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Chapter 38
Will you marry me?
I'm back in my room, lying on the couch staring at the ceiling as the memory of the event replays like a projected screen right above me. It was nothing like that fake proposal on Caesar Flickerman's show. I saw that one coming. I had time to act. This one definitely caught me off guard. This one wasn't based on how good my acting was. It was real.
It was just too real.
My sister and mother sleep soundly on the bed next to me. I haven't told them. I arrived here before they did, and pretended to be asleep when they came in. They must have known I wasn't really asleep, since I barely have been these past few days. What is keeping me from telling them? I don't know. I can barely wrap the idea around in my head.
Because I said yes.
It seemed out of impulse. The words came out of my mouth before I could realize what I was doing. I have agreed to marry Peeta. But now that I think about it, I question myself if that it is really best for us. I love him. I sincerely do, and have no doubt about that, but what brought about his proposal for marriage was the commitment we already had with this child I'm having.
Do we have to get married? No, we don't have to. We could raise this child without being in an official commitment. It's just that marriage makes me feel more vulnerable with loving someone. What if something were to happen to him? What if he lapses into a flashback and is forced to leave? I could never imagine him hurting me or his child, but what if his hijacking is just too overpowering and it takes over his senses? I don't want him feel that guilt. It could drive us apart.
But I wouldn't let it happen. I've helped him out of it before. He's so much better than when he first arrived in District 13. He may not be the same Peeta two years ago, but he's stronger now. I convince myself I want to do it. I want to marry Peeta Mellark, and make our commitment official for our son or daughter. I'm going to do it. No more countering thoughts are going to persuade me otherwise.
I'm lay on my back, moving my hand back and forth where our child is. I'm between being conscious and asleep. The last thing I consciously see in my head before I fall asleep is piercing blue eyes.
Are you, are you, coming to the tree?
I step silently on the forest floor, looking around for a target for my arrow. The sky is thickly clouded, not letting any sunlight penetrate through. The forest is in complete shade in a soft blue, and it's too ominously still.
It's too damn quiet.
"Are you, are you, coming to the tree?"
I instantly turn around in the direction of the voice. It's the voice of a child. I scan the forest around me and notice movement. A little girl pops out of the bushes with a smile on her face. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and for a moment I think it looks like Prim when she was little.
"What are you doing here? It's dangerous out here," I say.
The little girl tilts her head and smiles. Something is familiar about her. It's the way she smiles I think. I also notice her eyes are deep blue, unlike my sisters whose eyes are lighter in color.
"Can you sing?" she asks.
"What?" I'm a little taken back by her question. "What are you doing out here all alone? Are you lost? I'll help you get back to town-"
She begins to run off. "Wait!" I call out. She keeps going and I'm thinking I should follow her, but I begin to hear strange growling. I turn around to meet black eyes of a mutt from my first Hunger Games. I instantly pull out my bow in instinct. The mutt looks at me then turns its attention to the direction where the girl went. No, don't think about it… It darts in the direction where she went.
I speed after it, and begin to yell to warn the girl. My arrows are unsteadily aimed while I run. I lose sight of the mutt, and make myself to run faster. I'm running over logs and rocks hoping I'll make it in time. A blood shrilling scream pierces my ears. It freezes me in place as I realize it got her. I let it get her.
The sky becomes pitch black, and I'm completely blind of my surroundings. Footsteps walk in my direction. I load my bow, but it would do much good if I can't see them. They're getting closer and my heart is beating really fast. I wait in anticipation as their steps become louder and then…quiet. Complete silence. I'm deaf and blind, but I feel a pain in my middle so intense that I have to kneel on the ground. I hold myself on the ground, while I hope it ceases. No, it only gets stronger. What's happening to me?
I wake up soon after, and find the pain has not stopped with the dream. Although, it's not as bad, I still feel a strong pressure, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm guessing they're those fake contractions the doctor told me about.
"Katniss, are you alright?" My mother calls from bed.
