Zodiac

by inkbender

A very human Jaune Arc fakes his transcript to gain admission into an all-faunus battle academy. Of course, with his luck, it doesn't take long before he's eyes-deep in their petty school politics (which may or may not be because of all those unplanned panty shots). ON INDEFINITE HIATUS.

23. Chapter 25

Jaune does not sulk.

However, after he takes his leave from Weiss, Ren, Blake, and Nora, he does fall into a slump through the better part of the evening. He knows where Pyrrha's room is, and he knows he should probably stake out her room to get some answers, but he's still sort of in shock.

She was avoiding him at the beginning of initiation, he remembers clearly now. And she refused to spar with him when they had to release their inner Grimms on each other, which led to him meeting and fighting Russel instead. How long has Pyrrha been ignoring him, really? And why?

He's listless during class the next day, ignoring Russel's better attempts to inspire a rousing speech of success concerning yesterday's victory in felling the frosty, bloodstained altar to draconian overlords of years past (his words, not Jaune's). He doesn't even notice Ruby's increasingly awkward attempts and failures to speak with him over the next couple days.

It's abruptly the weekend and he's still not-sulking in his room. More like mulling over his status as Permanent Loser (and maybe Forever Alone). When Pyrrha had offered to train him, he'd finally believed that he was on the road to becoming the hero warrior that his father and his grandfather had been. But now, his companion, his guide, his teacher, and his last hope just ditched him for the last remaining Dragoness, and Jaune's going to go straight back to being oblivious and clueless.

Square one. Just like he was before sneaking into Menagerie: sitting alone in his Dark Corner of Sadness with nobody even noticing or caring that he exists-

Knuckles rapping against his room's windows startle him out of his funk. He'd left the windows slightly ajar about half an hour ago to air out his Latibulating Room, which gives Weiss the opportunity to curl her fingers underneath the frame and lift the window up the rest of the way.

"W-Wuh-Weiss!" he stammers. Something hot and unfamiliar pools in his gut, because this almost feels like a scene out of a naughty video. "How did you get up here?"

Weiss wordlessly points down at her feet; she's standing atop an elevator-pillar of ice. However, he finds his gaze quickly swiveling back to Weiss, because frankly, she looks… tired. She looks tired and lonely and unaggressive, though that doesn't stop every nerve in Jaune's body from tingling in anticipation of a brutal beatdown. (His beatdown, that is.)

"Oh."

"Catch."

Jaune reflexively snatches the rectangular object out of the air-the one she procures out of nowhere. He tries not to think about the blatant defiance of physics as he turns the box over; it's certainly pretty, with shimmering snowflakes engraved into its surfaces. Each flake is incredibly intricate, one per rectangular surface. Six points, six surfaces, six lines of symmetry. And then it hits him: this is the insignia of the Schnee Dust Company. He remembers it on boxes of fuel and ammunition before Vytal imposed an embargo on Menagerie. He can't help but inquire, "What is this?"

She flashes him a contemptuous glare. "It doesn't matter. All you need to do is guard this with your life. When I visit your room tonight, there better not be so much as a scratch on it. Is that clear?"

Jaune nods frantically. "Crystal."

"Don't," snaps Weiss, her eyes widening in alarm.

"Huh?"

"Don't even mention crystals," she hisses, "around me. Around anybody. Not if you want to live."

And in a flurry of blizzard winds, the pillar beneath her disintegrates into a cloud of snow and mist that engulfs Weiss from sight. When it clears seconds later, she's disappeared, and he's left with… He turns the innocuous container over in his hands. It looks like a normal box… and… boxes hold things?

{But what could be in it? The T-virus? It's not big enough to fit a head.} He's getting the feeling that this box is going to be waaay more trouble than it's worth… but it's obviously important to Weiss. {Why did she give it to me though? We're not really friends.} Although they certainly aren't enemies anymore, his 'relationship' with Weiss is frosty at best.

Once again, Jaune's mind turns to the contents of the box. {Maybe it's a necklace from Weiss's dead mother! Or maybe it's the secret formula for Schnee brand cola! Maybe it's a really embarrassing photo taken during a Winter Solstice party!}

He shakes his head in a physical attempt to clear random thoughts from the theoretical space. {Whatever. Weiss apparently trusts me enough to look after it; so if keeping it safe nets me some brownie points, then I'll keep it safe.}

'Course, if it belongs to Weiss, then odds are people are going to want it.

Come to think of it, this box has the same snowflake design as the box Weiss accused him of stealing his first day here-the one that Yang pulled from her cleavage.

{Is it that box? Looks like that box. Only… I don't think that this could fit into Yang's cleavage though. Then again…} Jaune once again shakes his head to clear his thoughts. {Wow, I'm actually thinking about the logistics of Yang's cleavage hammerspace. ...Not that I usually think about that...}

{Wait!} Jaune feels his eyes widening. {Yang really wanted that box. If-or, let's be honest here, when-she finds out that Weiss gave me something box-shaped, she's going to come to me to collect. Or maybe not, is Yang really the type to go after someone on a rumor? …Dammit Weiss! You're gonna kill me one of these days.}

The thought of Yang-or, more likely, hordes of minions seeking favor in the Dragoness's eyes-coming after him should he leave his room, box in tow, is terrifying. He can see it now: his tiny, defenseless little form screaming across campus grounds, dodging bullets and exploding arrows and frag grenades and whips, while five melee fighters attempt to corral him into a deserted classroom so they can beat the snot out of him. And the only reason he hasn't been caught yet is because his semblance just so happens to be his extreme predisposition to not die.

The deserted classroom in his mindscape abruptly morphs into his room. The desks turn into his bed, his tiny closet, the clothes littered about the floor. The door shrinks in size and slams open as Yang, followed by the traitor Sun, waltz in with predatory glints in their eyes. The classroom windows, each filled with sunlit freedom, collapse into each other until only a single pane of glass is left, his only escape from his dark room of woe. But it's too far away; Sun already has an iron grip on his ankle, Yang's fingers are curling around the edge of the treasure he was supposed to protect for Weiss, and nobody within Dragon dormitories cares for Jaune's subsequent screams.

{Okaaaaay that was sort of dark.}

He breaks out of his own imagination trance in a fighting sequence that is only possible in his wildest dreams-kicking Sun in the groin, snatching the Schnee box back from Yang and dodging a furious punch, and using his own bed as a springboard to fly out the window. Blinking, he steps into the sun, and promptly realizes that there's more to see than has even been seen, more to do than can ever be done…

{Umm… what is there to do?}

He's sort of been out of it since, um, last week. He went to classes and all, mechanically wrote down anything and everything he heard, and saved all the documents to his scroll… returned to his room, deliberately avoiding the general area of the dormitory around Pyrrha's residence… And... that's sort of been it for the past couple days. A stark change to what the Life and Trials of Mr. Jaune Arc has been so far in Menagerie. Very different. Pretty painless, actually. No mortifying humiliation either. Just… peace.

Is this what giving up feels like?

{No pain, no gain.}

He's startled out of his thoughts when his scroll abruptly rings. Not like this is anything new; Ruby's called him quite a few times in the past couple days, but he does remember her standing on Yang's side of their confrontation, so he's sort of… ignored them.

{Which is a dick move. It's not like she hasn't been a friend either.}

He should call her back. He will call her back. He won't let the loss of one friend catalyze the loss of the other few he has left. He'll do it as soon as he picks up this call from… Cardin?

It's hard to keep the surprise out of his voice. "Hello?"

"Yo. Have you done the research you said you'd do for our history project due next week?"

"...Wuh?"

Cardin snorts. "Well. Guess I shouldn't have expected much, coming from you."

"When did we get assigned a history project?"

"Three days ago. To be honest, I sorta felt like a manipulative dick when I 'let' you do all the prep work for the two of us, but now I don't feel so bad." The guy pauses a moment. It's a little too long to be a lull in conversation, and when he speaks again, his tone of voice is softer, more hesitant than normal. "Uh, buddy… are you feelin' okay?"

"Yeah. Sure." History project? Volunteering to do the work? Yeah, sounds like something he'd say. He's got a pretty good grasp on faunus history, even if it is horrendously skewed towards one side and pretty much ignores everything the vigilante group White Fang ever did to humanity.

"...Hmph." Cardin laughs, all his sandpaper-gruffness back. "Don't know why I should have bothered if you're going to play dumb. Typical."

"Huh? Wait. Cardin, I-" Jaune weakly protests as Cardin promptly hangs up on him.

Which is just as well, because his doorknob jiggles just then. If he'd still been talking to his maybe-sorta-friend, Jaune probably wouldn't have heard it.

"Hold on," comes Sun's quieted voice. "Wrong master key."

Horrendous images flood his mindscape again. Sun's hand wraps around his ankle, holding him in place as Yang's fingers itch forward. Sun shackles him to his bedposts while Yang steals that which Weiss entrusted him with. Their wicked eyes gleam in the darkness of his room as they shamelessly violate Weiss's most valued possession in front of him.

He snatches up his scroll in one hand, Weiss's box in the other. Any other valuables he needs? Wallet in his back pocket. Pockets full of random crap amongst some useful things, like bandaging tape, travel-sized antiperspirant.

"There we go," comes Sun's voice, followed by a click. No time to think; Jaune's foot is already on the sill of his window, which Weiss left open for him not minutes ago. His body snakes through the small opening, hovering momentarily before reluctantly agreeing with gravity that, yes, the quickest path out of his room, out of Sun's traitorous sight, is down.

He's only in freefall for about half a second before he's aware of some great force against his body, a thunderous roar, and an explosion of… pink hearts? {Nora?} And when the ringing in his ears dies down, he finds himself flying through the air at rapid velocity.

{The one time I choose to fall of my own will… and somebody had to take it out of my hands.}

Prior experience suggests 'flying through the air at rapid velocity' is soon going to turn into 'falling towards the ground at rapid velocity'. But this isn't the same inexperienced Jaune Arc who walked into Zodiac on the first day of the semester. This Jaune Arc has survived the Schnee Phoenix of Fiery Ice Death, training sessions with Pyrrha Nikos and Ruby Rose, and a rampaging Dragoness. Also, he has Legs +1 courtesy of a psychic Sheep. He's got-

Jaune's internal monologue is cut off as he crashes into someone. Fortunately for the someone and unfortunately for Jaune, the someone is solid muscle, and doesn't even flinch at the impact. For his part, Jaune bounces off, hits the ground, then bounces a bit more, because the universe dislikes him personally.

{Urgh… starting to think Ruby might have been on to something with her semblance of squishy resilience theory.}

Jaune blinks. Standing above him is a girl dressed in browns and blacks, sporting the most fabulous beret he's ever seen. The girl reaches to her face and lowers a pair of sunglasses to meet his eyes with her own grey ones, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. Jaune smiles and waves, because it is so nice to end up flat on his back at the feet of a girl who is not wearing a skirt for once-

The girl smirks at him. "Why not take a picture? It'll last longer."

-which he could ruin anyway by staring at her for far longer than appropriate.

Jaune goes from horizontal to vertical in seconds.

"Hi! Hello! Ah, sorry!" Remembering he has another apology to give, Jaune turns to the someone he crashed into, and, oh, wow, its Velvet's huge friend with the huge sword who brought down the huge spire of ice. And there's Velvet standing next to him, expression somewhere between horrified and more horrified.

"Jaune? Are you alright?"

"Yeah! Totally fine! Fine as can be." Jaune turns his focus to her friend. "Uh, sorry about… that." Jaune makes a complicated gesture with his hands in the air between them, which is man-speak for 'I-flew-through-the-air-and-crashed-into-you'. "Um, it's Yatsuhashi, right?"

Yatsuhashi nods.

Velvet is still giving him the horrified look. "Jaune, you're smoking."

Jaune glances down at himself and yes, he is smoking. There are in fact small glowing embers on his left shoulder, which he hurriedly pats down.

Okay, so all the evidence suggests he just got blown up for the whatever time, and by Nora, who never needs a reason to blow someone up, but is usually nice enough to announce herself before doing so. Seriously, he was right in the middle of a conversation with Sun about-

{Aarrgghh! Where's the box gone? Furious Phoenix of Fiery Ice Death round two!}

Something solid is pressed into his arms. Jaune starts, to find himself hugging the box.

The girl in browns and blacks smirks at him, sunglasses back in place. "You dropped that."

Jaune could have fallen to his knees and wept, hugging her legs as he did so, but after their awkward introduction he really doesn't want to go shoving his face into her thighs.

