Rosalina: Wassup guys! I'm back with another chapter of How To Live With Hetalia!
Danielle: And I'm here as well!
America: Don't forget me, Rosie!
Rosalina: I hate you, Alfie.
America: Aw Rosie! I'm glad we are friends!
China: You are so immature, aru! Let's start the chapter!
Russia:Дa!
Rosalina: Let me only recall that I don't own Hetalia, because if I did, I would make Portugal and Brazil!
Danielle: But I own me, Lina owns herself and when Cat decides to show up, she'll own herself too.
-Previously in How To Live With Hetalia-
"Okay dudes, Axis and Allies have to stay together with their respective babysitter."
"Aye captain!" Danielle squealed, "Axis, follow me into the veggie section!" With that, she took hold of both Feliciano and Kiku's hands and dragged them around, not minding the weird looks the clerks shot her. Ludwig followed them reluctantly.
I watched the quartet disappear into the hallways of goodies when I realized I had to pay attention in my own babies. I turned to my Allies and I could only see Yao standing beside me, and no sign of the others anywhere. Where could they have gone in less than a minute?! I'm definitely more than screwed right now!
"What the hell? We've been here for 30 seconds and I've already lost everyone? Why didn't you stop them, Yao?!" I demanded furiously. I could sense the dark blue aura coming…
"Wasn't it your job to take care of us, aru?" He asked, with a very ironic smile on his face. "You're very immature, you know?"
I gave Yao a whack in the head in furiousness. It serves him right. Now I must find the others before some other crazy fangirl does it. Damn fangirls…
-Reality in Rosalina's POV-
"Was that really necessary, aru?" Yao complained, rubbing his forehead in pain. Some passing people shot me some creepy glares.
I sighted, "Yes, Yao. Undoubtedly necessary." I looked around in the nearby galleries, but there was no sign of my Allies anywhere. I'm in some big trouble if someone finds them…or if they do something creepy…or if there are crazy cosplayers here…Oh God, so many things that can go wrong.
I apparently was mumbling stuff as Yao stared creepily at me before saying, "Are you okay, Rosa?"
"Yeah." PUT YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ROSALINA CORTEZ, BEFORE YOU LET THOSE WANKERS GET INTO THE HANDS OF SOME OTHER FANGIRLS! Then, a very interesting idea came up on my mind, "Tell me, Yao, have you ever played Mario Kart?"
The Chinese scratched his head in confusion, "A couple of times, but why, aru?"
"Because we're playing it right now," I smiled evilly, as I gestured some shopping carts displayed beside us. I looked at Yao, and he looked at me with a confused expression. Hahaha, Yao's small, so he'll be able to fit inside the cart while I look for the others. I quickly grabbed the closest one, "Enter."
"Aiiiiya! No way!" The small Chinese crossed his arms, as I laughed at his long sleeves dancing around.
"Don't be a pain on the ass like Alfred!" I tried to reason, "That way we'll find the others quicker, and grab everything we need as a bonus!" I had to make sure no one was watching, but truly, none of the clerks was giving a flying crap for the weird Chinese boy and the weird blond girl arguing over other weird people. "Come on, I'll buy you some Hello Kitty or panda stuff if you come with me!"
That offer apparently changed Yao's mind, "Okay, aru. Just…don't tell the others about this, aru." That line reminded me of the Lord of the Rings, at the Battle of Helm's Deep, when Aragorn had to throw Gimli at some orcs and the dwarf said 'don't tell the elf'.
"I can keep secrets," I said in a singing voice, as I observed the Chinese boy entering inside the cart with some difficulty. There was this seat inside the cart that was made for children, and there he remained. He adopted a very 'pirate Iggy' position inside it, facing the front. Hilarious. I'll have to be ultra fast while pushing the cart with Yao inside, just in case some bitch decides to call the police. Why am I concerned about that, you may be wondering, haha, let me tell you a story then:
Once upon a time, a 15 year old me, accompanied by my loyal sidekicks Dan and Cat, decided to do the exact same thing I'm doing with Yao right now. It didn't end really well, if you must ask, for when I was inside the cart with Cat and Dan was pushing, we bumped into a pile of cans and...well, you can already figure out that we were in some pretty big trouble.
Finishing my flashback, I gripped my hands firmly in the pusher, "Are you ready, Yao?"
"Let's go, aru!"
With that, I started pushing the cart, and believe it or not, Yao is in fact pretty heavy for his height, but okay, I managed to keep a good speed. Of course, we're playing Mario Kart, so I found it to be appropriate to start singing the 'Mario Circuit' theme song as I pushed the cart (I found it suiting for our little moment). "It's the lean mean Chinese death machine!"
"Choo choo!" Yao played along, making train noises while I pushed him faster.
I passed some corridors filled with goodies, but still no trace of my Allies. "If I were an Ally, where would I be?"
