The Walt Disney Company owns the overwhelming majority of the characters depicted here, including the Marvel Comics and Star Wars ones. I'm making no money from them.
Hasbro created and owns My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own Fate Grand Order.
RAW FANFICTIOONAGE.
Myth Little Pony.
Zeus, the almighty father, smiled down at his newborn son. "And, as a gift for you, Hercules," he said, gathering some clouds between his large, mighty hands and compressing them together, "behold, a ride worth the heir of Olympus!" He laughed, extending the tiny, large-eyed, sky-blue filly with wings to Baby Hercules. "Rainbow Dash!"
"Is that... a pony?" asked Hades, who had been standing by the cradle with his arms crossed behind his back.
Zeus nodded. "Why, she is, of course!"
Hades lifted an eyebrow. "Zeus, bro, seriously. Are you giving your son, after that long, long speech on how he's fated for great things here in this palace of light way, way, way above my domains, not that I resent that or anything, a PASTEL COLORED PONY as his ride for life? I mean, seriously?"
Zeus hummed, examining the small Rainbow Dash. "Now that you mention it, it seems she's missing some extra touch of greatness..."
"That's one way to put it, yes," Hades agreed.
Zeus reached up, ripped a piece from one of the rainbows hanging above the glorious scene, and slapped it on Rainbow Dash's hindquarters. "That's it! A Cutie Mark!"
Hades facepalmed.
One failed infanticide, several years, and a fateful trip to a temple later:
"And this," Zeus said, as Hercules' fated companion descended to face him, "is the powerful steed I created for you, shortly after your birth. The perfect companion to a hero, no, a god! Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow Dash waved a hoof up, with a smile. "Yo! Yeah, I'm that awesome!"
Young Hercules blinked. "This is a pony."
Rainbow Dash lost her smile. "Well, yeah. And...?"
"Hm, no offense, but... look, what am I going to do when the people of Greece first looks at me, hoping for a hero of legend, and they see me riding a horse three sizes too small for me? I'm not complaining, really-"
"Oh yes you are!" Rainbow Dash said.
"But, but, couldn't I at least have, I don't know, Pegasus?" Hercules pleaded.
It was Zeus' turn to blink. "Hercules."
"Yes, Father?"
"You are aware I never created Pegasus for you, aren't you? You are, surely, aware Pegasus was born from the spilled blood of Medusa and taken by Perseus as his mount? Why would you have Pegasus as your winged horse? That makes no historical sense whatsoever!"
"Yeah, I mean, otherwise, what kind of messed up trainwreck of a story would this be?" Rainbow Dash demanded.
Hercules sighed and tossed his hands up in defeat.
The people of Thebes watched up, in great awe and wonder, as his new hero and savior ascended, from the remains of the slain Hydra, on top of his winged companion. Who was far too small for his size.
And yet, now it all was far too cool and incredible for them to keep on laughing.
Pain and Panic thought they had it figured out. To lure Hercules' mighty mare away and trap her, all they had to do was to present themselves as something no mare could ever resist. And so, they appeared before her as a musclebound, macho, incredibly beautiful hunk of a stallion, rippling and perfectly chiselled under the smooth moonlight, winking an eye seductively at her...
Rainbow Dash just stared at him/them in a mixture of confusion and disgust for a few moments before just walking past by. "Are you kidding me? Outta my way!"
They might have had more success appealing to her as a freckled, youthful Earth pony with fascinating green eyes, a long golden mane and the Cutie Mark of three apples on her well rounded posterior, but how could have they known that?
"Wait, what? Are you kidding me?!" Rainbow Dash raced after Hercules as he and Megara walked down the Mount Olympus. "Herc, that's like the most awesome thing ever! Are you seriously letting it go, what we've wished for all through our lives? No, seriously, what the hay?!"
"I'm sorry, Dash," her friend told her, with a gentle apologectic smile, "but Meg... Meg is far too important for me. Immortality without her... would be just like an eternal death."
Rainbow Dash slammed a hoof on her own face. "I can't freaking believe this! Herc, you're such a dork...!"
"However," Rainbow Dash finished, pointing her hoof up at the stars, "the Big Kahuna was so grateful at us over vanquishing those evil Titans and his brother, he actually went and placed our figures in the constellations! And that's why that one's called Hercules, and that one's Rainbow Dash!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders stared in a frowning silence at her over the next few moments.
It was Scootaloo of all ponies who ended up aiming an accusing hoof at Rainbow Dash. "You're making that up...!"