"Thank you," he croaks instead. "Thank you…"

"Coco," the girl supplies. "And you're Jaune Arc, huh? I've heard all about you."

"Coco!" Velvet cries, though she seems calmer now that Jaune is no longer a walking fire hazard.

"Uh, nothing too bad I hope?" Jaune tries. Seriously, he basically saved the Hunting. That has to count for something, right?

Coco gives him a smirk that is all Sun. "So, Jaune," she starts, ignoring his question, "you're friends with Velv and Yatsu, aren'tcha? Want to hang out with us for a bit?"

Jaune opens his mouth, and then closes it. He does get on okay with Velvet, and that kind of makes Yatsuhashi a friend by association; the big guy had been willing to listen to him during the Hunting. Coco looks to be an upperclassman, and if that smile is anything to go by, she's the type to be amused by the 'god of chaos' label rather than be put off by it. If Yang and Sun are looking to get inside Weiss's box {and cutting off that train of thought before it leads anywhere}, it might not be a bad idea to recruit a new escort team. Just for the day.

"What did you have in mind?" he asks.

{Careful. Don't commit straight away, but don't outright turn her down either…}

"Clothes shopping."

{'I will set your puny butt on fire.' 'I'm not a crossdresser!'}

"I'm really not good, you know, at, uh, giving opinions and stuff, you know, on, uh, clothes, and, uh, stuff. You know?" Jaune laughs awkwardly and hopes no one notices the hysterical edge. He doesn't remember much of the nightmare, but he remembers clothes shopping and threats of violence and actual violence.

"Are you sure?" Coco slings an arm around his shoulder and pulls him so close he can't look her in the eye without sticking his nose in her cheek. "I know Velv would like you to come. Think about it. You'd get to see two cute young girls in a bunch of different outfits."

"Uh…"

"And if that's not your thing, we're still waiting on one of my buddies. Guy named Fox. How about two fit young men with their shirts off?" The chuckle that follows this statement is so lewd it makes Jaune blush, Velvet turn, well, scarlet, and even Yatsuhashi fidgets.

"Think…" Jaune stops, swallows, tries again. "Think I'll pass," he wheezes.

"Well okay, some other time then." Coco separates from him, and actually sashays (a verb he was convinced only existed in books) away. Yatsuhashi gives him another nod before following after her.

"Um, sorry about that," Velvet apologizes. She's still blushing, but the added color is very flattering.

Jaune does not think about her underwear. "Not a problem," he answers. And it really isn't. Clothes shopping? He'll stay in the frying pan, thank you very much.

"Coco comes on strong, but she's really nice! And, well, I did mean it when I said I'd like to talk with you more." Velvet shuffles uncertainly, tilting her head downwards so that her hair covers her eyes.

{How can something so innocent look so tempting?}

"Ye-yeah, me too, but I really can't. Guard duty." Jaune shrugs, bringing up the casket and giving it a bounce. Velvet's head snaps up, her eyes fixed on the object in his arms. The next moment her eyes are back on his.

"Well, um… well…" Velvet trails off. "Another time then." Velvet gives him a short wave, and before she turns away to follow after her friends, her expression is a strange mix of relief and disappointment.

Jaune doesn't know what to make of it. As the trio move out of sight though, he does know what to make of Coco's parting catcall, which is to turn red and hope this doesn't turn into another Questionable Encounter. At least he avoided another Panty Peek.

{If I'm supposed to be some bigshot god of chaos, why is it that everyone I meet treats me like a toy?}

He does use the rare moment of peace to take another look at his charge; closer inspection reveals a pop out handle near the top {It is a lunchbox!}, which-with a bit of fumbling-he gets hooked around a belt loop. It hangs awkwardly on his side opposite Crocea Mors, but at least it's sort of out of the way and his hands are free if he needs them.

"Jaune!"

And here comes Nora, hammer at the ready. He's not too proud to admit that his heart leaps into his throat at the sight, but his body-thankfully-has its fight or flight instincts in order. Which, at Zodiac... mainly means flight. He's not too proud to admit that either, even if it stings a little; after all, it doesn't sting anywhere near as much as that hammer will! Putting his Legs +1 power to use, he jumps nearly half way up the nearest building, arms scrambling to reach for a hand hold. By some miracle, he manages to grab onto a windowsill, putting a stop to his fall before it even really begins with only slight protest from his shoulders.

Of course, that leaves him with the rather pressing question of {now what?} There aren't a lot of places to go when hanging onto the outside of a window, especially with someone waiting below.

Speaking of which, why is Nora waiting for him?

"Nora," Jaune asks with a bit of hesitation, turning his head to look down at the girl below. The Dog is smiling up at him with an expression that only needs a wagging tail to be complete, waiting to see what he'll do next. "What are you doing?"

"Saving you," she nearly sings, holding that grenade-launching hammer of hers in both hands. Her words make him pause for a moment and try to puzzle out that logic, but, well, he'd literally just been sent flying away from Sun. And she'd just tried to send him flying again, pretty much out of nowhere.

But this is Nora, after all-a friend, if a strange one sometimes. She'd helped him with the tower, even! Looking down at her, he doesn't see anything implying hostility, either, and he has spent a fair amount of time on the receiving end of that lately. Nora has always been a bit on the jovial violence side of things, but…

"If I come down, can you hold off hitting me for a minute?" he decides to ask.

Nora cocks her head to the side, appearing to consider that and then hefts her hammer up to rest on her shoulder. "Okay!" This time she actually sings the word. He stares down at the ground for a moment, remembering how much time he'd spent falling recently-

{Wow, that's a lot of air time. Maybe I should do something about that.}

And then reluctantly lets go of the window, legs already shifting to absorb the incoming shock. There's no flashfreeze this time, thankfully, and the fall does little more than send a mild jolt through his knees.

"Uh," he begins before pausing, realizing something, and shifting tracks. "Just so we're clear, when I said a minute, I didn't mean 'wait for sixty seconds and then hit me.' I mean, you know, let's talk about this before we do… any of that."

Nora nods and shifts her grip on her hammer, though he isn't sure if that's just an unconscious thing or a sign that she had been planning to hit him when time ran out. Either way, it seems like it would be wise to get to the point.

"Thanks for the save, Nora," he says, just to be safe. "But, um, maybe you could ask next time?"

She opens her mouth as if to reply before abruptly lifting her eyes to stare above him. Jaune turns, following her gaze up to the rooftop, and blinks once at what he sees.

"Oh," he says, before lifting an arm to wave uncertainly. "Hey, Ren."

Maybe the sudden influx of strange visitors he's getting today is the universe catching up for all the days prior that he spent not-sulking (i.e. doing nothing).

"Jaune," his friend replies. "I see you're a frequent flier."

Oh. Well, that explains Ren, at least. But he isn't entirely sure how to answer the implied question in his voice, with Nora standing behind him.

"I did it!" Nora saves him the trouble. "Hi, Ren!"

"Nora," Ren nods at her without even a hint of a sigh. "What happened?"

"Had to save him from Sun," Nora says in a dutiful, surprisingly serious-sounding voice. "He wasn't falling fast enough to escape Sun catching him red-handed, so I added a little more velocity to his flight."

Ren nods once, somehow appearing to parse that, and turns to face him. His eyes flick down to Weiss's box and he hums once, as if understanding everything.

{Could you explain it to me, then? Please? No?}

Perhaps the guard catches the incredibly subtle way that Jaune seems to be presenting a container engraved with Schnee glyphs on all six sides, because he leaps downward to join them. "Miss Schnee passed that on to you today, no?"

{Keep it cool. Don't scare him away. One question at a time.}

"What is this Why did she give it to me of all people Is it because I sometimes come off as invincible or at least made of rubber because sometimes I'm even surprised by my uncanny ability to bounce back from a lifetime of knockout punches Speaking of which I've already been attacked twice this morning and I haven't even eaten breakfast And why does Weiss trust me with this?"

"It's a box, I don't know, probably, I'm sorry, and bluntly, I don't know why either." Ren relaxes against the building wall behind him, yet still somehow manages to maintain a stiff and alert pose.

"I found this brown lump on the ground," adds Nora helpfully, "if you want breakfast."

He ignores her to focus on her friend. "There are very few whom the heiress chooses to trust," the Snake elaborates, his slitted pink eyes never leaving Jaune's. "Why she would give you a box so heavily sealed with her most secure glyphs, a boy she has only known for weeks, when she won't trust a guard who has shielded her from death more than twice over the course of five years, is beyond my comprehension."

{This guy isn't bitter at all, nope.}

"I…" He clears his throat awkwardly. "Huh. That's… weird."

Nora shatters the tense silence that threatens to engulf them when she chitters, "Though you're probably right, Jaune. You're like the perfect bodyguard for a box like that! The entire campus could team up to pulverize your legs and crush your spirit, but you'd still manage to get back to your feet afterwards and run away." The slightly encouraging tone behind her proud words give a little warmth to Jaune's heart; this dies away the second he notes the sparkling mischief within her teal irises as she follows up, "And I can smack you around all I want and you'll just shrug it off like it's nothing."

"I don't think that's-"

"Don't deny it!" the orange-haired girl smiles. "Com'on, learn to take a compliment."

"That's not what I meant!"

"Besides," she continues, the mischief only increasing within her eyes, "just look at all those glyphs. Weiss is maintaining them remotely, pushing her aura into them even though she might as well be on the other side of campus. It's like she's giving a little piece of her soul to you~!"

"It is very likely," interjects Ren (a little too loudly), "that your durability is indeed a factor into the heiress's unexpected trust in you. In addition, you have connections that few others can boast. Ruby has shown an unusual interest in you, so Yang cannot blacklist you from packs. Never mind the fact that you have practically formed your own pack, a large following of anti-order disciples who are extremely vocal on digital forums. In fact, they have, to a certain extent, shielded you from punishment that would have otherwise been exacted upon you by upperclassmen, school authorities, even the local law enforcement."

"What? What have I done that-"

"Yang has many resources at hand. As the last of a legendary species, she has too much freedom. Many of her grievances will be overlooked, or worse, supported by Clans that view her goals as representative of the entire Dragon Clan." Ren levels a calm gaze at Jaune. "You understand, do you not? I sense in you a drive similar to hers-the family legacy that you and she struggle to uphold."

Dumbstruck at Ren's piercing pink eyes, Jaune can only nod numbly.

"I remain unaware of your circumstances," says Ren, "but I can explain that Yang believes her legacy to be of destruction and revenge. While I can assure you that there was a time when she was more pure of heart, and that Weiss's goal is to return her to that state of mind, current circumstances have warped the young Dragoness's personality so that she will stop at nothing to fulfill her focus. If she manages to corner you in a location without physical or digital witnesses, do not doubt that she will slaughter you to get what she wants."

Jaune gulps audibly.

His danger sense flares as Ren stiffens. Nodding slightly to himself, the older boy meets his eyes. "Please secure yourself, Jaune. Nora?"

"What?!" Jaune yelps, leaping ten feet from Nora in a single bound as the latter preps her hammer. For a Snake who's shown himself to be level-headed and logical even under the most stressful situations, this action makes absolutely no sense to Jaune. "Why would-"

His answer comes via a roaring sheet of fire that almost singes off his eyebrows. A quick glance in the right direction confirms that yes, Yang is there, and she's willing lay down walls of flame to cage him in, in full sight of both Ren and Nora.

Under normal circumstances, trapping him on a two-dimensional plane would work; but since coming to Zodiac, Jaune has gained a valuable skill: he can fly.

He turns in Nora's direction, only to find her already standing right there. They're so close that he can see the flickering orange light reflected off her turquoise irises, the violent glee rolling deep within her pupils. "Ready, Jaune?" she chirps.

"B-but…" Jaune trails off, unfortunately realizing the logic of Ren's statement, even if his slitted eyes still freak him out. "G-give me five seconds."

"Okay!" Nora cheers, holding up one hand, fingers splayed out. "Five!"

{Oh Light! Help me!}

"Four!"

{I leave all of my earthly belongings to my dear friend The Ground, who was always there to break my fall.}

"Threetwoone!"

"Wait! NorAAAAAAAAH!" Jaune screams as he flies off into the distance, courtesy of Nora and her hammer. His scream is half-hearted this time, as he once more flies through the air. Maybe his throat is tired of endless abuse, and unwilling to put up more than a token effort into it. It could also be the novelty of the experience wearing off after his last few unplanned, usually unwilling, lift-offs.

Perhaps, after clawing and crawling and being dragged through so many life-threatening situations, he has found some sliver of courage.

