Chapter 10 – The Question of Love

-oOo-

Whenever Lorelai remembered the last few months of her relationship with Luke, she couldn't help being ashamed of herself. Since when did she become this person who was so afraid to say anything? Since when did she let someone step all over her? Since when did she become the girl who would do anything to make sure her man won't leave her? I'm not that girl, she reminded herself. I'm better than that. I'm stronger than that.

She hated to think what kind of example she set for Rory. Perhaps that's why she was never comfortable telling Rory about what happened. She was scared that someday, Rory would be in the same position – perhaps with Logan – and would suffer in silence simply because she didn't want to be dumped.

If I'm ever in another relationship, I'll do better, she swore to herself. I'll never forget who I am and what I deserve. I deserve to be loved.

She always wondered if Luke still loved her during the last few months of their relationship. She already told him when they were at Martha's Vineyard that she needed to hear it from him. He was never one to say "I love you" often, but before it was okay because he always let his actions speak. And she always felt loved. But the last few months were different, because his actions were speaking the exact opposite of love.

When she first mentioned her doubts to Sookie, she waved them away dismissively. "Honey, everyone knows Luke loves you. He's been pining for you for years! That doesn't just go away."

Although Sookie meant well, the words actually hurt her. She couldn't understand why. Maybe because it made it seem that her doubts were just her silly imagination. Maybe because Sookie didn't ask why she was feeling that way about Luke, to see if there may be an ounce of truth in her statement. She just dismissed it as impossible, because everyone knows Luke loves her.

But come to think of it, she shouldn't even have gone to Sookie to discuss her doubts in the first place. She should have gone to Luke. She should have made him understand that everything he did was making her feel unloved and unwanted. Maybe that would have worked better than the catastrophic ultimatum bombshell that she dropped on him. Well, you live, you learn, she thought to herself, shrugging her shoulders.

Before going to sleep, she decided to check her messages. She had one from Sookie, telling him that Luke has been trying to ask around town if anybody knew where Lorelai is. Should Sookie tell him or not? Lorelai called her back to say, please don't tell him. I'll call him when I'm ready.

-oOo-

"Mr. Danes, the character reference from your sister was very… sweet, but it won't help you win your case."

Luke stared at the phone, wondering what to say. "What do you mean, it won't help?" He hated talking to lawyers, but now it seems he had to talk to them every single day, whether on the phone or in their stuffy offices. He sighed.

"Well… it talked about how you were a track star in high school. How you punched a ten-year-old boy bullying your baby sister when you were eight. A judge won't care about these stories. You need to find someone else who can write a character reference for you. Someone who can talk about what a good father-figure you are."

"I really don't know who to ask," Luke admitted. "I don't have that many friends here in town."

"You better figure out something quickly if you want a shot at joint custody, Mr. Danes. Call me if you need anything."

Luke sat back in deep thought. The one person who can really help him right now wasn't here. If anyone could convince a judge that he was fit enough to be a father, it would be Lorelai Gilmore. She was the only one who really knew him – the real him, underneath the gruff and cranky persona. The only one who got close enough.

But then again, even if she was back in Stars Hollow, he wouldn't feel right asking Lorelai for this favor. Not after he effectively used April to push her out of his life.

Rory would be another good choice. She knew he was a softy when it came to her and her well-being. Perhaps she could write something… but what? That he put her ex-boyfriend on a headlock in the street because they broke up? That he made her a coffee cake and blew up balloons on her birthday? And again, he wouldn't feel right asking Lorelai's daughter for this favor, after he tried to avoid introducing her to her future step-sister, and was only forced to do so when they met by accident during Jess' open house.

Jess! he thought. Maybe Jess would be willing to write something for him. Granted, he was not the best father figure in Jess' life. And he pushed him into the lake once, for crying out loud. But since Jess did well despite (or because) of Luke, perhaps he would be big hearted enough to do a favor for his uncle. He reached for the phone and called Jess.

After Luke explained to Jess what he needed and why, Jess immediately assured him that it was no problem, he'd get on it right away. But he couldn't help asking the obvious question. "Why don't you ask Lorelai to do it, Luke? I mean, she's known you longer and better than I do."

"Jess, we broke up. I thought Liz told you?"

"Yeah, because you cancelled the wedding and kept April from her."

"I did not cancel the wedding. It was just postponed."

"Indefinitely. If you postpone something indefinitely, it's as good as cancelled."

Luke was taken aback. It never occurred to him that Lorelai might have thought the wedding was cancelled, not just postponed. Maybe that's why she told him that she felt it was never happening when they were at Martha's Vineyard. He cringed when he remembered how he always tried to change the subject whenever she tried to get him to set a new wedding date.

"Anyway… that's all water under the bridge," Luke muttered. "I, uh, I can't ask her to do it."

"Why not? Was the break-up that horrible that you can't ask her, even as a friend, to help you out just this once?"

"To help me win custody of my daughter, who I didn't even want to introduce to her in the first place?"

"If I know Lorelai, I'm sure she'd do it, regardless of how horrible the break-up may have been. I think you should still try to ask for her help. Or Rory's at least. She always told me she thought of you as her father since you were always there and her real father never was."

Luke felt a tug in his heart at the words. To gain one daughter, he forgot about another. He sighed. He was embarrassed to admit this, but he had no choice. It was the only way for Jess to understand why he couldn't ask Lorelai or Rory for help. "Neither of them are taking my calls. I'm not really their favorite person right now."

"They haven't taken your calls? How often do you try to call them? Maybe you keep calling them when they're busy with something else."

"I call Lorelai several times every day for the past month. I call Rory every few days. They're avoiding me. Neither wants to talk to me, and I can't blame them. My last conversations with both of them were… not happy."

Jess whistled. "Wow, Uncle Luke. I had no idea you screwed things up this badly. Those two girls are the kindest, most forgiving people I know. Well, they're also the most talkative and most voracious eaters I know, but that's beside the point. I mean if they refuse to even talk to you… You must have done something really bad."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. I'll send the character reference as soon as I can. And Luke…" Jess hesitated, trying to think of the right thing to say. "Things will work out."

"Thanks, Jess."