Semi-Happy Reading!
Dread stops me from moving. My baby was just mercilessly slammed to the ground. I jolt up in a sitting position, and put a hand to my stomach. Oh god no. Panic keeps me in place as frighten refugees run past me. Peeta finds me and kneels on the ground. He holds me, as if it can protect me from what just happened.
"Peeta…" I say with sobs in my throat. "The baby…" He must have seen me fall. He looks completely dispirited. I lay my head on his shoulder and he caresses my cheek through my hood. When I look up, he looks away and doesn't say anything for the longest time. He's holding back tears, I can tell. But he won't shed a single one, because he thinks he's the one that has to be strong. He's always trying to be the strong one that I go to. We might have just lost our son or daughter. He doesn't always have to be.
"We have to get out of here," he tries to say firmly, but I can hear his voice breaking. "We have to find the others. We have to go back to the rebel encampment." He gently pulls me up. He holds out his hand and I take it. We go in the opposite direction of the explosions, back into the City Circle.
I'm heartbroken. The shock of it is just waiting for me to break down. I feel motiveless and don't seem to care if I make it out of here. My baby is already dead, so I can die without the pain of knowing I'm killing my own child. My escape was all for nothing. If I had known this was coming, I'd probably let myself die in the fire. It would make things easier for everyone.
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I didn't really see it as a baby. Honestly, I just thought it as an inconvenience that linked me to Peeta who I thought I would never see again. But now, there's no other person I love more. It was Peeta's and my child, and now they're gone. Cruelly taken away from a stupid event that was caused by stupid people in the past. Oh, and their own mother. Can't forget my fault with the berries.
I owed my son or daughter the chance to live. That's the least I could do to make up for not wanting them and thinking it would be better if they were dead. I've failed them again. I could not protect them. My child was just unfortunate to have me as their mother; a young, mentally-disoriented girl, who is the symbol of a freaking rebellion. The odds are not in my favor, as for my child. I really thought we would make it. I'd want to give them what I never had, like a mother who will always be there, and not having to worry about going hungry. Dreams are crushed with the cruelty or real life. The Capitol's pod had to be activated, and I had to be right in the middle of it. Snow still got what he wanted. My baby is dead and I'm on the edge of completely falling apart. The pain is abdominal. This is exactly why I didn't want children.
We run adjacent to the shops of the Circle, staying out of the way of the incoming troops. I can't concentrate on where we're going. The self-accusation is stirring my thoughts. I just hold on to Peeta's hand, and force my feet to move. I don't really have any drive to keep going. I've already failed my mission. I could not save my own child. Snow already beat me. Even so, Peeta keeps me going. He's downhearted, but I assume that he thinks that if we make it out of here, that things will be okay. They will not be okay, but I act jointly for his sake.
Somehow we're reunited with Gale, Finnick, and Cressida. Pollux and Johanna are not here.
"Where's Johanna and Pollux?" asks Peeta.
"We've lost them in the crowd," answers Finnick. I see Gale scrutinizing me, but I don't return the gaze. It's off in the distance somewhere, looking at a little girl running beside her grandmother. "What's wrong with her?" I hear him ask Peeta. I don't listen to Peeta's explanation. I look around my surroundings and then my attention is caught by a flag pole. I conceive a plan for finding our missing team members.
"I'll climb that pole to get a better view. I might see them," I say incessantly.
"You don't have to, Katniss. I'll go," Gale says.
"No offense Gale, but you weren't exactly the light one when we climbed trees," I say. The words coming out of my mouth bring me back to the days when it was just me and him. No reaping, no Snow, no hunger games. I smirk slightly with the sweet memory. I want him to know I'm talking lightly, but I fail. I'm just too down-hearted with the thought that I'm carrying a dead baby. I let go of Peeta's hand. "I'm a good climber, you know I'm the best for it."
"We'll cover you, then," he says. I head up in front toward the flag pole. It's near the center of the City Circle. The closer I get, the more Peacekeepers I see. There's a sort of a barricade that squares off an area in front of the flag. It looks like they're trying to put up a blockade to keep back rebel forces. We're in the front lines now. Hopefully none of us gets hit in the crossfire.