{Or not.}

For whatever reason, his fearful exclamation tapers off along with his upwards velocity and the buildings stop getting smaller. Through squinted eyes, he seeks out his destination and commits all his recently discovered dexterity to twist his body just right.

The window shatters against his mass and speed. His feet touch the ground and then leave it for just a moment as he performs the kind of roll he always thought were only physically possible in the movies and takes a few more steps before coming to a full, standing stop.

{Now don't throw up… Deep breaths… Good boy.}

His heart is hammering in his throat, blood rushes through his ears and spots dance in his vision, but he is standing, unharmed, and mostly unruffled.

{+1 Style!}

Unfortunately, he is standing in what looks like an abandoned classroom-turned-storage, and no one bears witness to arguably his greatest feat of skill ever.

Except the one who cries out right behind him.

"He has come!"

What normal person, hopped up on adrenaline and submerged in silence as he is, would not jump a foot into the air and let out, at least, the quietest and most masculine of shrieks at that?

{-2 Style…}

Turning so fast he almost slips on the broken bits of glass on the floor, he looks wild-eyed into the darkness behind him to search for the source of the demented voice. Said task is made easier by the candles he only now spots lit along the far wall, and held closer to him by the many people in the room.

The many robed and hooded people, staring with wide eyes one part crazy and two parts worship at him.

"I never imagined-!"

"…fell from the heavens like a god…"

"He is real?"

Murmurs break out among the gathered (cult?). He starts missing the eerie silence of a moment ago. Their tones grate on his nerves like nails on an old chalkboard. But he recognizes the voice who first startled him, and asks for an explanation just to do something.

"Russel…" Where to even begin? His tongue slips out to wet his dry lips. "What…?"

All immediately fall silent as he speaks, and some break their gawking of him to stare at the boy with a green mohawk holding up his hood almost comically.

"My lord!" He elbows his way frantically through the stunned crowd until he is just a few feet away. "We did not expect the honor of your presence!"

{This god of chaos schtick is getting out of hand…}

Before he can unscramble his thoughts and form a full sentence, someone else speaks up among the throng. His voice just as deliberate and awed as everyone except Russel's.

"What manner of treasure is this?"

One of the hooded figures is kneeling amid the shattered glass caused by his entrance, and he moves closer to the window so the sunlight may better illuminate-

Fast as lightning, Jaune moves to snatch his ornate container from the prying fingers of the faceless boy. He inspects it thoroughly for any sign of damage or, worse still, of the boy's attempts at opening it bearing fruit.

There is none.

Through two grenade-propelled-hammer-propelled flights, a window, and crushing shame, the precious lunch box has survived unscathed. His relief at finding it intact is so great that his next thought slips from his mouth before he can realize it and he responds to his startled schoolmate: "Weiss would have killed us all if you opened this!"

In complete opposition to what Jaune considers an acceptable response to his statement, Russel's face redefines 'joy' as his smile tries to both blind him with its intensity and split his face apart. All around him the whispers rise again in even greater levels.

"Did he just say-?"

"A treasure from the Ice Queen!"

"I did not believe…"

"Is it possible it was… entrusted to him?"

"Truly!" Russel cuts in loudly, and everyone else once more quiets down. "Even the greatest among us are humbled before our lord!"

{Time to go back out the window, methinks.}

For once, he fully agrees with the voice in his head. Which really should've set him in motion, but a morbid fascination keeps him in place, desperate to understand what is going on around him. The candles, the robes, the whole cult-and-preacher air surrounding him is too much to take in. He's long known Russel isn't the only misguided individual who believes and draws some strange form of inspiration from the rumors around him. But this…

{And when did everyone go all amateur theater on us?}

But the 'god of chaos' matter is not what he remembered the green haired boy to be fixated upon.

"Where we struggled for pebbles, he has brought down a star!" With a flair-filled gesture, Russel throws an arm to the wall behind his congregation and points with one finger. "Where we dare not dream to tread, he strides triumphant!"

Only now does Jaune realize his 'devotees'... are exclusively male.

The crowd parts like the sea, crying out praises and proclaiming their faith. Behind them is revealed the malformed child of a fancy chair and a terrifying shrine. A chill travels down Jaune´s spine, so powerful he visibly jerks and stumbles half a step.

No matter their recent cease of hostilities, Weiss would murder him if she ever finds out about this.

Candles are arrayed symmetrically on the wall behind and the floor around the throne. And intricately, lovingly, arrayed on the many wooden fixtures on the chair, are… pieces of colored cloth?

At first, he panics. Then it sinks in just what he's staring at. It's an altar to him… and to panties.

{Could be worse… it could be a chair covered in bloody knives.}

He can't count how many there are, not in the low light, but there are styles that he'd never even imagined students wearing. There are some with tail-holes, for Light's sake (at least, he hopes they're tail-holes). It's like every panty raid in Menagerie has been dedicated to covering this… thing… with anything that these guys felt would please their 'god'.

"Did you guys take these from the girls to please me?" It's only a murmur, so low that Jaune doesn't expect the cultists to hear or respond to.

Silly him, he should have remembered that they could hear pretty damn well.

"W-w-we took n-n-nothing directly from the girls, my l-l-lord!" Russel stammers, making it a little hard to tell quite what is going on. "We could never d-d-dream of being so capable! We took them from the l-l-laundry rooms!" Well, that made things better… ish. The harder Jaune looks, the more he knows: these men are insane.

"Please, my lord, place the treasure from the Ice Queen upon your altar, and take your rightful seat as Lord of the Church of Jaune!" Russel isn't talking; instead, the voice comes from Bronzewing beside him, the box in his hands being carried towards the chair.

{I have an idea… how about No Touchy the Thing That Could Kill Me?}

Jaune moves on a whim and lunges for the container. Of course, Bronzewing is already at the altar, placing it onto a platform on the side of the chair. Then the inevitable: Jaune's foot snags upon the cloth of a discarded robe, and into the air he flies.

The good news: Bronzewing isn't in the way. He does not bury his face into Bronzewing's neck, or accidentally squeeze Bronzewing's backside.

The bad news: the panty altar is there to receive him.

{Congratulations, you are now tasting panties that came from the laundry.}

Dazed, Jaune raises his head and spits whatever it is out of his mouth. The taste likes to stay, but at least there aren't any wooden chair splinters or cotton fluff there. He sneaks a look over his shoulder, and even with his dazed point of view, the sight of an entire room filled with prostrate figures clad in robes has him even more startled than before. {Nope, we get out now.} A quick look shows no obvious doors, just the window he came in through. Quickly, he grabs the box again and darts back to the window.

"We shall be watching and waiting, my lord!" Russel shouts. Of all the… he had to be the first to raise his head. "All hail Jaune of Lemming, god of chaos and perversion!"

{They take themselves seriously?}

The people stand and start to cheer as Jaune staggers towards the window. He gulps, but there's no other option. He steps forward and jumps.

At the last second, he notices that there's a set of panties stuck to his jacket.

Now, Jaune has never been much of a gambling man, but in this moment he's willing-or rather, praying-that maybe, just maybe, luck will be on his side. Maybe he'll land somewhere no one will find him, so he can finally get a few moments of peace… and more importantly, safety from the absolutely mental state of mind everyone's in.

{Why should I worry about their state of mind when I can't even tell which way is up?}

The inordinate and perhaps unnatural length of time Jaune has been falling is somewhat perplexing. Nothing's happened, and he hasn't even been launched this time! He waits… and waits… and for some reason the impact never comes. He isn't that far off the ground, is he?

"Jaune? Are you okay?"

He opens his eyes to reveal none other than his resident guardian chameleon looking at him suspended in a green force field.

"And why is there underwear on your jacket?"

"Penny!" he says, feeling a strange mixture of relief and embarrassment as the quirky, ginger haired girl stares at him, her head at a puzzled forty-five degree angle; on one hand he's glad she's here, as her appearance tends to work in his favor in some way, but on the other hand he still has panties on him. "Um… this isn't as bad as it looks?"

{Please don't get the wrong idea, please don't get the wrong idea, please don't get the wrong idea…}

"Analyzing color and cloth composition of underpants," Penny states. "Conclusion: not yours."

{...}

For the first time, Jaune takes a good look at the offending article of clothing. He doesn't spot it straight away because it's wedged underneath a shoulder pauldron, but the sight is certainly wince-worthy: frilly with a little slit in the back and oh so ridiculously soft as he pulls it free from his body.

"I wouldn't wear…" he protests… but just the sensation of chestnut velvet flowing between his fingers is juuust enough to make him reconsider-before his self preservation instinct snaps back in full force and he tosses the incriminating evidence behind the nearest bush. "Let's take this conversation somewhere else," he barks, shooting a fearful glance at the open window above him. Within the depths of that window is a world he never knew existed-a forbidden garden of intoxicating sights and tended by the robed masses of an unwanted reverse harem.

Even as he shuts down that thought process, a tiny, traitorous section of his mind memorizes the layout of the surrounding campus. The rest focuses on threading his belt through the handle of Weiss's mystery chest like the world's awkwardest fanny pack. But at least it keeps his hands free to grab Penny by the elbow and vacate the area as quickly as possible, lest Russel stick his head out the window and shout something stupid, like: My lord, will you not at least take this limited edition collector's set?

"Jaune, you seem to have-"

"Not now, Penny!" For such a lithe frame, the girl is deceptively heavy. She complies easily, however, and the two sprint in silence for quite a ways before Jaune feels safe enough to take a break. Which entails hiding within a grove of trees, hoping that the spotted light shifting through the leaves above will be enough to shield him from this beautiful and cruel world for just a second while he catches his breath.

"Might I assist in the relief of your distress?" inquires Penny after a few minutes.

It takes a moment for Jaune to acknowledge that he's been anxiously pacing amongst the tree trunks for almost five minutes without actually saying anything. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "I don't think this is something we can just 'fix'." He taps the wooden case hanging from his hip absentmindedly. "See this? Weiss gave it to me. Told me to watch it until tonight."

Penny nods curtly in acknowledgement. "A step of faith in your friendship, I'm sure."

"Right," he huffs, "except, giving just how swimmingly my morning's been going ever since I started guarding this thing, I'm starting to think she wants me dead after all."

"If she wanted you to die by the claws of other faunus, I do not think she would mark you with such a bold and intimate present."

For a second, he finds her word choice quite puzzling. Mark? Bold? Warmth rises in his cheeks as he recalls Nora's teasing reminder that Weiss was practically giving a small part of her soul to him. Speaking of which, not only are protective runes on the boxes really pretty, they practically scream, This box belongs to the Schnee Dust Company. Anybody could see it from a mile away. It's no wonder that Yang and Sun were onto him so fast.

But the more he analyzes it, the more he doesn't get why Weiss would bequeath this to him. His reputation for falling in style is almost as well-known as his propensity to get wrapped up in other faunus' business. Usually because he's doing a bit of both at the same time at any given moment. This… this masterpiece of a box is too beautiful to give to somebody as unlucky as he is.

And if the outside is so pretty, what could be inside? Is this what Penny means by intimate? Could she trust him so much after their significant conversation during the Hunting last week, that she'd actually entrust him with the secret formula for the deliciously fruity Schneeaple drink?

"You're right, Penny," he muses. "There has to be a hidden purpose behind this container. Some greater meaning."

"Oh. That large bento box? It may contain some sort of meat, I suppose. I was discussing the item on your other hip."

Jaune's head snaps instantly to his left side. For half a second, all he sees is the hilt of the sheathed Crocea Mors. Then his eyes latch onto the strip of cloth looped around the crossguard: a sparkly periwinkle ribbon that widens into a tiny triangle printed with a single, easily-recognizable snowflake.

{No wonder she's so high-strung all the time.}

Screaming may be appropriate, but tearing it off is not an option. Oh, he tries, but that brings Crocea Mors out of its sheath without actually untangling the offensive article, and for about ten seconds of sheer panic, he's dancing circles around Penny while waving his sword around via three strings of blue like the world's craziest marionette master.

On his fifth lap around his impossibly expressionless friend, said friend clotheslines him to a halt. Well, he stops before he can run into her arm to avoid accidentally slicing her skin with his horrifyingly awkward sword dance. He might have imagined his sharp edge cutting into her arm anyways; but a double-take reveals no harm done to her pale flesh, so he chalks it up to a trick of the light and focuses on collecting his crazed mind.

{Com'on, Jaune. You're better than this.}

{Except when it comes to the LADIES eeeeeeeeeep.}

In one swift, practiced motion, Penny removes the… the thing. Jaune immediately bounces away from the thing.