"I don't know, but if I were Russia, I would be at the flower section, aru." Yao pointed out. Actually, not pointed out, he literally pointed at the flower section, some corridors away from us, from which now I could see the tall platinum blond Russian, "Aiiiiiyaaa! Look at all those Hello Kitty products, aru! Can I have them all, Rosa?" Something a little less far from us caught the Chinese's attention. And there it was, a true Hello Kitty sanctuary.
There were clothes, mugs, plushies and pretty much anything Hello Kitty related. It was something like a big promotion of products with low prices, probably to clean up the stocks.
"Come on, Yao." I rolled my eyes as I got closer to the full layer of Hello Kitty stuff. The boy's eyes widened as he looked at the variety. Why did I propose giving him Hello Kitty in exchange of pushing him inside a supermarket cart? I'll never know.
"But you promised, aru! You have to always keep your promises, no matter how stupid they may be!" Yao turned inside the cart and faced me with a hopeful expression. At times like this that I realize that I should make better life choices.
"Okay, pick whatever you want. I'll get Russia." I sighted in defeat as we finally got to the Hello Kitty section, "But DON'T YOU DARE moving from here." The Chinese nodded, still in awe at the variety of things. I continued walking, leaving Yao alone with the Hello Kitties. Oh Lord…
I walked past some corridors with condiments and other edible stuff, and I had an idea: I could buy lots of ingredients for food (and sweets) so that each one of the nations (obviously excluding Iggy) could cook for me. I'm a genius, I know… Oh! Before I forget, I have to buy some towels…and some extra pillows…and more sweets…
It's probably best for me to write those ideas down, just to be sure I won't forget them. I stopped at the laptops section and I took my phone out of my pocket. I unlocked (my lock screen had a picture of Turkey on it because I'm his fangirl) it with my sweet password, only to find out that I had something like 100 snapchats from Danielle. I opened the first one, and it was a selfie of her, Italy and Japan smiling. Behind them there was a tomato stand, and behind that, I could see a pissed looking Germany holding a sack of potatoes. The picture's caption was 'Luddy likes German Sparkle Parties!' There was another one of Feliciano, Ludwig and Kiku being squeezed by Dan's arms with the caption 'My new hommies: the Axis!' I sighted as I decided to take notes of what I needed. As soon as I finished, I locked the phone and continued walking towards Ivan.
I really hope Danielle didn't send those snaps to some stupid fucker from school. Seriously, the brunette has literally everyone at school's phone number, snapchat, twitter, facebook and so on (even from the people Cat and I hate with all of our inner strength)…She is classified as Ms. Popular for a reason.
I walked past some other corridors until I found the flower section. It was a rather claustrophobic inducing part of the store, for it was in the very end, where not too many people visit. Besides the huge variety of flowers, there was a bowl shaped stand with some basketballs, which were on sale for 10 dollars. I felt tempted on buying one (ugh, consumerism), only if I knew how to play basketball.
As I could have guessed, the big Russian was right in front a bunch of sunflowers, holding a bouquet closely. He was smiling, not his usual childish smile, it was a true smile, a very rare sight for Ivan. I know he loves sunflowers because they grow in warm places, and since Russia is as cold as the Viking's hell, being here in Toms Rivers during summer might be heaven.
I approached the tall figure slowly, not wanting to disturb (too much) the Slav. I got closer to him and just stood there, watching him smile at the flowers. I must admit, he looked really adorable, even though both of us were receiving creepy looks from passerby people.
"Are you here to mock me because I like sunflowers?" The huge boy unexpectedly turned to face me, right at the exact moment where I was creepily staring at him, "Because if you do, I won't be nice, дa?
Magically, I was able to control myself not to give a dirty comeback, "Actually no…" Come on, Rosa! He doesn't seem convinced! "I just wanted to talk to you." Well, that was better. I would love to talk to him, if you may be wondering…
Ivan blushed lightly and hid half of his face on his scarf (even his bigger-than-average nose), "…You do?"
Oh my God! He's so cute! How can anyone be afraid of this guy? Because of the pipe…and intimidating figure…and menacing purple auras while angry…and bloody history….and communist past (I'm sounding like Alfred now)…and somewhat cracked mind… and violent tendencies…
Okay, okay! There are lots of reasons for people to be afraid of him, but I'm not. He's just misunderstood… And really, if you had had a super difficult childhood with power hungry people, you tend to get like this.
"Aren't you being afraid of me?" The Russian asked, still not taking his purple eyes from me. I must look too much like his crazy little sister… "Even after I of snapped at you?"
"No. You seem nice!" I replied, smiling sweetly. Well, my 'sweet' smiles are not very good, you see, but at least I tried, "Just between the two of us….I think Germany is much more frightening."
That made the Russian chuckle lightly, "People never come talk to me."