I must of have been screaming during my dream. "Yes, I'm okay. Just a bad dream again," I say. My mother gets out of bed and helps me fold the blankets from the floor. Soon Prim is up and we all get dressed. On the way to the hospital I notice how similar that little girl looked like Prim, but the eyes were different. Maybe she was what my kid would look like? It must have been, because she looked so much like Peeta. There was also this strong instinct that I needed to protect her, but in my dream, I failed. It got her. I couldn't save her. It really is my greatest fear.
Before my mother's volunteer shift at the hospital, my sister and mother come with me to my appointment with Dr. Aurelius. I hold my sister's hand as we enter Dr. Aurelius' room.
"Good morning Ms. Everdeen, and I suppose this is Primrose?"
"Yes, this is my other daughter. We will both be here for Katniss' appointment," says my mother.
"Very well then. Katniss, please take a seat over here." I let go of my sister's hand and sit on the examination table. My mother and Prim sit in chairs at the wall. Dr. Aurelius checks my heartbeat and all that usual stuff. "So how have you been feeling lately?"
"Fine," I say.
"You are very close to your due date. Have you been feeling any high energy or any sort of pains you would call contractions?"
"Uh not really. Maybe a little discomfort."
"I see. You will experience those things the closer you get to giving birth."
"And I hear contractions… are pretty painful," I say.
"Don't worry Sweetie. Most women exaggerate what it feels like," my mother says.
"I'm sure they have informed you what to do when you go into labor?" asks the doctor.
"Oh yeah. I know what to do." Truth is, the moment I go into labor, I will probably forget what I'm supposed to do. I'm still terrified of it, but women do it all the time, right?
Another doctor comes in to do the ultrasound. Prim can't see it, but she talks about how wonderful the baby's heartbeat sounds. I think I see my mother tearing up, but when she sees me looking at her she wipes her eyes quickly. The doctor informs me that the baby is in the right position. Let's just hope it stays like that.
After my appointment I'm taken to the psychiatrist and my mother goes to her work. He asks me if I have seen any strange things, which means he's asking me if I'm still hallucinating. I tell him no. He asks me if I had any strange dreams or nightmares, and I tell him there's nothing out of the usual. When he asks me about how often I feel anxiety, I tell him only very little and only during some stressful situations.
"I hope you're not just telling me what I want to hear," he says.
"Of course not."
"I'm here to help you. You don't have to pretend. We think you're about well enough for raising your child yourself. You are improving," he says. "I just have a little more to ask of you, alright?"
"Shoot," I say.
"What were your feelings toward Coin?"
Where is this coming from? I'm wondering if he trying to find some link between the murdering and I. But they know Gale did it, so are they trying to make me spill something? "She's a great politician, but I admit, I wasn't very fond of her."
"And your friend, Gale. Did he share the same opinion of Coin as you?"
"Sort of… I don't understand why I'm being asked this."
"Some were just concerned how the situation affected you. You were right there on the scene, when Coin was killed."
"Right…" I say unsure. I feel uneasy, but he tells me that our time is up. I leave the room and then head back on the train to the mansion.
I walk through the mansion hallways and eventually find Peeta's room. I knock on the door and it doesn't take long for him to answer it.
"Oh hi, Katniss," he says with a smile. I see he's wearing regular clothes and not the plain gray outfits from the hospital. "Come on in, I was just finishing getting ready."
He goes into the bathroom with a tooth brush. I sit on the couch. When he comes back out he's putting stuff away, but he faces me. "Did you tell your mother yet?"
"Oh, I haven't yet," I say. I guess that nightmare of mine really made me forget about telling my mother that I'm officially engaged. "I was a little preoccupied, but I'll tell her tonight."
"You worried about Gale's trial?"
"I guess I am, but it's just I had this dream last night…"
He sits on the couch next to me. "You want to talk about it?"
I don't want to burden him with my fears, but he asked. "Well it started with me being back in the woods in District Twelve. I saw a little girl and she was signing. It was funny because she looked a lot like you."
"Like how?"