"Burn it," he snarls.

"But such an object of affection should not-"

In a spark of horrified realization, Jaune quickly checks his body for foreign objects. There's a black-and-yellow striped number hiding within his hoodie pocket. A version that's all lace and pink hearts falls out from underneath his forearm guard. There's even the casual whitey-tighty thrown in there for good measure. In an idiotic moment of paranoia, Jaune has to doublecheck that he's still wearing the boxers he donned this morning.

{Whew.}

"If you can't get rid of the evidence," hisses Jaune frantically, "then we need to leave, pronto."

"Where do we need to go?" Penny's voice remains as strong as always, even as the image of her body fades from view. "I will follow you for as long as you need me."

"Somewhere safe, somewhere safe," he mumbles, turning over options in his mind. Back under his dorm bed? Nah, Sun's in that direction. Abandoned classroom? Library? Both his pursuers probably have enough authority on campus to find him out, no matter where he chooses to hide. He could try to blend in with the crowd headed to the cafeteria for lunch right now, but the masses could just as easily hinder him; without Nora's hammer, he's confined to two-dimensional plane while Yang has access to all three dimensions. Besides, Nora's tough love is the last thing his sore bottom needs currently. There won't be a safe place to sit down anymore if she keeps that up…

But along that line of thought… if he's looking for safety, he doesn't need a place. He needs people. Numbers. Safety in numbers. Where can he find a large group of people?

As if in answer to the question, Jaune's stomach chooses that moment to produce a rather noticeable gurgling sound.

---

He's so determined to reach the cafeteria and fill his pitifully breakfast-less stomach to max that it's not long before he runs into someone. However, in stark contrast to his earlier run-in with Yatsuhashi, this time it's Jaune who has significantly more mass, and it's the lithe girl in a tiny pink minidress that goes flying.

Partially because he is a gentleman, and also because Kairi is one of the few faunus who doesn't hate him, Jaune leaps forward and grabs Kairi's wrist before she can impact the ground. Then, against all the laws of the universe, his leg shoots out in time and plants itself firmly into the ground, so he doesn't trip over himself and accidentally bodyslam her into the pavement. Using his other arm to cradle the small of her back, the knight in padded, scuffed-up armor triumphantly sticks his landing with the pure-hearted, pink princess held in an intimate dancing dip.

{Why can't my life always be like this?}

His gut thankfully describes his desperate situation with a grumpy rumble. He smiles ruefully at her. "Sorry. My stomach sorta took over my body. It's like I didn't even know where I was going, except that I had to make it to the cafeteria."

A grin makes its way onto Kairi's face, even as a shadow passes behind her cerulean eyes. "I know the feeling." She makes to get back to her feet, so Jaune awkwardly lifts her out of the dip. As he helps her find her feet again, he catches just a glimpse of blonde highlights hidden within the burnt umber of her hair.

"Uh. You got highlights again," he mentions conversationally.

Kairi pulls a lock of hair into her vision and frowns, glancing between the strawberry-blonde strands and him. "You can see this?"

He scrunches his nose as the light color appear to fade before his eyes. "...Not anymore." He forces a smile as an unnerving intensity emerges from within Kairi's ocean-blue eyes. "Instantly fading highlights? Th-That's cool. Great for changing identities after..."

He doesn't continue on with robbing a bank, because that's actually a really stupid thing to say, but mostly in shock, because her entire body flickers briefly. Like, he swears for an instant that he sees white, and he briefly remembers seeing her dressed in a tiny, just-barely-translucent, little white slip.

He blinks.

Kairi turns away from him with a laugh. "You're silly," she chirrups. "Com'on, Jaune's Stomach; let's go to lunch."

His companion makes idle chatter. She does it well. It's almost like she isn't covering up. Maybe his vision is just going wonky, recalling back to the last time he spent a large amount of time with her. Maybe.

He nods where appropriate, but his mind is somewhere else. It's not that he doesn't like Kairi. She's funny and she's nice and if the model holds true, she can probably beat his scrawny backside from one end of campus to the other six different ways to Sunday.

{Also, hella nice legs.}

But eventually his mind moves onward from the girl to her roommate. Kairi isn't Pyrrha. His friendship with the Tigress was one forged from blood, sweat, and tears (most of it his), so really, it confuses him to no end as to why she would abruptly defect to the other side. He needs to talk to her, now. He needs to be a friend, needs to talk it out with the woman herself as to why they suddenly aren't the fast friends that he thought they were. He needs to hop over to Cardin's place and apologize for not being altogether there, and maybe he should try getting in contact with Miltia and tell her that he will probably be okay with her spirit haunting his body, that she'll always be his first and only imaginary BFF, but that he would really, really appreciate some answers. And last but not least, he needs to return Ruby's calls, needs to make sure he isn't burning all his bridges just because his largest wasn't as stable as he thought it was.

Kairi is a nice and quirky (although somewhat mysterious) girl to talk to, even now, she's not his first choice of companion now that he's caught between two of the Zodiac directors and the heiress to Schnee Dust. Well, technically he's caught between two of the Zodiac directors and the heiress to Schnee Dust plus a third Zodiac director. Ren is one of Weiss's bodyguards… after… all…

Wait.

There's one more director/Schnee bodyguard at Zodiac. One whose specialty is defense. True, Jaune is not exactly friends with Adam Taurus, but the third year is just about the only one of Zodiac's big names Jaune hasn't gotten into a panty peek/questionable encounter/total disaster with.

{Light, if that's not depressing.}

Still, Jaune has six copies of the Schnee crest bouncing on his belt. That should give him some pull with a Schnee bodyguard, right? And hey! He even has a legitimate excuse to visit the Northern Tortoise dorms.

…Only he has no idea what Cardin's room number is.

But that's okay, because while his mind was wandering, he and Kairi have reached the cafeteria. Everything will seem better on a full stomach.

Jaune opens the cafeteria door and gestures Kairi in first with an exaggerated bow. Kairi giggles and enters. Jaune follows her inside, and makes it all of three steps before he is ambushed. A gang of students Jaune doesn't recognize descend upon him. Jaune catches a brief glimpse of Kairi's back before the mob sweeps him up, latching onto his limbs and covering his mouth before he can cry out. Jaune makes some token effort at flailing, but soon discovers the futility of fighting a dozen pairs of grabby hands.

{Oooh… Whose hand is that and why are they so interested in squeezing my thigh?}

The experience is over as abruptly as it began, and Jaune finds himself deposited in a chair, disoriented, uncomfortable, and certain he needs to have a good long cry in the shower tonight.

Weiss sits opposite him, daintily eating a salad and paying him no mind whatsoever. His abductors-apparently the Zodiac Schnee faction-sit in the surrounding chairs. A salad is dropped in front of him.

"Eat," Weiss orders, still without looking at him. "Don't talk. Just listen."

Jaune picks up a fork and spears a piece of lettuce.

"Good. Now, this morning I entrusted you with something very important. Nod if you understand."

Jaune nods.

"Excellent. And I made myself very clear that it needed to be protected at all costs. At all costs. Do you understand?"

Jaune nods.

"Perfect. Then I take it I shall hear no more of the Lemming, the Monkey, and the Dragoness?"

Jaune nods.

This, he realizes, is not the tired and lonely Weiss who asked him to look after her box this morning. This isn't even the Weiss who sorta-kinda does not totally despise him and might even not attack him on sight. This Weiss is among her subjects-100% Frosty, 0% Friendly.

{Still looks pretty lonely though.}

"If you understand…" Frosty not Friendly Weiss looks at him for the first time. Her glare is glacial. "Get out of my sight."

The swarm rises at the queen's command, and after another trip via too many hands, Jaune finds himself standing outside the cafeteria doors. His stomach gurgles pitifully, the one piece of lettuce having not done the trick.

"Come on!" he whines. "Can I at least get some lunch?"

The doors burst open and someone tosses out a plate. Jaune scrambles and manages to catch it, not only before it hits the floor, but without spilling its contents either. He looks down at his prize. A sandwich. He lifts the top slice of bread. A cucumber and tuna sandwich.

"Thank you," he calls to the doors, because his mom always told him that good manners cost nothing.

The cafeteria doors open.

Jaune looks up. "Blake?"

The cafeteria doors close.

Jaune looks down.

The cucumber and tuna sandwich is gone. In its place are eight soggy slices of cucumber. And no matter how much his mind pleads and begs, his mouth decides it cannot handle more than three slices of fishy cucumber. Even his stomach cringes as the questionable vegetables slither their way into his gut. In the end, he gingerly places the mostly-empty plate atop a garbage can and bolts from the scene of the crime.

{Right. Pyrrha, Ruby, Miltia, or Cardin?}

{Definitely the easiest. Now, where would I most likely be able to find Cardin?}

Cafeteria. Seeing as he's banned from there, next most likely would dormitories. Black Tortoise dorms.

He's in the middle of pulling out his scroll to consult the campus map when the device emits a series of soft beeps and talks at him. "Welcome to your scroll, Jaune."

He almost drops the thing. "Penny? How-"

The screen of the scroll zooms down to his current location just outside the cafeteria before swooping through his image and zipping north through a class building, swerving around a small lake, and descending through a hillside forest before focusing in on a door set within a tree.

"Using GPS to map closest route between your current location and the dormitory of Cardin Winchester. Hm; Winchester's room number is not in file. Objective addendum: hacking into Zodiac database to locate Winchester's room number."

"Whoa, Penny! Don't-"

"System database is requiring access username. I will put 'Jaune.'"

"Unbelievable."

Hundreds of numbers scroll across the hill that is apparently Tortoise dormitories before three digits blink rapidly. A corresponding cube blinks within the hillside, woven into the twists and turns of tree roots. Underground, but still above ground level. Huh.

"269 is Winchester's room. This location is accessible through gated doorway with username and password. Alternatively, the room can be accessed via laundry chute and air vent. Biothermal scans show that this passageway has already been utilized several times with a 90% chance of undiscovered infiltration."

"I did not need to know that." After a useless attempt to bleach his brain of that unwanted info about Cardin's personal life, he barks, "Penny, just stop."

No voice happily informs him of all the rules she's breaking in his name, though a static image of his companion's face does flash into existence over the map. Two seconds later, it switches to a frowny-face.

Jaune raises an eyebrow. "How did you get into my scroll in the first place?"

The snapshots of Penny flips into a large, cheesy grin. "I am always happy to assist."

He frowns. "That's not an answer."

"Would you prefer that I logoff?"

"No! Just-"

"If you like, I can leave."

Jaune knows Penny's driving him into a corner. He also knows his chances of survival are that much slimmer without her and her shield. If she wants to help him, who is he to ask her of her reasons or methods? "Penny… let's keep it legal."

"I simply assumed you were also keeping it on the down-low and wished to increase your stealth ability. If crawling through tight spaces is not to your liking, I can hack into the Zodiac database and temporarily switch your account from Dragon to Tortoise-"

"Thaaaaat won't be necessary. Why can't I just walk into the common room and ask Cardin to come down?"

"Infrared imaging detects the presence of at least eight warm-blooded witnesses within hearing distance of the dormitory help center. Judging from your lunchtime instruction to evade the Dragoness and the Monkey, I would advise that you keep contact with unknown variables to a bare minimum."

"Is Adam Taurus an unknown variable? Can I make contact with him?"

Penny is silent for a moment. "Locating Taurus. Currently at-oh. Oh dear."

Her completely flat tone would be humorous if Jaune didn't already know the girl well enough to detect a hint of worry in her voice. "Is something wrong?"

"It would appear as if he has detected my DNA sweep. He is currently headed to my location."

Jaune grins. "How is a bad thing? I wanted to talk to him anyways."

"He has somehow registered my signature and is tracking me. As of now, I am not in your vicinity."

"Oh. Get here, then."

Penny's reply is slightly strained, as if his request is more difficult than he's making it out to be. "Estimated time of arrival in ten minutes. In order to maximize transport speed, I will be offline until I reestablish physical contact."

Ten minutes? Penny's always been there for him right on time. And Tortoises are slow, aren't they? Where did ten minutes come from? She's cut contact already, so he really can't do anything but splutter as, in a fizzle of static, Penny's picture blips off his screen to reveal the map of Tortoise dorms yet again. There are two dotted lines visible there: one enters through the front door and ends in the common room, with several other heat signatures indicating the presence of a dozen strangers; the other circles around to the back of the hill, squeezes into what appears to be a dirt cave, and ascends through an slanted aluminum tunnel before culminating next to Cardin's room.