"Well, I'm here, talking to the scary Mr. Russia." I laughed lightly, giving some emphasis into the 'scary', so that Ivan would be sure I was joking, "We could be friends, if you'd like."
"Would you really want to be being my friend?"
"Why not?" I smiled. That phrase made the Russian smile truly. I knew it! He was just lonely… I may be a horrible person sometimes (like, the type of person who laughs when others fall down and enjoys killing people on video-games [I wonder why I don't have many friends]), but despite my awkwardness, I can be really friendly and nice when I want to, just like I'm doing right now, "You seem very lonely."
"Да…" Ivan replied, now staring at the ground. Well, he's not going to be lonely anymore, and if someone *cough* Alfred *cough* starts making fun of him, I'll beat 'im up!
Let's cheer the blond Russian a bit up, shall we? "Do you want to take those sunflowers home?" I gestured the bouquet of flowers he was holding against his chest.
Ivan glanced down at the flowers, then his gaze returned to me, and his eyes sparkled, "Really?"
I nodded, "Well, I promised Yao I would buy him some Hello Kitty stuff, so, to be fair, you can take those too." And a bouquet of flowers is cheaper than some Hello Kitty and the absurdly large amount of food we'll buy today to feed the battalion that's living in my house.
"Oh! Спосибо, принцесса!" Ivan smiled sweetly at me, and I couldn't help it but smile as well. He used that Russian word again…'Printsessa', was it?
I was consumed by stupid curiosity, and since I wasn't in the mood to check Google Translate, I decided to ask, "Russia, what does 'принцесса' mean?"
"You call me Ivan, да?" He smiled. I nodded. I don't really know why I called him 'Russia' anyways… "Anyway, 'принцесса' means 'princess' in Russian!" He continued, "I think it fits you, да?"
"I'm no princess." I blushed lightly. Hell no, Rosalina! Recompose yourself right now! As you might've already guessed, I've had little next to none experience in people calling me 'pretty', 'princess' or 'bella', for I prefer to stay away from the creepy and weird boys who were into me at school. As much as Ivan is a bit creepy, he's cute…I sighted mentally, "Either way, you could call me by my name to make things easier."
"Silly девушка." Ivan patted my head like he did with Latvia, just not as hard enough to break my spine and prevent me from growing (actually, being 17, I don't think I will grow anymore, only if you don't count growing wider). Something tells me he will not call me by my first name, "If you are not a принцесса I will be calling you подсолнечник, дa?"
"That means 'sunflower', right?" I felt so smart when Ivan nodded at my comment. Okay, first of all, I don't know Russian (the only words I really know are 'Cyka' and 'подсолнечник'). Second, it's extremely complicated for me (I'm still trying to learn Spanish, but really, I'm hopeless), but I know some words here and there because of the absurdly huge amount of Russia x Reader fanfics I've read through my lifetime.
Ivan looked at me hopefully, "Вы говорите на русском языке?" Awwwn! That was cute! I've always enjoyed listening to people speaking different languages other than English! For example, Dan speaks a somewhat good version of Spanish, Cat speaks French, Italian, Portuguese and a bit of Romanian (don't ask me why, but she's a master of Latin languages), and I greatly enjoy listening to them speak or sing in those languages. I for myself can only speak English and a sloppy version of Spanish… however I know insults and swear words in almost every language imaginable: Cyka, Pute, Puttana, Puta, Kurwa and so on…
"Wait, what?" I chuckled to hide my embarrassment. However, he appeared to be even more embarrassed than I was.
"Я думаю вы не..."
Then, something unexpected happened: Remember I mentioned a nearby bowl shaped stand with lots of basketballs inside? Okay, now forget everything you think you know about the laws of physics. Now, imagine a very creepy looking Alfred jumping out of that stand with basketballs, yelling madly amidst the wonderful background song 'Fancy', "DO MY SUPERHERO HEARING ABILITY LISTEN TO THE COMMIE'S LANGUAGE?"
Isn't that, like, illegal?
"Oh my dear Lord in Heaven, have mercy upon my soul..." I muttered, then turned to face the American inside the pool of basketballs. It was a hilarious situation, if you were to ask me (even though I'm not one of those people who laugh at anything), "I didn't know the Cold War was still on for you to keep spying around, Alfred my sweetheart." I turned to the Slav, laughing my ass off, "Did you Ivan?"
"Het." He replied, giggling lightly as well.
"Ha, ha, ha." Alfred laughed sarcastically, as he emerged from the bowl of balls, I reluctantly came to his aid, and helped him get out of it. Ivan came as well, and he helped collecting the basketballs that fell to the floor. When Alfred was finally out, he started, as he rubbed the back of his head in pain, "Rosa! I won't allow you to become a commie! 'Cuz I'm the hero, and heroes save the damsels in distress!"
I glanced at Ivan, and he gave me a little childish smile as he watched Alfred in pain. I shook my head in disappointment, "Alfred, you're such an ass."
