Ch. 10 Switzerland's Secret Journal
May 1,
I still have three days before I can use my guns. It's humiliating being grounded by your little sister. Emil came over to "play" with Lili. He must've purposely known I can't use my guns! Lili didn't say I couldn't use my knives, though. Watch out Emil, just because I don't have my guns, I can still use knives...or my bare hands. Emil better stay away from my little sister if he knows what's best for him. I never did like that guy.
May 2,
Two days until I get my guns back. Feliciano streaked across my lawn, and I couldn't shoot at him. I'm having a little trouble with this ban on guns. Naturally, I need them the most when I can't use them. I had to let Feliciano park his naked ass on my lawn while he cried because he spilled pasta sauce on his pajamas (it's not like he uses them anyway). Why me? Everybody's an idiot except for me and Lili (maybe Ludwig and Kiku, because they have common sense). Feliciano got lucky today.
May 3,
There's one day until I get my guns. But I don't care! Francis broke into my house and was stealing -not mine- but Lili's undergarments. That made me angrier than Rodderiech when he found out about '83! It's one thing when Francis takes my underwear, but it's a completely different matter when he takes Lili's! I grabbed my SIG-550 (I knew where Lili hid my guns) and I slammed the butt of the gun into his cheek. I was trying so very hard not to shoot him. He degrades the dignity of my Lili, and he's gonna pay for it! I threw him out the second floor window. And to make things worse (for Francis) he fell on a pile of dog shit! That'll teach him not to mess with my little sister.
May 4,
I told Lili what happened yesterday. She said it's alright, because I was just defending her. I thought I'd be off the hook now. But Lili made me go without guns today, since I used one yesterday. At least I was honest, because I can't survive if she gives me another week long ban on guns for lying.
May 5,
Finally, I can use my guns again. It strange how one week (not including the Francis incident) can feel like eternity. I went into my yard the second I woke up to shoot of a few .223 rounds. It was great.
May 6,
Feliciano streaked across my lawn again. But this time I was able to shoot at him. That scared him; he was like, "Please don't hurt me! I'm just passing through to get to Ludwig!" I feel bad for Ludwig. He has to put up with Feliciano, and that can't be easy.
May 7,
Gil and his friends are all idiots! Today, the Bad Touch Trio and the Awesome Trio were fighting over possession of Gil. Antonio and Francis versus Alfred and Mathias; Gil just stood back and watched. It looked like a gang fight. Eventually, Antonio called Lovino for backup. Lovino showed up, but only because he wanted to punch someone (because he's ALWAYS mad!). But in return, Mathias called Niklas, Berwald, Tino, and Emil to back him up (I always knew Emil was a bad kid). Alfred called Arthur, but Arthur didn't really care...until he found out they were fighting Francis! Eventually, it became a fight amongst Francis, Antonio, Lovino, Feliciano, possibly Matthew (I'm not sure), Bella (although, Antonio was "protecting" her the whole time), and Ludwig (I really expected better of him), versus Alfred, Mathias, Arthur, Niklas, Tino, Berwald, Emil, Peter, Kiku, Yao, and Ivan. Gil still stood back and watched. I can tell that this fight won't be ending anytime soon, so I'll just keep Lili out of it, and mind my own business.
May 8,
I said I'm going to mind my own business, but I think that 18 hours of nonstop fighting is enough. Besides, they're fighting on my yard, and it's getting annoying. So I'm just going to go out there with a Glock 18 and break everything up. If they don't listen, then I'll shoot a round near them (not at them). This fight got boring a long time ago. Everyone's so tired; they can barely move their arms. It's not only pathetic, it's embarrassing.
May 9,
Almost everyone at today's meeting was bandaged, and or in pain. That's what they get for fighting over Gil (who would want him anyway?). Emil and Peter were bandaged up. I knew they would, so I purposely brought Lili so she can see what happens when she ends up with people like them. She didn't get what I was trying to show her. It just made her feel sympathy for them (mostly Emil). She'll understand sooner or later.
May 10,
Today Gil told me that he's starting a "Neutral Trio" and wants me to be in it. I told him that's an awful idea, he's not even neutral. Who would the third person be, anyway? I think Ivan's sister Katyusha might be neutral (at least I'm not alone), but she's not as "openly neutral" as I am. I told Gil to get lost, and to leave me alone. The only reason he started a new group is so he can watch more people fight over him. Well, the day I fight over Gil will be the day Rodderiech stops sleeping with his piano!
May 11,
Gil tried to make me sign a contract, saying that I will be a member of the newly "established" neutral trio, until death. I ripped up his fake contract and told him to get lost. I knew that Gil would try and get Katyusha to sign the contract, which will make me sign it. I couldn't allow Gil to get away with making someone basically signing themselves up for a fake group that will end in disaster. I ran to Ivan's house, because I knew Katyusha lives with him. I told Ivan that if Gil comes to his door, then he's trying to make Katyusha sign up for a group that could possibly be dangerous (I might've stretched the truth a little). I then hid in a bush when I saw Gil coming. He walked up to Ivan's door, rang the doorbell, and BAM! Ivan punched Gil in the face. He was ok, but he learned his lesson: don't mess with neutral countries.