On one hand, all it takes is one spy to notify Yang or Sun to his presence and he's done for. On the other, his gut is still rebelling at the mere thought of fishy cucumbers sloshing around within, and he might not be able to withstand the fragrance of dirty laundry.

Still, does he really want to have the two worst troublemakers in Beacon hot on his tail-considering that it's Yang and Sun, these 'witnesses' might turn out to be extremely deadly-or be choked half dead by the unholiest {sexiest} kind of stink? Admittedly, compared to being interrogated by Yang or Sun, maybe he wouldn't mind suffocating in a sea of bras and panties-

{Resist first step towards the dark side; you've seen the consequences, let's SO NOT take it. Not to mention this dorm is shared, so there could be dirty pants and sweaters and GAAAAAAAHHH stop thinking.}

His mind is set then.

---

{I regret all my life choices.}

This thought alone runs through Jaune's mind on a constant loop as he crawls through the laundry chute. As with many of his plans, it had seemed like a good idea at the time... but that was before he found out the hard way that the majority of the Tortoise dorms is mostly inhabited by men.

In retrospect, he has to admit, that should be fairly obvious, considering A) males (not to be sexist) are more built for defensive fighting, and B) pretty much every female he has seen so far at Zodiac has wicked attack capabilities. So yeah, the laundry chute? Not his best idea. Even worse is the sheer smell of the chute. Sweaty clothing that has been left for Monty Knows How Long in an isolated metal chute is not the world's most pleasant of smell. Good thing he can hold his breath for a long time.

{OH LIGHT! ONE'S ON MY FACE! GET IF OFF! PANIC! PANIC!}

Jaune shakes his head frantically in an attempt to shed the undergarment attached to his face (which he really hopes doesn't belong to someone he knows); however, in the process, he bangs his head on the wall of the chute. Multiple times. He could swear the clanging vibrations echo throughout the entire dormitory, but all he cares about is dislodging the nasty article of clothing.

After a few more seconds of frantic shaking (and pain), Jaune manages to free himself and continue his advance forward. As he does so, he can't help but feel that the chute is getting warmer as he progresses… which probably means the smell is going to get worse too.

He's been holding his breath for so long that his body is thinking, {Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to take in a new lungful of air.} His mind, thankfully, immediately nulls that option with a roaring, {NO DO NOT YOU WILL DIE.}

Nevertheless, he's getting light-headed and he really doesn't want to pass out in the middle of a laundry chute filled with sweatysmellygross clothing. Plus, the stories that would arise when someone eventually finds his asphyxiated corpse would forever stain the Arc family name.

{No gender is safe MUAHAHAHA.}

{Yep… Don't need my reputation to increase from half the school population to everybody.}

{You still have a reputation?}

{Oh, just shut up. Wait, where am I again? Uuuuuh…}

Jaune hurriedly digs into his jeans' pocket and pulls out his scroll, locates his body within the laundry chute located in the Tortoise dorms. Penny has gone all out with this, even giving the percentage of clothing each student had dropped compared to others.

{Okay, I didn't need to know that 64.7% of the clothing in here came from Neku Sakuraba.}

He quickly tucks his scroll back in his pocket and crawls faster than ever when the edges of his vision begin to darken and blur. He can probably hold his breath for another minute or two, which, at his current speed, will bring him to Cardin's room juuuuust before he passes out from auto-asphyxiation. {Yes! I see it! Salvation!}

Jaune's eyes light up with hope at the sight of Cardin's laundry chute (which is probably the strangest goal he's ever wished for in all the Horrible Things Jaune's Ever Wanted in the past few weeks). He shoots forward with energy he isn't aware he had left, slams into the chute lid, and flops gracefully onto his back against the hard ground.

{YES BREATHE NOW.}

He spends the next few minutes savoring every bit of fresh, clean, pure air. When his lungs have finished replenishing his body of pure oxygen, he flips himself over and stands up, double-checking himself for any stray pieces of cloth that may have attached themselves to his person (for the second time today, he notes). As soon as he ensures that he is clean, or as clean as one can be after crawling through a men's laundry chute, he looks up and is met with the confused (and somewhat disgusted) face of Cardin.

They stare at each other for what Jaune guesses is a few seconds, but actually feels like a few minutes, before he decides to break the rather awkward silence.

"Uh… Hey?"

"Mind telling me why you just crawled out of my laundry chute?" Cardin asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh… the front door was locked?" Jaune tries lamely. When Cardin's impassive stare remains impassive, he tries again, "I wanted to get here without the rest of the school harassing me."

"So then why didn't you just call me? I would have let you in."

"Yeah... I've been a little preoccupied today."

"So what's so important that you had to sneak into my room like a secret mistress?"

{Aaaand that's another notch against my reputation. Cardin's secret mistress. Great.}

"I need you to hook me up with Adam Taurus."

Cardin slowly raises an eyebrow, which gives Jaune's brain just enough time to register the dissonance between what he wants and what he asked for.

"Huh," drawls Cardin. "When I heard the rumor that you were 'hot after Adam of Ox' I thought it was just a rumor."

"I'm hot! I mean, I'm not! I'm not hot after Adam of Ox!"

"Why do you want to hook up with him then?"

"I don't! I want you to hook the two of us up!"

"…Are you trying to cross 'weird three-way' off your bucket list?"

Jaune's mouth makes sad noises for a bit while his brain reboots, because nothing less than a complete system purge is going to get that image out of his head.

"I don't want a weird three-way with you and Adam!" he squawks as soon as he can.

"I should hope not." Cardin's tone is mild, all things considered. "I'm pretty sure you already met the requirements when you got involved with Melanie and her undead sister."

Jaune's mouth goes back to making sad sounds, though they're a little bit less sad this time around, because a small, despicable part of him is pumping its fist and cheering-

{Twins, you legend!}

-and it sounds a lot like Roman on a good day.

{Though one of them has been dead for a good eight years… and is also a ghost currently haunting your bones who could be listening in on your thoughts RIGHT NOW.}

Jaune breathes in.

Jaune breathes out.

"Cardin. I want you-I want to ask you to introduce me to your director so I can ask him for a completely non-sexual favor."

The two boys stare at each other.

"…Well?" asks Jaune.

"I'm waiting for you to wink."

"I am not going to wink."

"Huh." Cardin shrugs. "You want to meet Adam? Sure, I'll introduce you. Not my problem if he kills you."

They leave the room shortly after, despite Jaune's protests about being seen, well, leaving Cardin's room. A disguise, even Kairi's temporary hair dye, would have been nice, but Cardin had found the flaw in that plan: "Do you think leaving my room wearing my clothes will be less suspicious?" So Jaune bites the bullet and moves to Cardin's side as soon as they're out the door. If the rumors are inevitable, he can at least avoid walking behind Cardin like an obedient catamite.

The walk to Adam's room (with the two of them side by side as equals, got it?) is surprisingly quiet. Jaune keeps expecting someone to ambush them; he has no doubts that Yang and Sun have agents in the other Directions. But the walk is an anticlimax, and so is Adam's room. Despite being a senior and the head of Northern Tortoise, Adam's room… looks exactly like every other dorm room Jaune's seen so far at Zodiac. It's not even close to an elevator or a stairwell or any small perk that he can see.

"Well, here we are." Jaune stumbles forward as Cardin gives him a shove. "You gonna knock, or do I have to do that too?"

Jaune swallows despite himself. It was all well and good when he was on his way to the cafeteria with Kairi. When talking to the scary masked man who pinned him to the ground before he could so much as react was just an idea. Now though, he's about to confront his fears directly. Jaune takes a hesitant step forward, and Weiss's box bumps against his side. Right. He's got the Schnee seal of approval. He can do this. He just has to remember what Blake taught him.

{Adam is a textbook Alpha, so meet him eye to eye… slits, don't back down, show no fear, and there will be no murdering of anyone. Knock on wood.}

Jaune raps his knuckles on Weiss's box, then raps against Adam's door.

Turns out, being a director does earn you a differentiation from the rank and file dorm room. Unlike every other dorm room door Jaune has knocked on, Adam's opens outward.

Jaune lurches back, bounces into Cardin, and bounces off of Cardin. Cardin being a good deal taller than Jaune, this involves Jaune's head bouncing off of Cardin's metal breastplate. That hurts, but it also jogs his memory, and he remembers what Penny taught him, especially in regards to Adam Taurus.

{"I am glad to report, however, that as the Director of North, Adam has built up enough mental defences to be quite immune to such flimsy speculations, and will most likely not kill you on sight should you two ever happen to pass within ten feet of each other. Nevertheless, I would caution that any closer might be pushing it, so be careful."}

This leaves Jaune's brain just enough time to realize that this is a spectacularly bad idea, before his momentum sends him forward towards Adam's open doorway, and face first into Adam's chest.

Jaune does not move. He wants to leap backwards and put as much distance (minimum ten feet) between himself and Adam as possible, but he knows exactly what will happen if he tries: he'll bump into Cardin, get bumped off into Adam, and ricochet between them like some awkward pinball. And there we go: Cardin will have hooked him up with Adam in a weird three-way.

So Jaune stays where he is and hopes Adam does not mind having a scrawny Lemming attached to his chest. This is an optimistic and unrealistic dream, but Jaune is a young man in the prime of his life, and young men in the prime of their lives are allowed to have optimistic and unrealistic dreams.

From somewhere above Jaune's head: "Get. off. me."

As a young man potentially at the end of his life, Jaune backpedals.

Adam… is really tall. He isn't wearing armor like Cardin either, but his muscles could have been made of steel, if his bruised nose is any indication. Finally, Adam gives off enough sheer presence just by standing in place that Jaune instinctively wants to back away. Maybe it's because the man is older; maybe it's because he's a stranger; but the Ox gives off the same waves of Bladder-Squeezing Terrifying that Weiss and Yang do when they're hopped up on battle hormones-only with Adam, it's all the time.

{Is he ready for a fight every minute of the day?}

Jaune decides to ignore the implications of this in favor of the more pressing matter of not getting violently murdered. {I knocked on wood and everything!} This interrupts his panic with a reminder of why he came to Adam's room in the first place. He claws at the container on his hip, and when it refuses to cooperate, rips it off, belt and all, to hold up in front of Adam.

"Weiss sent me!" he says in a rush, because if you tilted your head and squinted that wasn't a lie.

Adam stands in his doorway, his expression… pretty expressionless with the mask on. Still, he holds his arms at his side rather than reaching for his sword, which Jaune takes as a good sign. Actually, scratch that, wasn't Adam supposed to be closing in on Penny the last time he heard from her? What happened? Jaune wants to check his scroll, but he doesn't want to take his eyes off of Adam either.

"And why did Weiss send you to me?" asks Adam.

"She… ah… doesn't want to hear any more about the Lemming, the Monkey, and the Dragoness?" Also not a lie. Adam can call up one of Weiss's posse to confirm and she definitely said that.

Adam grunts. One of his hands slides towards his sword and Jaune tenses to make a run for it {or at least just as far as behind Cardin. Sorrynotsorry, Cardin}. Rather than draw his weapon though, Adam's fingers drum against the hilt, in what Jaune assumes to be an unconscious gesture.

"Fine," Adam says at length. He turns and walks back into his room. "Come in," he calls over his shoulder. "Winchester, you come too."

Jaune glances over at Cardin. The other boy shrugs and holds out a hand.

"After you."

Jaune swallows and follows Adam into his lair, one hand holding the box protectively in front of him, the other holding up his pants from falling down.

It seems as if the privileges of Directorhood only extend as far as the door, because Adam's room is the most spartan accommodation Jaune has ever seen; the room's accoutrements included a bed, a nightstand with a lamp on it, writing desk, filing cabinet, dresser, and an office chair.

"Have a seat." Adam gestures to his bed, himself taking the office chair. Jaune gingerly sits on the bed, bouncing twice to get a feel for it. {Well, now I don't have to worry about my pants falling down.} Cardin opts to continue standing. "So what do you need me to do?"

Jaune fidgets, unsure of what to say. He is having a remarkable streak of luck in not getting disemboweled; breaking that streak isn't exactly high on his bucket list.

{I'm not too young to have a bucket list… right?}

He has to play this carefully. Adam may be willing to listen to the Schnee Heiress('s errand boy), but he has neither Yang and Sun's sense of humor or Ren's zen unflappability. One wrong step, and Adam will… not kill him, because Sun said murder was against academy rules. But Weiss put him in a coma for a week, and a couple hours ago Yang was willing to set things on fire to get to him, and none of the faculty made any fuss about that. Anything Adam does to him is probably okay so long as he still has a pulse at the end of it. No reason to antagonize the Ox.