"She had blonde hair and blue eyes exactly like you, and I had this really strong feeling that she might have been our kid." Peeta nods and lets me go on, because my dreams never end like that and only get bad. "There was one of the mutts from our first Hunger Games. They were running after her, and I was desperately trying to stop it, but… I lost sight of it, and I heard the girl screaming… it got her. I couldn't save her."
Peeta puts an arm around my shoulder. "That won't happen. I know you'll do whatever you can. And just remember sometimes we can't always be there for them, so we have to raise them as best as we can so they can fend for themselves." He kisses the top of my head. "Was that the reason you came over here?"
"To see you," I say. "And I was hoping you would help Haymitch and me with Gale's case."
He sits up from where we're sitting. "Sure, I'll help you."
"Thank you, Peeta. You're such a good person. I don't understand how I deserve this."
"Don't say that. I love you more than you could know, and our son or daughter." He puts his hand on my bump.
I give him a peck on the cheek. "I guess we should be getting to Haymitch." Peeta nods and we start going to Haymitch's room.
When Haymitch finally answers the door, he walks out and down the hallway. Peeta and exchange perplexed looks and walk after him.
"Where are you going? I thought you were going to help with this."
"I am!" he says walking in front of us. "I did a whole lot compared to what you have done so far."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I rounded up a few people who thought Coin was not too good. This includes a lawyer for Gale's defense. We're all meeting up in Command."
"You did all that?"
"You won't believe how many people have been holding secret grudges against her, and who she tried to shut up."
"So this isn't just about Gale anymore. People are actually saying how Coin wasn't fit be president," says Peeta.
"Not a whole lot of people liked her," adds Haymitch. We reach Command and see that most of the victors and others are sitting around.
"Well hello Katniss," says Beetee.
"Beetee, you're here." I lower my voice. "You know those bombs were Gale's design?"
"I figured it out from the footage. They are very much the traps. Coin really went behind our backs in weaponry. I assure you know that Gale didn't have any part in that bombing."
"Yes, he told me about it."
"Alright, everyone should take their seats." I look to who spoke and I see it's Paylor. Peeta and I sit next to Beetee. I see there's already a list of Coin's crimes that they came up with so far. "We've got a good list already, but we're sure there are more of Coin's misdeeds as the president of Thirteen and head of the rebellion." She looks in my direction. "Does the Mockingjay have anything to add?"
I sit up at the table. "The first one was the deal we had."
"The one for the victors' immunity?" asks Beetee.
"There was one after that. She told me to keep my pregnancy a secret so I could go to the battles in the districts." It's added to the list. "There was also another deal we made, but I broke it. Some officials and doctors knew I was pregnant, but Coin suggested I sneak onto a hovercraft for a final mission in the Capitol. I broke my deal with her, because I realized I was risking the baby's life. She became upset, and then later she managed to send my sister to the Capitol as consequence."
"What a bitch," says Johanna. Annie nudges her with her elbow to let me finish. "After she confronted me about sending Prim, she also threatened to send Peeta, while he was still in the hospital." Peeta looks at me. I realize this is the first of him hearing about it. "And they did send you," I say almost like I'm asking.
Peeta looks to me then Paylor. "I had no idea, but I volunteered to go when she was in the Capitol. Coin didn't force me to."
"This was before," I say. Before I was kidnapped. She had no idea about the abduction. I couldn't stop you from going when I was in the Capitol."
"I did it to save you," Peeta says sternly.
"Right, but I was just doing whatever to keep you safe."
Paylor breaks in. "Is that all?"
Beetee reminds me a low voice. "The bombs." I nod.
"During the war going on in the Capitol, a hovercraft with the Capitol emblem was hovering over the City Circle. It dropped silver parachutes that were disguised bombs, and then dropped capsules of poisonous gas. We have reason to believe that Coin sent that hovercraft. It wasn't the Capitol's."
"And what are your reasons?" she asks.
"Beetee and Gale can prove that the bombs were of their designs from back in District 13. Gale told me that when he showed Coin the designs, she rejected them, but she used them behind their backs anyway."
"Okay, but how do you know it wasn't a Capitol hovercraft?"
