Rachel Berry Who do you think would be the best Tony to compliment my Maria?
Blaine Anderson - 40%
Finn Hudson - 35%
Kurt Hummel - 15%
Puck DaBadass - 10%
Finn Hudson, Rachel Berry, and 2 others like this
Puck DaBadass Da fuck? Why am I on the 'gay' list? And how did Hummel get more than me?
Kurt Hummel Because I have a better voice. And Finn's not gay. (Finn Hudson likes this)
Puck DaBadass I'm sure he only added that because he's heard it so much.
Finn Hudson Cold.
Mercedes Jones Excuse me, bitch, who said you were Maria?
Rachel Berry Mercedes, you have an admirable voice, but, frankly, you simply cannot match my talent level. Jesse pointed out your lack of determination, and while it was incredibly rude, it was true. Maria is a part that I've been able to relate with since I was a year old. Natalie Wood was a Jew, and we have very similar voices, though I hope my death will not be as tragic. I will be playing Maria, but I'm sure you'll make a lovely Anita to compliment me.
Kurt Hummel I hate to break it to you, Rachel, but the point of a comment is for it to be short.
Santana Lopez Bitches, you trippin'! The only girl that could pull of the Latina chicklet around here is me! (Brittany Pierce likes this)
Rachel Berry Sadly, I do not have the skin color for the part, but you don't have the range. I can use foundation to fix my problem, as well as a vigorous fake-tanning schedule, but to teach you to be able to utilize the notes and emotion required for Maria would take far longer than we have to pull off an entire production of one of the most moving and honored Broadway musicals in history.
Kurt Hummel I think I almost like talking to Rachel better in person... so that I can cut her off when she's being ridiculous (Santana Lopez, Mercedes Jones, and 5 others like this)
Rachel Berry You're just bitter that you didn't win my poll, or perhaps that you can't be Maria yourself, despite the appropriate range.
Kurt Hummel I hate to break it to you, my lovely delusional friend, but your poll doesn't mean anything in the end.
Mercedes Jones Rachel, I will bust my ass for this part and steal it from under your skinny white butt, I promise you.
Rachel Berry Game on.

Rachel Berry cannot be the only one that thinks a mysophobic guidance counselor and a football coach are horrible co-directors for a musical! No offense to Artie Abrams.
(Finn Hudson, Blaine Anderson, and 10 others like this)
Kurt Hummel Haven't we talked about at least giving people a chance?
Finn Hudson What does mysophobic mean?
Kurt Hummel Afraid of germs
Rachel Berry Kurt, I don't think you understand. Our New York dreams *depend* on the success of this production. Lousy directing and production could be the end of our chances to go to NYADA, even if you win President. I, for one, have been a member of various clubs and organizations for my three completed years of high school, and now sincerely regret leaving them to focus on Glee for my senior year. You, however, have nothing but Glee and brief stints in both football and cheerleading. People with high expectations such as the council of auditions at NYADA are not going to be impressed. Nothing is based on GPA, Kurt! Absolutely nothing. They require nothing more than a 2.0!
Kurt Hummel Is there a limited number of characters to a facebook comment? or are you actually done with your spiel?
Rachel Berry Kurt, THIS IS OUR LIVES!
Blaine Anderson Rachel, m'dear, I think you need to calm down. Just because you were slightly intimidated by Harmony's in-utero credits, doesn't mean both of you aren't shoo-ins. Rachel, you are the most determined, demanding, and talented girl I know. Since you have clearly read the NYADA website as much as I have, you'll know that *motivation* is what they're looking for, and you have it in abundance. Kurt, I think it's safe to say that I will never meet another person with a voice as incredibly versatile and *pure* as yours. Neither of you have anything to worry about.
Brittany Pierce ... Now I see why you drip whenever you seem him.
Blaine Anderson Excuse me?
Kurt Hummel I think she's referring to the common ideal of 'melting' whenever you see someone you're... enamored with.
Santana Lopez Either that, or something you *really* don't wanna think about
Kurt Hummel Ew.
Finn Hudson Since you pushed it away, can I have the rest of your pizza?
Kurt Hummel Go ahead. Haven't we talked about talking across the room instead of facebook messaging.
Finn Hudson I commented.
Blaine Anderson He's got you there.
Kurt Hummel Oh hush. Just because you two have some sort of football coalition...
Rachel Berry YOU THREE ARE MISSING THE POINT!