I use the rope of the flag to help me climb. The icy pole burns my bare legs, because I'm still wearing the dress. I inch up till I'm about 15 feet off the ground. On the left I see the rebels coming toward the barricade. On my other side are Peacekeepers and musters of defenseless refugees, who are just unfortunate to be stuck in the middle of all this. It's difficult to spot Johanna and Pollux in the crowd. The pole begins to ring and vibrate slightly. I look down to see Gale hitting the pole with his gun, gesturing for me to come down. I slide slowly down, when up ahead a bright purple glow catches my attention. The activated pod forms a wall between the barricade and the rebels. It grows and blankets the street, reaching the rebel army and the blockade on our side. The soldiers and Peacekeepers caught in the light freeze, and drop their weapons. What is it?
I stay on the pole just a little longer to see blood gush out of the orifices of defenseless soldiers from both sides. Piercing screams come from the victims of the glow, and all I can do is watch. Gale begins to hit the pole again. I force myself to turn away from the scene, and I slide down the rest of the way.
"I… couldn't see them," I say dismally.
"We just have to get out here. We're too close to the fighting. Maybe we'll find them on the way," says Gale. I doubt it. They probably were already killed. It's painfully being realistic. They're just more to add to my personal list of people lost today. They go right under baby. My eyes begin to water again, and I can feel the tears in my throat. Peeta immediately comes to my side. He rubs my arms and says things I don't hear, but his tone of voice alone seems to comfort me a bit. I pace myself with my squad. I take a stray scarf and cover my mouth and nose with it. We rush through a mix of dead and injured civilians. One of them grabs my jacket as I walk by.
"Help me, please," cries a man with a gushing hole in his chest.
"I can't help you!" I say. I pull away from his grab. He might have recognized me, and it's presumptive that he's going to die soon. Another person I cannot save. "I can't help you. I can't help you." I'm mumbling to myself, while I follow the others. "I'm sorry. I can't help you." We hike aside the buildings of the main street that circles the large courtyard and goes back toward the Mansion. There are multiple streets that lead out into the avenues. The ones we've gone to have been blocked. I'm hoping they're not all blocked with soldiers.
We're about 500 feet away from the Mansion. Our group is splits up, so nobody suspects us as a squad. Gale and Crissda are up ahead. Peeta, Finnick, and I stay a distance behind. Peacekeepers are leading people in a barrier for protection. As we tread close to them, I see one of the Peacekeepers put a hand on Cressida, trying to guide her to safety in the barrier. My group stops a few people away from them. When Cressida pulls away, the Peacekeeper persistently urges her and Gale to go into the barricade, thinking they're refugees.
"Hold on a second," the female Peacekeeper says. She pulls Gale roughly, so that he facing her. I can see the recognition in her eyes. She looks from Gale to Cressida and then back to Gale. Crap. "Hold it right-" she begins to shout, but Gale takes out his gun and shoots her in head. There's goes our cover. Maybe they think they're just zealous capitol citizens. It's hard to hold that idea, when more Peacekeepers come to investigate what had just happened. They surround them from a distance, closing in on them. Gale looks to me for a second, just before he runs off. He mouths a single word. Go.
Peacekeepers immediately run after them. Their guns blaze through crowd, hoping one of their bullets will find themselves in the runagates. Finnick pushes us in the other direction. "We can't just leave them!" I say.
"We won't be able to save them. Our identities we'll be blown," he says firmly. "All we can do is get out of here, and then send up a rescue later."
"It could be too late!" I counter.
Peeta puts his hands on my shoulder, making me face him. "We can't go back. Once we start firing, everyone will know that it's us. Peacekeepers will be flocking over to take us out. That won't do any good in saving them. What we need to do now is get out of here," he says sternly. What he's saying is true, but I can't stand to just leave them to be captured by Peacekeepers. Gale and Cressida could be gone by the time we reach the encampment. I've had enough of losing people today. Gale's my best friend. I can't just let him go. There's barely any hope for me to believe that I'll see him again, alive.
"Fine," I say brokenly. Peeta's expression softens. He takes my hand and we start walking away from the entrance of the barrier. We follow the side walls of it. Through the heavy wood planks and fencing, I can see some faces of scared refugee children. Peacekeepers line the outside. Are they trying to protect them? Shouldn't they be sheltered in the Mansion? Running a distance away from the barricade, I see a woman holding a bundle to her chest, whispering things to her baby. I watch her intently as we run, and then she sees me. Her face takes on an expression of comprehension, and she stares at me. She knows who I am.
Even as I'm running, she turns her head to watch me go. I turn away and look forward. Then a large shadow darkens the street, and there's the roaring of a hovercraft. A Capitol seal is stamped on its side. The bottom opens up and small parachutes descend toward the refugees. They must be supplies, I think. The woman with the baby raises her free hand to catch one. The hovercraft rises into the sky. The refugees excitedly open their gifts, and when they do- they all explode.