Impatience.
When Sora heard Beast finally got the spell put on him reversed, he naturally couldn't wait to see how he looked in his human form, so he grabbed Donald and Goofy, stuffed them into a Gummi Ship, and blasted away for Beast's castle.
It turned out news had travelled slower than Sora had thought, since Mrs. Potts informed them at the castle's doorstep the Prince and Belle already had their first child. This only made Sora even more curious, and he was almost hopping in place by the time they were led to the royal couple.
"... oh," he said once they got their first eyeful of the baby. "He's... very cute, yeah, but... all the fur, and the horns, why...?"
The parents looked aside awkwardly while Cogsworth folded his arms behind his back and rasped disapprovingly. "It seems," he explained, "the royal majesties just couldn't wait long enough."
Sora and Goofy traded perplexed glares, then said as one, with very tiny eyes, "I don't get it!"
Donald facepalmed.
The Terror of the Huns.
Shan Yu looked at the small handful of Hun soldiers who had emerged from the snow with him. Then, grimly, he looked at the shiny capital in the valley, past the snowy mountain pass.
Even for warriors like the Huns, assaulting the city with so few survivors was an extremely risky gamble. A fool's errand. And yet...
In his mind's eye, he imagined what would happen if he returned to his people with nothing to show but the shame of his defeat. He would be taken to Attila, who would wait for him at the end of her wide tent, staring down at him with those quiet, inexpressive eyes of hers.
He would lower his head before Attila, scourge of mankind, annihilator of civilizations, humbled, powerless to stand in her overwhelming presence. Then, elegantly, quietly, her deeply tanned hand would reach for her sword, and...
... she would lightly bop him on the head with the handle.
"You goofed," she would say.
Nooooooo! Anything but that!
As one, the Huns began going down the hillside, heading directly for the heart of the Land of Dragons.
And, even while being shot towards a certain fiery death by that pesky soldier woman, Shan Yu would be sure he'd still taken the better of the alternatives.
Why?
"It was stupid," Darkwing said.
"Oh yeah, definitely," Mabel nodded.
"We all know they only wanted to showcase whatever big motion picture they had going at the time," Darkwing waved a hand around for emphasis, "that it was only a half-hearted leftovers compromise they never intended to fulfill anyway."
"Yeah, I mean, would it have killed them to release *both* our figures at once?" Mabel asked. "Maybe we could've pulled enough fans as to save the game! We would've brought more buyers than that blue guy from Guardians of the Galaxy!"
"Really! If you've got a good thing going on, why not to exploit it while you can? What were they waiting for, for all the hype on the game to die so they could sit there with more than half of their catalog unused?"
"Maybe it was just their version of the law of the minimal effort," Mabel shrugged. "For all it paid off for them!"
"Well, I think it's still stupid!" he said.
"And I agree, but what can we do now?" she replied.
They shared a long, weary sigh.
The next day, Mickey Mouse was found stuffed into a trashcan upside down, kicking around furiously, and with a sign reading 'TWO figures? REALLY?!" stuck to his butt.
The Rules of the House of Mouse.
"Don't look at me!" Belle yelped as soon as Anna made eye contact with her. "NO!"
"What? But, why?!" Anna asked.
"Rules of the Disney Princess franchise," Aurora stated very seriously. "Whenever we pose all together, we can't look at each other. Or else, the girls might get the impression we live in the same world and start writing e-mails asking for crossovers."
"What? Honestly, that's the stupidest thing I've ever-" Anna began.
"What's an e-mail?" asked Elsa.
"So you all have to keep on staring in different directions?" asked Anna.
"It's easy once you get used to it and grow coordinated enough with the others..." Snow said.
"Despite the fact we are never in the same universe..." added Rapunzel.
"That's just too stupid. I'm not doing it. I'll look wherever I want to!" Anna protested.
"That's what Merida and I said at first..." a haunted Jasmine said, "but... they have their ways... to convince you..."
Merida nodded, rocking back and forth at a corner, in a fetal position.
Anna sighed. "Okay. Like I'd want to look at you weirdos anyway. Can I keep looking at Elsa? We're from the same movie in the first place, so they'll have no problems with that, right?"
Ariel doubted before looking aside. "I honestly don't know, that's never been an issue before... what do you think, Pocahontas?"
"I'm Mulan."
"Oh, sorry, I wasn't looking at you..."
Was that Once a Thing?
"Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance," Mufasa wisely said. "As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope."
"But, Dad, don't we eat the antelope?" his son asked.
"Yes, Simba, but let me explain," the lion king patiently answered. "When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life."
At that point, a nerve-wrecked Judy had enough, hopped out of her seat with a paw clamped on her mouth, and dashed out of the theater to join several other herbivores moviegoers at the gates, most of them making vigorous vomiting sounds.
Nick looked at her quickly fleeing figure, then shouted. "Hey! I warned you it was a controversial movie!"
What's It Like?!
Aurora, Cinderella, Merida, Snow, Rapunzel, Elsa, Anna, Tiana, Belle, Pocahontas and Mulan eagerly surrounded her from all sides.
"Oh, tell us, tell us, Ariel!" Snow giddily asked. "Having a child, how's it like? The pregnancy? The childbirth? The nights and days taking care of the baby? Everything, please tell us about everything!"
Ariel's mouth twitched randomly under the huge black bags under her eyes, then she began bawling uncontrollably, tugging on her hair.
The other girls traded worried looks immediately.
And that's why you haven't ever seen any other Disney Princesses having children, and why Merida and Elsa never married.
Charming's father had an attack shortly after.
No, Just No!
"- so all I'm asking from you, Herc, my boy," said Hades, smiling the way a shark would, his mouth all crooked pointy teeth, "is to stay out of my way for a single day! I'm not even asking for your active help, see?"
"So you can overthrow my father?" Hercules gave a defiant step ahead. "Your own brother? And my mother, as well?"
"My own brother and sister, yeah," Hades nodded. "That's exactly what I'm going to do."
Hercules paused, having not expected that at all. "What."
"Oh boy, you don't know a lot about Theology, do you? I guess being raised by ignorant hicks will do that to a child. Why do you think I don't mingle too much with them, I mean, other than the whole deal about being relegated to the cold dark underworld? Herc, kid, I'm the sane one of the family. Trust me, as soon as they have you there, Hera will start showing some leg, and then ask you if you'd care joining in their decadent family habits. 'Well, boy, what is it going to be? Yes or not?', because you know, that's such an old, tried-and-true pressure tactic. She's gotten the whole family tied around her finger that way; that's why I went to make campfires down below, although of course, a man eventually grows tired of the acommodations, even an immortal man..."
Hercules finished puking into a corner and stared back at his uncle. "I'm not standing aside while you do that," he growled.
Standing on the head of the Cyclopean Titan, with the rest of the Titans and Hades around and behind him, Hercules leveled a sword at the captured Zeus. "Dad," he growled between clenched teeth, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to ever end up being written by OverMaster!"
You Think You Had It Bad?
"It was so terrible!" Ariel reminisced. "All those years, Dad wouldn't let me visit the surface world! I only could roam the oceanic depths, and it's not like those were ugly or anything, and I guess they were wide enough, but I needed more! I needed to see the human world past the surface of the seas! To check all its wonders! It was just awful, and for so long, too... But, sorry, I'm just ranting on and on about myself, right? What about your childhood?" she smiled.
"My mother held me inside of a narrow tower, with no contact with any other human beings, over eighteen years," Rapunzel said. "Well, she wasn't my actual mother, anyway."
Ariel blinked, lost her smile, leaned back on her seat, and remained silent for the rest of the carriage trip to Corona.
The Keys of the Kingdom Special.
Bambi.
"Well, here we are," Rito sighed, standing with Negi, Gadget and Chisame on the surface of the newest world to explore. "Let's just find the Keyhole and seal it already."
It was a very beautiful world, covered by woodlands and vegetation in the full bloom of springtime. The air smelled of fragant roses and butterflies fluttered everywhere, enough as to make anyone's heart want to break into song. Negi smiled widely, taking long, pleased looks in all directions. "Uwaaaa! This world's so beautiful, I'm sure Makie-san would've loved coming here! Oh, just look at that!"
He pointed at a nearby fawn that pastured with its back to them, quiet and innocently, its cute white tail raised. "Awwww! Isn't he adorable?" Gadget swooned, and she and Negi shared a sigh while Rito and Chisame simply rolled their eyes at each other.
Then, out of nowhere, a gigantic scaly foot descended upon the fawn, crushing it down on the grass and making the ground quake under the heroes' feet. They all looked up, mute terror filling their hearts, but the towering beast covered in swarming darkness thankfully did not even notice them, instead just keeping on lurching across the landscape, quickly disappearing the mountains after only a few long ranging steps.