Puck DaBadass My ass fuckin' hurts.
Finn Hudson likes this
Blaine Anderson So you finally figured out what went down in the tent, huh? (Kurt Hummel, Brittany Pierce, and 4 others like this)
Puck DaBadass That's you and Hummel's job.
Kurt Hummel May I just say that it's completely unfair that you can actually dance (and yes, Noah, I'm ignoring you).
Puck DaBadass Dude, stop freakin' callin' me that.
Kurt Hummel I only do it to irritate you, as it so clearly does. Perhaps if I wasn't constantly called 'dude' by members of the jock species, I would be more inclined to call you by your chosen nickname.
Blaine Anderson No you wouldn't :)
Santana Lopez I can think of a few other things the jock population calls you.
Kurt Hummel Same things they should be calling you?
Santana Lopez Shut up, queer.
Mike Chang You guys are actually getting much better... well, except Finn.
Finn Hudson Dude, why is Kurt there? He dances like a Boss. (Kurt Hummel likes this)
Kurt Hummel Mike was correct when he said my free-styling could use a little work. Not that we would ever use free-styling in a competition atmosphere, but it can never hurt to improve, especially with upcoming auditions for NYADA, March 3rd in Cleveland.
Mike Chang Took the words right out of my mouth.
Finn Hudson ...You sound exactly like Rachel.
Kurt Hummel I'm going to cut your balls off in your sleep...
Blaine Anderson You kind of do. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it may have something to do with the recent ego blow.
Kurt Hummel Thanks for bringing that up.
Charlie Shields Did somebody say 'blow'?
Blaine Anderson I've never doubted your uncanny ability to make absolutely everything sexual and pop up at the most convenient times for your purpose. It has now been officially proven.
Kurt Hummel Eff off, Charlie.
Charlie Shields Message me.

Rachel Berry "You will never become a star, or get the lead, if you play it safe." My new motto.
Finn Hudson likes this
Blaine Anderson ^ Do you like her statuses out of obligation or actual desire?
Kurt Hummel And that is the exact reason I am trying out to be Tony!
Rachel Berry You would make an amazing Tony! We actually would have great chemistry, if you think about it...
Kurt Hummel Correction: we *will* have great chemistry.
Blaine Anderson You two and your creepy similarities *hearts*
Kurt Hummel Shut up.
Rachel Berry Shut up.
Blaine Anderson Yes dears.
Rachel Berry I don't mean to give any advantage to any competition (Mercedes), but I will be auditioning with "Somewhere". I reveal this only because it is such a challenging song that no one but me (and Kurt) has the talent to attempt it.
Kurt Hummel Speaking of audition songs, and I have no worries due to my unique range, I need your permission.
Rachel Berry For?
Kurt Hummel I'm the Greatest Star
Rachel Berry Do Barbra proud. If you don't, I'll cut off your testicles.
Kurt Hummel Believe me, I know.
Blaine Anderson Could you do me a favor and leave those where they are? I rather like them.
Finn Hudson I'm gonna *not* read what you just said, but, dude, Kurt is *so* red right now.
Kurt Hummel Rachel, do me a favor and remove his? Saves me the work of doing it myself when I could be rehearsing to attempt the seminal and semi-autobiographical classic.

Kurt Hummel posted to Artie Abram's Wall Dear Artie, I am also a firm believer in colorblind and nontraditional casting. Yes, this is my theatrical way of telling you that I was in fact spying on your session with our directors.
Rachel Berry likes this
Rachel Berry Did they say anything about me?
Artie Abrams How did you even know when or where it was?
Kurt Hummel I have my ways.
Rachel Berry Did they say anything about me?
Artie Abrams I do agree with Miss Pillsbury as to the 'poet' comment... and, to be quite honest, Coach's comment kind of made me want to vomit.
Kurt Hummel I understand perfectly... perhaps even better. Of course, I was too focused on the potential effects her comment and ideals could have on my probability of getting the role.
Rachel Berry Did they say anything about *me*?
Kurt Hummel Trust me when I say that 'delicate' is not a word I would use lightly.
Artie Abrams Should I be scared for my life? or becoming a quadriplegic?
Kurt Hummel I'll get back to you on that :)
Rachel Berry DID THEY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT *ME*?