Peeta and Finnick stop in their tracks. I watch as each little silver parachute detonates in the hands of unexpecting refugees. Limbs are scattered everywhere from the explosions. Dead adults and children lie on the white street, their hot blood forming red puddles of melting snow. As the smoke clears I search for the woman with the baby. No, she's not there anymore. Her baby is dead, but I envy her. They were lucky. They both got out together.
I can tell the Peacekeepers had no idea that this was coming. They yank away the barricades, making a path for the few remaining refugees. More white uniforms enter the barricade. From the bands around their arms, I can tell they're rebel medics. I watch as the hovercraft begins to descend slightly. Gas capsules are dropped to the ground. I keep my sight on a capsule rolling on the street, over limbs of the dead, and the bricks of a path. It's stopped by a streetlight. And running past that streetlight is a young medic with a blonde braid going down her back, and a first-aid kit in her hand. She kneels next to a crying child, and puts her jacket over him, unaware of the capsules that could unleash, who know what kind of poison, at any moment. No, not Prim.
"Prim!" I scream. I tear away my hand from Peeta's. I begin to dart toward her, calling her name. She attentively cares for the injured boy in front of her. The capsules do not activate on contact with ground, so I still might have to time to reach her. "Prim!" I shout. She catches sight of me, but already a small stream of condensed gas leaks from the capsules. "Prim!" I scream. She recognizes me, but the gas hazes the space between us and she quickly shifts one of her hands over her mouth and nose, begining to cough. The fog becomes thick and I can barely see her. It doesn't stop me from running to her, but unfortunately Finnick does.
"My sister is in there! I'm not going to lose her!" I shout with urgency. I'm fighting against Finnick hold. I even claw at his face with my nails, but he doesn't let go of me. Peeta has caught up. We're all just yards away from the gas that has formed into a massive cloud. My eyes begin to water as I lose sight of my sister.
Peeta looks to Finnick for a second and then darts toward the fog where I last saw Prim. Right he when does, Finnick lets go of me and darts toward him. He pulls him back by his shirt, causing him to fall backwards. "What are you doing?" Peeta says.
"Hold her back. Stay here," I hear Finnick say.
"Finnick, I-" Peeta starts to say. Finnick hastily pulls Peeta up. Then without another word, Finnick runs straight into the fog, holding a gas mask in his hand. The memory of the Quarter Quell runs through my head. I remember watching Maggs running off into the fog, and seeing her collapse to the ground with wild arm spasms caused by the poison. Finnick disappears, and then out of habit, I start to think that they're both gone. The gas seeps towards us and makes contact with my bare skin. It feels like burning, but instead of stinging, it's extremely cold. I inhale some of it, causing me to cough and my vision starts to get blurry. Peeta takes his gas mask and puts it over my face. He pulls me away from the fog, but I keep my eyes glued to where I saw Finnick run into it. I look for any movement or sign of life. I see nothing, and all that is heard is the whooping coughs, and machine guns in the distance. I start finding it hard to run. My legs become stiff, almost frozen. Peeta is beginning to cough.
We run slower and slower. The gas seeps under my jacket, and I can feel it stiffen my arms and inflame their wounds like an icicle in a cut. Peeta is coughing roughly now, and his legs are beginning to stiffen at a faster rate. I stop looking back. Right now, I should be trying to help Peeta. So with my new drive, I run forward letting him lean against me, and use my footsteps as a guide. I take off the mask and put it over his face. He's coughing too much to refute. I take the cloth I had earlier and put it over my mouth and nose.
I pull him alongside me till we reach a narrow street that goes back to the avenues. A lineup of large rebel trucks go past us into the City Circle. It looks like they're close to infiltrating the Mansion, so they're bringing in more soldiers. They pay no attention to us walking along the sides of the street, probably thinking we're just refugees. I don't know exactly where to go. Peeta is too lethargic to guide us back to where the encampment is. All I can do is keeping walking. We just have to get out of firing range.
Following the vehicles, are soldiers on foot. There's a mob of them coming down the street. I watch them go as I walk slowly in the opposite direction. My legs feel weak with fatigue and the freezing cold. Peeta is leaning a lot of his weight, which makes me go slower. I stop, and then I sit on the edge of the street, laying Peeta against the legs of a bench. He lies still, and continues to cough. He looks too weak and drowsy to keep walking. I sit next him, and adjust his mask. I think he's lost consciousness. It's alright though, because we'll get back and he'll get better. I'm going to make sure he gets out of here. He's the only one I have left.