Really, he and Adam have every reason to get along. They have a lot in common. They're both swordsmen. They're both… men. Sure, Jaune carries a shield while Adam seems to prefer just a sword; but Adam is also a defense specialist, so it evens out, right? Besides, his sheath probably transforms too. Jaune can make out something that looks suspiciously like a trigger, but he doubts the sheath turns into a gun. Even with all the weapon variations he's seen since coming to Zodiac, that would just be ridiculous. How would a sheath gun even work? Anyway, point is, he and Adam should be friends. They can even spar together. Given how much catching up Jaune still has to do just to reach hunter-in-training level, anyone who's willing to give him pointers is pretty much money in the bank.

"I'm waiting," says Adam, cool tone breaking Jaune out of his fantasies. "What do you want me to do?"

Yeah, there's no way the two of them are ever going to be buddies, and Jaune's out of time. Okay, plan: tell mostly the truth, push all responsibility onto other people, and when in doubt, wing it.

"Um, I'm not sure," Jaune starts.

Adam bristles.

"Weiss just wants me to stay out of trouble!" Jaune finishes.

Adam snorts. "That I think is quite impossible." Though Jaune can't really tell with the mask, he gets the feeling Adam's attention has shifted. "Winchester, what are you doing here?"

Cardin shrugs, then sticks a thumb in Jaune's direction. "He needed directions to your room."

"Arc." And the scary man's focus is back on him. "I expect you to have as much success staying out of trouble as your clansmen have keeping their feet on the ground." Jaune doesn't really get that reference, but he feels, as a pretend Lemming, he ought to be offended. "I don't want you anywhere near me when the trouble starts."

"Please?" Jaune tries. "Can't I just… sit in the corner, or something? This should be the last place anyone will think to look for me!"

"For you," says Adam. "That box in your lap is another matter."

"…It's Weiss's box."

"And I am one of her bodyguards."

Jaune can't really argue this logic, but that doesn't mean he has to like it. "But who's going to pick a fight with you? Aren't you like, the strongest guy in Zodiac?"

"Yes," comes the immediate, unashamed answer. "But there are idiots who don't understand"-Adam's expression turns ferocious, but in the next second is back to merely stern-"that."

Jaune nods, too terrified to speak. Beside him, he hears Cardin start to breathe again, which reminds him to start breathing again.

"Still, the last thing anyone wants is another showdown between Weiss and the last Dragoness." Adam rises to his feet. "Very well, I'll lend you a hand. Both of you, follow me." He moves to the door.

Jaune stays where he is, his legs not having gotten the memo that is was okay to stop cowering. Fortunately, Cardin is there to haul him to his feet and drag him along after Adam. The two of them practically have to run to keep up; Adam's stride eats distance.

"Well, um, thanks," says Jaune, "but where are we going?"

"You came here because it is the last place people would be looking for you," says Adam without breaking stride. "But people aren't looking for you, they're looking for that box. Where is the last place Weiss would send it?"

"Malachite," rumbles Cardin.

"Malachite? Melanie?" asks Jaune. He's on worse terms with her than he is with Adam, and Cardin hasn't been overly fond of his former employer since the Hunting either.

"Correct, Winchester," says Adam.

"But she's in Phoenix!" protest Jaune. "Yang'll be right there!"

"All the more reason she won't be looking for you, Arc. It is darkest at the candle's base."

Huh, Adam is apparently a well-read warrior. Another thing they have in common. Go figure.

{Wait, no, this isn't the time to be getting distracted.}

"Okay, yeah, maybe, but how am I supposed to get near her? I even look in the direction of the Phoenix dormitories and Yang will hear about it."

"Obviously, but that is why I will get you into Phoenix via unconventional means."

Jaune does not like the sound of that at all. He likes it even less when Adam brings them to their destination: the roof.

"How are you getting me into Phoenix?" Jaune asks.

"Winchester, stand right there," Adam orders, ignoring the question. Cardin raises an eyebrow, but does as he is told. Adam turns to Jaune. "Arc, you stand in front of him. Both of you face me, backs to the Phoenix dorms."

Jaune is really starting to not like where this is going, but follows Cardin's example and takes his place without protest.

Adam places his hands on his sword, and starts glowing.

"Director?" asks Cardin, and the note of real concern in his voice does not help Jaune's rapidly fraying nerves.

"Winchester, I'll leave the landing strategy to you. Don't worry." Adam flips his sword over. "I'm using the blunt edge." Adam smiles.

Jaune has just enough time to think its the most horrible smile he's ever seen, and then in flash of red light he's flying through the air for the nth time today. Though judging by the extra deep screaming in his ear, this time he has company.

The screaming changes to swearing as the Phoenix dormitories come into view. Jaune feels Cardin's grip tighten around his middle, as his back feels Cardin putting on muscle mass. Janue fights down the urge to tense up and forces his body to relax. Well, this is a nice change of pace. He can leave the landing strategy to Cardin and just focus on not breaking anything on impact.

Cardin crashes into the rooftop. Three things happen.

First, Cardin's legs absorb the shock and his body pistons to bleed off the momentum.

Second, his grip on Jaune's waist tightens to keep the smaller boy from flying away.

Third, Jaune, who never did put his belt back on, continues onward anyways.

This all happens in quick succession, so Jaune only has time to note that he can indeed make out the roof of the Dragon dormitories from here, and that his legs feel colder than they should, before he crashes into the dormitory's rooftop entrance/exit. It opens inward, and Jaune tumbles head over heels into the heart of Yang Xiao Long's territory. He comes to a stop three flights of stairs later, bruised, dazed, and somehow undiscovered.

Jaune sits up. Good news: the box (and by extension, his belt) is in his arms. Bad news: He can hear voices getting closer. They sound feminine.

Cardin is probably the one holding his pants.

Jaune registers all of this. He can even guess what will happen next. He will be found, beaten, and killed. Weiss's box will of course be taken, so the Schnee heiress will apply the vast resources of Rooster Teeth to bringing him back to life so that she can kill him herself. He will be remembered unfondly by his classmates as a god of chaos and perversion. Mostly perversion.

Jaune understands how doomed he is, but all he feels is calm. It has been a long, stressful day, and by this point, he quite frankly can't find it in himself to give a-

[Jaune, run down the hall and take the second door on the right. Hurry!]

In his darkest hour, hope shines through. Jaune is on his feet and on the move in seconds. He runs down the hall and dives for the second door on his right-

[Your other right!]

The second door on his other right. He pulls it open to find a broom closet. He shoves himself in with just enough care to avoid knocking anything over, and pulls the door shut behind him. He goes very still and very quiet.

The voices approach, and the voices go past. Jaune waits until he can't hear the voices anymore, then waits a little bit long because Faunus ears.

[They're gone.]

Jaune releases the breath he's been holding.

{Thank you, Miltia. Speaking of which, can we talk sometime soon?}

He pointedly does not think about his earlier conversation with Cardin. At all. Not even a little bit.

[I can, like, totally tell when you're trying not to think about something by how you're thinking about not thinking about it.]

{Uh, have I told you you're my best imaginary friend?}

[You have more than one?]

{…It's complicated. If you don't want to talk about Important Things now, I don't suppose you could guide me back to Cardin, could you?}

Militia does not respond.

{Miltia? Miltia?}

"Jaune!"

Jaune pushes himself as far back into the shadows of the broom closet as he can.

A pair of bright green eyes and an even brighter smile watch with interest.

"Penny? Where did you come from?"

HIs second best imaginary friend raises her arms. In her right hand is Crocea Mors. In her left are his jeans. "I have retrieved your belongings from Cardin Winchester," says Penny.

This doesn't answer his question, but Jaune is too relieved to care. "Thank you!" He unhooks Weiss's box from his belt, then tucks it under his arm as he sets about re-equipping himself. It takes a bit of creative hopping about, and having Penny right there does not help, but if he puts the box down he just knows the floor will swallow it up.

"You got away from Adam then? How'd you get over here so fast?" he asks while struggling to get his jeans on over his shoes.

"Oh yes. While Director Taurus is a skilled tracker, my abilities as a chameleon gave me the upper hand, and I was able to evade detection long enough for him to give up the pursuit."

Despite how terrifying that sounds, Penny delivers her report in her usual upbeat manner. Jaune's just glad to see her, so he decides not to ask how she got inside the broom closet without opening the door.

"You talked to Cardin then? You two know each other?" Jaune finally manages to get his jeans on over his shoes and pulls them back up. He feels better already.

"While I understand the significance of such a gesture, in future, you should probably go with the more traditional present of underwear, Jaune."

Jaune stares at Penny.

Penny smiles back at him.

"…I'm missing some context here."

Penny tilts her head to the side. "Was not your present from Weiss also such a gesture?"

"The box?"

"The undergarment."

Jaune chokes on air. "What? No, no, Penny, that was… Wait! Are you, you think, my jeans, with Cardin…?"

"Leaving an item of clothing with another is considered a sign of deep trust in many cultures-"

"No! Just no, Penny, no. Let's not talk about this. Ever."

"If you say so, Jaune, then I will comply."

"Thank you." Jaune finishes looping his belt. His pants are back on his legs, Crocea Mors is back on his hip, and Weiss's box is still in his arms. He's ready to go. "Penny, do you know where Melanie Malachite's room is?"

"Yes."

"Good." Jaune does not ask how she knows. "Can you guide me there without being seen?"

Penny disappears.

"Without either of us being seen," Jaune clarifies.

"Ah. Yes, I can do that as well." Penny answers. She does not reappear.

Jaune nods at where she was. "Great. In that case… lead… the way?"

Following an invisible guide is less difficult than Jaune was expecting. Probably because Penny is an actually, you know, comptent hunter. A few whispered instructions, a few gentle tugs in the right direction, a few not so gentle tugs behind a corner when someone is coming-and before he knows it, they're one corridor away from Melanie's room.

Jaune-carefully-peeks around the hall corner. "This is going to be a problem."

The corridor is occupied by a group of girls chatting cheerfully to one another. Jaune doesn't recognize most of them, but two very familiar faces stick out. Pyrrha, his friend from day one. And Tifa, who threw a car, a watermelon cart, and a pine tree at him (in that order) the last time they met.

"A problem, Jaune? Are not you and Pyrrha Nikos of Tiger friends?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't make her friends my friends. Let's wait until they've moved on."

"Very well. We will remain hidden then?"

"Yep. Be invisible."

"You are not invisible."

Jaune shrugs. "I'll channel the bit of Penny in me."

"I see! Then in return, I shall focus my attentions on the bit of Jaune inside of me."

With heroic effort, Jaune does not react. "…Which door is Melanie's again?"

"It is two doors away from the one Tifa is standing next to."

And she's on the far side of the group. Of course.

His central processing unit ramps up to speed as adrenaline thrums in his blood. Not enough room to maneuver around the faunus blockade between him and Melanie's room; these ladies might not be in Tiger, but their faunus eyes and ears are still quicker than he is fast. He can't fight through them, and Jaune knows it; but he was sorted into Dragon for a reason. Disable, deceive, distract.

Closet door opens outward and can provide a second's worth of a shield between him and the wall of girls between him and Melanie's room. Most likely an air vent in the ceiling, probably not large enough to fit anybody older than three but able to carry sound to surrounding rooms. Window on the other side of the hall; if truly desperate, he can try hopping between windowsills and tree branches.

{Inventory check: what do you have on you?}

Box: that's what he's trying to protect.

Armor. Distinctly his and would give away his identity. He's loathe to part with his hoodie and jeans, Vytalian remnants of home that they are, but desperate times may call for desperate measures. Belt.

Wallet. Lien card: could be a makeshift shuriken, but only a single-target weapon. Two paperclips: electrical conductors? A few sticks of gum that can work as adhesives. That square foil packet Cardin gave him a few days ago feels like a rubber ring; can use it to tie things together, maybe as its own single-target projectile altogether.

Scroll. Valuable. Can't throw that, as it has his identity written all over it. Data transmission? Not without also giving away his identity, which defeats the whole purpose. Can Penny do something with it? He'll have to ask.

Miltia. Friendly-ish spirit who sometimes has better control over his body than he does. May or may not choose to help him in a stealth operation. Penny. Camouflaging Chameleon. Her dress doesn't look like it has pockets, but maybe he could have her set up a distraction down the hallway with the tools at his and her disposal?