"Thank you, Rosie." He smiled sarcastically, "You're nice too."
"Hell, I'm one of the nicest people I know." I shrugged confidentially. "Well, at least you were nice enough for conveniently being here and not make me look for you." I started to head back to the spot where I left Yao and the Hello Kitties, then I turned back to grab both Alfred's and Ivan's sleeves and make them follow me, "Come on, let's get Yao then find Iggy and Francy-pants."
I quickly made my way back to Yao, dragging both Alfred and Ivan with me. Yao was still where I had left him, and he had filled up the entire shopping cart with Hello Kitty stuff. He was inside the cart, playing with two different versions of plushies. I sighted internally as we got to the Chinese.
As he noticed the three of us approaching, Yao quickly tossed the plushies back into the cart and exclaimed, "Rosalina! Look at all of this! Hello Kitty is a truly amazing Chinese creation, don't you think, aru?!"
"Sure." I replied, taking a look inside the cart if there was anything worth keeping. Unsurprisingly, there wasn't. Who knew Yao would love mugs so much?
"Dude, do you plan on taking all of this to Rosie's house?" For the first time, Alfred actually made a constructive observation I was too lazy to do it myself. Okay, okay, I would force Yao to give up all of those useless Hello Kitties because money doesn't grow in trees, because if it did, I would be stinking-rich.
Yao crossed his arms, "Shi de, why? She promised, aru."
"You know that money doesn't grow in tress, right dude?"
"Uggghhh Alfred! You're so annoying that even Hello Kitty said goodbye to you!" I put my hands on my hips, so that he would see that I was pretty damn pissed at everything and everyone. What I promise people doesn't concern him… I hate nosy people… stupid America, "I let him take the stuff, but clearly not everything. I mean, I don't even think I have space for all this crap at home."
"Awwwww, aru!" Yao whined, still hopeful that I would let him take everything home. Even though I don't have any younger siblings (for obvious reasons), I'm pretty good in handling misbehavior, for Cat is the equivalent of a spoiled brat sometimes.
"Come on, Yao! Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!" I twirled in my heel (except that I'm wearing flip-flops) majestically, "Babacas…"
Upon being utterly confused about my last phrase in some kick-ass Portuguese, Alfred concluded the obvious, "She went nuts three hours after getting to know us."
"That's a new record, aru." Yao added. Well, that's a really good thing, right? Setting a new record, eh? I knew I was awesome, just not that awesome.
"Yeah, I know I'm awesome." I bowed to some inexistent paparazzi,
-Somewhere in East Germany-
"I can sense zhat someone just used the vord 'awesome'," A very angry red eyed Prussian exclaimed, "And zhey veren't talking about me!"
"Vill you ever shut up?" An Austrian who was already pissed off grumbled, he didn't even know why he was talking with the platinum blond Prussian in the first place, "And vhere zee hell is your bruder?" He started to roam around the room in anger.
"How vill I know?!" The Prussian narrowed his eyes at the moving Austrian, "He vent to zee un-awesome England's house und never came back!"
"Zat is suspicious," The Austrian scratched his head in confusion.
-Back to Walmart in Rosalina's POV-
"Okay, enough of crap," I recomposed myself, then scolded the boys. Because hell, I'm freaking hungry and we need to find other two missing Allies and finish our shopping before I start shouting insults in every language imaginable. I gestured to Yao, and then to the cart full of stuff, "Choose one."
"Nooooo, aru! I love them all!" The Chinese whined some more, now hugging the stuff inside the cart protectively. Some passerby people gave us some weird looks. I'm not sure if the looks were because there was a 4000 year old Chinese boy (who looks around 18) inside a cart whining about some Hello Kitties, or about a dude who looks like he just came out of WW 2 (yeah, that's you, Alfred), or about a boy who's wearing heavy winter clothes despite the fact that it's flipping hot outside. Or maybe all of the above.
Well, if you are fond of the internet as much as I am, you must have already noticed some things, like, Walmarts hold the highest percentage of weird people per meter squared. Yes, I looked that up. Have you ever seen one of those pics of people wearing weird clothes at some random Walmart? I did. That's why I chose to brink my housemates here, because they won't be judged (too much). For example, a tall guy wearing heavy winter clothes in the middle of the summer is nothing compared to a guy wearing a poncho made out of a towel (and yes, I've seen a guy like that, right in this exact Walmart).
Uhhh, on the more important things…. How am I supposed to convince this spoiled Chinese boy to give up those Hello Kitties? Oh! I just know how! Belarus powers? You bet'cha! I turned to Ivan, "Ivan, would you mind lending me your pipe?"
"No problem." The Slav replied, his smile never fading. He then opened his coat, revealing the bright silver object inside one of the inner pockets. The blond Russian was wearing a nice grey turtleneck shirt (how is he not melting with that?) beneath his coat. The poker faces China and America made at the scene were priceless, "Just don't get it full of blood, да?"