May 12,
Gil had a black eye today. When people asked him how he got it, he said, "I was walking around the neighborhood, when I saw Antonio and Vash fighting over Bella. I quickly rushed to the scene to break up the fight, which was getting ugly. I told them to stop, or they'll hurt themselves, and that's when Vash said, 'Nobody tells me what to do.' and he punched me in the face through his unbridled rage of knowing that the woman he loves is taken. And that's how I got this black eye." Can you believe this? No one will believe him, I was in this made-up fight, and I don't have a black eye or anything like that. Neither does Antonio.
May 13,
Gil must've found out that if his story is to be believable, he needs to make me and Antonio look like we got in a fight. He came to my front door, punched me in the face, and ran. I looked in the mirror, and I do have a black eye. I suspect that he's done the same thing to Antonio, if Lovino already hasn't. I thought Lili would ask me how I got the black eye, since she didn't see Gil punch me. When she saw my black eye, she walked over to the telephone in her room, closed the door, and called Elizaveta. I listened to their conversation from behind the door. I heard Lili say, "Elizaveta, Gil's story is all true. Big bruder has a black eye. He must really love that Bella girl. I'm so happy for him, he's actually in love. It's too bad he has to be so shy about it. He must be devastated that Bella's dating Antonio. It's no wonder he was fighting over her. We should do something about this. Okay, bye." That's just great. I can't wait to see what those two have in store for me. And I don't like Bella (and I'm certainly not lying about that).
May 14,
Apparently, Lili and Elizaveta, the two officers of love, are trying to make sure that Bella and I fall in love. Is that any of their business? Maybe I don't want Bella to fall in love with me (maybe). And to make matters worse, practically everyone thinks that Antonio and I fought each other. I ran into Antonio at the supermarket, and I could tell that he felt just as awkward as I did. Everyone thought we were going to start punching each other. If there's one thing Gil's good at, it's telling people lies. If there's one thing people are good at, it's believing lies.
May 15,
Today, at the meeting. Bella walked up to me and sat down in the chair next to mine. She asked me why I sent her flowers and chocolates. I thought, I didn't give her flowers or chocolates. Unless it was Lili and Elizaveta! I started to explain to her that I didn't send those to her (I don't have the guts to send her flowers and chocolates). But then, the Awesome Trio came out of nowhere, and took a picture of me and Bella talking. I don't know what they're going to do with that picture, but it probably won't be too nice.
May 16,
The Awesome Trio made a lot of copies of those pictures. They even put captions on them. They all read, "This picture shows Vash and Bella in love, talking about their relationship. The two are made for each other. Says Vash's little sister Lili. Please spread the news of this newly formed couple. -photo supplied by Awesome Trio." That's just fantastic! Everyone thinks that Bella and I are dating. And I guess Lili saw the picture too, as well as Elizaveta, because they were talking about it nonstop. They were like, "I guess they didn't need our help. Those two are so cute together." I've got to do something about this. If Antonio gets mad and tries to fight me, there's no question that the Awesome Trio would capture a picture of that to write down another juicy story. And me and Bella are not "cute" together.
May 17,
I think Bella saw the pictures, because she came to my house. She said, "Vash, if you're mad about those pictures, don't be. If you want to ask me out, then you should just do it. Antonio and I broke up last week. I thought it was really fun when we went on that date last week. Do you want to go out?" I was shocked. I didn't know that she liked me. Then again, Elizaveta probably told her to give me a chance. Knowing this, I had to say no, and that now wasn't the right time. She understood, and went home. I think Lili listened to that whole conversation, because she told me, "Why did you do that, big bruder? Elizaveta and I convinced her what a great guy you are, and that she should give you a chance. I know that you have a crush on her Switzy, I see you staring at her during meetings." I knew that they had to tell Bella to give me a chance. Why are people so obsessed with my romance life? If I like Bella, then I would ask her out. I don't need other people doing it for me. And I do not stare at her during meetings.
May 18,
Antonio told me to stay away from Bella. So I told him that it is my understanding that they are no longer a couple, and that I can do whatever I want. That made Antonio pretty mad, he punched me in the gut, but he's not too strong, so it didn't hurt that much, but it did make me pretty angry. You know what? I think I will ask out Bella. And you know what else? I'm going to love every second of that date. So take that Antonio. No girl can resist me, and I'm going to prove it. Besides, maybe if I ask her out on one date, it'll make people calm down about my love-life. Maybe Lili and Elizaveta will stop worrying about me.
