aristocrat. All we do at our lunches is Rodderiech writes down sheet music, and I polish my guns (there's no sense in having a dirty gun). So the lunches aren't really effective.
Sept. 13,
Well, Lili and Elizaveta must have suspected that Rodderiech and I don't "bond" at lunch. They set up lunch and showed up themselves. So we had to act like we were friends, because women are dangerous when they're angry. You don't want to upset two at the same time and place, especially when one's armed with a frying pan, and the other a Swiss Army Knife (its good self-defense). Then to make matters worse, it was at an Asian restaurant, so Yao was our waiter. He was like, "Wow! It's you guys, aru. Finally, someone is buying my food. I am so happy, aru." I ordered the cheapest item on the menu to save money. That just made Yao sad. Then Lili gave me her puppy-dog eyes, so I had to give him an extra-large tip to cheer him up. I am such a pushover for Lili.
Sept. 14,
Today, Emil came over to see Lili. It's not like Raivis, where he makes it very clear that he likes Francis's little sister, Michelle. I have to keep my eyes peeled. If I pull my eyes away for one minute, I'll find Emil with his lips all over my sister's mouth (gross). Which is why I had a little added protection. I took the liberty of making sure I can pick every lock in this house. I've loosened the hinges on the doors so that they're easier to kick down. I even borrowed Alfred's Desert Eagle. It might be a bit extreme, but Lili doesn't know. Besides, I give her those home-schooled training sessions on self-defense, so she can defend herself. But what if...she wants to kiss Emil (even grosser)? Why does my Lili have to grow up so fast?
Sept. 15,
Well, everything went fine yesterday. Emil didn't make any moves on my sister. And Lili told me that for the time being, she just wants to be friends with Emil (for the time being). I'm definitely having trouble coping with Lili's growing up. I've got to see someone about this.
Sept. 22,
I've spent the last week interviewing a bunch of big brothers, and I've learned a lot. For example, Antonio said not to use foul language because he did when Lovino was young (look what happened). Arthur said, you have to let them go, that's what he did with Alfred. But I didn't get too much advice on dating. The only thing I got on that was from Francis, he said "You have to let them date whoever they want. I have no problem with Michelle hanging out with Raivis." and maybe he's right. I'll let her date whoever she wants...when she's at least 16 (cry me a river Emil).
Sept. 23,
Today, Lili asked to go on a picnic. So, naturally, I had to agree. We brought some sandwiches, and they were really good, too. But then Feliciano ran right in front of us, butt naked. Why is it that whenever he gets scared, he runs to Ludwig in the nude? The worst part is, I was too late to cover Lili's eyes. So she lost her innocence, thanks to Feliciano and his need to see Ludwig whenever he gets scared. Now I have to talk to Ludwig about Feliciano. I feel bad for Ludwig, he has to deal with so many people.
Sept. 24,
Ludwig didn't punish Feliciano at all. I guess he'll cry uncontrollably if he were punished. I think Feliciano's mind has the capacity of a five year old child's. Although, Ludwig would just say, "Feliciano's not stupid, he just needs attention." He needs medical attention. I'm sorry Feliciano, you're a good guy, but you've scarred my sister.
Sept. 25,
Today, I gave Lili a home schooled training session on self-defense. She should learn how to defend herself against muggers, robbers, and Francis. So I showed her all the basics about guns and knives. I showed her how to operate a firearm. I also showed her how to fist fight and wrestle (she beat the crap out of that training dummy). She makes me so proud, knowing that she can defend herself against Francis. She could break his jaw with one kick. I trained her pretty good. I can't wait to see what she can do for real.
Sept. 26,
Lili is amazing when it comes to defending herself! I came home from the meeting today, to find Francis tied to a railing! Apparently, Lili was all alone at home, when she heard someone in her bedroom. She walked upstairs to see what it was, and found Francis there. He thought it was a good idea to rape my sister when I wasn't home. So Lili punched Francis in the stomach and kicked him in the face. Then he passed out. Lili dragged him downstairs and tied him up. But whatever I'm gonna do to Francis will be a thousand times worse than a kick to the face.
Sept. 29,
I spent the past few days helping Matthew punish Francis. Matthew told him, "Papa, you hoser! You can't do that, she's a little girl! Vash is going to help give you a proper punishment. You've been very bad!" We agreed to punish him by locking him up in Matthew's basement and is forced to eat English scones for three weeks (Arthur was more than happy to bake some scones). Gilbert took a lot of pictures. I for one, think it is a great punishment.
Sept. 30,
I congratulated Lili today, by making her a big lunch and inviting all her friends. It made her very happy about what she did. I think it will encourage her to defend herself instead of becoming a victim. Francis finally got what's coming to him. I'm so happy for Lili.