The Russian handed the pipe to me, and an involuntary scary grin came up to my features, as Yao started to put the stuff back in the stand, trying to quickly empty his cart, "Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! Bù! WAIT! I thought you were nice, Rosa! Not a crazy Belarus look-alike!" Thank goodness that nobody saw this scene, because I would probably go to jail.
"See?! The commie brainwashed you! I'll have to save you all now!" Alfred interrupted, trying to take the pipe off my hands. I may be a girl, but I ain't easy to fight! Nah nah nah! I've played waaay too much Mortal Kombat in my life just to be a damsel in distress! I'm a true warrior!
However, before I could release my anger into the American, Ivan did it first, giving a whack on Alfred's head with the palm of his hand, "No hurting Подсолнечник, дa?" I proudly sticked out my tongue at Alfred.
"Ouch! Communist bastard!" Alfred grumbled, rubbing his forehead in pain. Now I really started to laugh my ass off, almost falling down in laughter. I'm really one of those people who only laugh if someone gets hurt or something on that league. I know I'm a horrible person.
After that, Yao apparently made up his mind and kept only one Hello Kitty plushie (that is, the plush almost as big as my head, and it had a panda costume, obviously), and he was nice enough to put everything back in place before having to be threatened by Ivan's pipe.
"Okay, since the problem with the Hello Kitties is solved, we need to find the others and get out of this place before I get even more embarrassed." I turned to Yao, who nodded (lets point out that he was still inside the cart), "I guess the pipe was very effective." I said, putting my hand that wasn't holding the pipe in my waist like the awesome bitch that I am.
Ivan kept smiling as he had deposited the bouquet filled with sunflowers inside the now emptied shopping cart with Yao, "Дa. It made Alfred shut up and Yao be of putting the stuff away."
"Here's your pipe back, though I might need it later, y'know, to be sure Francis won't do anything stupid-" I handed Ivan the pipe, as Alfred started to mockingly poke Yao's Hello Kitty, which was being protectively held by the Chinese, but something touching my shoulder from behind took my attention.
"Are you going to hurt Francis, love? I'm in." I turned around to the familiar English accent and exclaimed loudly in fright as I saw the abusively big eyebrows,
"KURWA!" I may not seem like it, but I know how to be socially acceptable, okay!?
Alfred, Yao and Ivan mumbled in unison, "How did you…?"
"I'm a trained 007 ninja and a former pirate, dear gentlemen," Arthur bowed his head to us, giggling quietly at my open jaw, "and lady." He added. Oh, great, someone finally noticed that there's actually a girl living inside my rough carcass of pure badass-ity.
"Well, that explains everything." I rolled my eyes dramatically. Now I noticed that there are some flickering lights just above us. Phony Walmart…
"Yo, Britain dude, you should train better on spying! I was the only one who managed to surprise both Rosie and the commie!" The obnoxious American just had to say something irrelevant.
Arthur moved his eyebrows suggestively, "Well, America, I surprised you, Rosa, China and Russia. I am most certainly characterized as a master spy, no?"
"For me, you could be stealthier. You're no match for Desmond Miles." Now it was my turn to shove in some Assassin's Creed into the dialogue.
Yao looked at me with a confused expression, "Who's that, aru?"
"Forget it." I waved my hand. Then, I came to the cart and gripped firmly into the pusher. I glanced at Arthur, then Ivan and finally Alfred, "Shall we hunt Francis down?"
"Come on dudes! I'm the leader! Let's set your jobs, okay!?" I didn't even have time to protest against it, for Alfred continued, as he did some hero-like gestures and poses… "Iggy, you back me up."
"Stop calling me that bloody nickname!" I still can't believe England once took care of America, well, we learn something new every day.
"China, you back me up. Russia, your job is to back me up," Alfred continued, as I boringly leaned into the cart and faked a yawn, "and Rosie, you're my sidekick."
"Who the hell agreed to this?" I lifted an eyebrow, as I found that a nearby Hello Kitty brand chocolate bar was far more interesting than what Alfred was blabbering about. I don't even mind him calling me 'Rosie' anymore, I just gave up on trying to make him stop.
"That's how everything works! I'm the leader of the Allies, so I get to make up the rules, dudette!" Alfred said, in a very convinced voice. Idiot…
Yao crossed his arms inside the cart, "I won't be your stupid back up, stupid western, aru."
"Hell, you stay inside the cart, Yao." I made that observation just to make sure Yao doesn't go running around randomly and get lost like Francis did. I will not put up with Alfred's shit for any longer, he'll play with my rules or not play at all, "Okey dokey, move it ladies!" I started to push the cart with the Chinese inside, then I made a gesture to the other boys to follow me. When I saw that they were finally beside me (even Alfie), I continued, "First thing on my list starts with 'Fran' and ends with 'cis', guess what's it?"