Plan. He's good with plans. Stay hidden, somehow get around the girls without being discovered, then book it to Melanie's room. There, easy. Best plans are simple plans. All he needs is a cardboard box and he can totally Solid Snake this. Now, if he can just figure out what he's going to do when he gets to Melanie's room, he'll be golden.

"Psst," a voice whispers right next to his ear. "Why are we hiding?"

Jaune does not react to this because he is a disciplined hunter-in-training, and not because Penny's invisible hand slapped itself over his mouth before he could make a sound. And because he is keeping his head still-of his own accord, and not because of anyone else-only his gaze turns towards the voice.

Kneeling next to him is an upperclassmen with blue hair he doesn't recognize, and with a smile that he does. The smile says 'Sun'. Jaune's heart speeds up a couple notches.

"Why are we hiding?" the blue-haired guy repeats, a little louder this time and less whisper-y.

Jaune brings a frantic finger to his lips, and in doing so finds Penny has removed her hand. "Shush!" he hisses, and jerks a thumb around the hallway corner they're crouched behind.

The blue-haired guy looks more bemused than anything, but quiets down and peeks around the hallway corner all the same. He jerks back a second later, eyes wide and smile wider. "Oh-ho-ho-hoo boy, you do not waste your time on the guppies, do you?"

Jaune stares at him in blank incomprehension. "…Melanie's a Horse," he says, for the sake of saying something.

The blue-haired guy's eyebrows sail up his forehead and disappear beneath a pair of yellow-tinted goggles. "Melanie? Melanie Malachite? That's whom you're here for?"

With the sneaking suspicion that they are having two very different conversations, Jaune nods his head.

The blue-haired guy claps a hand on his shoulder. "Bro," he says, the one word carrying a lot of meaning Jaune really doesn't have the time to try and decipher.

He smiles and nods again.

"Neptune Vasilias. Of Dolphin," says the blue-haired guy.

"Jaune Arc. Of, um, Lemming."

"Yeah, I know." Neptune peeks around the hallway corner again without taking his hand off Jaune's shoulder. "Okay, you're gunning for Melanie, right? I'll run interference. When I give you the signal, you make a dash for her room, got it?"

"Huh? Wha, really?" says Jaune. Suspicion {He's definitely one of Sun's crew!} wars with cautious hope {There's a genuinely good guy in this school!} in his head.

"Bro," Neptune says again. He squeezes Jaune's shoulder, his free hand gives him a thumb up, and his smile sparkles.

"Bro," says Jaune. He can feel tears forming in his eyes, both from the surge of camaraderie and the glare from those pearly whites.

"I'll see you out there, Jaune." Neptune gives his shoulder one more squeeze of manly reassurance, then hops to his feet and strolls around the corner.

"Is everything alright, Jaune?"

Jaune's mood is so good, the sudden intrusion of Penny's disembodied voice does not even phase him.

"Yes, Penny, everything is great."

"Because you were looking at Neptune Vasilias of Dolphin the same way you sometimes look at Pyrrha Nikos of Tiger."

"Yes, Penny, everything is… well, slightly less great after that comment, but still pretty good." Jaune peeks around the corner.

Neptune, bro that he is, is talking to the group of girls as one, his arms moving in animated, grandiose gestures. Neptune, bro that he is, doesn't even seem worried that some of them (like Pyrrha) are only listening with looks of polite disinterest, while others (like Tifa) are outright glaring at him. But Neptune, bro that he is, keeps working it, and working it, and, miracle of miracles, when he walks through the group, spins around, and starts walking backwards, all while gesturing for them to follow, they do.

Jaune is convinced. Neptune Vasilias is a legend.

As soon as the last of them has passed Melanie's door, Jaune hops around the corner and makes his way briskly but quietly down the hall. Neptune keeps the girls occupied, he can sense Penny at his back, and Melanie's room is right there! He still doesn't know what he's actually going to do when he gets to it, but he's going to get to it by gum!

Step, step, step, and-

He's here. In front of the door. Jaune casts a furtive glance down the hall, but Neptune has the situation well in hand. When this is over he is going to look Neptune up. It's a nice change of pace to meet an upperclassman who doesn't define the sempai kohai relationship as the former making life difficult for the latter.

With a relieved sigh, Jaune raises a hand to knock on Melanie's door-

"Jaune! I see you hiding back there! How're you doing, buddy?"

Jaune goes very still. The hallway goes very quiet. In the silence, Jaune turns his head. He is dead in the sights of Pyrrha, Tifa, Pyrrha's other friends, and one grinning Neptune Vasilias.

{Neptune Vasilias of Dolphin? More like Neptune Vasilias of Trollolololol.}

Jaune starts to give serious consideration to which items of his inventory may yet function as makeshift thrown weaponry.

"Jaune?" Pyrrha says, looking more perplexed and decidedly less murderous than the other girls, "What are you doing here?"

Like a deer in the headlights, he is unable to do anything in his state of forced petrification. With his stealth rating now at a hard 0%, running is not an option, and fighting even less so; not counting Pyrrha and Tifa, all the girls looked like they could do some serious damage if that wanted. Neptune probably won't be much help either, at least not with his current odds. And with his Luck levels so low, he wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Penny skedaddled and left him to fend for himself.

In short, only a miracle could save him now.

Also known as 'telling the truth'. Again.

"I, uh… was looking for you!" he finally manages to gasp. "I've… been meaning to talk to you. About… y'know…" He takes a deep breath before letting it all out. "Are we still friends?"

After an awkwardly pregnant moment, Pyrrha meets his eyes. "Of course we are," she says with all her heart, and despite her hesitance, he knows she's telling the truth (still, he's ever so slightly hurt at her minor pause). However, any hopes that he can end this diplomatically and resolve his problems with Pyrrha are brutally crushed when Tifa steps between the two of them. Eyes glinting with tempered steel, the martial artist growls, "How did you get in here?"

Never let it be said that Jaune isn't vindictive or vengeful. "With him," he declares, nodding Neptune's way.

He's not sure if it's a good thing that Neptune's shit-eating grin only widens. …Probably not, seeing how Tifa's eyes widen slightly in surprise before collapsing into a silent fury. Running out of options as he is, he makes a couple frantic 'HELP ME' hand signals behind his back, in case Penny is still around.

One of the girls places a restraining hand on Tifa's shoulder. "No fighting indoors," she whispers.

Tifa stares Jaune down; for the first time, he notices her eyes are a particular shade of warm reddish brown. Like Kairi's hair. Like dried blood. Her harmful intent sends shivers down his spine as she plainly states, "I don't like you, Jaune of Lemming. Your support of Wukong and Vasilias and Malachite goes directly against my Tigress's code of honor. I can't ask you to change, but the least I can do for my sister-in-arms is to protect her from you."

He feels like he should be saying something. Maybe {But I don't know anything about Neptune or Melanie because nobody will tell me anything} or {none of this is actually my fault} or {Sometimes Pyrrha legitimately seems to be the only faunus who actually cares, so please don't take that away from me too}, but it all sounds too pathetic and out of context anyways. In the end, he just blurts, "I'm sorry."

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," is all Tifa says. "Vasilias, if you won't kick him out, will you at least keep him on your floor?"

Neptune shrugs and begins to amble forward-at which point, several things happen at once:

His scroll emits a series of beeps and bloops as Penny remotely logs in activates the building's intercom, causing it to blare with a skull-piercing two-toned sound-a high-pitched dog whistle accompanied by reverberating drone that resonates strangely within his gut. As both are just outside of human hearing range, Jaune still finds it within himself to move forward, even as the faunus ladies before him grab their ears or, uh, squeeze their legs together, for some odd reason. On top of this, the sprinkler system triggers third seconds later, drenching the hall and reducing visibility.

In the midst of this hubbub, an invisible entity tugs him roughly by his sword arm past the remaining faunus blocking his way. He bumps up against some, um, interesting places quite a few times, but for the most part, he's in flight mode and doesn't really register what he's rubbing up against until Penny shoves him through a doorway.

"Objective complete!" the girl announces as the door slams shut. She's barely audible over the din of the intercom, though he spots the gleam in her eye, so reminiscent of Nora's mischievous glimmer, in the sprinkling darkness of Melanie's room. "Is this satisfactory?"

"How did you know that would work?"

"Whenever you are faced with overwhelming odds, you always attempt some grandiose action that ends up working, despite them appearing to be ill-thought, with a rather surprising rate of success," she says. "So I simply listened to the little bit of Jaune inside me!"

Okay, that's getting old (and awkward).

"Sure," he says, "let's call this a success and then promise to never say that phrase ever again, okay?"

"If you say so. Shall I deactivate the sprinklers and PA system?"

He nods eagerly, "Please do." Penny takes his scroll and makes a few deft movements; within seconds, the sprinklers and intercom soon quiet, leaving him and Penny wet and in various states of disarray.

{Phrasing, boom… One of these days, I'm gonna go an entire twenty-four hours without anything perverted happening.}

Melanie's room is almost as sparse as Taurus' room, which is almost depressing, seeing as she's the heiress to an entire company. The only item that differentiates Melanie's room from his own arrangement is the bed. Yes, it's the standard-grade bed that every dorm has, but the heap of downy comforters stacked atop it are almost hidden from sight by the silky canopy hanging above the entire arrangement. Sparse as her room is, it's obvious that Melanie Malachite at least sleeps comfortably.

{Though her sleeping body might as well be as cold as a corpse if she needs that many duvets.}

He doesn't get to admire it for very long because, all of a sudden, he hears the door open and close again.

"Ahem!" a familiar yet angry voice grunts behind him. He turns meekly, his shoulders hunched, his face apologetic, everything about him submissive and screaming please don't hurt me. The woman stands before him, her expressive horse ears twitching irritably.

"Hello, Melanie," comes another familiar and utter calm and utterly terrifying voice from Melanie's bed. He doesn't bother with the submissive act now, whirling on the girl who has abruptly appeared atop the luxury sheets, seated in a perfectly demure seiza-style position. She looks about the canopy bed in wonder. "It's just like when we were little," she marvels.

Melanie snaps her fingers. "Leave."

Miltia smiles wickedly. "No."

The older sister closes her eyes. "Vanish. Disappear. Like, go back to being a figment of my imagination."

"Nah, I think I rather like it out here in the real world."

"You don't belong here. You totally don't belong anywhere. You'll never be Miltiades."

"I never said I was, nor have I ever wanted to be." The girl on the bed uses a corner of a duvet to polish the metal box containing her retractable claws. "You might not have liked her in life, but you should have laid her to rest in peace eight years ago."

Melanie is about to retort when she abruptly remembers that Jaune is still there, a foreign presence in a decidedly private conversation. "Uh, what are you still doing here?"

"He stays," Miltia snaps, abruptly materializing beside him. She puts a hand on his shoulder possessively. Her hand is very much there, a lead weight that actually forces him to his knees before her.

Melanie's eyes narrow. "You've anchored yourself to him."

"But sister dear," croons the spirit, draping her arms over his shoulders, "he's a good man! He has plenty of aura to share. I'll take all the life energy he's willing pump into me. It's true love, sister dearest!"

The lewdness in her tone sickens even him, but his mind is quick enough to synthesize new information based off what Melanie and Miltia have just said. Miltia's a disembodied spirit without a soul. He's a body with a large soul that has plenty of aura. Miltia anchors herself to him, leeches off his aura, and gets her own body. Sometimes she controls his body to keep him alive and functional.

{Most important point: at least somebody else cares about my life.}

He tries to shrug her off, but she's seized partial control of his body and it's hard to move. "Ahem…" he laughs weakly. "I'll, uh, share all you want. We're friends, aren't we?"

"With benefits," chuckles the girl lasciviously. She puts two fingers on his temple-

A pulse of energy tears through his mind, disrupting every coherent thought he's processing about the Malachite situation. His eyes roll up into the back of his head as he collapses bonelessly onto the floor. His aura surges into action, keeping him just barely awake, and it's off this sudden influx of energy that he feels, for the very first time, how Miltia skims off just a little bit of it. She doesn't need a lot, which is why he'd never sensed it in the first place; but now that he's hovering just barely on a fine line between absence and presence, he's acutely aware of himself. And in this state of semi-consciousness, his body focuses only useful sense left: sound. He can hear almost everything in the room, even pinpoint its position relative to his prone body. Miltia stands over his prone body, chortling gleefully. "There, he's out like you wanted. Now let's talk out all the crap in your and my short lives."

Surprisingly, Melanie's first question doesn't concern her right away. "Are Akihiko and Coco in trouble?"