"Well," Chisame finally said, "it makes sense Gojira could survive even the destruction of our world. I guess."
"... I just wonder how he could come out of nowhere like that, without us noticing him," Negi lamely said.
Rito looked at his weapon. "I... I'm gonna need a bigger Keyblade..."
"And that was how we got this extremely useful Summon," Rito explained for the group's benefit back at Traverse Town.
"I think that's just a ghost haunting you," Aerith disagreed, pointing at the translucid fawn skipping in circles all around him, Gadget, Negi, and the bitterly scowling Chisame.
"Noooooo, he's a Summon!" Rito insisted.
Every Group Has One...
"So, what's the deal with Little Red Riding Hood, anyway?" the reporter asked them. "Why don't we ever see her in your lineup? What's about her, that she's one of the two major storybook protagonists to never get appearances at Disney?"
At that question, Alice, Wendy, Jasmine, Belle, Aurora, Cinderella, Mulan, Pocahontas, Elsa, Anna, Snow White, Ariel, Tiana and Rapunzel all began sharing awkward, nervous glances.
Then the door was kicked open, and in stomped a small blond girl wearing a red cape and bonnet, with the smell of gunpowder trailing behind her, and a tiny shaggy dog yapping after her. She slammed her picnic basket down on the table, and heavy metal clanked inside, the tip of an elephant gun poking out the white cover.
"Damn, that was a rough job!" the cute blonde growled, tossing her bonnet aside. "You bitches will never believe it; me, Anakaris, Felicia and Morrigan were duking it out when we were pulled into a vortex along some clowns in superhero tights and a pirate whore, and we ended up fighting this really huge Darkstalker out to destroy the world... but eh, once you figured its patterns out, it was a piece of cake. Hey, who's the geek, and why are you talking to him? Fuck, you're giving interviews without me again, aren't you? And I'll bet you haven't cooked dinner yet, either! Hey, Timmy Turner!" she angrily waved her handgun towards Cinderella. "It's your turn tonight, so get those hands on the stove already! I'm starving, because unlike others around here, I actually work!"
"My apologies, my apologies! I lost track of the time!" Cinderella bowed in panic, before rushing away for the kitchen.
"Yeah, keep that up and I'll lose track of something else, too!" Hood huffed, before grabbing a chair and sitting on it, backwards, her arms tossed over the chair's back, facing the reporter. "You aren't snooping around over what happened to Goldilocks, are you, dweeb?"
"Uhhhhhhh..." he sweated profusely.
"... technically, I'm not a storybook character," Pocahontas said. "I'm a historical figure."
"Shut up, poser, any semblance between you and reality is a mere coincidence," Hood told her.
"I'm an Original Character!" Anna chirped.
Decadent Star Wars.
A long time ago, in a far away galaxy...
The Jedi moved swiftly through the shadows, heading steadily for his destination. He knew he was risking falling directly into the Dark Side, but he could not stop himself any more than his father could back in his day. He only hoped the nature of the feelings he was surrendering into, love rather than anger, union instead of revenge, could temper the severity of his misstep enough to savage his soul.
He stopped before Leia's door. He swallowed, experiencing a level of apprehension he hadn't felt in years. Yoda and Obi Wan screamed at him to head back immediately, while Anakin's force ghost just wept behind them, facepalming. Mace Windu's force ghost stayed aside, muttering something including a lot of 'Goddamns!' to himself over and over, as Qui-Gon Jinn's kept on asking him what was happening. Closing his eyes, the young man focused, took his decision... and moved towards the door.
Right then, Han Solo stepped out of the bedroom, clad only in pants, and stopped him by placing both firm hands on his shoulders.
"Luke," he said, deep and slowly. "Don't say anything, kid. Just listen, and listen well. You know you're my second best friend, Luke," and somewhere, Lando sneezed and felt somewhat offended for some reason. "You know I'd do anything for you, and I know you'd do anything for me. Which is the only reason why I'm not blasting your ass right away. And I understand your whole problem about finding Force sensitive kids to train, I really do. And well, not like I'm blaming anyone for finding the woman I found attractive, well, attractive. I've always been a man of taste! Hell, I'm even aware you kinda got there before I did, even if only with a kiss.. I hope... But still, in the event you ever should try to go after my wife, whom I shouldn't have to remind you is your sister... Kid, Jedi or not Jedi, mind control crap or not, I'd still blast your ass into red mist before you could even draw. Got it?"