I pulled out my phone to get the real first thing on my shopping list before Alfred replied, "The French CSI?"
"What?" Arthur squealed, being annoyed at America's stupidity. Really, Alfred literally debunks the stereotype that people who wear glasses are smart. Even Yao turned inside the cart to facepalm at him. Ivan was smiling, as expected. I kept on walking until we got to the House Section, where we could buy stuff for our wellbeing at home, and the right place where I should start my shopping.
"Shut up and I'll let you be the first to beat up Francy-pants." I'm getting real tired of your shit, Arthur.
"Yaaay~!" He squealed again. Oh Lord…
I scrolled around on my phone (and ignored some more snapchats from Danielle and the Axis [Hell, her life is much less complicated than mine]), and I realized I should shop for hygiene items and other stuff that we take on camping, like candy. I continued pushing the cart with Yao inside while still having my gaze locked in the phone's screen, "Look out, aru!" Before I could stop, I noticed that I (better yet, the shopping cart led by me) had bumped into a stand in the middle of the 'House Section' (making Yao almost fall on top of Ivan's flowers) with some low price shower towels. Ho, ho, ho! Just what I needed! "You're very immature, Rosalina!"
Britain looked rather pissed as well, almost as much as Yao, "Bloody hell! You almost ran over my foot with that blasted shopping cart!"
I crossed my arms before snapping, "If you took your feet from under the cart's wheels, things would be easier for us all!" If we were in fact in a Mario Kart game, I would've just fallen out of Rainbow Road like a boss.
"Hey dudette, you certainly need a hero now!" Okay, okay, keep it cool, Rosa. You bumped into a stand, almost made Yao smash Ivan's sunflowers and almost ran over Arthur's foot, but it's not the end of the world.
"Hell no! I'd rather die!" As you can see, I failed in attempting to keep my cool. C'mon, let me get the stuff I need and then I'll get everyone and we'll go home as fast as we can. Despite the fact that I don't give a shit to the people watching us (and probably judging us as well), I don't feel comfortable under the gaze of the security cameras, just in case I snap too much and start beating the crap out of Alfred.
Just then, something clicked on my brain:
I was in a Walmart with the Hetalia characters. Danielle was with Italy, Japan and Germany, while I was with America, Russia, China and England looking for France. The real Hetalia characters. This…doesn't happen in real life. No! IT DOESN'T! So, it's official, I've gone nuts.
But hey, since they are here, why am I not fangirling over them? In a time span of less than a day I cursed England's existence many times, dragged China around like a baby inside a supermarket cart, told Russia I would be his friend and almost beat the living shit out of America with the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain. Who the hell does that kind of stuff with people they love? Well, one fangirls over the anime characters that are inside the anime, not right beside them, right? After all, the guys don't know that I know them, which is a good thing, I suppose.
"Uhh, Earth calling Rosalina!" Britain made me snap out of my little panic moment by waving a hand in front of my face.
"Come on, Rosie! We have stuff to do! If you keep staring into dreamland we'll not get anywhere!" I shook my head to get rid of all thoughts, making my sandy blond hair fall all over my face on purpose, not to have to look at Alfred. See? That's the reason why I'm bitchy.
"What?" I put my hair back into place, as I glanced around meeting Ivan, Yao and Arthur's confused expressions. Alfred was enjoying his 'hero' time. Now I get it why I keep snapping at people…"Okay, you guys are in eight, so eight towels will do." I changed subject, now starting to dig into the stand of towels, trying to find some cool looking ones, different from each other, of course, because I don't fancy the boys getting bitchy at each other for grabbing other's towels.
For some reason, there was this creepy sale of towels that had different country flags on them. I almost threw myself inside the stand, to be able to grab stuff at the bottom. I could sense different eyes laid on my butt, but I chose to ignore that feeling.
"I want mine red, white and blue! So I can shove freedom into other's faces *cough*Commie bastard*cough*!" Alfred, stop. Just stop. "I'm going out to buy muuuuh freedoms!" He started to head somewhere else, but I quickly grabbed the sleeve of his jacket,
"You're not going anywhere, Alfred," I sighted, why is it so complicated to do some shopping? Is this what it feels like to be a mother? "And calling people 'commie bastards' is not a nice thing to do" I searched some more inside the stand and got all the different towels I could find and started to toss them at Yao, who quickly tossed them inside the cart. When I had had enough of towels, I recomposed myself and turned to the blond Russian, who was standing beside me, "Please, Ivan, you're the one with apparently more sense around here, can you please take the cart (and Yao) while I collect other stuff for you guys?"
"Ivan? More sense?!" Arthur's voice sounded a bit like a girl's in this phrase. Well, at least he didn't scare the living shit out of me! "He's going to kill you, look at that smile of his!"