May 19,
I put on my best suit today. It had a bow tie, a pocket-square, and most importantly, me. I grabbed a box of my finer chocolates (I don't know why). And I walked over to Bella's house. Hopefully, one date will make everyone calm down. Or maybe she'll say no, so I don't even have to date her. I'm going to end all this craziness. I rang her doorbell, and straightened out my shirt collar. Bella answered the door. Suddenly, my hands got all sweaty, and I felt like I was at a loss for words, but I quickly remembered what I was going to say. I said, "Bella, would you like to go out on a date...on Friday?" I held up the chocolates. She said yes! Now all I need to do is go on a date with her, and I'm in the clear!
May 20,
I can't help but feel confused. Do I like Bella, or not? I'm having trouble figuring out who I like. I'm going to go with yes, because she's the only girl who I've ever dated.
May 21,
I can't wait to get all this romantic stuff over with. What happened to the days where I loved my guns, and only my guns? It's four days until my "date", and we're going to some fancy French place to eat.
May 25,
Well, it's Friday. I got into my Audi, and drove to Bella's house. I was wearing my suit. It's not as comfortable as my Swiss Army field jacket, but Lili says I can't wear that. I'm just going to get this over with. Everything is so confusing anymore, though it's probably just me. Anyway, we got there, and went to our table. And I swear I saw the Bad Touch Trio, Elizaveta, and Lili spying on us through the window. Antonio looked like he was going to throw up! Gil had a camera. Francis was doing...something with his pants. Lili and Elizaveta were talking to each other, probably gossiping. And there I was, lost for words, sitting awkwardly doing nothing. Bella was skimming through her menu, so I thought I might as well too. Eventually I found out what I was going to get; thank God they serve cheese fondue here! I still didn't know what to say to her, so I said the first thing that came to my head, I cleared my throat, and asked, "So...shoot any good guns lately?" I must've sounded so stupid. But she actually answered, she said, "Well, actually, I shot an FN P90 PDW just last week." That's when I knew I was in love. She knows about guns! Most of the time, if I ask a girl what their favorite gun is, they'll say they don't take interest in guns. But not Bella, I can see why Antonio fancies her so much. She's any guy's dream! Eventually, are food arrived, I had cheese fondue, and she had chicken cordon bleu. Francis was practically drooling at the sight of French food. At some point, Antonio walked into the restaurant and made a scene. He asked Bella, "How could you leave me like this?" Bella told Antonio that they were no longer together and that he had no business being here, Antonio punched me in the stomach and walked out, only to continue spying on us. Lili must've seen Antonio punch me, because I was able to see her telling him off, and then punching him in the gut! Our date ended around 6:00. I drove Bella home, and then myself. Lili's going to tell about me about this tomorrow.
May 26,
Lili was talking to me all day. She was saying that this journal is working. She said that expressing my feelings through my writing is making me more social, and now I'm dating a girl. I don't express my feelings in here (do I?). Besides, that date was a one-time thing, twice if you count that "date" we went on last month. I can't recall ever writing my feelings in this journal, so I don't know what Lili's talking about. Oh well, I guess there's no harm done.
May 27,
Dear Vash Zwingli,
You'd better get away from Bella, she's mine. You'll be sorry if you don't. Bella and I are made for each other, and you're not going to get in the way of true love, 'Switzy'. So you'd better stop dating my girl, or I'll make you wish you never have.
-Antonio Carriedo Fernandez
May 28,
I'm sorry Antonio, I didn't know she meant that much to you. I (maybe) will stop dating her. I honestly think that decision would be up to Bella. And P.S. Antonio, if you're relationship with Bella is "true love" then why is it that you two broke up twice? And how did you get my journal? I could've sworn I had this thing hidden.
May 29,
Elizaveta came to my house today to "congratulate" me. She told me how good it is that I don't need other people's help to set me up on a date. Well, she's pretty damn right I don't need other people's help. I'm completely self-sufficient for myself. And Elizaveta has got to get a life if she's got nothing better to do than congratulate people for going on a date. It's not like Bella's my girlfriend or anything, that was just two friends eating dinner together. I don't see what the big deal is. Obviously, Antonio doesn't know that.
May 30,
Lili told me that she was reading my journal, and thinks that I have "conflicting emotions" about Bella. Lili said that I'm having trouble figuring out whether I like Bella or not, so my emotions are conflicting each other. Well, my emotions don't have conflicts because they're neutral like me. And I'm not confused whether I like Bella or not. I established this yesterday, that wasn't a date, it was dinner between two friends, and five stalkers watching through the windows. That's perfectly normal.
May 31,
Gil sent everyone the pictures he took of me and Bella. And one of the pictures showed Antonio punching me in the gut. He sent the photos to just about everyone, including Bella, because she seemed angry today. I knew I had to make things right, so I told Bella that we don't have to date if she doesn't want to, and that we could remain friends. She said she would appreciate that, so we are no longer dating. Finally, I can rid myself of all the emotional stress that I have collected through all this. I'm glad things can return to normal. Lili and Elizaveta seemed upset that I never kissed Bella; however there were many parts to our date that our five stalkers didn't see, due to some odd reason. So they have to ask themselves; did I kiss Bella?