The Learning Curve: Chapter 2

Alice Brandon's Bedroom

"Alice, there's something I want to talk to you about."

My best friend looked up from my toenails, which she was painting with all the focus of Michelangelo working on the Sistine Chapel. "What? You don't like the color?"

"No, the color's great. It's about Mike, actually."

"Oh." Alice was bored now. She thought Mike was a moron with no personality. Every now and then I agreed with her.

"And about sex."

"Fuck!" Alice said as she smeared my left big toe. "You can't just spring the s-word like that, Bella."

"Sorry," I said, though I wasn't. "It's just, I was in the bathroom yesterday, and I heard Jessica and Lauren talking. Alice, Mike told Jessica that we weren't having sex and that I was a virgin."

"So? That's not a bad thing," Alice said. "You don't want to be a skank like them."

"No, I don't," I agreed. "It's just, they were talking about it like it was a bad thing, and I don't really care what they think, but what if Mike thinks it's a bad thing and that's why he told her?"

Alice gave me a look. "If Mike is so desperate for sex that he's complaining to his ex-girlfriend about it, then he's an asshole and you should dump him."

I sighed. "But he's not an asshole, and I don't know if he was complaining, but he's a normal guy, and don't all guys want sex?"

"Sure," Alice shrugged. "But the good ones are smart enough to wait for it, not catch some venereal disease from Jessica Stanley."

I rolled my eyes. "Mike doesn't have a venereal disease. It's a coldsore."

"Herpes is herpes, my friend."

"Alice, I'm serious. I think I need to have sex with Mike, just to get it over with. I don't want to be some clueless virgin when I meet the man of my dreams."

"Ew," Alice grimaced. "You can't have sex with Mike. You don't even love him, and more importantly, you said he had a small penis that one time you felt it poking you when you were making out."

"Isn't that a good thing, though? You said, and I quote, that it 'hurt like a bitch' when you and Jasper did it because his was so big."

"Well, little might be good the first time, but after that, you know, it needs to be big enough to...hit all the right spots. Plus, little only works when you know what to do with it, and I have a feeling Mike doesn't have a clue."

"You really think it's a bad idea?"

"It's the worst idea you've ever had, Bella. Including that shirt."

Needless to say, I refused to let her finish my toenails.