I rolled my eyes, and met Ivan's blue/purple-ish ones. Okay, the Russian was smiling, but the last thing I would attribute to that smile is that he was supposedly plotting against me, "No, he isn't."
"HE'S GONNA KILL YOU!" Thanks Alfred. "Heroes don't kill good guys! Heroes kill the bad guys!"
"Het, I won't be killing her, she is nice and I like her." Ivan kept smiling despite Alfred and Arthur's attempts to scare me from him. He quickly grabbed the shopping cart's pusher and waited for my command, despite the blond boy's poker faces. I have to admit that I kinda enjoy Ivan's company. Well, I know we just met, but either way, I enjoy it.
"See? Suck it up, salaklar!" I stuck my tongue at Alfred and Arthur confidentially, "Okay, eight towels done and dusted! Mooooving on from here!" I sang the last part, as I calmly started to drag the blond boys along with me to the next section of the supermarket.
"Why did I agree with this?" Arthur complained loudly, as his green military outfit's sleeve was being pulled by me. He and Alfred were just a meter behind me, as I was leading them to where I wanted. Ivan and Yao weren't far behind either, I could hear the cart's wheels making annoying noises.
"You don't have to agree to anything, you just do what I say!" #RosalinaTheBoss. Enough said. We walked some more until we got to where I hoped we would, then I finally stopped, "Oh look! Personal hygiene items! We'll surely need that!" I pointed at some stuff in the nearby shelves. Lemme collect those things…Better yet, let's make Alfred useful for once and let him collect stuff for me, "Hey Alfie, can you get some toothbrushes over there for me?"
He was apparently annoyed at my request (better yet, at my order), "How many?"
"Eight." I replied, turning around and starting to pick out some soap bars, "Do you know how to count up to that?" I noticed that Ivan had 'parked' the shopping cart beside me and Yao was playing around with different soap brands and shampoos. Arthur was very interested in a French product that apparently made your hair 'swoosh' like Francis'. Good grief!
"Of course I do!" Alfred complained, now moving away from me in the direction of the toothbrushes and toothpastes as he mumbled, "Stupid commie wannabe…"
I started to laugh. Alfred's last phrase was obviously meant to not be heard by anyone, but I always can listen in to stuff that interests me (or that I can use later on for mocking other people). I met Ivan's gaze while I poked his ribs with my elbow, "I was promoted to 'commie wannabe', what'cha think about that?"
The Russian's smile widened, "I think it is funny how Alfred is stupid."
"I agree, aru!" Yao joined in, stretching his arm from inside the cart so he could reach a nearby pack of shampoo, "Aiiiyaaa look! Hello Kitty shampoo! Can I have it?"
"Sure, why not?" With that, the Chinese tossed the pack inside the already almost filled up shopping cart. I am feeling particularly generous today, so I'll let him take the stuff, for one simple reason: Francis is sexy as hell, and he'll most probably help us with the funding of our little market fun, "I'm certain Francy-pants will give us some discounts on this absurdly large amount of stuff."
"How?" Yao wondered, now trying to find a space to seat inside the filled cart.
Alfred finally was able to collect the toothbrushes I asked him to, thus returned to the place I and the others were, tossing everything he was carrying into Yao's arms, "The last time I checked, the wine-loving pervert was as poor as the rest of us."
I rolled my eyes, checking if there was anything else worth buying in this section of the market. There wasn't, "By flirting with cashiers, duh!"
"If we find him alive, that is." Arthur observed, with a strange smile on his face. Okay, I know there have always been little (not so little) fights between England and France, but they have to forget their past and move on to a brighter future. Now that I'm thinking about it, everyone should move on from their past and live, because YOLO.
Do personifications of countries die? Well, whatever.
"What could he have done to be dead right now, aru?" Yao wondered, now he was able to seat inside the cart. Ivan watched everything with his signature smile, well, until this other unlucky comment made by no one other than our favorite American,
"Well, he could've been captured by the KGB, 'cuz why not?"
"I think we should kill Alfred, what do you think, Подсолнечниk?" Ivan's purple aura started to surround everyone, as well as the creepy kolkolkol's. Great. But why did he need to drag me into this? Well, I might as well have some fun at Alfred's expense, 'cuz why not?
"Totally. Kill him with fire." I laughed, bravely putting my hand into Ivan's left shoulder. Alfred started to run away like the little cowardly bitch that he is towards the end of the corridor. Oh fuck, now I'll have to look for him again? Hell no. "Ivan?" I started to poke his shoulder, trying to make him stop kol-ing. As much as he seems menacing (and the way he made Yao and Arthur cower in fright) I find his 'kolkolkol' thing pretty funny and amusing, since he made Alfred shut up and run away screaming for mommy, I owe him that, "He already ran away…" I mumbled between my laughs, "ALFRED! COME BACK HERE!"