"... got it, Han," he faintly said, feeling how the former smuggler's big hands were all but crushing his shoulders now.
Han smiled in that scary way of his. "That's great," he said, releasing Luke, and then walking back in and closing behind him.
Defeated, shattered under the weight of his own shame, the Jedi began retreating, his head low. A few feet away, however, he stopped when the protocol android stepped onto his way.
"Oh... Master Luke? I, well, I think this might be a proper moment to remind you we are also related, in a way..."
Luke raised an eyebrow, mildly interested.
The sounds of John Williams scoring seventies porn music began filling the air...
Elsewhere.
"汝の身は我が下に、我が命運は汝の剣に," he chanted, brooding and ominously. " 聖杯の寄るベに従い—!"
Then his closest window exploded from the outside in a burst of glass shards and purple smoke. And there was another voice booming, "I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the secondary that spoils your fun, I am Darkwing Duck!"
"AAAIIIEEEEEE!" the surprised Magus shrieked, in a way very unfitting a heir of a glorious house. Even a fallen one.
"Who knows?" Darkwing answered Launchpad's question with another one, as he crouched down to look closely at the circle drawn on the warehouse's floor. The floor creaked under the light touch of his small, white hand, covered by enough feathers as to render gloves irrelevant. The masked midnight mallard frowned while studying the complicated designs painted on the old, dusty wood."These mystic types are often crazy enough as to do illogical things for the simple sake of it."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," his much taller sidekick nodded, rubbing himself up and down an arm. "Wish Morgs could be here. I bet she could tell us what was going on before we broke in."
"Yep, yep, yep. She could," Darkwing winced slightly, hoping his crouched position with his back to LP wasn't giving it away. It still ached, thinking about her, so he had come to avoid it as much as he could. Places like this hardly were helping any, however.
"And that guy isn't going to be of any help for a long while, so..." Launchpad continued, looking at the downed parrot-guy in a dark cloak several steps from them, a ceremonial dagger still in a hand.
"Look, next time, I'll hit them softer, okay?" an exasperated Darkwing said. "Hardly my fault, he startled me! And it's not like I had any cause to fear him, but years of expertly honed battle instincts took over and— Look at what you made me do!" he took a finger to his mouth, quickly suckling the splinter out of it. "This pigpen might be infected! Not that it's a concern for someone with such an iron health, of course, but still!"
He didn't really notice the tiny drop of his blood hitting the circle and sparkling for a moment. As he fully got back up and dusted himself off, he muttered, "But you're right, this oddball won't be talking for a couple hours at least. Let's drop him by the police station while searching the next location. I'm sure there must be something on him, I don't know, major pending debts, harassment charges on the models at the latest comic-con, something like—"
"Um, DW...?" Launchpad gulped, pointing behind him. "You might want to look at that..."
"What?" Darkwing took a look back over his shoulder, before being thrown ahead and stumbling into his sidekick by an overwhelming, invisible force. Just as the shining of the circle drawn on the floor became overwhelming and filled the room.
Next thing he knew, he was on top of a dizzy Launchpad who rested on his back on the floor, and someone stood over them. Spinning around and aiming his gan gun with swift skill and peerless speed, he realized he was pointing it up at... some sort of girl. At least, she was dressed like a girl, although she looked rather... strange. Like the aliens from Comet Guy's planet. Basically, a hairless ape of sorts. The only hair visible on her was on her head, most of it bunched up in long twin brown tails at the sides of her scalp. She wore shiny black shoes with tall, matching stockings and a very short skirt, plus a tight red sweater with a white cross motif on her chest. She extended a hand towards the superhero, fearlessly, and asked, "You. Are you my Master?"
"Eh?" Darkwing grunted, while poking at Launchpad's ribs with his foot, trying to wake him up.
"I can't believe it, you've got the seals," the shaved ape sneered out a corner of her mouth, staring at the back of Darkwing's right hand and the strange newly appeared designs on it. "That must mean you're my Master, but really? A talking duck with a cape? What's the meaning of this, why does the Root hate me so much?!"
"I'm not any 'talking duck with a cape', lady," the duck protested, "I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the zookeeper who keeps the alien beasts jailed, I am Darkwing Duck!"
"Oh, really," the ape sighed bitterly. "Well. I am Servant Caster." Swallowing her obvious irritation, she made a polite but short bowing to Darkwing, then added, "It looks like we will be working together in this Holy Grail War."