Rachel Berry posted to Kurt Hummel's Wall Well, that could have gone... better.
Kurt Hummel and Artie Abrams like this.
Blaine Anderson I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever heard Rachel be anything other than grotesquely optimistic.
Kurt Hummel And if that doesn't just put the cap on my shitty day!
Puck DaBadass Woah, Hummel swears?
Blaine Anderson Aww, babe, what happened?
Kurt Hummel Later.
Artie Abrams It would have been better if you'd kissed her.
Kurt Hummel Finn would have kicked my ass!
Artie Abrams ... That's the real reason, I'm sure.
Kurt Hummel You act like I've never kissed a girl before.
Artie Abrams You have?
Blaine Anderson You *have*!
Kurt Hummel Yes, Brittany. Another conversation we will have *later*.
Artie Abrams You two did have chemistry though... as weird as it sounds.
Rachel Berry I TOLD YOU WE WOULD!
Artie Abrams It would have been better if you'd done something from West Side Story instead of it's roots.
Blaine Anderson Oh, God. You did Romeo & Juliet? How does tights make *anyone* seem less gay? (Artie Abrams likes this)
Artie Abrams Exactly.
Kurt Hummel Oh, wonderful boyfriend of mine :(
Blaine Anderson Sorry, babe *hearts*
Kurt Hummel Vum-vum-vum-vummmmmm, vum-vum-vum-vummmmmm.
Blaine Anderson You're never going to let me forget that, are you?
Kurt Hummel Nope. It seems to be the best way to remind you that everyone does dumb things, without completely obviously writing 'don't you want me, baby'.
Blaine Anderson Yeah, thanks for bringing that up too.
Artie Abrams Not to interrupt the lovers'... quarrel, everything will be fine. I'll put in a good word for you, I know you can act... :(
Kurt Hummel Thanks, Artie.

Kurt Hummel posted to Finn Hudson's Wall She's riiiight. Yes, I was completely spying on you at the garage... apparently dressed like I own a magic chocolate factory. But she *is* right. And by she, I mean Rachel. Yes, I'm agreeing with Rachel. Doomsday has come.
Blaine Anderson and Rachel Berry like this
Rachel Berry I'm always right.
Finn Hudson I thought we weren't commenting around the house or posting on each others' walls.
Kurt Hummel I'm at Tina's, sweetie. She wanted a half-makeover, and I was more than happy to oblige. Haven't you noticed the tone-down in her wardrobe lately?
Finn Hudson No. Dude, I don't want to audition for NYADA.
Kurt Hummel Of course you haven't. Anyway, that's not what she's right about. She's right that you probably wouldn't be happy staying in Lima and taking over Hummel Tires and Lube. You've never wanted to be a Lima Loser. What changed?
Finn Hudson I'm starting to reevaluate what a Lima Loser is. People are perfectly happy in Lima, people with smaller dreams than you and Rach.
Kurt Hummel 'Reevaluate'. I'm so proud. Do you promise not to chuck the SAT study guide at the wall next time? I think it dented.
Finn Hudson No.
Kurt Hummel Fine. Back to topic. You may not be a city-boy, but I know that you don't want to be in Lima the rest of your life.
Finn Hudson Is this a conversation we can have in private?
Kurt Hummel No. I'm waiting for Rachel to back me up here.
Rachel Berry I support every word you've said.
Kurt Hummel Thank you. Anyway, consider your options, Finn. Just think about it.
Finn Hudson I hate it when you say that. I can never get what you tell me to 'think about' out of my head!
Kurt Hummel That's kind of the point.

A/N: That's all I could get out of this episode. A lot of personal drama, not a lot of group. I'm going to have *fuuuun* with the next episode. Anyway, all the NYADA information is *real* I looked up the audition dates and everything (I'm that sad). I'm not really following canon as far as what goes on on what day, if that makes sense. I stuck a night between Kurt spying and that Romeo & Juliet thing. (and I insert characters when I feel like it. Since you guys got to know them before this was any sort of canon, I'm not really worried).

Also, if any of you guys are my Meet the Warblers readers, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! That story hasn't been updated in over two months and I feel really bad! This chapter has been so hard to write and I have so much going on outside FF right now! Even now, at 1:16 in the morning, I have more things to do! It's crazy! Please, bear with me. A long chapter should be up by this weekend.

Reviews are Love.