"Nuuuuuh!" The blond boy with glasses kneeled behind a stand with pillows not too far from where the rest of us were to hide. There was a simultaneous facepalm from me, Arthur, Yao and Ivan.
"Come on, capitalist scum!" Haha, I'm not a communist, but it's fun to see Alfred taste his own remedy. At that point of our little shopping, I was already quite annoyed by my nation's performances.
"Hey! That was hurtful!" Alfred stood up from his position behind the stand and faced us with his hand on his heart in an overdramatic Mexican soap opera scene, "I'll not come back until you say you're sorry!" He crossed his arms.
I glanced at Arthur, then at Yao, and finally at Ivan. They were apparently as annoyed as I was, which is a good thing, that way if we kill Alfred and hide his body, nobody will miss him. I took a deep breath and called America with a little song from the game Portal I thought that would fit right now, "There's no sense in crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying until you run out of cake…"
"So that's a no?" Alfred raised an eyebrow lightly. I facepalmed hard.
Arthur seemed a bit angry at America. He stomped angrily his feet, but the only thing I could notice was his eyebrows frowning (which, frankly, looked much like two furry and fat caterpillars), "Come back here you irresponsible git!"
"Will I need to call authorities to send you somewhere 'safe'?" I crossed my arms, "Get back here before I chase you down with the pipe!" I looked at Ivan, and then realized my goal in life: If you're lazy to do it, let others do it for you, "Better yet, I'll let Ivan chase you down with the pipe!"
-Yaaaaaaay-
Rosalina: And yes! The chapter was cut in half!
Danielle: Lina, why do you do this to the readers?
Rosalina: Because I can! And because the chapter was getting ridiculously long.
America: But that way people will be dying to know what's gonna happen!
England: You bloody git! The authoress has everything planned!
France: Nobody invited you to this Author's Note, eyebrows!
England: Well, French Fries, I didn't see anyone inviting you!
Rosalina: Can you wankers shut up?!
Russia: Will they be needing a visit from Mr. Pipe, Подсолнечник?
Rosalina: Maybe in the next chapter, дa?
Danielle: What about the sneak peak?
Italy: Here you go, bella!
-Next chapter 'And When You Think It Can't Get Weirder' sneak peak-
"Are you even old enough to drink, Francis?" I said, leaning on the cart like a boss. Ivan glanced at me with a smile.
"I'm older than you think." The French frowned, and his fangirls sighted in awe at his beauty.
I rolled my eyes dramatically, at the sound of Yao's facepalms, "Let me guess…you're 10? That's older than I thought."
"Silly mademoiselle!" Francis honhonhon'd. Another delightful sight for his fangirls. I'm getting quite annoyed at this, to be honest.
"Are you looking for a wine that goes with a new cheese you just invented, frog?" Arthur joined in, before I started to beat the crap out of someone with Ivan's pipe.
Francis turned to his admirers and said, in the most seductive voice I had ever heard, "Oh, mes chers, don't mind them. They are some acquaintances of mine, more specifically the one with the freaky eyebrows, Arthur Imbeciléland."
"Bloody frog!" I could listen to Arthur gritting his teeth in building angry. The remaining Allies and I exchanged worried glances, "Only you would do say such a thing! How immature!"
"Aiiyaaa! That's my line, aru!"
"Don't tell me what to do, eyebrows!" The French put back the bottle of wine back in the shelf and took a step closer to the British.
Oh God, this is going to get good.
"Oh! It is ON, bloody French toast!" Arthur snapped, now wrapping his hands around the French's throat.
-The end of sneak peak-
Rosalina: So the first half of the Walmart chapter is done! Keep it up with How To Live With Hetalia to know what's going to happen next!
Caitlyn: And my introduction! Because I'm dying to make an awesome appearance! Let's not forget that I am the personification of the authoress!
Prussia: And I'm zee personification of AWESOME!
Canada: I hate to complain, but will I be introduced soon?
Rosalina: Yes, Canadia! And Prussia, you'll only be in the story after a long while! Bye for now, guys!
Translations (if they're wrong, blame Google Translate)!
Russian
Принцесса- (pronunciation: printsessa) princess;
Подсолнечник- (podsolnechnik) sunflower;
Девушка- (devushka) girl;
Вы говорите на русском языке?- (Vy gavarite na russkom yazyke?) Do you speak the Russian language?;
Я думаю вы не...- (Ya dumayu vy ne) I guess you don't...;
Спосибо- (Spaciba) Thank you;
Het- (Nyet) No;
Cyka- (Suka) Bitch;
Turkish
Salaklar- Idiots
French
Mes chers- my dears
Imbecilé- Imbecile
Mademoiselle- lady;
Portuguese
Puta- Bitch
Babacas-Wankers
Polish
Kurwa- Bitch;
Chinese
Shi de (是的)- Yes;
Bù! (不)-No!