"Aw, scared for your fake friends? You should know that nobody's actually loyal to you. Akihiko-"

"Is from a branch family of House Schnee," finishes Melanie. "As if the hair totally doesn't give it away. And, like, Coco has her own reasons for revenge and whatevs. But both could, like, release and control their inner Grimm without trouble. Mr. Xiong said that any exposure of their Malachite-brought powers, no matter the cost, is worth it."

"So selfless, onee-chan! That's not like you at all…"

"Answer. the question."

"They didn't mutilate their Familiars into reimagined personas of their long lost siblings, did they? No. They're fine." A simpering tone enters Miltia's voice; she's moved away from him, probably to sit on Melanie's bed again. Maybe psychologically manipulating her sister by associating herself with the item that Melanie probably considers as a piece of home, as well as a refuge from the stresses of school. "You, on the other hand, gets something you're not handled to deal with. Lucky you. So how 'bout the nitty gritty details, sissy? Forget that I started out as nothing more than a wish in your lonely little mind. Let's talk like equals."

"You were never even supposed to form a sense of self."

"Eh. Truthfully, I didn't know I was supposed to either. Not until I met Jauney-boy here, that is. It was as if, one moment I was existing; and the next, I was standing next to him in that school courtyard." Her tone drifts just slightly off into dreamy, yet still maintains all of its previous caustic acidity. "It was love at first sight, sister dearest. He treated me like a real girl. Even let me reach into his head and link with his aura, and from then, it was a whirlwind romance in the making."

"Oh? But it totally couldn't have been all Jaune. The first time you showed up, Cardin or Jaune weren't there. It was just you, me, and the acceptance letter that I'd just received from Zodiac."

"The mind moves in mysterious ways, sissy. I started out as nothing more than a wish, remember? Maybe, in that one second that you saw your acceptance, you wished that Miltiades was around to celebrate it with you."

"Inconceivable. We hated each other as kids."

"Something pulled me out of you. It wasn't me; I didn't even know I was alive then. Face it, Melanie. Just accept that this mess just might really be all your fault."

Melanie's reply is much too quick. "It's not."

There is victory in the spirit's voice. "Okay, fine. It's all Jauney-boy's here. Him and the aura he's so willing to share with me."

"You." Melanie pauses a second, as if gathering her thoughts, and switches tactics. "Leave him alone. You need to stay with me."

Skin glides along cloth as Miltia stretches her limbs within the confines of Melanie's bed. "Oh, Melanie… don't you know why I left you in the first place? You don't have enough aura between the two of us. A soul can only belong to one person."

Melanie's voice is absolutely level. Absolutely absolute. "I know."

"You'll fade," comes the haughty reply. "Onee-chan, you're not sounding like yourself at all."

"You're the one," responds Melanie, her voice-her entire body-held up with pride, "who can't let go of the past. It's been eight years, Miltia. I'm a grown woman, and though I've physically aged you a little in my mind, you'll always be the bratty teenager I remember you as."

"Ohhhh. Onee-sama. It all makes sense now. So you're all mature and whatever now. You'll let me take over?"

"We'll just share."

"Uhhhh… nah." Miltia rolls around in Melanie's bedsheets playfully. "I like Jaune. His soul's big enough to house two spirits. I think I'll like being inside him a lot more than being trapped in you. Or trapping you inside yourself. Or whatever."

A strange sensation overcomes him, as if cold ice is slipping down his neck and through his arms and chest. He shudders; his still-conscious body reflexively jolts and automatically rejects Miltia's spirit.

[You're still awake?] Her panic seeps through him as, still partially connected to his mind, she realizes that he's heard the entire thing. She immediately tries to hide it, but now that Jaune is aware of their link, he forges into her psyche for the first time and sees from her perspective.

---

Just a wish.

Just a persona.

Just a spirit brought back to life.

Just a mindless puppet.

Suddenly so much more. Suddenly a girl, an imposter, a rebel, an uncontrollable force seeking her own identity, breaking free of the dead sister of eight years ago. A prisoner, chained within memories she once held dear, now hating the alternate world she'd never asked to be born into. Kidnapped by evil versions of her family. Experimented upon by her mentor and teacher, Junior Xiong, twisted into nothing more than a weapon.

Seeking a soul. Seeking anything to make her more than a mutated inner Grimm. Finding a blonde human with no faunus genetics, no Familiar, nothing in him but endless reserves of aura, with limitless potential in all directions. With the potential to accept her, to be a source of life for her.

He opened up without protest. His mental shields had already been shattered once, his mindscape altered to hide traumatic memories: a young, grey-haired girl who hid behind books, an entire childhood spent with a faunus at his side, before a cataclysmic event caused the now-teenaged Cat to run away, to vanish into the shadows. The identity-seeking girl chose to push those painful memories back where they were hidden; they were of no use to her, other than to serve as evidence that, while the boy was now more prone to psychic manipulation, he would also be more aware of it, and that she had to take caution whenever she took her share of his aura.

Now. He knows. He knows she's here, he knows he knows he knows, and he's proceeded much farther than she'd ever expected of him. Really, she should have expected it of a boy with as much aura, as much potential, as he. But he's aware of her presence and if she doesn't fight she will lose her share of-

{I'm not going to fight you.}

Fight fight take what's rightfully hers and-

{Miltia, stop. Just take what you want.}

[...You're not going to kick me out?]

{Well… first of all, can I thank you for the confidence booster? Because seeing myself through your eyes is really an, uh, eye-opener. If I can really do everything you think I can do with 'a crapton and a half of aura,' then sure, I'll let you take a crapton from me. However that works. Secondly, I, uh, don't know exactly how to kick you out.}

He can feel all her wary mistrust through their mental link. [Why?]

{Why not?}

---

He emerges from his mental break to, surprisingly, find himself still within the Malachite bedroom. He's propped up in a corner, groggily staring at the sight of Melanie sitting in at the headboard of her bed… and Miltia perched at the foot, outside of the canopy. The two trade conversation awkwardly, like light acquaintances catching up after spending a decade apart. But what really catches Jaune's eyes are the new pair of sheep horns curled up on either side of her head. He knows now that she was never a Sheep, had lied to get access to him… but the horns just look right on her, like they were always meant to be there.

Speaking of looking, one glance out the window shows that the day has already progressed to dinner time. His stomach has practically given up on reminding him that he hasn't eaten anything but fishy cucumber today, but still lets out an occasional roar as if to say, yes I still exist and I am HANGRY.

Miltia and Melanie glance over as Jaune's gut loudly makes itself known to the world. Melanie glances out the window, her eyes widening in slightly surprise. "So it is time for dinner. I didn't even know it had gotten so late."

"See, onee-sama? That was a great, mature adult talk. We should do these on a regular basis. Work out all the kinks in our non-existent relationship."

"I'll, like, maybe think about it." She waves a hand in a shooing gesture. "Now get out of my room."

Miltia slides off the bed and saunters over to Jaune. "Com'on, let's get you back to your dorm."

"But… but food!"

"You've had enough adventure for today," counters the spirit-turned-real-girl. "Let me go out and eat for you. Now that you've disappeared off the face of campus for a good three hours, hopefully nobody should be staking out your room. So go take this box and hide under your bed, okay?"

Truthfully, he's still trying to wrap his mind (or, more accurately, his stomach) around her second sentence. "Eating doesn't work like that," he protests. "You can't eat for me."

"I share your aura, remember?" She rolls her eyes. "Let's say that I work out all day. I can return to you any time to instantly replenish my energy, right? So, theoretically, the reverse should work too. If I eat something and let my body process it into life energy, then as soon as I return to you, I'll be the one refueling your energy. Got it memorized?"

Food. But… strange spiritual science.

Food. But… interesting experiment.

Food. But the threat of bodily harm and bloody death should Yang manage to catch him.

"Sure," he concedes. "Let's try it. I'll head back."

---

The fatigue of today's trials only really hit him the moment he steps into his room. Never mind the fact that it looks like somebody has stolen all his underwear and draped it around the hallways outside; all he cares about is flopping over into bed. Just before he drifts off to la-la land, he curls his body around Weiss's treasure protectively, shielding it with every inch of skin and bone he can imagine.

---

"WAKE UP."

Jaune is rudely awakened by a resounding slap across the face. His attacker immediately lets out a disgusted "Ewwwww" and wipes her drool-covered hand on his bedsheet.

"Wuh? Weiss?"

She holds out her hand expectantly. "The box."

He reflexively curls around it. Hey, he can't help that this entire day has conditioned him to keep the box as close to himself as possible at all times.

Weiss seems to notice this as well. "You look like you got in a fight with gravity," she snarks, "and lost."

Jaune sits up in bed. "You should have seen the ground," he grins weakly, almost reluctantly handing over his most prized possession. "He had it worse."

"Somehow, I find that hard to believe." Weiss places the box between both hands, lets her eyelids drift just shy of shut, and concentrates. Against the physics of the world, the runes, carved into inanimate wood as they are, unexpectedly begin to rotate-until they're spinning as quickly as tops, rotating so quickly until they lose their internal integrity and shatter in little bits of energy. Each rune undoing itself is accompanied by a sharp clink, like steel biting into cold ice, six times, until the box is nothing but a plain, wooden container, unmarked by the Schnee snowflake.

Jaune can't help himself; he leans dangerously close into Weiss's personal space as she pops off the box's lid.

At first, all he sees is brown fur. Without warning, however, the rectangular block of fur props itself up on four legs, sprouts a tail, and finally reveals an entire head from within a cramped corner of the box, all black and sand-colored with just a little bit of lolling pink tongue and sparkling black eyes.

"It's." Jaune's voice fails him. Just how many times did he drop this box, not knowing there was a…

"It's an adorable little doggie!" Weiss all but squeals proudly. She bops the corgi on its nose, which responds by barking and slathering little drops of slobber across Jaune's bed. "Oh yes you are! You're absowutely adowable, you are!"

The dog barks happily. Its tongue wags just as much as its stubby little tail, except his tongue also happens to be an incredible source of dog drool.

"And you are gonna stay with Jaune fowever, aren't you?"

"Wait a second. Hold on. Whoa." Jaune holds up his hands in a panicked gesture. "Pets aren't allowed in the dormitories."

Both Weiss and the dog direct their deadliest puppy eyes at Jaune. He's pierced through the heart so violently-and twice-that his body actually jerks from the impact, and he has to hold his hands over his chest to keep his insides from spilling out.

The second he averts his eyes to lessen the killer effect, however, Weiss grabs his chin and redirects his focus straight to the dog. "Look into Zwei's eyes," she commands. "Look into those eyes and tell him that he can't stay with you."

"W-W-Why can't he stay with you?" Light above, those eyes, full of cheer and hope, are irresistible.

Weiss folds her arms. "Because I'd get in trouble," she says simply. "Also, Blake seems incapable of loving him, for no good reason."

He's falling into the most loving gaze in all of Menagerie, and he's not sure if he'll ever be able to climb back out. "No good reason…" he echoes.

"Feed him twice a day. He'll wander around outside just fine during the day, but you have to let him through the window when the sun sets." She directs her iciest glare at him. "Zwei has to cuddle with somebody when he goes to bed, now don't you, sweetie? Who wikes the wittle cuddle puddles? You do!"

Zwei looks hopefully at Jaune and barks once.

---

Chapter Twenty-Five: April Fools' Revisited

---

When Miltia finally returns to Jaune's room, she finds him as the small spoon to Zwei's big spoon.

---

Author's Rant
(read the first two paragraphs please!)

This chapter was brought to you by not one but twelve writers in a round-robin activity, as part of an attempt to do something different for April Fools' Day. It was a fun collaboration that took place over the span of three months, and it really worked our creative juices to adapt every time to fluctuating situations. I think it all worked out well in the end, and I even got to insert some plot significant details among the chaos of it all.

Speaking of which, the chapter is just as much an over-the-top series of humorous scenarios as it is canon, unlike last year's stunt (where most of it was just a dream, with a couple truths bleeding through). Read again: this chapter is not a joke; there are plot significant details here. Namely, I've hopefully brought the Malachite arc to a somewhat near close. Honestly not sure if I answered questions or just made things hella more confusing. I'll try to answer them in future dialogues, but for story completion, it's about time that I get around to Weiss and Yang. To do that, I need to leave the Malachite conflict behind.

Thank you so much to the following writers!
The Layman
Mister Trickster
you will fear my laser face
rgm0005
Victorules
cactusmiester
ChaosDemon1129
StreetFlare
Craxuan
Armyx
Malcho1234