And here is where I'm a little hesitant on stating my reason. "Snow told me." I get disbelieving looks at me. "While he was held in the greenhouse, he talked to me about that bombing."
Paylor looks like she's thinking. She knows I'm telling the truth, because she was the one who let me in. "He said that Coin used the hovercraft to frame him, so that it appeared that Snow killed those children. When I said I didn't believe him, he told me how even if he did have a hovercraft, he would have used it to escape. He said it was meaningless to him to kill a bunch of Capitol children."
I see some people are still indecisive to believe what I'm saying. It would probably be hard to believe an evil former president who has been executed for killing children in Hunger Games.
"I think we can add that," Paylor says. Johanna and some others look disapprovingly, but Paylor believes me. "Well I guess that's it. Everyone can go now, and we'll see you all tomorrow at the trial."
We all get up from are seats. Paylor, the lawyers, and Beetee stay, but everyone else leaves.
Haymitch and Peeta walk along side me. "You know I had no idea that Coin threatened you that way," Peeta says.
"I know. I didn't tell you, because I didn't think she would do it. And she didn't do it. It was by your choice."
"We better be getting some sleep then," says Haymitch.
"Tomorrow is going to be a big, big, big day!" Peeta says.
Haymitch laughs sarcastically. "Ha, you're funny. Good night you two." He walks back to his room, but I know he's not going to sleep. Hunger Game victors usually spend most of the night awake. I'm betting he'll be drinking whatever hidden liquor he has.
"I guess we should be going to our separate rooms then," Peeta says. I hold onto one of his hands, and he seems to know that I'm asking to stay with him. "I barely made it out without notice last time."
"You got out unnoticed?"
"Yeah," he laughs.
"Then I'll just go with you," I say.
"They'll wonder where you are."
"They'll know I'll be fine. I'll be at the trial," I say. He smiles and we walk back to his room. He unlocks the door and we step inside. He goes to change, and I slip into bed. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I feel the shift when he gets in, and he puts his arms around me. He kisses my shoulder, and I turn to kiss him back. When I break away, I know that's as far as it's going to get. He gives a small kiss on my head. "Goodnight Katniss."
The following morning we have breakfast and go straight to where the trial is being conducted. Peeta and I find Haymitch in the benches and sit with him. Gale isn't here yet, but his lawyer and the offending lawyer take their places at the tables. My mother and Prim enter the room. They a sit few benches away, but she sees me and gives me a small smile. I smile back, but I realize I haven't told her I'm engaged to Peeta. I'll tell her later.
An older woman judge, called Vadel, takes her place at the podium. Gale is entered into the room and led to his seat by a guard. I catch his eye and give a reassuring smile. He returns a small one and then faces to the judge. I see Paylor is up in front with the lawyers. We're all seated and then Judge Vadel asks for the lawyers for their opening statements.
The other lawyer opens with how our brilliant president was cruelly murdered. He goes on with how much of a good leader she was and how she helped the rebels with a victory. Our lawyer begins with defending Gale, and stating of how deceptive and despotic Coin was, and why Gale might acted in the first place.
The trial begins, and I'm anxious of when I'll be called up. The other lawyer calls up some of Coin's colleagues, just further supporting that Gale was the murderer. I can't seem to sit still, because I just want all of Coin's dirty secrets out in the open. I feel a hand on mine. I look to Peeta who is trying to assure me that everything will be fine. I try to calm down. Listen to what they're saying. It's going to be fine, I tell myself.
But then I feel a sharp pain. It intensifies, and I guess they're contractions, which I assume means…
I'm going into labor.
Right in the middle of a trial too. She's going to have that baby soon! We're coming close to a closing with 320 reviews and 264 favs. You guys are awesome. What do you really want to see in Katniss' life with the baby? Ahh, I'm really excited to finally write the baby's gender and name . I'm actually picking a name that was suggested.
So I've been a little busy, and I've been working some on the next chapter. I was planning to upload it a week from now, BUT... if you send in a review, and we reach 333, I will work harder to upload it alot sooner. I PROMISE you!
-cheezebuns