Dr. Odessa, Johanna, Pollux, Finnick, Gale, Prim, my baby. Who knows? It's uncertain what their fates were. I remember watching the soldiers leaving for the Capitol, thinking that sadly not all these people leaving, will be coming back. That's reality. Gale and my sister are now in that category. I don't have the hope to believe that I'll see them again. It will only hurt me with disappointment. That's what I can't handle, so better to get it through my head now, and not be lead away by hope to think otherwise.
I've stopped coughing but I feel incredibly drowsy and warm. It feels like symptoms of hypothermia. The gas must be new. I've never gone through this before. I lean against the bench, feeling sleepy. My vision is still slightly blurry, but I can see some details of the soldiers walking by. And then that's when I notice a soldier with the Seam look. Even through the blurriness, I see the dark hair, and the gray iris seem to have no distinction from the white of their eyes. I stand up and force my eyes to look. "Gale!"
They're across the street, but I continue to shout his name. Could it be Gale? Did he manage to escape the Peacekeepers? My mind is telling me it's true. I continue to shout his name as he walks away. "Gale!" He turns around and I think he sees me. Yes, he does. He makes his way through the crowd, and when he's just a few feet away, I let myself fall to my knees and sit on my legs. I can rest, I've caught his attention. When he has reached us, I take in his appearance more clearly and realize it's not Gale.
"Rory," I say. I'm just as surprised to see him here.
"Katniss, you're here," he says.
"What… are you doing here?" I ask, trying to fight my drowsiness.
"Well, I've gone through training and arrived here a few days ago." He notices Peeta slumped against the bench his head down, concealed by his hood. "Who's that?" He walks over and squats next to him. He removes his hood. "Peeta? Is he alright?" He waves his hand in front of his face. Peeta's eyes are slightly open and notice him.
"Hey Rory," he says weakly.
Rory stands up. "We should probably be getting you guys help. Where's the rest of the squad?"
I keep my gaze down, feeling the emotions again. "I don't know," I say in a low tone. Rory doesn't say anything, but I think his expression saddens. I feel terrible for being the one to tell him that I don't know where his brother is. We both help Peeta up, and we start walking against the flow of soldiers. My vision has gotten even blurrier and I feel I might fall into sleep at any moment. Everything has literally become a blur. I just recall reaching some place, and somebody is helping me stand. Then I think we made it, and so I let myself be overcome with sleepiness and I go into the darkness and let it take me away from reality for a bit.
I wake up in sort of a haze between being fully awake and dreaming. Shadows are looking over me and sticking electrodes all over my body. Something cold and gel-like is rubbed on my arms. I hear the voices telling me I'm safe, but am I really safe? Are they just telling me this, so I think I am? A nurse's voice tells me a doctor will be coming to see me. Wonderful, another freaking doctor.
In my dreamy haze, I imagine it will be Dr. Odessa. That she'll come to my bedside and start talking to me with her slightly annoying cheery attitude. She'll tell me about her army days and constantly remind me to take my folate supplements. It would be like my kidnapping never happened, like when I thought I could trust her and she cared for me. Well, I guess she did care about me, since she helped me escape and took a bullet. I guess I cared about her too. It's just too bad she's dead. That's usually what happens to the people I care about.
Still in my dreamy haze, I see the doctor is nothing like Dr. Odessa. Well it's a man for starters. I feel incredibly heartbroken, even though it's crazy to think it would be her. He talks, but I can't hear and then he gives me something to fall asleep. My dream is peculiar. It's nothing I would have suspected after my kind of day. After seeing so much death and pain everywhere, I'd expect to relive each horrifying detail of what happened, but no. It's about Effie. We're on a train, touring the districts. She's constantly telling to stay on schedule. I try to ditch her a few times, but she always shows up. It's only me and her and her clipboard, touring Panem. When I wake up, I find the dream freaks me more than the usual violent, bloody nightmare. I begin to cry softly.
If you recall Katniss having this dream, good for you. It was my second time reading Mockingjay and when she mentioned that dream, I really felt like crying, more than any other part. Maybe it's because it seemed so normal and I missed Effie :( You'll find out what happens to everybody in the next chapter. Thanks for reading.
-cheezebuns