"There's a war going on in the city?" Launchpad said, rubbing his head as he came back to his senses. "Well, I guess that explains the gas leaks and explosions all over town, then! See, DW? I had a hunch hitting this place would hit off!"
"Be quiet, Launchpad," Darkwing tensely told him, narrowing his eyes at the self-proclaimed 'Caster'.
She looked around, then wondered aloud, "Why is it that, despite this being the strangest thing that's ever happened to me, I'm still feeling some sort of deja vu?"
Dammit, Philip!
The evil Crone cackled as she began pushing the giant boulder towards the Dwarfs.
"Look out!" Grumpy pointed up at her, through the rain. "She's got a—"
Then a voice rang, "Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, That Evil die and Good endure!"
The Crone gave an agony scream as the sword plunged into her chest, and then she plummeted into the abyss.
The Dwarfs turned around to look at the smiling young man on the horse. "Dammit, Philip!" Doc cried. "You just appeared out of nowhere!"
The young man smiled. "Wherever there's a comatose young Princess, I'll always be there!"
Ursula rose from the roaring waters, tentacles swining around in all directions. Eric's heart tightened in his chest as he drove the boat towards her. It was everything or nothing now, but he had to do it for Ariel, for—
Then a voice rang, "Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, That Evil die and Good endure!"
The Sea Witch gave an agony scream as the sword plunged into her chest, and then she disappeared between the waves.
Eric turned around towards the other young prince, horseriding at the shore. "Dammit, Philip! Stick to your own transforming creatures of darkness, will you!"
"Bitch please, I've been doing this long before you ever came out the drawing board!"
"Jafar!" Aladdin shouted as the red Genie rose above the sands, laughing madly. "You have forgotten something! Every Genie has—"
Then a voice rang, "Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, That Evil die and Good endure!"
The red Genie gave an agony scream as the sword plunged into his chest, and then he exploded into a deafening boom that sent chunks everywhere.
"... I think I can write a whole thesis on why that shouldn't have worked," the blue Genie said.
Aladdin turned towards the smiling young prince on the horse, who held an adoring Jasmine against himself. "Dammit, Philip! I was trying to prove a point here! Outsmarting the villain should work every once in a while!"
"Bitch please, who needs outsmarting when you have a magical sword!"
Flora rasped.
"And three helpful magical bitches!" Philip added.
"I'm not sure that is an improvement at all," Flora said.
"Rapunzel?" Eugene asked as he advanced towards her through the darkness. "What's—"
Then a voice rang over Rapunzel's muffled screams, "Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, That Evil die and Good endure!"
Mother Gothel dropped the dagger in her hands, gave an agony scream as the sword plunged into her chest, and then she fell out through the window.
Eugene shook a fist towards the smiling young prince riding a horse. "Dammit, Philip! You could've ran me through! Wait, how did you pull that throw anyway? I was in the middle, and, and, how did you get that horse in here, since we're at it?"
"I'm that good!"
Flora rasped.
"Sorry. The magical little bitch is that good," Philip corrected herself.
"Why do we still hang with this fucker anyway?" Merryweather asked Fauna, who shrugged.
"And anyway," Philip told Eugene, "your horse fights with a sword in his mouth, and you're asking me how mine climbs towers? Oh, and give me my crown back, will you?"
"He's not my horse, and I don't have your fucking—" Eugene then sighed, looked into his pockets, and handed Philip a golden crown with an air of exasperated dismay.
"Next time, Star Butterfly!" Ludo shook a tiny fist at her while his minions marched back through the portal. "Next time I will for sure YYEEEUUURRGHHH!"
Because then a voice had rung, "Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, That Evil die and Good endure!"
Ludo gave an agony scream as the sword plunged into his chest, and then he stumbled back through the portal.
Star angrily turned towards the young prince on the horse at Marco's garden. "Dammit, Philip! We still had half a season to fill with that fucker!"
"Bite me, Steven Universe reject! OLD SCHOOL, HOOOOO!"
Anna smiled as she slowly walked towards Hans. "Oh, Hans, Hans. The only frozen heart around here is yours..."
Then a voice rang, "Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, That Evil die and Good endure!"
Hans gave an agony scream as the sword plunged into his chest, and then he tumbled and fell back into the water.
Anna spun around towards the young prince on the horse. "Dammit, Philip! I... you... he...! Ahhh, never mind, whatever," she said, waving a hand.
"Well, even if I spent the whole ficlet being a dick, I still retain some standards!"
To be Continued?