Disclaimer: I don't own, nor will I ever.

A/N: Alright, peeps. Three chapters after this one, and they'll be posted by Thursday night. Fair warning, this is a really depressing chapter because it's Jade's first day back to school after everything that happened.

Chapter 27

"I love her."

The silence is thick between us, and for thirty seconds I think I've gone deaf. Her father isn't surprised by my words, but he isn't thrilled. This isn't how I wanted the conversation to go. "This has nothing to do with Tori," he says quietly. "This is about you. If this was my decision, you wouldn't be sitting where you are right now. You wouldn't even be welcomed in this home." I nod. "But the only thing that is up to me is what you do to redeem yourself. And it doesn't mean that I'll ever forgive you either."

I stare at the ceiling and sigh. Three days have passed since I last spoke with Mr. Vega and two days since I've seen Tori. Cat is avoiding me, hiding in her bedroom whenever I come out of my room, which actually isn't very often. I feel imprisoned even in the house in which I live, but what can I do? The Valentines accepted me into their home and I ended up in jail. Last time I checked, that wasn't the way to repay someone who has been kind.

Glancing at my alarm clock, I realize that it's nearly six in the morning and turn the alarm off before it rings. I'm nervous about going back to school, but I can't avoid everyone anymore. I have to face people, whether they hate me or not. I drag myself through getting ready, preparing myself for my impending doom.

When I park in the parking lot at school, a few kids glare at me, as if they hate that I'm there, and honestly, I don't doubt that that's exactly how they feel. Cat left earlier than I did this morning, probably so she wouldn't have to see me at all, but I don't know how she's going to avoid me in Sikowitz's class. Head down, I head toward the front doors of the school, people purposely hitting my shoulders as hard as they can. My locker has been tampered with, KILLER spray-painted over my scissors. But I ignore it, no matter how much I feel like sawing my heart out of my chest.

My hands shake as I take books from my locker and I can hear the whispering around me. She killed them all. She's a murderer. She's…My attention is caught on the tan hand that was now covering mine where it rested, frozen on my film appreciation textbook. My eyes trail from the fingers all the way up to the face of the person next to me, Tori's warm smile melting the ice around me. I swallow the lump in my throat and attempt to smile, but I can't. "Tori…" I mutter, but she shakes her head.

"Don't listen to them, Jade. They don't know why. They don't need to know why." That doesn't exactly help the weight in my chest, or the knots in my stomach. She continues quietly. "You don't need them. You have me." I nod and she takes the textbook from my hand, slipping it into my backpack. "Come on, we're going to be late for class." She closes my locker door, slipping her left hand into right and pulling me toward whatever class we're supposed to be in right now. I've lost my mind, forgetting what classes I had in which order, and with Tori being so close to me, I don't think I can remember.

Tori's never been the one to say "fuck what everyone else thinks." That's always been me. But I'm letting them in my head and it's scaring the fucking hell out of me. It's turning me into this scared little puppy dog that's running with its head low and its tail between its legs. And that's not who I am. She pulls me to the last row of chairs, behind the other students in the class. Our film appreciation class is the only class we have without Cat, Beck, or Robbie, but Andre used to be in this class.

And no one's going to forget that.

I notice for the first time that his picture's on the wall near the whiteboard, In Loving Memory written on the wall above it. I can't help the fire ants as they gnaw my insides, my blood boiling, and before I can fight, I'm racing to the bathroom, just barely making it to a toilet before my stomach empties itself. As I fall to the floor, I curl into a ball and sob, Andre's face forcing itself behind my eyelids. Arms wrap around me and suddenly Tori's voice is in my ear, telling me to calm down, that it's all okay, and it's not. It's fucking not okay and it never will be. As long as I'm alive, I'm never going to be fine after this.

And that last thought engraves itself in my mind, the idea of ending my life forming because I'll always be haunted. I can't live with that. I can't force myself to walk into school every day and see his face everywhere I go, see their eyes glaring at me as I pass. This was a hate and blame game that got out of hand. And it ended in a game over.

I hear the bell ring and I begin to wonder how long we've been sitting on the bathroom floor, but I don't think even Tori cares because she's holding me tighter than before, her face buried in my shoulder as though I'm going to disappear. And it strikes me that maybe she could hear every thought that runs through my head. But she can't. If she did, she would be yelling at me, telling me that it's not worth it, that I can get past this.

She would be wrong.

How do you get past the death of someone, something that was entirely your fault? You don't. There's no one to say that it isn't your fault, and if they do, they're just lying to make you feel like it isn't. But it's my fault. I pulled the trigger. He was involved in a gang and he had never tried to kill me. He was only there. And yet, I still saw him as a threat, and I killed him. I took his life and fuck if I'm not guilty about it.

"Tori…" I croak, and she pulls her head back, her eyes meeting mine. She's been crying with me, tearstains obvious on her tan cheeks and knowing that I'm the reason she's been crying…knowing that I'm the one who's breaking her heart by being like this…It only makes things worse. I reach up and brush her tears away with my thumb. "Tori…I'm not worth…"

She shakes her head. "Come on, let's go to class." She pulls me to my feet and we wash our faces in the sinks, drying them with cheap paper towels before we head to Sikowitz's class. And she ignores everyone who glares, everyone who whispers, holding her head high, as if she's proud of what I did. But I know she's not. I know this is killing her inside. I know she's pretending that this doesn't bother her, that she can look past it.

Cat and Beck are sitting together, conversing in hushed tones, and when they both glance in our direction, I know it's about me. But where Cat's face is cold, Beck's is expressionless, his brown eyes full of something I can't pinpoint. Tori's fingers squeeze mine as we sit and I turn my attention to her. "Are you okay?" she asks softly, and I nod slightly. She smiles a little, letting me know that she's here for me, but I don't want her to be. I want her to be as far away from me as she can possibly be.

We leave directly after class and go to the park near Tori's house. The kids are in school, leaving it empty for us to enjoy our peace, which I'm glad for as I swing on the swing, Tori pushing me. Something nags at the back of my mind and I stare at my feet as Tori's hands touch my back, sending me slightly higher. I take a chance. "Why aren't you like the others, Tori? At school…why do you put yourself through all the hate?"

She's quiet for a moment, her hands pushing me again, but when she speaks, I almost jump off of the swing. "They don't bother me, Jade."

I roll my eyes. "That's bullshit, Tori. If that were true, you wouldn't have skipped school with me to come out here. Nor would you act like someone killed your puppy when you speak to someone." Her hands grip the swing when I return to her, and the sudden jerk of the swing nearly knocks me off. "They bother you, and you know they do. So why are you putting up with it?"

"Maybe I'm putting myself through this because I love you. Did you ever think of that? Did you even stop to think that I might be telling the truth?" She lets go of the swing and I stand, turning to face her. "Seriously, Jade, did you? I know you're all depressed. I know you're guilty. But that doesn't change the fact that Andre's dead. He's never coming back. And acting like maybe if you're sorry enough for doing what you did, that isn't going to bring him back. So get over it, okay? I'm trying to bring you out of this, and you're not helping anything. If people hate me for associating with you, so fucking be it. I'm not letting you go, not for this."